-Author's Note-

I wanted to make something nice and 'Finn & Jake'-centric. Before Ooo knew him as a hero, the dynamic duo were already around causing trouble and engaging in do-goodery.

Before he ever tried to climb the wizard's tower, ever met Billy, or fought the Lich on its own ground, Finn sort of met an entirely different kind of hero...


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Fandom: Adventure Time

-Oneshot-

The land of Ooo, beyond the Mountain Kingdom, was every bit as rad as Finn had expected. When he'd declared that he would see it all and be every bit as awesome as their dad had been, Jake had thrown himself into it as only an excited dog could.

"Dad was the greatest adventurer in the Kingdom," reminisced Jake. "There are still places up there where if you say, 'man, you heard of Billy' they'll be all like 'No! But we've got Joshua Dawgins.'"

"Billy!" exclaimed Finn and raised his small, rusted sword. It was literally the first sharp thing they'd come across when Jake had come to bring him into the rest of the world. Jake had declared it awesome. Of course, he'd declared everything Finn did as awesome, because it made the boy feel better. Jake was math, like that.

"Billy," sighed Jake dreamily.

Finn had missed Jake. His brother had left the house two years ago, but come back as fast as possible when he'd heard the news. He'd come back and found Finn sitting in any empty house and wringing his hat, and taken him away from that too-quiet place. They were going to strike out and be heroes, the dog said, and Finn was fine with that.

Jake shook himself, then, to clear his head of thoughts of dreamy blue adventurers.

"Right, dude, to be an adventurer, you need to know the lay of the land! Poke your cold, wet nose into every cranny and turn over every stone." To demonstrate, he shrunk his head, lengthened his neck, and shoved his face under a nearby boulder.

"Except under this one," he called. "It's just sort of boring and wet. But there will be other rocks!" He sunk back into his normal shape.

"Of course there will," declared Finn. "The world is our rock, and we gotta turn it over."

"Roll the world!"

"Roll it sideways."

Whirrrr... click-ick.

"So, how does this land lay?" asked Finn, tapping the ground with his shoe. Jake considered the question carefully.

"Sorta flattish, but with rolly bits. Plenty of trees, which is good, but not any waterfalls, which isn't really good or bad." He paused for a bit, deeply in thought. "This land, it lays. Most def."

"Good to know. Good to... um. Jake?" The yellow dog craned back.

"What up?

"Do you hear a clicking noise? Like, creepy-ominous noise?"

Click-tick-tick-whiiiiirrrr-snk!

"Just that one. Wait, was that the one you were talking about?" asked the dog, pleased to have caught on so fast.

Then the ground exploded. Boy and dog were flung sideways from the newly formed crater.

Not a crater! thought Finn as he got his bearings and wiped his eyes. A mole hill! At attack from below! Are we being attacked by moles? Rad. He grinned.

"Finn, you alright man?!"

"Yeah, but I think the land just stopped laying!"

Jake made a half-radius of the new hill by stretching his body and sling-shotting his butt up to meet his head, and was standing next to Finn in an instant.

"This is our first big challenge, bro! This what-ever-it-is will have repercussions for the rest of our rad-crazy lives!" declared Jake.

"You think? Man, this is heavy." Jake nudged the human.

"Don't let it get to you- this is our moment!"

Finn braced himself, and put his face in 'serious' mode. He hoped he was doing it right- he'd practiced in a mirror but kept giggling when he caught his own eyes.

Totes my own worst enemy, he thought.

A shrieking, metal behemoth rose from the spilled earth and spun an array of claws, gears, and unspeakable blades of a cruel and unusual design.

"No, dang, wait. That's my own worst enemy," he muttered. That was sort of alright- he'd hate to have to fight himself. Jake was staring up with beg, shimmering eyes.

"Dude, I think I need to go lay down a newspaper."

"Hold it in! Charge!" Actions followed words, and Finn ran up the steep, loose earth. Bemoaning his situation, Jake stretched up and raised one meaty paw.

Finn leapt, stumbled, and instead of coming up to where he suspected the... thing's... head, was, found himself at its claw-like feet. Not willing to throw away a good target, he began wailing on the rusted joints like a man possessed. The thing skittered and nearly stomped the boy right in his guts, but when he dodged the metal limb, it didn't bother to follow through.

"I'm keepin' it distracted!" came Jake's voice from above. "This dude is mad-ugly!"

"How ugly is he?" crowed Finn through smiling teeth.

"Well- oof!- if ugly were ice cream, this dude would be soft-serve spread on a goat!"

"That didn't even make sense!" Finn swung, pushed, and rolled out from a tread-like protrusion, panting. "But I get what you mean anyway- I don't think it's any prettier down here!"

Down here, indeed, noted Finn. After he'd gone over the lip of the molehill, he'd scrabbled down until he was actually below ground level. The coolness of the earth clashed with the heat coming off of the machine. Lots of heat, actually. Oil dripped off in thick, steamy gobs. Finn didn't know much about machines, but he figured that was a bad sign.

For the machine, that was.

Finn, stuffed full of the knowledge of a hundred adventuring manuals and having defeated as many as four, possibly five low-level enemies (two without Jake's help, even!) was flush with confidence.

Kill its mobility, plant this dude's butt is the sand, and this is settled!

Easier said than done, as Finn soon found. While his rusted weapon actually made headway against the crazy-old joints, there were, unfortunately, a crazy-lot of them. The robot had more legs than any two spiders, and the young human was tiring fast. So was Jake, who ducked behind the robot's torso to leap into the pit and check up on his brother.

"How we doin'? All that ice cream talk has got me hungry." Finn kept hacking at one of the limbs, but spared a quick shrug.

"This is going slow, man. Any way we can speed this up?" replied the human with a question. "I'm sort of gettin' hungry too. My -rargh!" Another slash, and he went on, "-gut-meat's getting empty, too."

"I've got it!"

Jake stretched his arms and legs out wide and ran circles around as many of the mechanical limbs as he could, before yanking himself taut.

On the one hand, considered Finn, it did manage to send the mechanical monstrosity shuddering to the ground.

But on the other hand, the sudden impact made the ground disappear.

They tumbled. The machine was half-lodged where it had fallen, but the two young adventurers landed a lot further down.

"Oof!" Finn's breath barked out on impact, but Jake, who'd caught him with his stomach, positively wheezed.

"I, ugh, got ya, bro." Finn rolled off of the winded dog and helped him up.

"What the nut?" he asked, squinting into the darkness. "Is this a dungeon? Are we crawling a dungeon right now?"

"Huh? Naw, I don't think dungeons look like crappy offices," noted the dog once his own eyes had time to adjust.

Through the film of dirt spilling down at the robot's struggles, as well as the patina of great age, Finn saw that Jake was right. The wide hallway was a mess, but it was lined with plain doors with cracked glass panes. Even the air tasted old, and lacked the adventure-y mood Finn had subconsciously decided that his first dungeon would have, once he found it.

"Definitely some sort of secret area," decided the dog. "But whether it's plot-specific or part of somebody's sidestory..." he shrugged.

"Um... what about the robot?" asked Finn.

"Let it hang out for a bit- I'm curious. I bet this place has a lunchroom somewhere. Offices usually do, or so I'm led to believe."

"Fossilized sammiches?"

"Hopefully!"

But as they walked, the place looked less like an office and more like some sort of machine shop-cum-laboratory. To Finn's secret glee, some of the machines still had blinking lights.

"Somebody left the lights on," he muttered curiously.

"Their electrical bill is going to be crazy." Jake scratched his head, and following his absolutely clueless urge to poke things, started tapping things.

"Dude, don't! You'll break it!"

"It's already broken!" Jake rattled a computer case. "See? Gah!" He jumped back and started barking at the machine which was even then whirring to life.

"Mert-pla-activ-repeat-is this thing on?" Finn saw a tiny, bright figure appear on a console.

"Bark! Arf! Woof! Other stuff!" Finn lay a calming hand on Jake's head.

"Easy, dude, check out the tiny lady!" Ladies, rather- the exact same one had sprung up over tiny metal discs all over the complex. The place was lit up brightly enough for them to walk comfortably, now. But Finn didn't feel like going anywhere.

"Woah. Algebraic!" He crouched down to put himself on eye-level with the tiny figure. "Hi!"

"Is this thing on? Sweet." The girl leaned forward and adjusted something invisible to Finn's eyes. "Alright, um... ah, right! Lieutenant Fionna Mertens, mechanical engineer with the third battalion out of New York station. I don't think I'll be around long enough for a court-martial, but I guess it can't hurt to help along the investigation into events at this factory. If there's ever an investigation, I mean."

"Dude, it's a recording," whispered Jake. Finn flushed for having tried to chat with a hologram, but brought his attention back to the image. The girl looked... weird. Too proportionate, he supposed. Like a-

"Jake! She's a human!" The dog eyed the corridor and the decaying furniture.

"I think she was a human, man. This place is really, really old."

"I was left here by my commander three weeks ago to monitor output from the new Guardian-AT3Z line, and he took the rest of the battalion forward to reinforce the northern line. There weren't even any battles going on there! The reports are full of crazy accounts of monsters. I'm thinking our scouts just had acid slipped into their MRE's, or something, but..." The figure sighed with an electronic flutter. "But they haven't sent any reports on their progress, so there must have been something. No reports from main command here, either. If this place wasn't automated, the three other engineers who stayed wouldn't be able to keep up. Or wouldn't. They're dead, now."

"It was rioters- I had to seal off the exits. Everything's gone nuts. The cities are gone, I think. All of them. Surface cameras show the sky's gone, like, aurora borealis. It's getting cold out there.

"The only broadcasts are public feeds. People are scared and running, and there is some seriously weird stuff going on. I swear I saw a vampire looting guitar amps, but that was probably just sleep-dep on my part. But the thing is, there aren't any soldiers. None of ours, none of theirs. Whoever 'they' are, anymore."

"Come on, man, let's keep walking," mumbled Jake and tugged on Finn's shirt.

"But the lady!"

"She's everywhere, man. I don't think we'll miss anything." So they walked, and headed deeper into the maze of machines.

"The bombs are still dropping. There are more mushrooms up in the sky than skyscrapers- it's like being in a kind of creepy fairy-ring. But like I said, and need to explain so that you'll understand, the entire sector is devoid of soldiers."

"The Guardians are set to recognize enemy forces, but there's nothing to recognize. The old Bronx gangs have better color coordination than these looters- the machines will just start shooting civilians. And there's no way for them to tell scared innocent from scared murderer, so... yeah. I smashed 'em."

'Smashed' was right. The further in the duo traveled, the worse the place got. Consoles were torn from their housing, and assembly arms lay twisted and broken.

"I set one of the spider-models loose in here and locked myself in the main quarters. It'll do its job and, when it can't get out, it should eventually run out of juice."

"Nice thinkin'," muttered Jake sarcastically. Finn thumped him on the noggin.

"Have some respect, dude."

"There aren't any open exits left. That's cool, though. I'm thinking the shielding is the only reason I'm still walking, to be honest. I'm getting sick. I hope mom and dad remembered to feed Cake. I hope they're all okay. Our house is out in the country, so maybe..."

The image fizzed out, and Finn winced when he saw the young woman dry-heaving. He stopped close to one of the projector plates and squinted.

She was pretty, and tall. But for all that the hologram itself was a blue, flickery monochrome, he could see... spots, or something, on her skin. The sickness. She was shakily pulling her light-colored hair (blond? red? Hard to tell...) into a tail to keep it out of her eyes.

"I'm sure they're fine. I made sure they knew the evacuation routes. They'll be with the rest of everyone getting the heck out of Dodge. I wish I could call them, but the lines are down. Everything's gone quiet. There aren't as many people showing up on the cameras, anymore. I hope they got away, I hope-"

The image fizzled, and died. In some places, the message began to repeat sporadically, but a lot of the computer consoles were dying, too.

"Let's go man," said Finn, and began walking back.

"Dude?" Jake looked at him worriedly as he followed.

"You were right- this is a sidestory. Let's finish up the quest and get back to the main event, alright?"

"Huh. Never laid a ghost to rest, before. This should be something to tell my puppies." Finn bit his lip.

Laying a ghost to rest, he thought. That's cool. That's exactly what we're doing. Miss Fionna wanted these things turned off and smashed up, cause they're too stupid to know who the enemy is without someone to guide them.

They made their way back, and the message fizzled and played.

"-don't think I'll be around long enough-"

"-had to seal off the exits. Everything's gone nuts-"

They were back in the office. Finn grasped his sword and heard the struggling mechanical monster ahead of them. Jake flexed his hands and got his fists ready.

"-like being in a-KZZZZ!-fairy ring-KZZZZ!-thought I saw-"

"-loose in here-KZZZ!-locked myself in-KZZ!-I'm getting sick-"

"Bring it down here, man," said Finn.

"Got it. Stupid rusty bug's blocking the exit, anyway." Jake stretched, grabbed, and yanked the thing as hard as he could. Gravity took over the job for him, and the machine piled, face-first, into the tiles.

It shrieked, but by that time the two adventurers had gone wild on it.

A sword to one camera eye. A yellow fist to a movement belt. They beat on it until it was nothing but a hissing pile that began, softly, to burn.

"Let's get out of here, man. We've gotta get some food in you," said Jake. Finn put his arms out so Jake could get a grip and airlift him out of the way.

"-everything's gone quiet-SSSsss-I hope they got away-SSSsss-I hope-SSSsss-Is this thing on?"


"Where to next?" asked the dog, as he finished filling in the hole. Left alone, the thing would have been a hazard.

"Grassy Plains are up ahead," muttered Finn. "We need to find a roof, somewhere."

"That's cool, adventurin' for swag, except the swag is a house. Who knows what we'll find next, you know?"

"Yeah, it's time to go," said Finn, who didn't spare a glance back at the disturbed earth.

"Of course it's time to go. Cause you know what time it is?" Finn glanced up at the sun.

"About four?"

"Bzzt! Wrong. It's adventure time, man." The dog grinned.

"Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah! Adventure time- sounds sweet." They pounded fists and hurried forward, running down hill and toward a vast green plain.


-Author's Note-

This would have made a decent first episode, I think, if I'd been able to goof it up a little bit more.

I hope you liked it!