Journal,
The shrink says keeping a journal will help. I normally wouldn't do anything of this sort. On any normal occasion, I would prefer to spend my time training or trying to knock that damn rat on his ass.
Yet he assures me it will help. I wasn't a total jerk about it. In any other circumstance, I would've yelled at anybody who suggested something this stupid. Maybe that's truly the kind of person I am. Even if no one accepted me for it. Maybe even more so then.
But when she was around, things weren't so bad. She really didn't seem to mind who I really am. She was truly amazing, and I loved her.
She's gone now. Everybody misses her, but I can't help but feel that no one misses her like I do. She was pretty much all there was to live for, for me. She always smiled and laughed. Even though such terrible things happened to her all throughout her life, she still looked toward her goals and put others problems and emotions above her own.
Almost everybody came to the funeral. Ayame and Shigure, who always seem impossible to keep serious, were completely and utterly so. Hatori, who had vowed to spend his life as the frozen snow, shed tears. Yuki and I didn't speak, just wept. Momiji, Kisa, Hatsuharu, and even Hiro were all hysterical. Ritsu and Kagura, the craziest people in the Sohma family, said nothing to anyone. Uotani and Hanajima were also inconsolable.
But the funeral is not important. It's not an adequate way to describe Tohru's life. In fact, it doesn't even come close to adequate. She was so much more than that.
Even now, months after she's gone, I can hear her sweet voice playing over and over again in my head, encouraging me. Giving me strength.
"I can see it." I hear her saying. "I can see it very clearly, Kyo. You have a great big plum on your back."
I can see her big goofy but beautiful grin in my mind, as if it's telling me to be happy. Telling me to smile and laugh, to set my mind to moving on.
I should probably stop writing now.
Kyo closed his small red notebook that was serving as a journal. He looked at the picture of Tohru propped up on his desk. A faint, weak smile came across his lips.
He climbed into his bed and closed his eyes. He saw Tohru even with his eyes closed. Even with his eyes closed, tears streamed down his face. He could still hear her.
"I know I would've been the first to join a year of the cat fan club, if there was such a thing."
Kyo wept even harder, and before he realized it, he had fallen asleep. But he still cried.
Kyo was having a dream. It wasn't a memory dream, as they frequently were these days. It was different.
He was at the site of Tohru's grave. He knelt down beside it and wept as hard as ever. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder.
He turned and saw Tohru. In complete disregard for his curse, and what happens when he embraces somebody, he hugged her... and didn't transform. She hugged him back.
"Kyo, I want you to do something for me." She said.
He nodded. "Anything!"
"I want you to move on. I know it's hard. I still remember when Mom died. But I watch you tear yourself apart over me, and I can't move on when you do that." She smiled, and seemed to be glowing. "I love you, Kyo. Much more than you know. And I'm gone. We can't changei t. I want you to smile."
And then she was gone. Kyo sat up in bed, startled. He looked around quickly and remembered where he was. He sighed and wiped his face. He looked at Tohru's picture.
"Tohru," He said aloud. "I'll do anything for you."
And with a great deal of effort, Kyo smiled.
