The house was small but jumping, the drinks were mediocre but intoxicating, he was disguised and anonymous and no one seemed to think that was strange, and he was having the time of his life. Partygoers made his dumb parrot act the center of attention, and it was hard not to laugh from inside the birdcage when so much alcohol was swimming around inside of him. He had made the right choice to drop by this planet, even if it was hidden in one of the more wretched reaches of the Galaxy. Here, the people seemed to unconsciously recognize what a big deal he was, and he greatly enjoyed their awe and entertainment. In fact, he figured that he was having such a great night already, he might as well take a girl back to his ship and top off the fun. He'd been chatting up the ladies all evening, but there was one in particular who had been staring at him, and who had also been hindered by an extremely awkward, clumsy guy all night. His heart went out to the poor dame who so obviously needed rescuing, and he moved across the floor to meet her.
"Would you like a drink?" the awkward man was saying, and without waiting for her response, turned around and nearly bumped into one of the men carrying trays of champagne. As he busied himself with pouring a glass and trying to make sure the drink didn't spill anywhere, the man with the birdcage sidled up and gently wrapped one of his arms around the awkward man's abandoned date. "Hey, doll," he said sweetly, drawing her into himself. She was even prettier up close, her big brown eyes filling his entire line of vision. She would definitely do for him.
"Is this guy boring you?" He jerked his visible head in the direction of the awkward man, who was still busying himself with the drinks, having ended up accidentally spilling the champagne after all. "Why don't you talk to me instead? I'm from a different planet." Here on Earth, the ignorant natives had no sense of life outside of their own planet, but if this woman was as drunk as he was and if the party's atmosphere lingered, he knew she would fall for it, or at least listen to him long enough to humor him. He'd been told through word of mouth that she was an astrophysicist, and he grinned at that, knowing that what she would see with him would blow her mind and make her rethink her entire lifestyle.
"Oh, are you?" the woman said, laughing slightly, but he was no longer listening, instead keeping an eye on the awkward man, who was turning back now with the drinks. He had to get away with this girl before the other man realized his date was being stolen. "What's your name?" he asked carelessly, leading the woman through the crowd. He didn't particularly care, as he knew that he would forget it a few minutes later, but it never hurt to get to know someone better.
"I'm Tricia McMillan," she said. "And who are you?"
"You can call me Phil," he beamed, although in his mind he shuddered at the name he had chosen to go incognito with. "Would you like to see my spaceship?"
Back in the corner of the room, the awkward man felt his heart sink as he watched the woman he had hopelessly devoted his entire night to winning over walk away with the ridiculous parrot guy's arm around her shoulders. He sighed and pressed the drinks he had just received into the hands of a nearby couple, who were surprised as first but then eagerly downed the champagne. That about did it for the Islington party, then. He wouldn't even stay any longer to find out if his friend, Ford, would make good on his offer to gatecrash the place. Most likely Ford had forgotten about his invitation to the party and was at home reviewing the script for the next play to audition for, or he was simply drinking on his own at the nearest pub. Filled with an air of dejection, Arthur shoved off and headed for home.
Tricia and the man who called himself Phil were meanwhile arguing over Tricia's bag. "Do you expect me to leave the planet without any personal belongings?" she was saying, indulging this man in his fantasy. "Yours must be a very backwards planet if you expect women to leave without their bags."
"Aw, c'mon, baby," he pleaded with her, seeing the slight hardness in her eyes and not able to tell if she was joking with him or not. "Where we're going, you won't need anything in that silly bag of yours." Finally Tricia admitted that she would come along with him without her bag, but if the spaceship turned out to be a real dive without any homely comforts, she would turn tail and go back to the party. He gulped and hoped that he had done the laundry recently.
Fortunately, she didn't decide to leave him, and he obtained great pleasure from watching her eyes widen and her mouth form an O-shape as she realized he hadn't been joking about being from a different planet. The spaceship gleamed in the moonlight, and he eagerly tugged her forward, wondering when he could shed his costume at last. "Come on, doll-face! I'll show you how these babies fly!" They rushed onto the spaceship, where Tricia's eyes boggled and she walked around, taking everything in with great detail while he lifted off. Tricia stood gawking at the window as the spaceship took flight, watching Islington fade away beneath her. Unable to wait any longer, he freed his second head from beneath the birdcage and came forward, grabbing the stupefied Tricia around the waist. His lips were on her lips and on her neck at the same time, and she stood frozen and wound her fingers into both heads of hair.
"My God, you really are from a different planet." She spoke dully, either in disbelief or blankly accepting the truth of the matter.
"See," he said, pausing his kisses for a few seconds, though the second head continued to busy itself with her radiant neck, "what'd I tell ya after all?"
That night they awkwardly made love on the spaceship- he was disdained when he found that Tricia's body wasn't suitable to accept his, but she had her own ways to get him off- and fell asleep in each other's arms with the ship on autopilot, spiraling through the night.
"Your name's not really Phil, is it?" Tricia whispered sleepily in his ear.
"Baby, you don't know who I am?" He was unable to believe this, even when taking into account the immense stupidity of humans. "Zaphod Beeblebrox, Galactic President right here!"
Those were the last words spoken before they both fell asleep for the night. The next morning, when he was sober, he was startled to find her in his bed- he had bedded plenty of women on other planets before, when he was incognito, but never taken them to space with him. However, when he returned to Planet Earth to drop her off at her house, she insisted on staying with him. He was surprised. No woman had ever wanted to travel with him before, instead sleeping with him just to brag that they had nailed the Best Bang since the Big One. But Tricia, after gathering her bag and two white lab mice, declared that she wanted to spend the rest of her life traveling through the Galaxy.
"Are you sure this is what you want, baby doll? Excitement and adventure and really wild things?"
"Of course," Tricia responded, her eyes sparkling. "I'd love to come with you. Just call me Trillian."
And so she stayed, and eventually their relationship deepened and he came to truly love Trillian, though he would never admit it to himself. Though he was terrible at personal relationships, she forced him to give more time and effort than he ever would have normally to building theirs. And together they lived happily, for a time… but certainly not forever…
