Kushina was thinking deep thoughts. Thoughts concerning the universe, life, ramen, and why exactly was her husband having tea with the Kyuubi? And why exactly was he exchanging war stories (men- they're all the same, she thought) with both the Nine-Tailed Fox and the man with the Sharingan who'd just tried to kill her?

Sometimes she wondered if marriage was worth it.

Minato and a man in an orange mask rushed into the cave in a flurry of movement, engaged in a fast-paced taijutsu battle. "Minato," Kushina said, voice edged with an undertone of panic, "who the hell is that, why aren't the ANBU doing their job, and meet your son Naruto."

The masked man suddenly stopped. "Go on, I'll wait. Don't take to long, please!"

Minato grinned and nodded. "Thanks, Madara!" he walked over to his wife and son. "He's so cute!" the Fourth said, tickling the newborn under his chin. "Well, welcome to the world little Naruto." With that, he stood up abruptly and turned back to the man called Madara. "Now, you were saying?"

"Oh, yes. I will extract the Kyuubi from your wife using the— damn it, I forgot how the biju extraction thingy works. ZETSU!"

A black-and-white venus flytrap emerged from the wall. "What?" it snapped.

"How do you do the sealing thingy again?"

"Idiot. You mar the seal, duh."

"Oh. Okay." Madara nodded thoughtfully. "Okay, bye Zetsu. Anyways, then I'm going to, um, hypnotize it and use it to destroy Konoha or something. Bwahahaha."

"'Bwahahaha'?" Minato repeated skeptically.

Madara shrugged. "The evil laugh is a staple of villains everywhere." he recited. "There are many different varieties of the evil laugh. One of the most common types is the 'bwa' laugh. It is perfect for most beginners and mad scientists of all levels because—"

"All right, I get the point." Her husband interrupted. "Can we fight now?"

The masked man blurred into motion, flinging kunai at Kushina as fast as he could. Minato was just as fast at deflecting them, but, focused on the immediate danger, didn't react fast enough when Madara went intangible and slipped past his guard, reappearing to score a hit across Kushina's stomach.

Immediately, the air took on a reddish tinge as the space outside the cave began to look distinctly fox-shaped. Then, in all its nine-tailed glory, the Kyuubi was there. Minato pulled out a few more of his special kunai. "I won't let you harm my village, Ninetails." He paused, and then added (almost as an afterthought), "The same goes for you, Madara."

"Why would I want to harm your village, Fourlimbs?" the Fox responded in a puzzled tone.

Minato scowled. "My name isn't Fourlimbs, it's Minato."

"Well, my name isn't Ninetails. So there."

"Seriously?" Madara interrupted loudly.

The Kyuubi sighed. "My name's Ōtsutsuki Kurama, and I really don't see the need for all this fighting. Is it possible to resolve the problem, whatever it may be, peacefully?"

"I'll give up the Eye of the Moon plan if someone buys me dango." Madara offered immediately.

"Sold!"

"—and Shukaku says to me, 'Kurama you bigoted fool, I could beat you in a fight any day!' So I says, 'Remember last time you said that?' An' he turns red as a tomato! A tomato, I tell you!" Kurama slapped a tail or three on the ground in laughter.

"I've got a better story to tell!" Minato said. "One time, Kushina and I were—"

"Still present, husband dear." Kushina said dryly. Then, she sighed. Insane fools, the lot of them. "Tell me again why I married him." she muttered under her breath.

"… never mind."

"Well," Madara chimed in, not to be outdone, "when I was thirteen, me and my team were on this mission to destroy Kannabi Bridge during the Third Shinobi War—"

"Obito?"

Madara jumped in his seat. "Minato-sensei?"

"Obito!"

"Minato-sensei!"

The two embraced with a beach genjutsu that would put Maito Gai to shame. Kurama extended a gracious paw towards his former host. "Shall we leave them to it?"