My name is Cornelius Baxter von Kalifornien. Many of you may know me under my stage name, Barack H. Obama, II. I am here to tell the story of how I became the President of America.
It was a humid and hot summer's day in the city of Washington, District of Columbia. The cicadas were chirping under the shady trees. Me and my father had recently moved to the White House, where my father would be henceforth working as the Chef de Cuisine for His Excellency, the President. I was calmly strolling through the gardens, with no true objective in mind, when I suddenly stumbled upon President Bush. He was a tall, slender, yet warm and kind man in his early 50's with a thick Texan accent.
"Good morning, President Bush." I said,
"Good morning, Cory." Bush said, slightly bowing down towards me. "Would you like to come with me to the library?"
"Sure, Mr. President. I love reading."
"Are you interested in politics, Cory?" he asked me, with a friendly tone in his voice.
"Sure am, Mr. President."
"Now, would you like to go to the library with me? I feel like you might be pretty interested in some of what I have to say."
"No problem, Mr. President. I'd love to hear what the head of state of our country has to say." I said, with a certain amount of genuine curiosity in my mind.
We walked over to the Presidential Library, on the East Wing.
"Would you like some tea or coffee, Cory?" Mr. Bush asked me as we were sitting down on some armchairs.
"Tea." I answered.
"Miss Azisawa, please bring us two cups of tea." he said, as he called a Chinese or Japanese-looking young girl, slightly older looking than me, dressed in a French maid outfit, with a tiny miniskirt.
"As you may wish, President Bush." she said, doing a brief, but noticeable bow, leaving out the door somewhere else.
Mr. Bush then stood up and grabbed several books from the shelf. He then put them down on the table.
"Cory, what do you personally think is the best form of government?" Mr. Bush asked, although, judging from his tone of voice, it seemt more like a rhetorical question that a straight question.
"I don't know, Mr. President." I said, confounded in thought, attempting to think of a right answer.
"Have you ever read Plato? Here's a quote I really like from The Republic, Book V, line 473:
'Until philosophers are kings, or the kings and princes of this world have the spirit and power of philosophy, and political greatness and wisdom meet in one, and those commoner natures who pursue either to the exclusion of the other are compelled to stand aside, cities will never have rest from their evils — no, nor the human race, as I believe — and then only will this our State have a possibility of life and behold the light of day.'
I believe that the best form of government is a nöocracy, the rule of the mind, the government of the geniuses."
"I beg to differ, Mr. Bush. A nöocracy, or a geniocracy can never trully work in real life because, first of all, there is no commonly agreed-upon definition for a genius. Who should be considered a genius: a person with a high IQ who excels at logical reasoning, or a person with plenty of knowledge and experiences? Second of all, a system like that, a geniocracy, would provoke hatred of the intelligent élite by the masses, and promote extreme divisions amongst the classes, eventually leading to a downfall of the system by a people's revolution. A nöocracy works perfectly in theory, at least according to Plato's philosopher-king model, but it could never be applied in real life."
"You seem to have a very practical and realistic way of thinking, Cory. I like that. Somebody like you would fit in very well here in Washington, D.C. as a politician. You seem to be accepting and defensive of the principles upon which our country was built."
"In theory, I am a Machiavellian, and I think that absolute monarchies are the best form of government, but in practice, I think that a democractic republic, like ours, is functionally-speaking, the best form of government. In a democratic republic, power is more-or-less evenly distributed amongst many people to keep a few crazy men, like Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, or Pol Pot from taking too much power into their own hands and commiting attrocities, like the Holocaust, or the Holodomor."
"Now, Cory, you must know that the Weimar Republic, which directly preceded Adolf Hitler's Nazi Germany, was a democratic republic, just like today's Bundesrepublik Deutschland. The reason why Adolf Hitler came to power was exactly because the people of Germany were not content with the democratic system. Powerful demagogues, like Mr. Hitler, can completely turn the democratic system upside down. Just because the democratic republican system has worked over here in the United States of America, that doesn't mean that it can or that it will work. Let's think of Afghanistan for a minute. In 1973, King Mohammed Zahir Shah was desposed by his cousin, Mohammed Daoud Khan, who placed himself as President of Afghanistan. During President Khan's brief administration, he implemented many liberal economic and social reforms, like improving women's rights and helping stabilize the Afghan economy. Then in 1978, he was assassinated by members of the Communist Party of Afghanistan. And what do you think happened afterwards, Cory?"
"The Soviets invaded Afghanistan." I said, somewhat perplexed as to whether or not that was the appropriate answer.
"That's right, Cory. The mujahidin, backed by oil-rich millionaires from Saudi Arabia, like Osama bin Laden as well as terrorist organizations like the PLO and Hamas, bravely fought against the Red Army and the Communist Party of Afghanistan. Then the Soviet Union, as well as the Soviet-backed Democratic Republic of Afghanistan fell down, and the Taliban, composed of former mujahidin, as well as their radical Islamist supporters, took control of the country."
"Wait, Mr. Bush, didn't al-Qa'eda and the other mujahidin terrorist groups defeat the Soviets due to President Reagan's support?" I interrupted him.
"Former President Reagan gave the Afghan mujahidin military and financial support, but the reason why the mujahidin succeded and were able to take control over the country was because the Afghan people supported them. Although certain organizations, like the National Alliance, tried to reinstate the democratic government, the people of Afghanistan allowed the Taliban, a group of terrorists and Islamic clerics, to take care of their country."
"So, Mr. Bush, are you trying to implying that the Afghan people do not want democracy, and that democracy will not work in Afghanistan? If so, why did our country's army invade Afghanistan?" I questioned him, daring to see what kind of answer could he give me.
"I was pressured by the Congressmen to sign the declaration of war on Al-Qa'eda and the Taliban. Although I believe that the War on Terrorism will not help 'avenge' the 9/11 attacks, and will actually make the Muslim world hate America even more than it already does, the people of our country have decided this, so I will submit to their will. After all, I cannot break character in front of other people."
Our conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door, and a female voice who said "Here's your tea, President Bush." in a heavy Chinese or Japanese accent.
The same girl/woman in a French maid outfit from earlier came in through the door, carrying a small tray with two cups of tea. She seemt to have a bit of a problem carrying the tray, so I stood up to try to help her putting it down on the table, but she accidentally tripped while I was extending my arms, and the tray with teacups fell down, as I fell down with her.
One of my hands fell over one of her soft, large, and squishy breasts. For a second there, I was enjoying the nice-seeming texture of her right breast, but I quickly stood up, and tried to apologize, but I was prevented from doing so when she slapped me and started saying something incomprehensible in Japanese (I think she said "baka" and "ecchi", which mean something like "idiot" and "pervert"), so I quickly tried to apologize by throwing out a few Japanese words I once heard while watching anime.
"Honto ni gomen nasai, desu." I said in the most serious tone possible, trying to do a Japanese-ish bow, even though I had absolutely no idea what I had just said, and whether or not would be considered racist.
Then she apologized by saying "I am very sorry, Mr. President. I promise it will never happen again.", doing a Japanese-style bow.
Mr. Bush pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it over to "Miss Azisawa", saying "Don't worry, Azisawa-san. Everything's going to be fine. I'll let Rodriguez take care of this.", while she used the handkerchief to wipe the tea stains off her clothes and her face, and handed it back to him after she finished using it.
Our long, mind-stimulating discussion suddenly ended that way.
