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"Tell me one thing. Is it a boy or a girl?" The words replayed over and over again in her head.

All she could see was the look he gave her, the pleading look that myabe she would confirm it wasn't true. She couldn't do that, though because was true.

And her reply when he had asked this? All she could do was shake her head from side to side, trying to clear it. How was it possible that he had found out?

As if reading her thoughts, "Your mother," he stated dryly.

She looked away, she coudln't look at him becuase it hurt. She knew he would hate her, probably already did and there was nothing she could say to justify her actions. She knew how wrong it had been to make those decisions and as much as she wanted to tell him there had been no other choice, she couldn't. Because that just sounded silly. There was another choice, maybe if she had been the one to tell him he wouldn't have been as upset with her. But she couldn't tell him for fear of him hating her, but that didn't matter because right now, she knew that he hated her, so all her actions to avoid this moment had been useless because he had found out anyway.

"Oh." That's all she could say. She very well knew he wanted an explanation but she just couldn't bring herself to tell him everything. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to have to relive that particular expierience.

"Lily, aren't you going to try to explain yourself?" He asked. He was confused. She wasn't even defending herself, but whatever. He needed answers. He couldn't stand the site of her and the fact she wasn't even making an effort made him even angrier.

"This isn't the place." Lily simply stated.

"Why not? Because you don't want anyone to overhear?" He challenged.

'Rufus," she was numb, the feeling in her body was all gone, " I can't do this right now." Then she walked away. She wasn't sure if had called after her, but nevertheless now here she sat, about two hours later, her face drenched in tears. She was on the sofa, Serena had come in about a half hour ago, wondering what could make her mother cry like that? But she couldn't stay long enough to ask because she had a plane to catch.

Suddenly, Cece walked in.

"Hey, Lilly."

Lily looked up abruptly and eyed her mother with intense dislike.

"How could you do this, Mom? He hates me now? Is that what you wanted?!" She practically screamed. Lily felt like she was going insane, she couldn't grapsh reality and she wanted to crawl into a whole and die, her life wasn't worth it if he wasn't there. No, not those thoughts again Lily. You aren't 20, she had to remind herself.

"Of course that isn't what I wanted. But do you seriously think you had a chance in hell if you didn't tell him that you two had a son together?"

Lily was silent. She didn't want to talk about this with anyone. Right now, her life felt like it was falling apart at the seems. Everything she had worked so hard to maintain didnt' matter anymore.

"Lily, can you believe, after everything I've done that I love you and just want you to be happy?"

Still no reply from Lily. Cece debated whether or not she should give Lily a hug, but she decided against it and quickly left the room.

Lily got up, crossed silently to her room and slammed the door, although their was no need at all to slam it, then put on some pj's and went to bed, soaking her pillow in even more tears. Was it possible for her to make any more mistakes?

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