Sway
Black dots will prance in front of her eyes like blurry little dancing specks. They buzz and fly all over the place at a constant speed and she won't be able to find relief. She tries to shake them away but her body won't give in.
Yet she goes to work anyways, like the devoted doctor she is.
She'll reluctantly get dressed, put on her shoes, and brush her teeth as those bouncing black maniacs parade in front of her eyes.
They started off slow. Only a few of them, but soon enough they became larger, and faster, and blurrier. That's when she'll collapse.
She will step onto the bus, just like any other morning, make eye contact with Chase and be half way down the isle when the dizziness creeps
over her and the darkness swallows her whole.
Stupid black dancing dots.
Chase would rush over, push through all the people that have begun to crowd around her and scoop the blond into his arms. He would try and pat her cheek, to see if she responds, but she doesn't. So he lets her lay flat. He checks for her vitals. First her pupils; Dilated. Then her pulse; Slow, weak, almost non-existent. Then he gives her five seconds. She doesn't wake up so he gives her mouth to mouth.
He presses his lips to hers, gently, softly. For a moment, he forgets that she's passed out, and finds himself overpowered by the feeling of her lips on his. Then he snaps back to reality and breathes into her mouth. He pushes down on her chest and waits three seconds.
Nothing.
So he does it again.
She wakes up just as the bus pulls up to the hospital. "Chase.." she would whisper. "What's going on?" her voice will sound soft, but there's no denying the hints of terror. He'll scoop her into his arms once more and make a mad dash into the hospital.
Somewhere in his quick pursuit to the hospital doors, her hand would lace with his and her eyes will glaze over. "Don't be scared." he will coo to her. She'll nod, even though she still is.
They'll make a dramatic entry, all the doctors who know her, will cover their mouths in shock, and all the patients will cringe at the sight of it.
But they're not cringing because she'll eventually be diagnosed with cancer, they're cringing because the scene unraveling in front of them is so bittersweet that they won't be able to stand it. This man, whom is clearly in love with her, will hold her brittle frame in his arms, as the woman's eyes scan the crowd for someone else. They'll see as her features fall when she can't find him, and their hearts will ache for the hurt she's going to put him through.
Chase will get her to a hospital bed. He'll lay her down gently as Foreman and Cuddy come to get her hooked up to monitors.
"What happened, Chase?" Cuddy will ask him.
"I don't know" he'll respond. "She was up and smiling one second, then on the ground the next."
"Okay." she'll say, her voice worried. "Page Dr. House, now."
The horrified Aussie won't respond, as he runs out of the room in an effort to find Dr. Gregory House.
Once he's been tracked down, Chase forces him to put down his game boy and come figure out what's wrong. But it doesn't take as long as it may seem, because at the sound of her name he's out of his seat and hobbling down the hall, faster that anyone's ever seen him go before.
She'll be diagnosed with cancer. Liver cancer, stage two. It'll be too far advanced for anything to help. Even with the treatment, she'll only have a few more weeks.
When they tell her the news she'll accept it gracefully. There won't be tears until after. You see, she's not the kind of girl who showcases her emotions for the world to see. But when she breaks down, he wants to make sure she'll have a pair of arms to do it in. He'll want to be that person.
Time will tick by, the days will rush past as House watches her disintegrate in front of his very eyes. Her clothes with become baggier and her cheekbones will become sullen. She'll constantly look tired, like every breath is a struggle.
But she won't give in.
She'll fill every shift dutifully and won't go home until everything is exactly as she found it. She'll continue wearing herself out until Cuddy tells her its time to rest. She'll nod as if she is accepting, then she'll say
"I'll rest when it comes time."
It'll break Cuddy's heart as she hears the words that hint at death. Cuddy's eyes will glaze over as her heart hurts for the doctor who is dying way too young.
"I'm sorry.." Cuddy will say, regret and sorrow filling her words.
The tall, blond will stay strong. She won't cave in. "Don't be."
--
But the day will come, just like it always does. She'll be hustling around the clinic as fast as her body will allow when she'll stop, she'll drop her files to the floor. Her arms stretch out, grabbing the counter for balance. She'll put a hand to her throat as horror fills her features. She'll cough and gasp, because she wont be able to breathe. People will stare at her as she continues gaging, she'll strangulate on her own attempts for oxygen, and begin choking up water.
That's when he'll arrive.
He'll scoop her into his arms and limp down the hall, into an empty room. Foreman, Chase, Cuddy, and Wilson will gather around as they get her hooked up to monitors. Though they won't give her an oxygen mask, because the cancer has spread to her lungs and they're slowly filling with water. She's drowning. They can't stop it...or maybe they can.
They take her into surgery immediately. They'll be able to remove a small amount of fluids. But her time is limited. She's got a few days, maybe less. His entire life will flash before his eyes.
--
In those few days, he'll barely even walk into her room. Instead, Chase will occupy the seat. Neither of them will talk. They'll just sit there in silence. House watches from a distance through the glass walls.
He study's her, her fingers dance around. Those beautiful dancing fingers pulsate and seem to be as graceful as she used to be. They flow in and out, weaving unseen patterns. His study's will be interrupted by a familiar voice.
"You need to go see her. Go talk to her."
"She doesn't want me in there. She wants him." He'll respond, hot anger creeping over his body.
Wilson waits to respond.
"... She's been asking about you."
The tall, bearded man's head will whip around at that statement.
"Don't screw with me."
"Please, House. Go in there. Talk to her. She needs you."
He scoffs.
"You're going to lose her, and you're going to regret it for the rest of you're life." he says. Then walks away without another word.
He goes back to watching her fingers.
House lets another day pass without talking to her. He'll want to go in and see her so bad, but he'll be terrified about what he'll find. He doesn't want to see her so fragile, so broken.
He'll give in.
He'll burst through the doors and tell Chase to screw off. The pure annoyance in his voice will make her want to smile. Except she doesn't because it'll seem to be something she's lost the ability for.
House will pace in front of her bed. She'll wait. Then she'll talk.
"Why didn't you come?" she'll say. She'll sound so upset. So hurt. He curses himself mentally for putting her through that too.
--
Hours will pass.
They'll sit in silence.
Her fingers will dance.
"What are you doing?" he'll hiss. He didn't mean for it to sound like that.
She ignores him. Her eyes are pressed shut, her lips resting gently against each other, fingers swaying to their own tune.
"I'm dancing." she'll whisper.
He scoffs quietly, she doesn't hear. He'll be thankful for that. He goes over her words again, and again in his mind. 'Im dancing' he'll try to picture her imagination. Her won't be able to.
She'll sense the confusion he'll feel, even with her eyes closed.
"I used to dance." is all she'll say for the moment. He sits quietly. Listening. Willing her to continue.
"Since my third birthday until my eighteenth birthday I danced. I was a wonderful dancer, House. All my teachers told me so. I was on the top of my studio.." she stops. Her fingers fall to the bed. Her eyes will pull open.
"But then I had an accident..." the pain in her voice will become evident to him. He'll begin to hush her but she doesn't stop.
"After that I just.. It was like I couldn't find the floor. I tried to hard to get back to where I was, but I just.. I couldn't get there. So instead I went to med school... Now I'm here."
He'll nod. She'll hide her grief. He'll try to comfort her by putting a hand on her shoulder, but all that will accomplish is making her whimper with pain at the weight of his touch.
He'll suddenly get up an leave without any warning. She'll cry on the inside because she's too strong to show it on the outside.
He'll shuffle out of the room. She'll have the silence to herself. But out of everything that's happened to her so far, its this moment of silence that she'll cherish the most. Because in that single moment, she's not being bombarded with questions from Chase, or being drowned in the constant pity from Cuddy.
So she'll wait. She'll lay in her bed, listening graciously to the silence. Taking it in. Keeping it forever.
--
She'll feel weird. She won't feel the way she did yesterday. Her bones will ache and something deep in her skin will tell her to make today count. She'll want to. But she wont know how. The only way she'll be able to think of is thanking all the nurses.
She'll be alone for a while and to her the silence is getting eerie. But just as she settles into the quite, Cuddy will walk in. She'll feel happy to see the old friend but sad that the silence is gone.
The brunette will steal the seat next to the bed and look at her with a sad smile.
"How are you doing?"
"Fine." she'll lie. Cuddy's eyes will fill with tears as the sudden reality of the situation hits her hard.
"I just wanted to come to tell you..." she begins. She'll take a second to brush away tears that pool over the rim of her chocolate eyes.
"I just wanted to say that you've proven to be a really good friend to me.."
The woman in the bed will hear her words, and immediately stop her.
"Don't..." she'll begin. "Don't do that... Don't say goodbye. This isn't the end."
Cuddy shakes her head.
"I don't want it to be, I really don't.. But Cameron, what if it is?"
--
She lays in her hospital bed, she's never felt so brittle in her life. She looks around at the green-blue walls and thinks how she'll miss that colour. That beautiful green. It reminds her of so many things. Her bed spread is green, when she was young her favorite headband was green. Her dearest and closest friend, has the most piercing green eyes. Then she'll think of her, Thirteen. She was so loyal, so true. She thinks that she'll miss her when she gone, but she brushes the thought out of her mind when she cant breathe.
Her hands conceal her neck as she cant draw oxygen in. She'll look to the monitors and see her stats dropping. She reaches out for the button, to call a nurse, but before she can, the door swings open and in walks Gregory House.
She'll throw him a frantic glance, then with one swift motion, he'll poke something into her vein and her breath will return.
Then he'll sit down beside her, put his head in his hands, and begin to speak.
"You can't leave." he'll say. His voice is strict and mad, but soft and scared all at the same time.
"I have to." she'll whisper.
That's when he'll cry. An endless source of tears will cascade down his cheeks. He'll think to himself how broken he must look. How vulnerable. For a second he'll feel embarrassed, but then he'll remember the woman in the bed and the tears will get even more painful.
She'll reach out and place her hand on the back of his neck, playing soothing circles with her thumb. He'll continue to cry as she continues to massage the hurting man in front of her.
She'll think to herself, that this is the first time she's seen the doctor act human.
--
The night has fallen, as this story Im telling comes to a close. There seems to be zillions of twinkling stars in the sky as he watches her sleep. His face is stiff from all the dried tears, and his mouth is dry from lack of water. If this were any other situation, he would have left to take care of himself hours before. But this was different, this was Cameron, this was the love of his life.
Her eyes suddenly open wide as she gasps for breath. She looks deep into his ocean blue eyes as he stares back into hers.
"Relax" he tells her "it was just a dream."
She presses her eyes together tight and focuses on breathing. Once air floods her lungs she looks back to him.
"You have to let me go." she says. It suddenly hits him that she's about to say goodbye.
"No, you're going to get better."
She chuckles, but her breath catches in her throat as she begins to cough. It scares him, because her coughing sounds wet.
"Cameron.." he begins again.
"Don't ever forget me, Greg." she says.
The simple usage of his first name makes his heart break even more. He nods.
"Never." he assures her.
"House?"
"Yeah."
"Dance with me."
He tries to smile. But he cant. So he nods, he removes all the strings attached to her body and gathers her into his arms. He's alarmed at the fact that she's the weight of a feather. He feels like if he holds her too tight he'll shatter her bones. So he holds her light, caressing her back with his hand.
He sways back and forth to an invisible tune that only she can hear. She burry's her head into his shoulder than tightens her grasp on his body.
"I love you." she says.
He's about to say it back when he feels her breath on his neck. Then her body goes limp and her arms fall from around his neck.
He was about to say it.
About to tell her he loved her.
About to give her everything she had ever wanted.
But she died.
She took her last, painful breath wrapped in his arms.
The shock hit him hard as more and more tears poured out of his eyes. He held onto her body tightly, as he sank to the floor.
He berried his head into her shoulder and let himself sob.
He let himself hurt.
He let himself fall apart.
He let himself fall in love.
: )
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