Chronicles of Absolution: Free and Torn Asunder

Chapter 1

Then

I… kissed Sam

… Choices have to be made. Some lead to perdition and some lead to end of old and alone. The question comes down to whether or not one believes that they can hold on till the end and finally not be afraid to open that door…

… "You know Sam, somehow I think that there is a question that needs to be asked. I think she is waiting for you to ask the right one. You just have to figure it out and made you'll lose that dark brooding look." "I never felt so much as I do for you Sam. It scares me and it scares me a lot."

…"I am not scared of what could happen to me in this whole angels and demons crap. I've dealt with them before."

"So if you want it spelled out, the greatest fear I have is losing you Sam and it is because I… love… you."

… "It isn't your fault. If anything Setna was loyal to the royal family, your family. He took a vow to protect its members with his dying breath. You were his especial charge."

… She got her answer when Sam grabbed her into a hug that was a comfortable tight. He took it a step further and kissed her on the cheek and on her temple. Her eyes widened in surprise at his actions but she accepted it and her response was to wrap her arms around him in a responding hug. She heard him whisper, "I'm sorry."

"I'm here, Sam," she replied, putting everything into those three words. "It's okay." She gave a gentle pat to his back…

… "Because I… care about you." Angela felt herself choke up and she had almost said what she had been able to say inside the Gauntlet… Sam was already vulnerable from his guilt and it just didn't feel right and she wouldn't put him through that. Telling him that she cared about him was safer and it stuck more along what they had before things went down the tubes…

… The last straw was when Zachariah threatened Dean with stage four stomach cancer. Sam looked at her and saw her teeth were fully elongated and her eyes were glowing orbs. She was taking heaving and yet controlled breaths. The next thing he heard was the most bloodcurdling roar of rage and with almost instant movement, she was on her feet and she was in front of the angel...

… Sam had been watching everything. He was angry because he had two broken legs and that dick angel just essentially crippled Angela. He shattered her left side from the hip down. And she was more pissed that he was hurt…

… "That's not what I meant," Sam replied. "You told Dean to go ahead and kill you. Why?"

That was a good question and the answer she gave surprised him. "I don't really know. Maybe I did at one point think that you two would be better off without me around. Maybe I thought it was a final payment for my sins. Or it could be that I was throwing Dean off since he seemed determined to go through with it. Everything and nothing I guess." She then gave a humorless chuckle and added, "Five hundred years and the shit adds up. Maybe that's why I spend so much time alone. Probably was for the best."

… He was certain she was not going to open up and probably leave them. Sam found that he didn't want that to happen… The other reason he hoped not was because he had that dream again. She was dying and she was alone… again. It was bad enough that he still had nightmares about Jess but these just made his day worse since they were just as bad as keeping him awake. He never could shake the feeling that Angela was supposed to be in their lives for a reason…

I decided that separation would be best for now. You and your brother are adept at keeping each other out of trouble and you don't need me bringing you more. I will stick by what I promised your father and keep an eye on you both just not how we had been going. Maybe if things work out we could try again. Like I said before, working in a team has been good for me. Besides families shouldn't fight…

… She left because she did not want to create a division between him and Dean. She was trying to fix things like she always did…

Knowing you though lass… you do what you have to do but… I don't want you to lose yourself.

… "I'm in no shape to be hunting," Sam admitted looking down at the table. He looked up and saw his brother look away. "I need to step back because I'm dangerous. Maybe it's best we just go our separate ways."

… "Sam I told you, that doesn't matter to me…"

"It matters to me, Angie," Sam interrupted. He didn't want to get nasty with her. That was the last resort and then maybe she would stay away. "You didn't deserve what I did to you and if I stay… I don't want that to happen again."

… "You can't save everyone."

… Angela shook her head slowly at that. She closed her eyes, trying not to let her feelings be known. She will not guilt trip Sam. "It was to save you from yourself Sam. You are a good person. You aren't perfect… no one is… but you are a good person. I care about you to keep that alive. I do know what it is like to die in the figurative sense. I don't want that for you."

… "It's better if you didn't. You can't fix this Angie. Only I can and… I don't want you getting hurt because of that… because of me."

… "It is and… I'm doing it for Dean… and you." Sam knew he had to leave now or he would never go. He gently kissed her cheek and said, "Take care of yourself… and Dean."

Angela accepted the kiss and felt powerless to stop Sam from leaving. She turned and watched as he went to hitchhike a ride on out of there. She watched as the truck left the rest stop from the side of the road…

Now

It was dark and so clichéd but then again what nightmare wasn't in complete darkness? It was dark and it was a house, a very ornately decorated house in that old Victorian style. Something about the old fashioned fashions that drew such sentimentality… And it was wasted on her.

Angela sat in the chair in the middle of the room. She wasn't bound but she couldn't really move either. It was like she was compelled to sit and watch what was unfolding before her. She looked at her limbs and they weren't tied to the chair. She was just there.

"I've been waiting a long time for this."

Angela blinked as she looked around for the source of the voice. She didn't recognize it and yet she knew who it was. She turned to see the smiling face that was almost pouting and replied in a calm voice, "Seems you have… Lucifer."

Lucifer grinned at her, "And I am so pleased that you know me."

"I've read the stories," Angela offered in a polite tone. "So I know some things may be embellished a little."

"A little? How about the fact that I am always called a liar and the truth is… I never lie," Lucifer said in reply. He came to stand in front of her. "Just like you aren't really held there against your will. You're there because you want to be."

"Is that so?" To Angela it was polite conversation. "Why would I want to be here?"

"That is not clear to me," Lucifer admitted as he mused about it. "But the obvious choice is to appeal to me; fight me on your own terms in accordance with your nature."

"That is usually the first choice," Angela admitted since it was well known to just about everyone. Even the people that hated her knew that. "But you are confused and I've met a few confused angels in my lifetime. Why are you confused?"

Lucifer mused a bit as he looked at her. She was looking at him with a bland expression like she really wanted to know. Maybe she did and maybe she didn't. It was always hard to figure her out even though there were possibilities that were obvious. "You are warded against all angels and yet you traverse the dream realm where I can invade dreams but have no power to find someone. Why?"

"Like you said… I am seeking something or someone out. Maybe it is you since you say I am here by my own will."

Lucifer looked at Angela. "You are good with your words. Perhaps that is why so many come to trust you and then it breaks you when you feel that you have broken that trust." He paced around her chair and fingered her hair. "But if I were to go with the obvious, I would say that it is an appeal to me. Am I right?"

Angela let the angel touch her though she was very uncomfortable with it. True Gabriel and Castiel had touched her in a similar manner with regards to stroking her hair but it was different. Lucifer may be an angel and she could sense his grace and the like but there was something different about it and she was wary of it. She replied, "I did come here to find you."

Lucifer grinned, "And for what purpose?"

Angela looked at nothing in particular before looking up at the angel and said, "I want you to consider me as a possible vessel." Her look was bold and daring as she looked at Lucifer in the eye even though she felt she was strapped to that chair.

"You're serious?"

"I am and you know what I am asking is not unreasonable."

Lucifer stood there looking at her. He was confused by the whole thing. He tried to see what her game was. What he couldn't see was her reasons for it. That was the most frustrating part about the whole thing. And she wasn't going to give it to him…

Angela tried to stifle a yawn as she drank her umpteenth cup of coffee. It was the only thing nowadays to keep her awake. That and blood but she wasn't inclined to drink the latter and she didn't care if she was losing sight of her general health. What was the point considering it felt like the world had already ended and things were just getting started?

Actually she could take that last part back. She did care. She just didn't know if there was a point to it considering that the two people that mattered to her were not talking and both said that she shouldn't try to fix things. Well that was a pretty big bummer and both did show a guilty look and apologetic ones since she must have indicated that her feelings were hurt on this one… and they damn well were hurt. It was the lousiest feeling in the world and she really felt like kicking ass to do it but she was also tired.

After Sam left her and Dean behind… it sort of fell apart. She didn't want to hunt and Dean was getting annoyed and couldn't get her interested. Mostly it was because she missed Sam and she was in a bind to figure out how to work this out. It had her wondering if this was what the boys felt when she decided to leave them after that business in Wyoming. It certainly sucked. In the end she sort of said that she would stay with Bobby to keep an eye on the old man and insisted that Dean take Sasha and surprisingly he agreed to it. At least one of her boys was being watched out for. She could even recall how the pup felt.

She had taken Sasha out for a walk and said, "Sasha, I need you to do something for me."

I am ready to obey alpha.

"I need you to go with Dean. Keep him safe."

Is the alpha sad her alpha left the pack?

"Can you do this?" She was trying hard not to be impatient with the pup.

Yes. I will protect the alpha's alpha littermate. The beta will be protected.

Angela then gave Sasha a head rub and a hug. It was rare to show affection but she had always felt comfortable around the animals. They didn't really judge too harshly and they did make better barometers in terms of judgment with regards to character. Even Setna came over and rubbed against her and gave his input, Just go after the kitty pole. I'm tired of you moping.

So she had Dean go with Sasha and after he left, she talked to Bobby. The grizzled hunter was still sore about not having the use of his legs and he bit her head off when she helped make improvements with the house. It was only a couple of days to do that until Bobby cornered her and actually threatened to shoot her if she didn't get back out there and look for Sam. He added the rider that she wanted to and she was making everybody miserable because she wasn't. In a way it was a license to try and fix it even though the boys said it wasn't hers to fix.

Maybe it wasn't but she could put them on the right track and it was bothering her since rule number one was ingrained along with her modified version. So she took off in her baby Deanna and started down the road. The easy thing was to mess with the GPS trackers but knowing Sam, he may have switched them out or messed with it and with Dean… he was easy enough and Sasha would let her know what was wrong and there was always Cerebus as the middle dog.

In the end she found that she needed a plan of attack so to speak. So the best thing was to be in the middle. It was not really ideal since she was stuck in the middle and it was the most painful place to be in… mostly on the emotional side. She ended up buying an apartment that looked a little rundown, actually it was a dump, but it would serve its purpose and methodically began to figure out what to do. In between she actually got rid of the lowlifes that hung out around the place. They were hardcore drug dealers and she had them screaming for their mothers… after she literally put the fear of God into their thick skulls. Since then the residents were happy.

Then came the dream with Lucifer. She knew he was looking for someone and it became evident that it was Sam but she didn't let on. Instead she came up with that crazy idea and it had him baffled. It also left her tired because she would actively search for Sam and Dean in their dreams to make sure they were fine. It was why she was sitting and drinking a cup of coffee astride the motorcycle that she bought for faster travel when Deanna didn't cut it. She had spent the night travelling to see Dean and let him have it about why she forgave Sam so easily and that she understood where he was coming from.

She understood both sides of betrayal. She actually had been waiting for Dean to ask her to elaborate on that. In the end she revealed that she knew what it was like to be in hell because she literally had been to hell and back. She didn't go into detail but let it sink in that she had been in hell and that was how she knew Alistair and Lenya and everyone else who fucked with her. It left him speechless and she didn't mean to scare him with her temper but she was tired.

As much as they both 'agreed' to the separation, Angela knew deep down they were miserable. They just couldn't work past the major issue. Even she knew things like that take time but she had lived a long time. She knew time was fleeting and better to talk about it before it was too late. So she took matters into her own hands and decided enough was enough with the secrets and the past and to just lay it all out there.

After leaving Dean to think about what she said, she drove all night to catch up with Sam in the town he decided set up in. She barely had time for a couple of hours of sleep before going in and managing to bribe the manager to give Sam or rather Keith a break. The manager was amicable and it helped a little that she 'convinced' him with a little help. It certainly surprised Sam that she had showed up just to talk to him and see him. It certainly showed when he asked her, "What are you doing here?"

She told him that had come there to talk to him and they walked outside. He was the first to ask, "So what are you doing here Angie? How did you know where to look?"

She replied, "I just followed my nose." She added after that, "I came because I needed to speak to you… about this new arrangement."

That led to a slight argument and Sam saying that he couldn't be trusted because of the demon blood. That was when she told him that she couldn't be trusted either. It was a little bit funny and she had to listen to Sam talk it out because he knew that she drank blood when she had a serious health issue. He then decided to be a bit sarcastic and suggest that she started drinking the stuff when he and Dean weren't looking. He had forgotten that she had drunk demon blood when she bled Alistair during his torture session. She didn't remind him but instead told him about when she became addicted during her last stint in hell.

I've been to hell and back… three times and the last was my longest and where I acquired my little problem. So I know exactly what you mean about thinking about it. Even after a couple of centuries the feeling is still there.

It had been a bit hard to tell him and yet it was easy because she revealed to Dean that she had been to hell. She had to watch as the look of incredulity cross his face. It was a marvel that she had kept that from them and she did feel bad that she never mentioned it when she suspected what Sam had been up to. Like she said though, she understood where he was coming from; it was an embarrassing and painful time for her since she hated feeling weak.

The last thing she had told Sam was about forgiveness. It was true that she had been able to get past a few things. She could accept that it wasn't her fault about their parents since Mary and John both made the deal with the devil so to speak and they did it for the people that they loved most in the world. What person wouldn't do that? Certainly she was willing to do that and she would make people suffer for hurting her family.

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing Sam and must be earned but you have to forgive yourself in order for it to mean something, especially for others. Just don't think it as a one-time deal. Forgiveness is something that can be considered a work in progress. There's always going to be crap to bring you back to that place of guilt and punishment.

It was the last thing she had said to Sam. It was what had him decide to think about things. That was something at least. She wasn't going to force the issue but she was going to plant the seeds in there. Sometimes the stubbornness could be overridden with a good suggestion and dine in a certain way. Outright bribery was a close second and for Dean it worked with the promise of her pie. Anyway, she left Sam with the fib about a salt and burn in a town not too far away. She didn't want him to think that she was keeping an eye on him like a pervy stalker and that really didn't make much of a difference since she did that before she hooked up with them.

She stuck around in town for a time and watched out for him. Now she was watching the bar and hung around. She managed to make a few acquaintances and helped out around town for a day's wages. It was kind of interesting since she was treated like a drifter and she technically was. It was like the old days when she flew solo. It was worth it since some hunting friends came by and asked about a job to Sam… demons again.

Bobby had called her about it and she pestered the old man and he revealed that he had called Sam about it. She declined the hunt and earned a grumbling and that she was being an idjit for ignoring her calling or something like that. He ended up saying something in Latin and she couldn't help but chuckle since she knew what he said and it was pretty funny and accurate. Maybe she was being selfish but logically if she couldn't resolve the personal, then the professional would suffer and she wasn't about to do that if peoples' lives were on the line.

It wasn't too hard to get a room in the same motel that Sam had put up residence in. She just stayed on her end and hid her motorcycle to avoid having him seek her out and telling her to leave. So she stayed under the radar as she watched and it was a good thing since the hunters returned and it didn't spell well for Sam.

It was tempting to just rush in there and start beating up hunters but she held back a little. It was especially hard when they tried to force feed Sam the demon blood and under the threat to the waitress that worked with Sam. She was proud that he could resist it and spat it out and kicked their asses but even she knew that wasn't all said and done. She saw the look on the girl's face when the hunters had left. She knew that look, the one of fear and not sure of what was going on. It also had the hint of 'you are a monster' in it and she felt for Sam for seeing that. That look wasn't easy to get over.

After watching what happened, she followed Sam back to the motel. She staked it out and wondered if he was going to leave town or not. There was the probability that was going to happen. It seemed strange that she got a phone call. She put the hands free set in and answered, "Hello."

So you've decided to go back to spying on people.

She turned to see someone she had yet to summon. She was surprised that he had shown up on his own. She replied, "I'm keeping an eye on things. Something you should be doing for me, Cary."

Cary shuffled on his feet feeling like he was caught and going to suffer wrath. He hung up his phone and put it in his pocket, "Well I figured I'd drop in even though our arrangement is that I become your bitch when you want something and I thought maybe I should anticipate before you ask. Saves me the headache."

Angela watched Sam's room while sitting on her motorcycle. "Like I need you to tell me that the Apocalypse is on the doorstep."

"Actually did you know that Lucifer is circling his vessel… his true vessel?"

"I suspected it," Angela said. "I got that handled. You haven't impressed me so far." She wasn't going to reveal all her cards.

"Then maybe you don't know that almost every other hunter out there is starting to hear the name Sam Winchester and that he started the Apocalypse."

Angela turned away to look at the demon. She raised her brow at that. "You wanna run that by me again?"

"Some of the piss wads I work with are keen on making it hard by telling hunters that Sam Winchester started the Apocalypse. Did you think that those hunters are the only ones?"

Angela pondered that as she turned to look at Sam's room. A sense of foreboding was starting to creep up her spine. She glanced at Cary and he looked like he was waiting for a response.


A/N: And here we are with a new episode with Angie pulling double duty going back and forth to make sure her boys are all right during their separation. Looks like she might be getting a bit reckless or it is the general everyone knows. This and more on Free and Torn Asunder...