On the Other Side of the Door

I was feeling adventurous. I wanted to get those blood-curdling experiences out of my system. And I guess I wanted to feel it again – the scoot in the boot, or whichever pun Mulder had used the night before.

When I opened the door, he was already waiting for me. He just knows me too well, I remember thinking… I stepped towards him. "Scully," he began. "Let's talk later, shall we?" I interrupted, raising my eyebrows at him suggestively.

But to my surprise, he insisted. "No. At the risk of killing the mood, I need to get this out of the way, as long as I've still got enough blood in my brain." I really didn't feel like listening at that moment, but he sounded genuinely troubled. Feeling uneasy, I nodded slowly.

"Ok," he went on. "I feel I deserve more credit than you gave me last night. I wasn't always here, but I've always supported you and William as well as I could. And, should you ever make the decision to change your life in any significant way, I intend to do exactly that again. I wanted to make sure you know that..."

"I'm sticking around," he added after a slight pause. He had lowered his voice to a whisper.

I felt overwhelmed. I had not really admitted it to myself, but I had not been honest when I had said I didn't have anyone to start a family with. I had wanted to gain more clarity as to where we were standing in our relationship and I had been waiting for a reaction from him. We had gone through so much together, then separated for years – and now we were together again, knee-deep in conspiracies and paranormal phenomena. Emotionally, I was finding it hard to keep up with these developments.

And there he was, offering his life to me. At his words, it seemed as if a tight knot inside me loosened and disappeared, leaving behind a light and warm feeling of security.

I nodded again, meekly this time. "Yes," I mumbled. "I know. You're right. Thank you."

And without warning, the serious expression on his face changed into something else. "Ok then," he said, in a completely different tone, "are you ready? 'Cause I know I am." Smirking, and without waiting for an answer, he put his arms around my waist and lifted me off my feet. Turning around, he lowered me onto the bed. Taken by surprise, but pleased, I gasped. He kissed me intently.

I had not often been kissed like that before – and it had always been at important moments. I felt my insides melt. The sensation started in my lower belly and then spread through my whole body, right to my toes and fingertips. It was all I could do to suppress the moan that was threatening to escape me.

I was used to being more active in bed, but my molten limbs would hardly move this time. So I could merely watch as Mulder slid his shirt over his head, then took off his pants, socks and shorts. When he turned back to me, fully undressed, he had an intense, hard look in his eyes. I held his gaze and inhaled deeply, trying to imprint the image and his scent firmly in my memory.

He started by unbuttoning my blouse, then opened my trousers. He lifted my upper body easily and unhooked my bra. I felt strange to just let all this happen to me, but he did not seem to mind. On the contrary, he seemed to quite enjoy the situation. I had a fleeting thought about how strange it was that I had never really given up my self-control, not even at intimate moments, and how I finally felt capable of letting go.

When he had stripped me of all my clothes, he started planting kisses on the side of my neck, then moved slowly downwards. When his lips reached my breasts, I couldn't contain it any more. A soft moan escaped my throat. I had inadvertently placed my hands on his back and could feel him chuckling softly now.

Finally, he lifted his head to look at me. I could tell he was trying to find out whether I was ready for him. I was. In fact, the wait had become almost unbearable at that stage. He seemed to understand, because moments later, I could feel the two of us melt together. All layers of separation appeared to be dissolving. We really turned into one single being.

It did not take long until I felt waves of tension pass through my body. I kissed Mulder's collarbone, because I couldn't reach his face. I might have bitten him, too. There was no way of being sure afterwards. I could feel his breathing speed up along with my own.

Then – again – just when I thought I might burst with the intensity of the experience, I felt Mulder's back arching backwards. He gave one last, intense thrust which sent me over the edge along with him. Our voices mingled into one strange sound, which echoed distantly through the pounding of blood in my ears.

I was amazed and slightly embarrassed at how severely my body was twitching. Mulder had lowered himself onto the mattress next to me, his head propped up on his elbow, watching me. There was a look of deep satisfaction – and a good deal of cockiness – on his face. I did not feel like looking back at him. So I turned away, pulled my knees up towards my chin and hugged myself in order to regain some control over my limbs.

My embarrassment mingled with slight alarm when I felt my eyes watering up without warning. Large tear-drops were flowing down into the pillow. My panting breaths turned into shaking sobs. Contrary to appearances, however, I felt fantastic. A flood of emotions that I had evidently – inadvertently – been stemming for some time, seemed to finally abate. It was pure relief.

I could feel Mulder's weight shift on the mattress behind me. He moved closer, so that his chest rested against the length of my back. "Hey," he whispered. "what's wrong? Did I do something?" I did not speak immediately. I couldn't have, even if I had tried. Instead, I savoured his caring attention for another few moments. "Come on, tell me," he said.

I rolled onto my back and looked at him, feeling my tears streaming into my ears and hair. "I guess," I hiccuped. "I guess… I was just really glad to hear you say what you said. You know, I'm not going anywhere, either."