Chapter 1-UPDATED
Sweden
1890
Christine stared out the frosted carriage window at the dark countryside. You couldn't see anything for miles. As she pulled up the heavy fur lined blanket, she found her mind wandering beyond the warm confines of her newest patron's carriage and the night's events. Her life these days looked nothing like she had expected or hoped. She had chosen to live apart from Raoul for the last two years traveling from one European capital to another. One the surface she was living a life that most sopranos would have died for. Sold out engagements. Nights spent drinking champagne among princes and the elite. Vases full of roses and lavish hotel suites paid for by patrons. She didn't lack for anything. Yet, the core of her life was in pieces. The love that was once between she and Raoul was gone. It died so quickly and silently that she didn't even realize it. One night, she was seated across their dining room table from him watching as his lit a cigar and laughed with his brother. She had spent years doing exactly what he wanted by taking on less engagements and remaining at their country home in the Loire valley. Agreeing to send their daughter Delphine away to a convent school a two days ride away, at her mother-in-law's insistence. Her life was no longer hers, and it scared her. That night, she packed her own trunk and had their coachman drive her to Paris. From there, she started visiting one patron, and then another. Two years later, she was once again doing what she was born to do. But, she was doing it all alone.
Her thoughts guided her somewhere else, as they often did. Back to the past and to that painful and shocking moment when she saw Erik. The sight of him standing there sent her to her emotional knees. Even then, years after it happened, she still felt that knot of wanting and regret in her chest. If only she hadn't betrayed him. If only she hadn't left him behind for Raoul and all his false promises. Perhaps they would still be together at the Opéra Populaire, singing and creating music together. Then she wouldn't be alone, and he wouldn't be thousands of miles away and in love with someone else. She found herself gritting her teeth at the thought of him and Meg. Yes, she loved Meg and had wanted so much for them to be close as the once were. But, she could never quite get to a place of peace with the reality that Meg had him. That he had chosen to love someone else and turn her away. A part of her felt ashamed of her envy and resentment. The better part of herself spoke.
After all Erik went through, doesn't he deserve love?
Don't you want him to be happy?
Yes, of course he did. He deserved all of that. But, she couldn't accept that he wouldn't have been happier with her. He may have convinced himself that he hated her and that he had replaced her with Meg, but she would never accept it. Ever. As the lights of Stockholm came into view, she found herself feeling as bitterly cold as the night outside.
He would have been happier with me. I know it...
Maison Azelée
Louisiana
The mail sat in a neat stack on her writing desk. She hurried to file through it as Erik walked in behind her to undress for bed. Nothing but the same invitations, to the same holiday affairs with the same faces. Meg rolled her eyes at one particular invitation from a Madame LaLonde. The young, raven haired beauty was the city's wealthiest and most attractive widow. Every single man in New Orleans society, and even a few of the married ones, followed her around like a pack of hungry dogs from one social engagement to the next. But, she wanted none of them. Her heavy lidded hazel eyes were set on no one else, but Erik. Ever since his performance in Don Giovanni, they found themselves on her guest list. At the few parties they agreed to attend, she was always there at Erik's side, touching his arm, batting her eyes with obvious intent. This made her decision to scale back their social engagements very simple. Erik didn't seemed bothered by it. As Meg scanned the thick black calligraphy on the card, she noticed a small handwritten note in the bottom corner.
It's been far too long Monsieur De Laval. Please come. Georgine
"How many parties have we been invited to that we won't attend," Erik asked, pulling off his boots.
"Your ardent admirer Madame LaLonde desires your presence at her annual New Year's eve fete," Meg replied in a tone as bland as the white invitation in her hand. Going to the fire in the fireplace, she flicked it into the fire. Watching the flames lick up the paper and the note gave her a small degree of satisfaction.
The warmth of Erik's hands on her waist, turned her away from the heat of the fire. Moving his hands to the back of her dress, she worked on the silk ascot around his neck.
"You seemed distracted this evening," He whispered slipping a finger through the lacing that ran down the back of the cream lace dress.
"It's nothing," she whispered thickly, tossing the ascot onto the floor. "Having Lucia coming home and hosting both Mama and Labreau for the holidays is taking a lot more work than I would like."
"As much as I love having Lucia home, I will miss the way things have been. Just us, alone."
Meg smiled, letting her dress slip to her feet. "I'll miss our mid day meetings here."
He lifted her off the floor and playfully dropped her onto the bed. "We can always find somewhere else. The stables. The guest house. I'm willing to consider anything."
Staring up at him, she felt herself both filled with love. How was it possible to still want and love someone after so many years? Reaching up she gently touched his face, letting her fingers trail softly over the soft white leather of his mask. "I love you. I love you so much that I couldn't imagine a life without you in it."
He leaned down smiling, his face so close to hers. "You'll never be rid of me, I promise."
"Do you swear," she whispered.
"I swear," he whispered back, and smiled.
As he settled on top of her, his face buried in her hair Meg found her thoughts wandering somewhere she didn't expect. It was a quiet longing that had been following her around for some time. One that she tried to ignore, but never seemed to disappear entirely. As he slipped his hand between her thighs, she found it working her way from her head and out of her mouth.
"I want to have another baby," she whispered into his ear.
He stopped, the surprise lighting up his eyes as he stared down at her. "Are you sure?"
"I've been thinking about it for quite a long time. I want to try again, while I'm still able to have children. I know you've been trying to be careful ever since we lost Angelique. I wasn't sure if you even wanted another child." She searched his face, looking for some sign that he was open to it.
He leaned down and kissed her. "I do. I only wanted to be careful when we were together because losing Angelique was so hard on you. I couldn't take seeing you hurt that way again."
She put a finger to his lips. "No more talking about the past." Working on the buttons of his trouser, she breathed,"I'm ready now."
