It's more for the thrill than anything else…that feeling that comes along with deciphering clues that most wouldn't catch at first glance. Among the ash and blackened shells of what used to be homes, he makes his living, finding things that will help solve a crime that would confuse anyone from another squad. And he loves it.

It's the arrival of two murder police on one of his cases that makes him start to change his mind. He starts thinking that maybe he isn't doing what he really wants to be. And before he knows it, he's rotated and become one of them, amidst a scandal that rocks his old squad.

It's the looks he gets that make him consider ending his run in this world. They think he's dirty, even now, when he's been cleared. There is a sense of desperation under the bravado. He wants to be accepted, but doesn't think he ever will be. And the number of names in red underneath his own continues to grow.

It's the latest case he's working that frustrates him. A drug war has ensued out on the city streets and the bodies are piling up…more than he can handle. Now he longs, more than ever, to be back where he was before, where things were simpler. But once one moves forward, there isn't any going back.

It's the gun in his hand that makes him wonder what he's doing, and the words that leave his mouth before he pulls the trigger that make him think he's losing his mind. The looks on the faces of his fellow detectives make him numb…he's starting not to care anymore. But soon he will.

It's the primary detective on the death of Luther Mahoney that figures out what really happens and manages to draw the truth from him. He leaves a few parts out, though. Lewis and Stivers are good detectives. If he's going down, they don't deserve to go with him. So he leaves them out of it.

It's the neutral expression that the lieutenant wears that makes him realize fully what he's done. He has two options. Either hand in that silver shield he's had for years and leave the department or stay, and be brought up on charges by a State's Attorney who never liked him in the first place. He decides to leave. It's not worth it. And if he goes to trial, the other two will be brought up, and that's the last thing he wants.

It's his last look of the squad room that hurts him the most, the looks on the faces of the squad…the looks he got at the beginning. He's let them down…he's let himself down. And as he turns and walks away, he closes his eyes as he makes his way down the headquarters stairs, wishing to go back in time….wishing for one more spark to cause a fire to give him the job that had first defined him.


A/N: so, yeah. H:LOTS isn't mine...