I jumped; my eyelids flew open and I awoke with a start. A muffled scream echoed from the bedroom down the hallway. I turned on the bed and craned my neck to see the clock – it was 2:30. I sighed.

Three months ago, I would have been terrified that there was something wrong if I heard Bella shriek in the middle of the night – like a burglar for example. I was used to it by now. Bella has been screaming and sobbing in her sleep ever since . . . he went away. It's frightening me.

Bella is just empty now. She always has dark circles under her eyes, and she even looks thinner. Bella never talks on the phone or gets together with her friends anymore. She never talks, unless I ask her a question. Her life is one boring routine now – wake up, go to school, do homework, go to work, and then go back to sleep. Even then, she doesn't get much sleep.

Bella doesn't do anything.

I think Bella believes that she's been fooling me, but she's dead wrong. She always wears a mask – she shows no emotion. She has no emotions anymore.

Edward is a prohibited topic. I'm afraid that I will say the wrong thing – which I have done on many occasions – and she'll lose it. It's like she thinks he'll walk right through our front door any day now, even though she hasn't made any contact with him since that night.

Bella claimed she got lost in the woods, but I know that Edward was the one who left her there. The Cullens just disappeared without a moment's notice right before Edward went away.

If Edward did ever come back, there would be hell to pay. He didn't break her heart, he crushed it. He crushed her. I didn't realize how serious Bella was about him – I thought that it was some high school crush that would last for three weeks. Apparently it wasn't like that to Bella.

That night Sam found her in the forest – it haunts me. I have nightmares about it, and I'm certain Bella does too. I had no idea what happened at first. She left a note in the house saying that she was going on a walk with Edward – nothing serious. Hours ticked by, and I became anxious. I called Bella's friends' parents, the other guys at the station, and Billy at La Push to send some boys to help me search the forest. Sam finally found her lying on the cold, dirt - covered floor in the woods. Bella looked terrible as I carried her into the house. She was as weak and limp in my arms.

Maybe she'll be better in Jacksonville with Renee . . . where she could forget him, and what all happened. Maybe it was a bad idea for her to come to Forks in the first place.

I didn't think Bella would commit . . . suicide. She wouldn't do that to me, would she? I was pretty sure she wouldn't cut herself like some teenagers do. At least I didn't find any evidence of it in the house. I wondered if a psychiatrist would help. I wasn't sure how Bella would take that.

This reminded me of when Renee left me, only I deal with it better. I don't sulk around, and I don't act like I'm a zombie. We were both so young, though – when we went to Vegas.

I've reluctantly admitted to myself that I'd never gotten over Renee, and probably never will. I've never moved on, even though she has. Hopefully, Bella hasn't noticed me staring at photos of her in the living room. I catch myself doing that a lot.

I remember how she used to attempt to cook food in the kitchen – but she couldn't even boil water without injuring herself or someone who was standing too close to the stove. I chuckled. That was back when I had more hair. And back when Renee and I were in love.

I wish that Bella would get over Edward, and not yearn for him the way I do for Renee.