New series. Parody and humor so most definitely OOC at times. It just came to me that Wesker has a way with... Sounds nice.
So from now on Wesker has a way with... And then a word starting with a W.

Disclaimer: I do not own Wesker or Krauser. They belong to Capcom. For Capcom PWNS.
Inspired by: Letters that return. Like Taker Took my Toys was inspired by it too.
Warnings: Not quite sure. Crackfic?
Notes: Forget RE5, it never happened. (Though he looked gooooooooood... Dooooooooood)

ENJOY!


Wesker has a way with walkie-talkies.

Wesker was sitting in his room staring at a package that had been brought to him by a random employee. He wasn't sure whether to open it or not because he was positive about the fact that there were some people around him that wanted him dead. Or deader, whatever you want really.
So there he sat, staring at the package, wondering where it had came from. He approached the package with caution and picked it up from his desk. A little hesitant he held it against his ear and listened. There was no ticking so it wasn't a timebomb or a clock.

Somehow that saddened the man because his old clock was broken so he really could use a new one. He had no idea what had happened to the old clock, but there was a hole in it, so he was thinking someone might've shot the thing.
He hoped it had not been Krauser... Krauser had a way with clocks, he wasn't very good at telling time. Oh so maybe he did not have a way with clocks. Krauser was always late, no matter the occasion. Sure it had bothered Wesker, but he was getting used to it.

Still a bit hesitant he turned the package around and found an envelope. He shrugged and pulled it off but immediately felt the urge to throw it away. Death is hiding everywhere, even in envelopes.
A bit annoyed he summoned an employee and ordered the person to check out the envelope in another room. He could miss one or two employees, so if death was hiding in the paper it wouldn't be that bad.

The employee went into another room and checked the envelope. He grabbed the phone in the room and called Wesker.
"Sir, I am positive that there is nothing in this envelope that could harm you."

"Hnnn, so no powder?"

"No sir..." The employee frowned. "Sir, are you on crack?"

Wesker smirked a small smirk and was happy the other man couldn't see it. "Don't be ridiculous!" He stared at the package again. "Bring me back the envelope."

And so he got the envelope back, opened and apparantly safe. He took out the piece of paper that was in it and realised it came from Krauser.

'Hey man I got this thing aye? I got this thing for kids aye? No not in that way pervert... Damnit. Anyway, I never had a normal childhood aye? So now I'm catching up aye? So I saw these and I thought ´Wooooow dude, those be cool´ aye? Anyway, there's two, so I decided to give you one too aye?
So now you can always contact me without having to call me aye? Well, as long as I'm no more than a mile away from you and the batteries ain't dead. But that's not important aye?
Enjoy it.
Jack.'

Wesker read the note and sighed before grabbing the package again. He was sure it was safe now considering the fact Krauser was more loyal to him than he was himself, and the man would never hurt Wesker.
So he opened it and inside he found a walkie-talkie.

"Wakie-talkies?" Wesker adjusted his sunglasses. "I never had those when I was a kid either..."

He pressed a button and was welcomed by a strange noise, indicating it was working... somehow. He read the short manual that came with it and pressed the button again, this time not releasing it. "Jack?"

"You got it? Heh, I wasn't sure if you would even open it, OVER!" Jack Krauser was standing in a room nearby, staring at his mutant arm and wondering if he could be one of the X-men.

"Eh..." Wesker thought for a moment. "Did you shoot my clock?"

"You're supposed to say OVER! OVER!" Jack smirked. He was pretty sure Wesker would never do that.

"Oh come on, I will do no such thing!"

"Then I will do no such thing as telling you what happened to your clock, OVER!"

Wesker grunted. "Damn you, you fool..." He fell silent for a moment, knowing Krauser would never expect him to listen. "Jack, did you break my clock, OVER?" Heh, it felt good to say that. He felt... He felt... Holy heavens, Wesker felt something! An... Emotion! He could not place it though.

"Yeah, I broke it, it was ticking too loud." Jack tilted his head admiring his reflection in the mirror. "OVER!"

"Damnit... You will pay for that." Silence filled the room. "OVER!"

"I'll buy you a new clock soon man..." Jack paused, scared by a thought that popped into his head. "Please do not fire me! Over?"

Wesker smirked again. "I can not, I need you to do something for me, something important. Over."

"What is it?" Krauser asked curious.

"You'll find out when I contact you with this thing again. And aren't you supposed to say 'Over'? OVER!"

"Oh yeah, sorry... Eh. Okay." Jack shrugged. "Over and out!"

"Over and out."

Wesker put the walkie-talkie away and stared at his broken clock. He knew what time it was with or without a clock, he could usually tell by where the sun was hanging out, but during the night it was rather hard. Sure, he could take a look at the moon but that seemed like too much trouble, especially when he was busy doing something important like playing saxophone.

So that night when he was planning on watching a late movie he had no idea what the time was. And since he hated missing the beginning of movies he grabbed the walkie-talkie.

"Jack? Come in Jack!"

Jack Krauser moaned in his sleep and rolled over in bed. He was dreaming about Wesker telling him to 'come in'. Jack smirked in his sleep.

"Jack? Come in Jack! That is an order!"

Jack was still smirking. "Hmmmm, how 'bout you come in... Hnnnn... Ugh." He mumbled to himself, still asleep.

"Jack Krauser, this is the last time, over!"

Jack woke up by the yelling of his boss and sat up. Still sleepy and with his head feeling like there was cotton candy stuffed inside of it he grabbed the walkie-talkie near his bed. "Jack here, over..." He grunted.

"Jack, here's the important thing I need you to do for me..." Wesker's voice sounded from the other side of the 'line'. "I need you to... tell me what time it is. Over..."

Jack was about to get pissed. "Come on man, do you even know what time it is?!"

"No, and you know why. Over!" Wesker sounded as calm as ever.

"Uhw... Haha." Jack chuckled. "Eh, lemme check my watch, aye? It's... Eh." Jack tried to make out the time. Was it around one or around two? "It's either ten to one or ten to two." He paused. "You know how bad I am at this! Oh yeah, over."

"It's ten to one, I just saw it on ceefax. Hehe."

Jack was getting pissed again. "Damn it, you could've done that right away! Over."

"I know, but you could've left my clock alone." Wesker held back a laugh when he heard Jack curse. "And work on your time-telling skills. Over."

"So, we're even? Over."

Wesker raised an eyebrow. "Jack... You're never 'even' with Wesker. Good night."

Wesker put the walkie-talkie away and sat down in front of his gigantic plasma-screen.

Wesker eh? Wesker has a way with Walkie-Talkies.


Thank you for reading, drive home safely. Reviews are appreciated and flamers will be beaten up with a plastic bottle. If you read anything else by me you should have known that by now. Blabla.
Until next time.

(Yes, suggestions are welcome. Know a word starting with a W and you'd like to see it? Tell me.)