At the call of his name, Ford turned away from the mosaic window. His face lit up at the sight of his family; it was not an expression anyone would expect to see framed with a blazing view of the apocalypse.
"Kids! Stanley! Perfect timing, I was just about to prepare some tea. Would you like to join me? I promise you it's unlike anything you've ever tasted."
"Tea? There's no time for tea, you idiot!" Stan took a riled step towards his brother. "Come on, we have to get –"
"NO!"
The old man froze and turned around, taken aback by the twins' simultaneous shout. Both were armed, Mabel with her grappling hook and Dipper with a height-altering flashlight, and both weapons were aimed directly at Ford.
"No hugs or teary reunions before we know he's actually Grunkle Ford", Mabel announced firmly.
"He could be possessed", continued Dipper. "We have to check his pupils."
"What?" Stan snapped, his eyes shifting between the kids and Ford. "Possessed? You mean by some demon or something?"
"By Bill, Grunkle Stan, just like I was back when Mabel had her puppet show, remember?"
Stan blinked. "You were possessed? I thought you were trying out a new way to talk to girls. A terrible one, but I know you kids look up all kinds of weird stuff on the internet…"
Ford approached them, looking rather unconcerned over the two makeshift weapons aimed at him. "Possessed?" he repeated with a frown. "Dipper, I thought you and I already went through this once. I have a metal plate in my head that prevents all supernatural interference, remember?"
Dipper's expression wavered a bit, but he remained steady. "He – he could've taken the plate out! We don't know what happened after he captured you! Show us proof that you still have it!"
Ford heaved a sigh as he reached up to rap his knuckles against his right temple, earning a distinct clang that echoed in the throne room's vast emptiness. "There. This is the only proof I can manage, as I cannot crack my head open to show you it's still there. Will you believe me now, Dipper?"
Dipper hesitated.
"You said something about checking his eyes, right?" grunted Stan. "I'll do it. Hands on your head, Sixer."
Mabel steadied her grappling hook as Stan walked to his brother. "Be careful, Grunkle Stan. We've got your back."
It was evident that Ford wasn't too happy about this arrangement, but he complied. "I have a pen light in my left pocket", he told Stan rather unenthusiastically. "You can use it to check the pupillary light reflex."
"The what? Ugh, do it yourself, this is getting ridiculous."
"No, let me do it", Dipper put in quickly before Ford could reach for the pen light and hurried to grab it from Stan's hand. He fiddled with it for a moment, suddenly nervous and not nearly as confident as he'd been just a minute ago. "Great uncle Ford, I need you to… uh…"
"Kneel? Well, all right then." Ford got down on his knees, keeping his hands on his head. The expressionless disappointment on his face was more than enough to fluster Dipper to the point of taking almost a full minute to figure out how the pen light was switched on. After finally making sure that Ford's pupils reacted to light normally, he sighed and averted his eyes. "I'm sorry, Great uncle Ford. It's… been a rough couple of days. I had to make sure."
"That is quite okay, Dipper. Don't worry about it." Ford patted Dipper's shoulder and allowed Mabel to wrap him into a tight hug. "I am glad to see all three of you safe – not that I ever doubted your aptitude to survive. This strange town and its people are in their truest element in this rapidly changing environment. In the reign of chaos, idiosyncracy becomes one's greatest asset." He laughed light-heartedly at his own words and got up, leaving the others wondering what there was to laugh about.
"Now… How about that tea?" He looked around, scratching his head. "I know he left me a teapot in here somewhere…"
Dipper, who had retreated from his grunkles in an all but heartbroken silence, gave a sudden start. "Uh, Great uncle Ford… Who left you a teapot?"
Again, Ford frowned slightly. "Why, Bill, of course. Who else could even acquire a teapot in the middle of this disarray? He told me I would find everything I need –"
"Wait, what?" Now it was Stan's turn to interrupt. "Why would that crackjob cater to any of your needs, and hey, why are you walking around free in the first place? Weren't you supposed to be his captive? What's going on here, Stanford?"
A moment's silence followed; Ford took his time cleaning and readjusting his glasses before giving his answer in a rather serious tone. "Stanley, I want you to listen to what I'm going to say without jumping to baseless conclusions. This isn't what it appears to be."
"Ha, sure, like that doesn't sound ominous at all", Stan barked. "Kids, get behind me. I thought there was something creepy about him right from the start. There's no way that three-sided psycho would give him special treatment unless he got something from him in return. So you're… you're part of his gang now, is that it?"
"That is not it. These kinds of absurd, hot-headed accusations are exactly what I asked you to abstain from. Look, Stanley…" Ford sighed. "A rescue mission, paranoia, all this fear and panic… Don't you think this is all a little blown out of proportion?"
Stanley shook his head slowly as if unable to believe what he'd just heard. "Blown out of proportion?" He said in a low tone. "Okay, let me get this straight… We're talking about the apocalypse here, right? The literal end of the world? What part of people are fighting for their lives do you fail to understand? You have no idea how bad it's gotten down below!"
"Stanley, please." Ford gestured towards the window in the shape of an eye behind him. "I've watched it all happen from up here, and I can assure you there have been no fatalities in the course of Weirdmageddon. Things like mild injuries, property damage and a lack of modern conveniences are completely insignificant in the endgame."
"Grunkle Ford, Bill trapped me into a bubble of lies and almost made me forget about my family and friends", Mabel said quietly. "Are you saying that was insignificant?"
"I was chased, attacked and almost eaten by a number of monsters after you were captured", Dipper joined in. "I… I really could've died out there. Without Wendy's help and a streak of luck, I wouldn't be standing here right now."
Ford's calm expression didn't waver. "Mabel, your bubble was filled to the brim with your hopes and dreams, was it not? Did you not find it enjoyable while it lasted? And keep in mind that your twin brother did find you and helped you break out of both the bubble and your inner insecurities in the end. If anything, you should be grateful for this learning experience. A mere visit to one's dream land is a privilege not many have been granted."
A quiet sniff made its way out of Mabel's throat as she averted her eyes from her great uncle. The look on Stan's face was now a bitter mixture of pure shock and anger. "Brother, don't do this."
"As for you, Dipper", Ford continued with an edge in his tone of voice as if he wanted to drown Stan's words of warning under his, "you may be too young to understand this, but if there is one thing I learned from my thirty years of travels across the Multiverse, it is the futility of speculation over past events. There is no use in wondering what could've happened had certain incidents taken a different course. What matters is this timeline, and whether we are wise enough to accept our fate in the greater scheme of things. You survived, Dipper. That is also fate."
Stan's hands were clenched into fists. "The kid went without food for two days, for god's sake!" he shouted. "Is that also why you refuse to thank me for bringing you back? Because of some stupid fate?"
Ford nodded curtly. "Yes, exactly. I am sorry, Stanley, but I have no sense of gratitude for the sacrifices you have made for my sake, as it was always going to be this way."
"You –"
"There are countless timelines where you lived your life independently", Ford continued over him, "free of care for my safety after I was hurled into the portal. This is not one of those timelines. I returned, while many a Stanford Pines is still wandering across the Multiverse. I don't consider myself any more fortunate than my counterparts. I simply have come to terms with my own place... and so should you."
"I don't care about your nerdy mumbo jumbo!" Stan yelled, swinging his fists around. "What's gotten into you, Poindexter? Where's my brother and what did you do to him? You know, the one who actually had a brain in his head? I'm starting to buy into that possession thing the kids were talking about! Are you even there?"
For the first time in a while, Ford smiled. "Yes, I am here. Perhaps more than ever before."
Before Stan could answer, Dipper cleared his throat and looked up to his grand uncle with unsure, yet tenacious eyes. "Great uncle Ford, do you remember what you told me when Weirdmageddon began? About being a hero?"
"Well, that was… I must admit I was mistaken. I was yet to fully understand our new circumstances." Ford folded his hands behind his back and looked Dipper straight in the eyes with the kind of parental gentleness he'd always been happy to advise the boy with – one that was in stark contrast with the cold sublimity of his voice. "Dipper, there are times the world doesn't need a hero. Sometimes what it needs… is a monster."
Dipper's eyes widened. He took a step back. "You are not him", he said quietly. "You're not our grunkle. No way."
"That's what I've been trying to tell you", Stan grunted. His face seemed frozen with shock. "Didn't think I'd need a damn exorcist to get my brother back on top of all that portal nonsense. Ugh, we don't have time for this. Let's knock him out and leave, he'll just have to pay for my back surgery for carrying him afterwards –"
"Please, let me explain myself", Ford said, raising his hands up in a calming manner. For the first time, he seemed slightly alarmed. "There is no need for hasty actions you would only regret later. We have all the time we need."
"No, we don't", Stan snapped. "I've heard more than enough of your –"
"Wait, Grunkle Stan." Mabel, who had followed the heated conversation quietly with a half of her face hidden in her sweater, had let go of Stan's hand and was now staring at Ford with her arms folded into a tight bunch. Her eyes were fierce and ablaze with something Ford had never seen them reflect before: betrayal. "If he thinks everything we've done to survive has been futile, he'd better have a good reason for it. Let him talk. Get it all out. That's what mom always says."
"Huh. Guess your mom's a better person than me", Stan said with a cocked eyebrow.
"Mom might be", Dipper put in. "But Mabel's interpretation includes writing every word down on glittery paper and then feeding it to the perpetrator." He rubbed his stomach. "Pretty sure I got poisoned last time that happened."
Mabel flashed a foreboding grin. "We can do that too later, if it gets bad enough."
"Heh, now that I can roll with." Stan reached to ruffle the kids' hair. "All right, Sixer, if you still wanna explain, you'd better be prepared to literally eat your words."
Ford couldn't help but smile a little. "Very well. Thank you for letting me speak, Mabel. Although I do have to correct you on one particular word you chose to use: 'futile'. My faith in the people of Gravity Falls and our family is unwavering, and I've no doubt that if we combined our strengths in opposition, we would find a way to end Weirdmageddon before it even started. I'm not saying the fight is futile. I'm saying it is completely unnecessary." Again, he turned to face the window. "Now… I understand why this situation may appear alarming to you."
"No kidding", Stan put in and was hushed by Mabel.
"I also don't expect you to see it the way I do", Ford continued. "I traveled across different dimensions and timelines for thirty years. I witnessed several of them fall. Seeing an entire universe collapse – one that is almost identical to that in your own dimension, with but a mere few causal differences – it is a life-changing experience. It forces you to rethink your worldview." He was quiet for a moment, gazing into the sea of flames beneath him. "Dipper, are you familiar with the primary clause of the evolutionary theory?"
Dipper hesitated; it was obvious he wasn't willing to participate in whatever Ford's monologue was building up to. "Uh… do you mean natural selection? Survival of the fittest? Except that our teacher told us it's –"
"– false. Precisely. Or rather, widely misinterpreted by the modern era. The more appropriate wording would be 'survival of the most adaptable'. Successful are the individuals with the most readiness to deal with change. Years, decades of study and circumspection have led me to believe that the same law applies to dimensions. Furthermore…" Ford began pacing around with slow, steady steps.
"Jheselbraum's third law. I am quite certain they don't teach you about this one at school, Dipper", he said and gave a brief smile to Dipper, who still couldn't decide whether to appear interested or indifferent. "It is advanced study of superphysics pertaining to interdimensional balance. Very few creatures in the Multiverse are long-lived and perceptive enough to study and record these laws. I was fortunate enough to meet Jheselbraum herself soon after I stumbled into the Multiverse… She is as great a benefactor as she is a scientist."
"With even the slightest movement of every single molecule in every possible universe, countless new universes are born. Was it not for the immediate or eventual destruction of those with an unstable causal foundation, the fabric of spacetime would've been torn to pieces and shattered at the very beginning of time itself. Jheselbraum's third law defines this natural selection of timelines. But this theory is still far from complete. As of yet, no one has proposed a fourth law that would name the definitive property that renders a dimension stable enough to survive. No one… except for myself."
"Am I the only one here who hasn't understood a single word for a while now?" Stan snarled. "Get to the point, you big nerd."
"That is the point, Stanley", Ford snapped back at him and swung his arm towards the window in a fit of impatience. "Look! Gravity Falls has changed. Our planet, our world, our entire dimension is about to change. Why fight it? Even when Bill eventually takes Weirdmageddon to other dimensions, this one, where it all started, will stand stronger above all else! Ours will be the first universe to learn to operate with no rules to speak of! Out of every single dimension out there and yet to be, we have the highest, virtually unchallenged success rate! Can't you see? We were given an advantage, and it would be utter foolishness to not make use of it!"
"Great uncle Ford!" Dipper yelped, blushing as his voice cracked worse than probably ever before. "Look, I… I get what you're saying, I really do. But this is Bill Cipher we're talking about! He doesn't care about this or any other dimension! He's out to destroy everything he gets his hands on! Can you really trust the fate of the entire Multiverse to someone like him?"
"Dipper, my dear boy", Ford said, now sounding almost feverish in his zeal. "This isn't about some naïve, short-sighted concepts like trust that humanity has created to keep their social structure together. I speak of truth, science and hard facts! This is far beyond normal human comprehension! Bill, on the other hand, is an all-knowing, all-seeing creature. He, who has seen even the most unlikely outcomes of our fates intertwined in time. He, who appreciates even the worlds that do not fit the mold of acceptability. He, who does not discriminate between stable and unstable timelines! Who are we to question his judgment? Yes, some of his antics may seem childish, but what prodigy would not be fascinated by the strangeness of limitless freedom?"
"A prodigy?" Stan repeated, his voice hoarse with disbelief. "Have you lost your mind? He's a homicidal maniac, not some… god or genius or whatever you're making him out to be!"
"Snap out of it, Grunkle Ford!" Mabel joined in, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. "This isn't right! If this goes on, people are really going to die!"
"Nonsense! Bill doesn't care about destroying individual human lives!" Ford raged on, no longer bothering with the volume of his voice echoing all around them. "Any casualties that his reign might result in would surely be restored in the end! And be that as it may, there's – there's something even more than that, something that renders violence and death virtually impossible in our realm! The hidden truth that would put an end to this whole ludicrous debate! But I'm not sure if I'm allowed to…" He ran a hand through his hair, suddenly very distressed. "It was an aspect to our world he confided to me alone, not to be shared with others… I –"
THWAP.
Ford would've fallen on his back from the force of the strike that hit his face if Stan hadn't grabbed him by the collar and dragged him right back up.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Stan roared and tightened his grip on Ford's sweater. "Sorry, sweetie, but I'm backing up from the plan to feed him glitter! What this guy needs is a serious beatdown! When – will you –" he grabbed his brother's arm as he struggled to free himself and twisted it forcefully behind his back, "– learn –" as he tried to tackle him, they both fell over and continued their scuffle on the floor while the kids watched in shock, " – that you're not any more special than the rest of us?"
There was an audible crunch as Ford's glasses cracked and snapped in half against the floor. "St–"
"WHEN WILL YOU BREAK OUT OF YOUR DELUSIONS?"
Ford opened his eyes with a short gasp.
His… his glasses were still in one piece, and he was not lying face down on the floor of the Fearamid with Stan on top of him holding him still. He no longer felt the throbbing pain from the punch the left side of his face had received. He drew a deep breath, taking in the sight, smell and noise of the old musty diner he was sitting in. He could hear Stan arguing with the waitress at the counter.
Focusing on the familiar sound of his brother's voice for a little while, Ford eventually relaxed in his seat and sighed. It had been several years since this particular side effect of having a metal plate made of unknown alien materials installed in his head had resurfaced. It may have protected him from external interference all these years, but the internal kind had only strengthened and turned into unprecedented psychological quirks. Sometimes when he spaced out for a longer while, his wandering thoughts would take the form of fake memories, resulting in an incredibly vivid trip to places and events that had never been, and never would be.
His first such experiences had been frightening for more reasons than just their uncanny lucidity. What if his imaginations were creating new timelines according to what he'd seen? This fear had passed once Jheselbraum had taught him the second law of her theory: imaginable does not equal possible. Timelines were born out of the whims of causality, not by mere chance.
…Bill… was going to change that, and every other law of interdimensional balance. Let a bajillion flowers bloom, even those that grow a little shonky! Give those beautifully distorted brainchildren a chance to show what they're made of. Who gives a damn about stability? Balance, schmalance! If the fabric of time can't handle dimensions that aren't all nice and tidy and flawless, well, that's on the weavers who made the fabric so weak in the first place! I'm sure you get my gist, Sixfingers!
That much Ford couldn't deny. He really did get where Bill was coming from. He, too, was fascinated by the idea of a system that would allow every imaginable scenario to exist. That… would be true freedom.
Wasn't that what his vision had been about? The things he'd heard himself say sent shivers of self-disgust crawling down his back, and what made it worse was he couldn't completely deny them. Without a doubt, there was a small part of him that was still just as delusional of his own worth than his envisioned self. In the past that had been the only force that would drive him forward on his quest to destroy Bill Cipher. I'm the only one who can do this.
He glanced over at Stanley and smiled in a way that was as bitter as it was gentle. He'd probably still be lost in that arrogant sense of grandeur without Stanley. Perhaps he did deserve that punch in the face… even if it didn't actually happen.
Real or not, his brother's earlier words had hit the nail on the head. Bill was no god nor a genius. He was a monster, nothing more – a monster who couldn't understand the limits of humanity. Leading Ford to believe he could reach beyond the intellectual boundaries of his kind was nothing but cruel manipulation to enslave his mind with. Nothing more.
…Nothing more.
But as they left the diner and headed for the little port where Stan O'War II was waiting, he realized something wouldn't leave him alone. His last words before the vision had come to an end. The truth Bill had shown him… He stopped still as he felt the reality fade away around him. This wasn't another vision. This was a memory from the time of his captivity in the Fearamid's penthouse.
"Your three-dimensional form does not impress me, Cipher. "
"Three-dimensional? Oh, you think this is 3D? You haven 't even seen 3D, buddy! "
He gulped. Out of everything Bill had ever put him through, this is the part he didn't want to remember.
"What do you mean? Of course I have! Our dimension has depth as well as width –"
"Pffft, save me the inept math lesson! Tell me, Fordsy, why do you think we have outlines? "
"What on Earth are you talking about? Why wouldn 't we? Every object has outlines, so that …"
"…the colors wouldn 't leak out, is that it? Hahaha, that 's priceless! Next question: why is there a background music to almost everything we do? "
"Why, it 's … really quite natural to have music in the background, isn 't it? …But where does it come from? I cannot believe I 've never thought of this before …"
"Oho, you really have no idea, do you? Well, since we 'll be in this together sooner or later, how about I dazzle you with a first-hand view of the ultimate truth? For your eyes only – not that anyone would believe you if they told them, anyway! Get ready to meet your maker, haha, quite literally! "
"ARGH! My eyes! …Wha – Bill, what … is this? "
His imagination was no longer able to grasp what he'd witnessed at that time; he could only remember how his very senses had felt foreign at the distorted messages they were sending to his brain. Blurred, lumpy figures that seemed too fast for his eyes to follow. Too much light – too many shadows – too much distance! He'd never seen this kind of distance in his life. Everything seemed either too close or too far away. Shapes and features that were familiar, but still utterly wrong. Strange muttering and echoes that made the creatures' words obscure to the ear… Noise, so much noise everywhere…
"Are – are they humans? What is this hellish sight? This cannot be! "
"Real world, Stanford Pines, real 3D! This is where all the magic happens! See the bearded babyface right there, the one that clearly thinks backwoods is the new black? That 's our guy! From his doodles we were born, and by 'we ' I mean everyone you know! Too bad he doesn 't seem very talkative at the moment, haha, you 'd be surprised! It 's Hirsch-terical! "
"I don't... understand…"
"Don 't worry, it 'll all come together soon! Now take a look at what he 's busying himself with! See that, the one on the left? Looks familiar, doesn 't it? "
"That 's … dear lord, that 's me! And there 's the Mystery Shack, the kids, Stanley, this is … Bill, are you saying …"
"Ever wondered why cartoons never seemed very cartoony in your world? Well, now you know! A little hard to tell the difference if you 're in one yourself, hahaha! Oh boy, you should see the look on your face – oh, never mind, you do see it, right there on the paper! "
"I … I cannot believe this …"
"In other words, the second these peeps decide to wrap this project up – which should be within an hour from now, what with this being the dramatic series finale and all – that 'll be it, finito, the end, past tense, goodbye! There 's no way to know what will happen to good old Gravity Falls after the credits roll! In any case, I 'd say we better not just leave it at that, don 't you agree? "
"I, I don 't agree with you on anything! You 're just trying to cloud my judgment and common sense! This is just another game of yours, but I will not fall for it. Now take me out of this nightmarish place right this instant! "
"Fair enough, pal! Just remember there 's no guarantee that anything exists outside the moment you 're living after these guys are done with you! It 's just an animated frame, after all! Whoo, talk about an existential brainteaser! Hahahaha! "
Ford stared into the horizon that, as always, ended abruptly on both sides of his field of vision, and shivered in the evening breeze. He had refused to think about it for so long; he had a feeling that if he questioned this reality any further, it would fall apart before his very eyes. Yet he was sure what Bill had shown him was indeed the truth.
If their world had been "wrapped up" long ago as Bill had put it, why were they still able to live in it?
Sometimes what the world needs is a monster. But what was a monster?
Perhaps they were the monsters. Those people on the other side.
It wasn't until he saw Mabel and Dipper waving from the laptop screen they had on the Stan O'War II that he finally felt his unease dissolve into something more serene. He could handle an entire universe of monsters… as long as those beaming smiles were still there.
