Disclaimer: Yeah, last I checked, I didn't own Matt or L.

A/N: This is a stand-alone story that doesn't fit in well with my other stories. It takes place during the whole Kira blowup.


No matter what I say to you, you will always be important to me. You hold a position that the others will never know.

Matt smiled as he ran the words through his mind again and again, picturing just how L had said it. The inflection, the way his lips had moved, the way his eyes had sparkled slightly.

Matt knew he wasn't as good as Near or Mello. He knew he never would be. Call it low self-esteem, it was still fact. He had come to accept even if he would never be good enough for L's succesor, L still wanted him around. He had told him he had a different position. A different role to play. Matt had often wondered just what that was. Sometimes it felt like all he was good for was a slave. Or a punching bag for Mello. Or a specimen for Near to study. Or someone for L to laugh at when he failed his exams.

Matt stared up at the ceiling, blowing out a puff of smoke. He knew it wasn't just what had been said. It was what happened after that really ingrained itself in his mind. And it told Matt exactly what this 'position' of his was.

L had felt so different from anyone else. His skin was soft, pale and unblemished. He was strong, but gentle. So careful. His hair was crisp, firm and perfect for grasping. Matt had never thought he'd have the oppurtunity to do so, but that day, he'd taken a fistful of the raven locks and held on contentedly as L whispered in his ear, "You're right, Matt. You're not cut out to be my successor. If you were, we would never be here, like this, now."

Matt was glad, then, that he wasn't right for the job Near and Mello strived for. He was thankful that he got to follow a different path. He wasn't L's successor. But he was L's equal - at least he had been, that day in his room, being held in L's strong grasp.

"You can take me or leave me, Mail Jeevas." L had told him quietly, gently. "I will always think of you the same, whether or not you want this."

Matt had smiled, glad to know he was safe. Even if he didn't want this kind of attention from L, the detective had promised him that he wouldn't discard him. He would treat him the same as he always had, if a little more carefully.

"Whatever you want is what I do." Matt had said. He didn't mean it weakly. He didn't say it out of submission. He truly had wanted L to have his way, at that moment, as a sort of 'thank you' for acknowledging him. For loving him.

L had looked down at him with those large, warm eyes an smiled a little. "Does it frighten you?"

"No." Matt had answered, his voice stiff.

"Do you think I'm a pedo?" his lips were twitching slightly as he hid a smile.

Matt just laughed, leaning into L farther. "If I did, do you think I'd be sitting so calmly?"

"I don't know." L openly smiled now. "Sometimes it's hard to tell. You are very good at hiding your fears."

Matt found this statement pleasant. It was as close to praise as he'd gotten from L in a while. "You're not a pedo. I'm almost eighteen."

"You're still a minor."

"Who cares?"

L chuckled and Matt grinned, hearing the deep, cat-like purring rumble in his chest. He removed his head from L's chest and looked up at him. "I must admit though, I never thought I'd be sitting on your lap at this age."

L nodded. "And I never thought I'd sit in such a way it would be possible for someone to sit on my lap."

They both laughed at this. It felt so normal. So comfortable. L was poking fun at himself. That made Matt feel safe. Like, for once, he wasn't the victim. "Am I heavy?" he asked, smirking.

"How am I supposed to answer that?" L purred again. "You're not one of those people who's overly sensative about their weight, are you? Isn't that a bit of a girl thing?"

"Just answer the question." Matt commanded. He didn't really care what L answered, he just liked to tease him.

"No, you're light. I don't know how you do it, considering how much sitting around you do."

"You should talk."

Again, that quickly familiar-growing purr errupted, starting deep in L's chest and Matt let out a satisfied sigh. He had never felt so safe.


-waves free-hug-from-L-sign in face- Review?

Ps, Matt IS as good, in fact, BETTER than Near and Mello. D: He just has been shoved down so many times his self-esteem is ruined and he thinks he's useless. Poor little guy. 3