THE CHRONICLES OF THE EVIL-MUTANT ALBINO FERRET AND THE PRESBYOPIC BEAVER

"Ouch!"

"Why didn't you make that a bit louder? I'm not sure all of Britain heard you."

"Shut the hell up, Malfoy!"

"I usually have no problem in shutting up, but when I have such pleasurable company? Not a chance in hell I'm shutting up."

"Do you need to make this more difficult than it already is?"

"Difficult? Why is this difficult? We're just two people helping a mutual friend move into his new home. How is that rocket science?"

"Oh my god! Draco Malfoy just used a muggle reference! What has this world come to? Very soon we're gonna have lizards growing on apple trees and potatoes falling from the sky."

"Was that supposed to be funny? If it was, you're going to have to slightly improve your sense of humour. I don't think anybody found that funny."

"Unfortunately, there's no one here but you."

"Yes, those lucky bastards got away from the presbyopic beaver in time."

"And here we go again. How many times do I have to tell you that I am NOT presbyopic. It's theoretically impossible for me to be presbyopic! I'm twenty-one for Christ's sake! I might be suffering from a bit of far-sightedness, but that's not the point! The point is that I am sick of you trying to rub in the fact that you're now a good friend of Harry and Ron! I'm just sick of it. You make me nauseous. Everything about you disgusts me. Have you seen your hair? It's so damn white. Such white looks unnatural on a guy in his twenties! You're…you're like this annoying albino git. You're an evil-mutant albino ferret! So don't even dare comm –"

"That's a really original insult you threw at me, Granger. Now why don't I surprise you with something from my special Granger dictionary? If I'm the evil-mutant albino ferret, as you so eloquently put it, then you're a presbyopic beaver."

"Oh god, Malfoy! I am not presbyopic! You know what? I'm going to prove that to you right now. I will-"

"Yes, all that's fine and dandy, but could you please pass me that carton on your left? It says crockery."

"Oh. Sure. Wait a second, I just….um, let me just….. crockery right? I – Here! Got it."

"And you say you're not presbyopic?'

"I…oh, you foul git! Fine! I do have a bit of an eyesight problem, but it's not the end of the world! Your best friend is nearly blind. He's had glasses practically since he was born, and I don't see how that's affected him adversely. I just have hyperopia. Not, as you call it, presbyopia. Old people suffer from presbyopia! It's the same condition, but there is a huge age difference."

"And have you seen the way you talk, dress, and behave, Granger? Ask any person who doesn't know you personally, and they'd all think that you're a woman in her forties who has miraculously evaded wrinkles. You have a stick lodged deep in your arse, Granger. And sadly, I don't see it coming out anytime soon."

"Then what do you suggest I do to get said stick out? If I have a stick lodged in my arse, that is. "

'I don't know. Something daring, I guess. Something un-Grangerish. Something that makes your toes curl. Something that scares you. Something that – oophh…. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL GRANGER?! I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO KISS ME! EW! NOW I HAVE YOUR GERMS ALL OVER!"

"I'm sorry, but you said to do something that scared me. Made my toes curl. Was all I could think of at that moment."

After a while –

"Are you going to keep quiet for the rest of the day, Malfoy?"

"I knew you liked me."

"Shut up."

"Beaver."

"Ferret."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-

A/N - This was just a little one-shot from something that randomly popped into my head one day. Hope you liked it.