Smokin'
Do we condone smoking? Is it bad for you? Well, we could provide you wtih some hard evidence to back up or refute this, but you're obviously too smart to need that kind of stuff. However, we at the Company will point out that our latest brand of cigarettes is good for at least one thing-unity. Whatever your gender, occupation or level of intelligence, light one of these up, and others will join you.
Humans are a social, intelligent species. It's what makes us special.
Think about it-standing in the streets of Earth in the cold, wising you were hitching a ride to one of our terraformed Edens rather than to work. As miserable as you are, those with Yutani's Finest are having a grand old time. Within a few feet of you, a grizzled CMC veteran and a college student attending one of our universities. What else could bring two such different people together but one of our products? Laughing together like old friends while you're without any. Still holding on to antiquiated beliefs, such as the notion that the state can provide government, you refuse to join in the fun.
Perhaps you're worried about the health issues. Perhaps you've listened to lower-tier corporate propaganda designed to slander our good reputation. Well, what about coffee? That's a drug too isn't it? So why not sample tobacco alongside caffeine, coming straight from the verdent fields of South America, where our rational and enlightened organization has turned a backwater of the United Americas into Earth's primary aggrarian region.
Besides, smoking makes you look cool when standing on the corpse of a xenomorph. Just saying.
A/N
The idea for this came from a smoking 'ad' in a uni magazine, one of those rare things that's humorous whether it's read figuratively or literally. Of course, in the Aliens/Predator universe, the Company's interpretation is the only one that matters...
