CHAPTER 1
Do you think the path you've chosen won't bring you pain? There'll be pain and you won't be the only one to suffer.
After so many years since hearing those words from his late mother in an hallucination induced by a highly dangerous drug, Lex Luthor was rather pissed off to discover he still remembered them, although not precisely – a fact which unnerved him even more, because he wasn't used to having his memory failing him when it came to details, regardless of how unimportant they were.
After all the time and effort he had spent in the past to erase that whole episode from his subconscious, rationalizing it as a projection of his deeper fears and insecurities, it was quite ironic to find his mind drifting back to those faded, haunting lines.
All his life, he had wished to be a believer but the scientist in him had always prevailed, cajoling him to substitute faith with a most accessible control. He had matured the conviction that, even if any deity or greater power existed, it had never deigned to listen to his prayers or to bring him comfort, so its existence made hardly any concrete difference.
Lex liked to think of himself as a practical man, even if he had never managed to completely dominate that part of him which had remained a romantic at heart.
Since his rebellious adolescence and his reckless experimenting with recreational drugs – he had learnt far too soon he was able to tolerate higher dosages than average and metabolize them faster- there had often been strange dreams he could barely remember but which had left him restless. To this day, he seemed prone to receive inspirational speeches from his mother, Duncan, his father or even Grant Gabriel and a sociopath version of himself whenever his life was endangered… but the visions which haunted his sleep at night were the very same he pushed out of his mind by daylight, categorizing them as a peculiar side-effect of long-term neurological damage due to a meteor infection.
You were right, mom.
He could no longer deny it or rationalize it. He had made the wrong choice, it didn't matter how he looked at it. Even if it had turned out to be a false trail in the end, he should have tried to chase the mirage of happiness a Christmas Eve's dream had promised him so long ago.
If he had truly found Lana's sincere love just to lose her while she gave birth to their daughter, it would have been a crippling tragedy, but he would have survived it, finding comfort in the certainty he had offered her a poor but happy life. He would have eventually found peace in raising their children and then, maybe, he would have been happy again.
But back in those days, Lex had been too young to realize that there are worse things than not having enough power to preserve his wife's life.
Today there was an older man staring at the fireplace of his study- a circular, large room at his Metropolis mansion.
He had been naïve to think he could have it all. He had been stupidly self-complacent when he had held for the first time a grey-eyed newborn in his arms… Alexander Julian Luthor. His Alex.
The vivid memory of a light weight being placed in his arms by a brightly smiling nurse in a expensive private clinic dried his throat and Lex felt a sudden, imperious necessity to pour himself a scotch. He didn't try to resist the impulse.
Apparently, he had truly gotten it all: he had married Lana twice and she had given him two amazing children. Except his marriage was an endless struggle for power largely based on mutual aggression and manipulation, a fact he hadn't minded until Alex had died two years ago.
That death was a blow so unexpected, so unnatural (no parent should have being forced to outlive his child, he mused) that Lex couldn't imagine ever recovering from it. There were cloned spare bodies for every member of his little family in the 33.1 laboratories for emergencies like that one, but Alex hadn't had the chance to benefit from his father's compulsive prudence. His boy had just fallen victim to a parasite coming from another dimension which the Justice League had –perhaps accidentally, perhaps not- put on the Luthorcorp path and his body had decomposed before lobotomy could ensure his survival.
Alex's absence was an angry ache which constantly burned inside Lex until it peaked into sharply painful moments when he was almost unable to breathe.
Nothing, losing Lana included, could have crippled him so completely because -even if Lex Luthor couldn't say he was a moral or a decent human being, even when he hadn´t exactly been a perfect husband- he had always been a good father, ready to protect his children from any danger, willing to give them all the time and the approval Lionel had once denied him.
He had been a good father.
But if all his wealth couldn't buy Lana's pure happiness or their daughter's serenity, if all his power hadn't guaranteed his son's safety, it had been all for nothing.
Every supposedly evil deed he had done, every law he had violated, every moral principle he had gotten past … they were all useless because he couldn't stop life from taking its course. He could hate Superman and his league of amateur vigilantes, but it wouldn't change the uselessly self-destructive path he had chosen to follow.
He could see it so clearly now, but it was too late. Backtracking from the darkness which permeated his world would just endanger his family and himself further.
Even if it had meant eternal damnation to him, Lex hoped there was a god somewhere. To welcome Alex up there , to keep his boy tucked in some safe and happy place.
" You should really stop trying to do your liver a seven years' damage in one night. "
There were only two people who dared to enter his study without knocking. Lex turned away from the fire, slightly smiling, to see a fourteen girl on the threshold.
Lucine Luthor was just as old now as her brother had been when he died. She had Lana's eyes and nose but the rest of her features–from her long red hair to her mouth and complexion-hadbeen clearly inherited from her grandmother Lillian.
She was scrunching up her nose in the same way he had seen Lana do so often but the grin on her face was entirely Luthor-like.
"It's not like I can actually get cancer. "
He answered her quietly because of his two children only Lucine had inherited his mutation and every cursed gift which went with it: a fast metabolism, wounds and scrapes that healed at an abnormal speed without leaving any scars, an immune system revved up enough to steer away any Earthly ailment. If Alex had been as lucky he would have probably survived. Lex had been unable to exclude the possibility that a part of Lana blamed their daughter for that.
Lucine swayed gracefully to reach her father; her poise and elegance distinguishing her from other teens who, unlike her, hadn't spent most of their life under the intense scrutiny of the media. There wasn't a single awkward or gawky cell in this little princess; she had always been quiet, attentive and self-assured, sure of her right to get from anyone the same proud adoration she received from her parents. Alex had been more hyperactive as a child, more hot-headed and less tolerant of the constraints their social position imposed on their family as an adolescent.
"How do I look?"
Lucine was wearing an empire-style evening dress in shades of blue and pink with a multicolor beaded bodice, a chiffon blue shawl covering her shoulders. Swirling on her tiptoes, she beamed at her father, impishly asking for praise with an excitement which amused him.
"Like the princess of those snowy fairy tales."
He teased her, referring to a fairy tale she had loved so much until not so long ago. As a father, he could at least be grateful she was still holding onto her childhood in some respects, even while the life they led had forced her to mature more precociously than others.
"Not their queen?"
"I think you will have to wait a few years for that. You know, you have to work on your commanding tones. "
Rising from his armchair, Lex offered his arm to her, smirking a little because her good mood was making him feel better about the present festivities.
"Is Mom still not coming?"
The question sounded somewhat shy but it was rhetorical in essence. Lex pretended to pick some imaginary bits of fluff off the black dinner jacket so as not to cringe. He and Lana had been giving each other the cold shoulder since their latest spat at the beginning of that week. How do you explain to your daughter that you can barely stand to look at her mother? That she feels the same but you are mostly irritated because she's refusing to accompany you and her to the Christmas Eve's party held by Baroness Paula von Gunther ?
"She has a headache."
The
excuse was poor and Lex knew it, but putting too much effort in lying
to Lucine would have been fruitless. Lana wasn't exactly making an
effort to hide how unfair she thought it was to celebrate Christmas
without Alex.
His daughter didn't comment over his faux pas but
simply leaned her head on his shoulder, her smile unwaveringly
bright.
"We shall have to try to have fun without her then. "
Her voice was a bit too bright, and Lex couldn't avoid noticing it pitched higher over her last words; he now resented his absentee wife for that.
