This is a request I got via Tumblr for a drabble featuring Toma/Heroine. This is The Heroine's August 1st confession if she never lost her memories and met Orion.
August 1st
She had asked that I meet at her apartment in 30 minutes. She said she wanted to talk to me about something important and I could tell without needing to see her face that she was blushing. It was in the way she kept stumbling over her words and how her voice kept rising sporadically in pitch like it always did when she was feeling nervous.
So what had her so worked up?
Is this about Ikki?
I couldn't help clenching my jaw as I thought of the other man. I've been seeing the two of them together a lot lately. They were always sneaking off from work to whisper to each other in a secluded corner of the cafe, or huddling in the empty back alley. And the way she would giggle at some of the things he'd whisper in her ear.
I knew she'd eventually start dating a guy that wasn't me…but why did it have to be him? He'd just use her and toss her away after a few months like he's done with every other girl he's dated.
I turned onto her street and could see that she was already waiting outside her apartment. The breeze lightly teased her hair and the skirt of her dress as she gazed up at a cloud she seemed particularly interested in. She really was a beautiful girl.
Seemingly losing interest in her cloud, she lowered her gaze and noticed my approach.
"Toma!" Startled, her eyes grew wide as she saw me.
"Hey!" I smiled at her. "It's not like I'm that early, how come you seem so surprised to see me?"
"Oh, um…I was just lost in thought I guess." Letting out a sigh, she smiled up at me. "Thank you for coming."
"Of course! Anytime. What was it you needed to talk to me about?"
The smile suddenly melted from her face and she grew serious.
"Well that's…I uh…"
Yes, she was definitely nervous about something. Smiling gently at her, I softly placed my hand on the top of her head. This was something I had always done to comfort her, ever since we were little. It felt like the natural thing to do.
"It's okay. You can tell me anything. I'm always ready to listen to my little sister."
I could feel her stiffen under my hand, and her head abruptly snapped up to meet my gaze. Her eyes were hard, looking serious and determined. No trace of the earlier shyness.
"Toma…I'm not your little sister."
Well that was unexpected! I was well aware of the fact we weren't related, that would make my feelings for her even more wrong then they already were, but I had always thought she liked thinking of me as her big brother.
"Well, no…but you know I've always considered you—"
"No, Toma! I mean I don't want to be thought of as a little sister to you! Not anymore."
Her words stung. Had she found out how I felt about her? I try so hard to bury those feelings so they don't show, but had I slipped up somewhere? Did I do something to make her feel uncomfortable around me? I'm such an idiot! I've completely betrayed her trust by having feelings for her that I had no right to have.
"What's wrong? This isn't like you." Maybe I could fix this. Maybe I could play it off like whatever I did was just a misunderstanding.
She looked down at the ground and some of her hair fell to hide her face. I heard her mumble something, but I couldn't understand.
"What was that?" I asked, bracing myself.
She looked back up and met my eyes. Her face was red and I noticed, with a pang in my chest, that her eyes were tearing up.
"I said I like you!"
No. No of course she doesn't mean it like that. I was just twisting her words to hear what I wanted to hear.
I gave a nervous chuckle. "You should watch how you say that to a guy. They could get the wrong idea. Luckily it's just me this time so I know you don't mean it like that."
"But…that is how I mean it. I like you Toma. Not as a big brother or as a friend. I mean I…love you."
This is a dream. I'm dreaming. There's no way she's confessing to me after all this time. After so many years of repressing my feelings because I know I'm not good enough to be her boyfriend.
But wanting to be so, so badly.
"What about Ikki?" I asked.
She blinked at me in confusion. "What about Ikki?"
"You like him don't you? You're always sneaking around, meeting up with him in private, not to mention his little fan club is all up-in-arms about you two."
"I only ever met up with Ikki to get advice about you. He has experience with girls confessing to him so I figured he'd have some tips for me."
The reason she was meeting up with Ikki was about me all along? The realization that she actually returned my feelings crashed down on me and I felt dizzy. I wanted to grab her and kiss her. To lift her up in my arms and spin her around in pure joy.
But I couldn't.
I had no right to be allowed to love her.
Maybe she's never seen that side of me, because I try so hard to hide it, but there's a side of me – a dark side, buried deep – that scares even me sometimes. If I became her boyfriend, could I really keep that from interfering with our relationship?
"You shouldn't want to be with me. I'm not a great guy. I'm selfish and cowardly. I could become possessive of you." I tried to warn her.
"I've known you my whole life. You've always been so sweet and kind to me, and always kept me safe. These feelings have been here for a long time now, since we were kids and I know you're the man I want to be with."
I sighed, despite the feeling of my heart leaping happily in my chest. I'm weak. I always have been when it comes to her.
Reaching out, I took her hand and pulled her closer to me, leaning down until our foreheads touched.
"This is a mistake. But I've wanted this for so long. I love you, and I'm too selfish to be able to turn you away when you're confessing to me like this."
"Toma…I want us to be together."
"Yes." With our foreheads still together, I looked into her eyes and smiled. "I want that too."
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