Mutely Timid
This fic is not written entirely by me. I am writing it with the wonderfully talented Ice Princess Xia, aka Sam ^_^. Hope you like this fic!
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How can you tell someone you love them when the only means of communication are notes? I've known him all my life, before and after my soul was ripped from my body by that stupid illness. He has always been my best friend and then some but he's too shy to admit it and I'm unable to tell him myself. I love him and that's all that matters to me but this damn complication is ruining my life! Duo understands when I 'talk' to him about all this because he can see it too.
But Duo doesn't have the same problem I do. He can talk, and he uses this ability to its full extent at all times. He almost never stops talking, and sometimes I'm envious of him and his ability to converse with others normally. But it's also his talking that makes me feel good at the same time. He relays messages for me to people and, even though I know he doesn't like lying, he says I'm just shy and don't like talking around people. And he can always tell what's on my mind, whether it's a positive emotion or negative doubt.
When I first lost my voice, I was so scared that Duo would stop being my friend. The day before my parents told him, I spent the entire night crying silently on my bed, clutching my pillow to me softly while the tears streamed down my face. But instead of shunning me away, he came over to my house that day and just sat there beside me on my bed, hugging me to his chest and telling me it would be alright in the end, and that it wasn't the end until everything was okay. Now Duo isn't just my best friend. He's more of a brother.
~*~
For a time, I thought I had fallen in love with Duo but that was before I met him. Tall and handsome with soft mahogany colored hair that hung over his face while covering one of his deep olive green eyes. Duo had forced me out of the house and was currently treating me at my favorite resaurant, Denny's. We had gotten our food already, and I watched as Duo inhaled his meal in almost one bite. I picked at mine and made the lame excuse of having to go to the bathroom just to leave the table. Duo nodded to me and pretended to fan himself with the menu; I knew he would order more food while I was gone and force me to eat it, that is just Duo I suppose.
I stood and slowly treaded towards the restroom, looking straight down at my shoes. I didn't notice the person in front of me until we knocked into eachother. Bam! We both stumbled to the ground, taking a few objects with us. I heard a glass shatter and thought of what happened long ago. I was so lost in my memories that I didn't hear the other man talking to me.
"I am so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you okay?" I looked at the fellow kneeling by my side, offering me a hand up. It was him. My mouth hung open at his sheer beauty as I shakily let him help me up. He kept looking at me to answer his questions and at this I lowered my head yet again as tears stung the backs of my eyes. I wouldn't cry.
Instantly, Duo was by my side lying for me again. "I'm sorry, he's just shy around big crowds." He leaned down to look me in the eye and silently ask if I was alright. I nodded to him and raised my head to flash the stranger a fake smile. He smiled hesitantly back at me before nodding his good-byes and leaving. My mind was a swirling mix of heaven and hell at the same time.
.
"You okay, Q-man?" I heard Duo ask me as soon as the tall boy of my dreams left the resturaunt. I didn't hear what he said really, but I nodded just the same and shuffled back to our table. I slid into my seat and motioned as if to sigh, resting my temples on my fists and blinking back tears. Instantly I felt two arms surrounding my shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug. I turned and sobbed without noise into Duo's shoulder. He patted my back. "Want me to talk to him for ya?"
Instantly I shook my head 'no', trying to wipe my tears away. Please don't, Duo.
"Alright... if you really don't want me to." I shook my head again. "Okay..." he looked at his empty plate and then my almost full plate. "Wanna take that home for later?" I nodded. "Mm'kay," Duo called over a waiter over to our table and asked him to pack up the food. Once we had everything we wanted packed away in a take-out bag, he put a dollar down on the table as tip, and we left the resturaunt, my heart heavy with sadness.
* * *
Duo and I returned home to our quaint little dorm. It was small but homely, well, all but Duo's half of the room. He could really be a mess sometimes, but I know that he'll always be there for me no matter what rut we may get each other into.
I couldn't help but glance at Duo's side of the dorm, and if I had my voice and was in a better mood, I would have burst out into hysterical tears of laughter. I can't imagine how he finds anything under the mess of CDs, random magazine cut-outs, t-shirts, pants, books, the occasional misplaced sock, every color of hair-tie for his braid imagineable, and some other miscellenious objects I don't even know what they are. Somehow I'm under the impression he has a bed somewhere, though I have yet to find anything even similar to a bed. My side of the dorm, on the other hand, is more organized, to say the least. I can actually find my socks.
.
I flopped down onto my bed noisily; I make a point of creating as much noise as possible when I'm moody since I am a mute and all. I saw Duo slowly but surely make it to his bed/pile of something or others that he sleeps on and grab a notebook from off his dresser/other pile of something or others he keeps his stuff on. Figuring that he was just studying I lied down fully on my bed and stared at the ceiling; I couldn't stop thinking of him. We only just met really but it feels like so much more is piled up behind the two of us, so much it's as if we love one another. Maybe that's just my ever-hopefull thinking though trying to keep my spirits up when things are down. Things have been down a lot lately.
Duo finshed writing in his notebook and nonchalantly tossed it somewhere on his side of the room. He looked to me as if to check up just as a single tear dropped from my eye. Instantly he was by my side asking me what was wrong and how he could fix it. I wanted to shout out loud and proclaim my love but I only weeped more at the thought that I couldn't, which worried my good friend to no end.
Duo hugged me tight to him and swatted at the tears pouring down my face. I tried to stop myself from crying any more when I saw a flash of sadness tinge Duo's eyes. I shook my head and mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry', sniffing. Raising my hand to my eyes, I wiped at them furiously, angry at myself for crying twice in one night. Sometimes I wonder why Duo doesn't mind me acting like such a baby at times like these. But I'm glad he doesn't mind, that guy's my very best friend. "Hey, Q-man! Idea!" He jerked his thumb back towards his side of the dorm; I felt a smile creep onto my lips as I shook my head, signifying to Duo how to this day I still can't believe how much of a mess one person can make. "Yeah, I know, it's filthy, ain't it?" I nodded, smiling a bit. "Well, I was gonna start cleaning it out tomorrow, but hey! You look like you need to get something off your mind... So wanna start cleaning it tonight?" I shrugged and nodded again, thankful for Duo's mess at this moment in time as we stood, though I nearly fell over again at realizing exactly how much mess he had managed to aquire. He snickered and handed me a box. "Anything that can fit in there, shove it in," We promptly began putting things in boxes I had never noticed up until now, until we had cleared out an actual pathway.
Duo flopped down in a chair and wiped some sweat from underneath his bangs, groaning as he looked at the rest of his side. "Damn, how on earth did I ever let things get this messy?" I shrugged and clapped him lightly on the shoulder; I would have chuckled if I had my voice. "I'm gonna go get a soda from downstairs, y'want anything Q-man?" I shook my head, 'no', and he nodded and was off. After he left the dorm, I began putting some random objects in boxes. I picked up what looked like Duo's notebook and moved to put it in the box when I stepped on something, throwing my balance off as I dropped the notebook. I watched as the pages flew open. Once the notebook had fallen to the floor, I bent to pick it up, and was shocked at what I saw.
`Dear Journal, I love that kid so much more than a friend or brother. But he's got his eye on someone else, which really really makes it suck to be me. I guess I'll have to settle for just having him as a best friend, but damn it's so hard when you practically live with him! I wish I could tell him, but hey, it's not worth it to cause myself any more pain. I just have to live with the fact that we'll never be together for real. Only in my dreams can I have my beautiful blonde angel.`
I was overcome with panic at what I had just read and, on instinct, dropped the book to the floor as if it were poison. Could Duo be speaking of me? Well, duh. What other blonde does he practically live with? My brain went into hyperdrive and I tried to calm myself down before Duo came back and realized what happened. Quickly, I tucked the notebook away somewhere and sat on my bed to think this through.
Ok, now a while back I thought I was in love with Duo but I never thought he could ever return this feeling, but now he does and I've fallen for someone else. 'I don't want Duo to be hurt at my wanting Trowa...maybe I could go with Duo for a while just to make him happy...' I thought to myself briefly before I heard Duo's sneakers treading toward me. 'It's not like Trowa and I will ever be together anyhow...' The door opened and Duo entered, swatting at his obviously red eyes. He flashed me a fake smile before slumping down onto his bed across from me. It's times like these that I feel Duo takes advantage of the fact that I can't talk and ask him what's wrong. My assumption was confirmed as Duo turned away from me without a word and slowly consumed his drink. With a slight scowl, I placed a firm hand on Duo's shoulder and pulled him back to face me.
My scowl instantly fadeded at the look of pure sorrow hidden behind his eyes. I tried to explore his emotions more but I was cut off as Duo blinked and put on his mask again.
"What is it Q-man?"
I looked at him sternly, trying my hardest to ask what was wrong with my eyes; I was never good at charades. He seemed to understand as he looked to the floor for some kind of guidance. I moved to sit next to him and put a reassuring arm around his shoulders.
"It's just...I...There's no way that I can say this without just saying it and getting it over with so here it goes...Q..Quatre, I love you." He nervously looked for my reaction and fiddled with his bottle cap.
I knew that this was coming but I still was slightly unprepared for what he had just said to me. Reading it and hearing it are two way different things. I took a deep breath and smiled fakely at him as if to respond that I love him back. His eyes widened for a second and filled with uncertainty. It seemed as though he took a second to contemplate what my true reaction was before he looked me straight in the eyes. He was asking if I was positive that I wanted this to happen. I nodded to him and saw the joy radiate off of his face along with a slight sadness in his eyes. Our bodies met for a loving embrace before Duo released me and we retreat back to picking up his side of the dorm.
* * *
It'd been around a week since Duo and I had gotten together and overall things have seemed to go over just fine. We finally got the whole dorm clean after two days of hard work with pauses for breaks in between. I could actually see everything again and Duo had found several items declared to have been lost at sea. Duo...
I was falling for him again.
Of course, images of Trowa never left my mind but even if they invaded I had to hide it from Duo. I hate hiding but it's my only choice for the path I've chosen to take. Sometimes I think even Duo knows that I'm faking stuff but he understands and just takes advantage of the intimate time we spend together.
Now, as I sat across his lap, we looked upon the city and siliently pondered to ourselves. 'The city is so beautiful when the sun hits it just right...kind of like him...' I was forced to snap out of those thoughts before they got too far. I snuggled closer to Duo and look downward just as a moving van pulled up.
I saw his face, the sun hitting it just right. It looked exactly as I had just pictured it would look only now it's real. Trowa. I stared with wide eyes as he directed the moving van into a parking space. Slowly, I got up to take a closer look, forgetting where I was for the moment. I heard Duo follow me to the window. He started to ask what's up but stopped abruptly. I knew he saw Trowa's face as I felt the sadness oozing from him. He mumbled something inaudible under his breath like 'not now' or 'please, no.'
I tore my eyes away from Trowa and looked back at Duo, the misery I was feeling from him almost made my heart explode. Frowning and dropping my gaze to the floor, I turned my head back to Trowa and stared, feeling tears building in my eyes. I had fallen for Duo, but still loved Trowa, and now he was moving in somewhere into our dorm complex. Duo... I pulled my eyes up and gazed into Duo's eyes, feeling it as another tidal wave of sadness escaped him. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I reached out and hugged Duo tight, recognizing the chills sent down my spine as he clutched on to me. I just continued to hug him, trying to take away some of his pain. "Quatre..." Oh Allah. He sounded so sad I literally felt as if I were going to break apart.
He pulled away from me, but his hands were still around me. "Q-babe, Trowa Barton is your true love, not I. I feel bad that I came between you all but the time you and I spent together is enough for me to live on for a bit. We'll still be the best of friends, but right now, you need to go and sweep your soul mate off his feet. I've always loved you and I still do, but I'm not made for you." I almost burst into tears at his short speach. "Just remember li'l old Duo from time to time, ne Q?" Something wet rolled down my cheek, and I realized I was crying. Duo sighed, and leaned in to kiss me one last time. I melted in his arms from my own feelings and from the pain I knew he must be in. "Go get 'em, Q-man. I know you can do it," he released me and clapped me lightly on the shoulder, turning back to his side of the dorm. "I'll be up here if ya need anything..." he smiled a smile I could see right through and flopped down on his bed. I was alone to go face Trowa.
But I knew I couldn't let Duo down as I nodded and waved to him, closing the door behind me and nervously heading downstairs.
.
I attempted to walk downstairs as my knees were creating their own earthquake beneath me. 'I must talk to Trowa. I can't disappoint Duo.' No matter how much I thought about it, the nervousness never went away. I finally reached the bottom and began walking across the room. There he was, standing at the counter and signing in. He looked so beautiful and charming as he smiled at the receptionists who so obviously already had a crush on him. That got me to thinking; was he even gay?
It was then that I realized how little I really knew of Trowa. How could I just walk up to him and ask him out on a date when we barely know eachoter at all? I mean, I knew his last name, and some of the classes he is taking this year but other than that, I knew really nothing. He was starting to turn towards me; I panicked. Turning fast on my heels, I began to walk in the opposite direction. I thought I was in the clear but that was before I heard my name from across the room.
"Quatre! Wait up!"
I stopped and took a deep shuddering breath. 'Be cool Quatre, just be cool.' I turned and watched him slightly jog to my side. I smiled at him genuinely and nodded a hello; this was one of the few moments I was slightly glad to be mute. He reached me and took a minute to get back to his normal breathing pattern. I waited patiently as I stared into his wonderful green eyes. He stared back at me before turning away hesitantly.
"Um...I know that this may be...Well, I...I just wanted to ask you if...if...if you'd like to go out sometime with me? Like, maybe dinner some night? I mean, I know you're mute and all but I'm willing to accept that and get past it and I won't treat you differently.." he continued rambling on as I stared up at him in awe. He was asking me out? This was the most amazing moment of my life!
In order to stop his nervous rambling and reached down and took his hands in mine. He immediately persisted his actions and looked me in the eyes once again. I smiled at him before I slowly nodded to answer his question. There was that charming grin of his again. I melted in that grin as he set up a date. Dinner, this Saturday, 7:00.
.
I was so happy and full of energy after Trowa asked me out that I couldn't help but run up the stairs. I honestly think this was the first time I'd ever been somewhat hyper my entire life. As I burst into the dorm I shared with Duo, I caught sight of him sitting on his bed, staring out the window. I grabbed a sheet of paper and pen and quickly srawled a short note. `Duo! Trowa asked me out! And he doesn't even mind that I'm mute!` With a wide smile on my face, I dashed over to Duo and jumped on his bed, startling him. I handed him the note and smiled, my heart still beating with happiness and satisfaction.
I watched as he read the note, then paused before looking up and at me. "Hey, that's great Q-man. Good for you." I smiled again. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Shouldn't take more than an hour." He then stood and left the room before I could motion anything. It was then I realized it.
As I sat there perfectly still on Duo's bed, I remembered, and instantly lost my cheer. Duo didn't have anyone to ask him out, or to ask out foor that matter. And he was already sad, and here I go making it worse for him. I felt horrible. I decided I would find Duo someone who would love him as much as he loved me. Rightfully, I couldn't be happy with Trowa until I knew Duo had someone.
I walked by the bathroom on my way to the fridge to get something to snack on while I would think of who would be fine for Duo, and paused when I heard something else than the sound of running water. I heard tears. I heard pain. I heard Duo crying. It took all my self control and then some to stop myself from running into the bathroom and hugging him tighter than I ever had before. Duo...
.
I sighed.
"I'm sorry Duo." I began to journey beyond the bathroom but stopped abruptly as I realise what just happened.
"I spoke. Oh my goodness, I spoke! I can talk again!!" I shouted at the top of my weary lungs as my throat reopened and sounds were able to escape my lips. Tears of joy were welling up behind my eyes as I jumped about. Next to me, the bathroom door opened and Duo stepped lightly out, gasping as he heard me and saw me. He smiled and stepped towards me.
"Duo!" I slammed into his arms for a tight hug. "I can speak again! Duo! It's a miracle! This is the best day of my life!" I literally shouted in his ear but he didn't seem to mind as he bounced lightly on the ground with me and held me. We pulled apart and looked eachother in the eye. I was suddenly hit by reality again as I saw Duo's face. Tearstains plagued its usual graceful features and small bags hung from his eyes. I held my smile as he half-faked his own. He smiled at me but his eyes held pure hopelessness inside. After another quick embrace, Duo parted again to take his shower as I looked mournfully at the floor. I felt bad for being so happy when Duo was in agony and heard as his tears began again. I wanted to comfort him but I wanted to tell Trowa my grand news too. Since I couldn't decide and it was starting to get late, I just headed for my shared dorm to sleep for a bit.
.
I cuddled underneath my blankets and listened with a constantly saddening heart as Duo's sobs echoed throughout the quietness of the dorm. I waited for a long time after I had heard seen his slim figure crawl into his bed and hear his breathing relax as he fell asleep before I decided to pick up the phone I had by my bed. I paused, though, before calling anyone. I had one person in mind who I thought would be just perfect for Duo. Forgetting about it being after sundown and nearing 9:00, I called the guy I had in mind, who's name was Heero. Heero Yuy. He gives the impression of being an emotionless half-human rock a lot of the time, but I knew that deep down he has a heart of gold. Dialing his number, I stole a glance at the sleeping American on the other side of the dorm. I frowned. Even in his dreams he was pained.
The clicking sound followed by a voice tore my thoughts away from Duo. "Hello?"
"Hey Heero," I said as cheerfully as I could.
"Who is this?"
"It's me, Quatre. Listen, you're still looking for a guy right?"
There was a second's pause before Heero replied. He was probably suprised I got my voice back. "Yeah."
"I know someone you might get along with. He's really cute, too..." Well, it was the truth. Duo was very cute. I just had my eye on Trowa.
"...Okay."
"Come to that cafe on 3rd and Main tomorrow at like... 2:30, 'kay?"
"Alright." I caught the slightly hopeful tone in his voice.
"'Kay thanks Heero! You're the best! See you then!"
"Goodbye." I waited until he hung up before I hung up myself.
This was going to be quite hard, getting two complete opposites to grow to love eachother. But I had to do it.
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And there is chapter one. Read+Review please!
(-Berrful Hunter and Ice Princess Xia)
^_^
This fic is not written entirely by me. I am writing it with the wonderfully talented Ice Princess Xia, aka Sam ^_^. Hope you like this fic!
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How can you tell someone you love them when the only means of communication are notes? I've known him all my life, before and after my soul was ripped from my body by that stupid illness. He has always been my best friend and then some but he's too shy to admit it and I'm unable to tell him myself. I love him and that's all that matters to me but this damn complication is ruining my life! Duo understands when I 'talk' to him about all this because he can see it too.
But Duo doesn't have the same problem I do. He can talk, and he uses this ability to its full extent at all times. He almost never stops talking, and sometimes I'm envious of him and his ability to converse with others normally. But it's also his talking that makes me feel good at the same time. He relays messages for me to people and, even though I know he doesn't like lying, he says I'm just shy and don't like talking around people. And he can always tell what's on my mind, whether it's a positive emotion or negative doubt.
When I first lost my voice, I was so scared that Duo would stop being my friend. The day before my parents told him, I spent the entire night crying silently on my bed, clutching my pillow to me softly while the tears streamed down my face. But instead of shunning me away, he came over to my house that day and just sat there beside me on my bed, hugging me to his chest and telling me it would be alright in the end, and that it wasn't the end until everything was okay. Now Duo isn't just my best friend. He's more of a brother.
~*~
For a time, I thought I had fallen in love with Duo but that was before I met him. Tall and handsome with soft mahogany colored hair that hung over his face while covering one of his deep olive green eyes. Duo had forced me out of the house and was currently treating me at my favorite resaurant, Denny's. We had gotten our food already, and I watched as Duo inhaled his meal in almost one bite. I picked at mine and made the lame excuse of having to go to the bathroom just to leave the table. Duo nodded to me and pretended to fan himself with the menu; I knew he would order more food while I was gone and force me to eat it, that is just Duo I suppose.
I stood and slowly treaded towards the restroom, looking straight down at my shoes. I didn't notice the person in front of me until we knocked into eachother. Bam! We both stumbled to the ground, taking a few objects with us. I heard a glass shatter and thought of what happened long ago. I was so lost in my memories that I didn't hear the other man talking to me.
"I am so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you okay?" I looked at the fellow kneeling by my side, offering me a hand up. It was him. My mouth hung open at his sheer beauty as I shakily let him help me up. He kept looking at me to answer his questions and at this I lowered my head yet again as tears stung the backs of my eyes. I wouldn't cry.
Instantly, Duo was by my side lying for me again. "I'm sorry, he's just shy around big crowds." He leaned down to look me in the eye and silently ask if I was alright. I nodded to him and raised my head to flash the stranger a fake smile. He smiled hesitantly back at me before nodding his good-byes and leaving. My mind was a swirling mix of heaven and hell at the same time.
.
"You okay, Q-man?" I heard Duo ask me as soon as the tall boy of my dreams left the resturaunt. I didn't hear what he said really, but I nodded just the same and shuffled back to our table. I slid into my seat and motioned as if to sigh, resting my temples on my fists and blinking back tears. Instantly I felt two arms surrounding my shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug. I turned and sobbed without noise into Duo's shoulder. He patted my back. "Want me to talk to him for ya?"
Instantly I shook my head 'no', trying to wipe my tears away. Please don't, Duo.
"Alright... if you really don't want me to." I shook my head again. "Okay..." he looked at his empty plate and then my almost full plate. "Wanna take that home for later?" I nodded. "Mm'kay," Duo called over a waiter over to our table and asked him to pack up the food. Once we had everything we wanted packed away in a take-out bag, he put a dollar down on the table as tip, and we left the resturaunt, my heart heavy with sadness.
* * *
Duo and I returned home to our quaint little dorm. It was small but homely, well, all but Duo's half of the room. He could really be a mess sometimes, but I know that he'll always be there for me no matter what rut we may get each other into.
I couldn't help but glance at Duo's side of the dorm, and if I had my voice and was in a better mood, I would have burst out into hysterical tears of laughter. I can't imagine how he finds anything under the mess of CDs, random magazine cut-outs, t-shirts, pants, books, the occasional misplaced sock, every color of hair-tie for his braid imagineable, and some other miscellenious objects I don't even know what they are. Somehow I'm under the impression he has a bed somewhere, though I have yet to find anything even similar to a bed. My side of the dorm, on the other hand, is more organized, to say the least. I can actually find my socks.
.
I flopped down onto my bed noisily; I make a point of creating as much noise as possible when I'm moody since I am a mute and all. I saw Duo slowly but surely make it to his bed/pile of something or others that he sleeps on and grab a notebook from off his dresser/other pile of something or others he keeps his stuff on. Figuring that he was just studying I lied down fully on my bed and stared at the ceiling; I couldn't stop thinking of him. We only just met really but it feels like so much more is piled up behind the two of us, so much it's as if we love one another. Maybe that's just my ever-hopefull thinking though trying to keep my spirits up when things are down. Things have been down a lot lately.
Duo finshed writing in his notebook and nonchalantly tossed it somewhere on his side of the room. He looked to me as if to check up just as a single tear dropped from my eye. Instantly he was by my side asking me what was wrong and how he could fix it. I wanted to shout out loud and proclaim my love but I only weeped more at the thought that I couldn't, which worried my good friend to no end.
Duo hugged me tight to him and swatted at the tears pouring down my face. I tried to stop myself from crying any more when I saw a flash of sadness tinge Duo's eyes. I shook my head and mouthed the words, 'I'm sorry', sniffing. Raising my hand to my eyes, I wiped at them furiously, angry at myself for crying twice in one night. Sometimes I wonder why Duo doesn't mind me acting like such a baby at times like these. But I'm glad he doesn't mind, that guy's my very best friend. "Hey, Q-man! Idea!" He jerked his thumb back towards his side of the dorm; I felt a smile creep onto my lips as I shook my head, signifying to Duo how to this day I still can't believe how much of a mess one person can make. "Yeah, I know, it's filthy, ain't it?" I nodded, smiling a bit. "Well, I was gonna start cleaning it out tomorrow, but hey! You look like you need to get something off your mind... So wanna start cleaning it tonight?" I shrugged and nodded again, thankful for Duo's mess at this moment in time as we stood, though I nearly fell over again at realizing exactly how much mess he had managed to aquire. He snickered and handed me a box. "Anything that can fit in there, shove it in," We promptly began putting things in boxes I had never noticed up until now, until we had cleared out an actual pathway.
Duo flopped down in a chair and wiped some sweat from underneath his bangs, groaning as he looked at the rest of his side. "Damn, how on earth did I ever let things get this messy?" I shrugged and clapped him lightly on the shoulder; I would have chuckled if I had my voice. "I'm gonna go get a soda from downstairs, y'want anything Q-man?" I shook my head, 'no', and he nodded and was off. After he left the dorm, I began putting some random objects in boxes. I picked up what looked like Duo's notebook and moved to put it in the box when I stepped on something, throwing my balance off as I dropped the notebook. I watched as the pages flew open. Once the notebook had fallen to the floor, I bent to pick it up, and was shocked at what I saw.
`Dear Journal, I love that kid so much more than a friend or brother. But he's got his eye on someone else, which really really makes it suck to be me. I guess I'll have to settle for just having him as a best friend, but damn it's so hard when you practically live with him! I wish I could tell him, but hey, it's not worth it to cause myself any more pain. I just have to live with the fact that we'll never be together for real. Only in my dreams can I have my beautiful blonde angel.`
I was overcome with panic at what I had just read and, on instinct, dropped the book to the floor as if it were poison. Could Duo be speaking of me? Well, duh. What other blonde does he practically live with? My brain went into hyperdrive and I tried to calm myself down before Duo came back and realized what happened. Quickly, I tucked the notebook away somewhere and sat on my bed to think this through.
Ok, now a while back I thought I was in love with Duo but I never thought he could ever return this feeling, but now he does and I've fallen for someone else. 'I don't want Duo to be hurt at my wanting Trowa...maybe I could go with Duo for a while just to make him happy...' I thought to myself briefly before I heard Duo's sneakers treading toward me. 'It's not like Trowa and I will ever be together anyhow...' The door opened and Duo entered, swatting at his obviously red eyes. He flashed me a fake smile before slumping down onto his bed across from me. It's times like these that I feel Duo takes advantage of the fact that I can't talk and ask him what's wrong. My assumption was confirmed as Duo turned away from me without a word and slowly consumed his drink. With a slight scowl, I placed a firm hand on Duo's shoulder and pulled him back to face me.
My scowl instantly fadeded at the look of pure sorrow hidden behind his eyes. I tried to explore his emotions more but I was cut off as Duo blinked and put on his mask again.
"What is it Q-man?"
I looked at him sternly, trying my hardest to ask what was wrong with my eyes; I was never good at charades. He seemed to understand as he looked to the floor for some kind of guidance. I moved to sit next to him and put a reassuring arm around his shoulders.
"It's just...I...There's no way that I can say this without just saying it and getting it over with so here it goes...Q..Quatre, I love you." He nervously looked for my reaction and fiddled with his bottle cap.
I knew that this was coming but I still was slightly unprepared for what he had just said to me. Reading it and hearing it are two way different things. I took a deep breath and smiled fakely at him as if to respond that I love him back. His eyes widened for a second and filled with uncertainty. It seemed as though he took a second to contemplate what my true reaction was before he looked me straight in the eyes. He was asking if I was positive that I wanted this to happen. I nodded to him and saw the joy radiate off of his face along with a slight sadness in his eyes. Our bodies met for a loving embrace before Duo released me and we retreat back to picking up his side of the dorm.
* * *
It'd been around a week since Duo and I had gotten together and overall things have seemed to go over just fine. We finally got the whole dorm clean after two days of hard work with pauses for breaks in between. I could actually see everything again and Duo had found several items declared to have been lost at sea. Duo...
I was falling for him again.
Of course, images of Trowa never left my mind but even if they invaded I had to hide it from Duo. I hate hiding but it's my only choice for the path I've chosen to take. Sometimes I think even Duo knows that I'm faking stuff but he understands and just takes advantage of the intimate time we spend together.
Now, as I sat across his lap, we looked upon the city and siliently pondered to ourselves. 'The city is so beautiful when the sun hits it just right...kind of like him...' I was forced to snap out of those thoughts before they got too far. I snuggled closer to Duo and look downward just as a moving van pulled up.
I saw his face, the sun hitting it just right. It looked exactly as I had just pictured it would look only now it's real. Trowa. I stared with wide eyes as he directed the moving van into a parking space. Slowly, I got up to take a closer look, forgetting where I was for the moment. I heard Duo follow me to the window. He started to ask what's up but stopped abruptly. I knew he saw Trowa's face as I felt the sadness oozing from him. He mumbled something inaudible under his breath like 'not now' or 'please, no.'
I tore my eyes away from Trowa and looked back at Duo, the misery I was feeling from him almost made my heart explode. Frowning and dropping my gaze to the floor, I turned my head back to Trowa and stared, feeling tears building in my eyes. I had fallen for Duo, but still loved Trowa, and now he was moving in somewhere into our dorm complex. Duo... I pulled my eyes up and gazed into Duo's eyes, feeling it as another tidal wave of sadness escaped him. Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I reached out and hugged Duo tight, recognizing the chills sent down my spine as he clutched on to me. I just continued to hug him, trying to take away some of his pain. "Quatre..." Oh Allah. He sounded so sad I literally felt as if I were going to break apart.
He pulled away from me, but his hands were still around me. "Q-babe, Trowa Barton is your true love, not I. I feel bad that I came between you all but the time you and I spent together is enough for me to live on for a bit. We'll still be the best of friends, but right now, you need to go and sweep your soul mate off his feet. I've always loved you and I still do, but I'm not made for you." I almost burst into tears at his short speach. "Just remember li'l old Duo from time to time, ne Q?" Something wet rolled down my cheek, and I realized I was crying. Duo sighed, and leaned in to kiss me one last time. I melted in his arms from my own feelings and from the pain I knew he must be in. "Go get 'em, Q-man. I know you can do it," he released me and clapped me lightly on the shoulder, turning back to his side of the dorm. "I'll be up here if ya need anything..." he smiled a smile I could see right through and flopped down on his bed. I was alone to go face Trowa.
But I knew I couldn't let Duo down as I nodded and waved to him, closing the door behind me and nervously heading downstairs.
.
I attempted to walk downstairs as my knees were creating their own earthquake beneath me. 'I must talk to Trowa. I can't disappoint Duo.' No matter how much I thought about it, the nervousness never went away. I finally reached the bottom and began walking across the room. There he was, standing at the counter and signing in. He looked so beautiful and charming as he smiled at the receptionists who so obviously already had a crush on him. That got me to thinking; was he even gay?
It was then that I realized how little I really knew of Trowa. How could I just walk up to him and ask him out on a date when we barely know eachoter at all? I mean, I knew his last name, and some of the classes he is taking this year but other than that, I knew really nothing. He was starting to turn towards me; I panicked. Turning fast on my heels, I began to walk in the opposite direction. I thought I was in the clear but that was before I heard my name from across the room.
"Quatre! Wait up!"
I stopped and took a deep shuddering breath. 'Be cool Quatre, just be cool.' I turned and watched him slightly jog to my side. I smiled at him genuinely and nodded a hello; this was one of the few moments I was slightly glad to be mute. He reached me and took a minute to get back to his normal breathing pattern. I waited patiently as I stared into his wonderful green eyes. He stared back at me before turning away hesitantly.
"Um...I know that this may be...Well, I...I just wanted to ask you if...if...if you'd like to go out sometime with me? Like, maybe dinner some night? I mean, I know you're mute and all but I'm willing to accept that and get past it and I won't treat you differently.." he continued rambling on as I stared up at him in awe. He was asking me out? This was the most amazing moment of my life!
In order to stop his nervous rambling and reached down and took his hands in mine. He immediately persisted his actions and looked me in the eyes once again. I smiled at him before I slowly nodded to answer his question. There was that charming grin of his again. I melted in that grin as he set up a date. Dinner, this Saturday, 7:00.
.
I was so happy and full of energy after Trowa asked me out that I couldn't help but run up the stairs. I honestly think this was the first time I'd ever been somewhat hyper my entire life. As I burst into the dorm I shared with Duo, I caught sight of him sitting on his bed, staring out the window. I grabbed a sheet of paper and pen and quickly srawled a short note. `Duo! Trowa asked me out! And he doesn't even mind that I'm mute!` With a wide smile on my face, I dashed over to Duo and jumped on his bed, startling him. I handed him the note and smiled, my heart still beating with happiness and satisfaction.
I watched as he read the note, then paused before looking up and at me. "Hey, that's great Q-man. Good for you." I smiled again. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Shouldn't take more than an hour." He then stood and left the room before I could motion anything. It was then I realized it.
As I sat there perfectly still on Duo's bed, I remembered, and instantly lost my cheer. Duo didn't have anyone to ask him out, or to ask out foor that matter. And he was already sad, and here I go making it worse for him. I felt horrible. I decided I would find Duo someone who would love him as much as he loved me. Rightfully, I couldn't be happy with Trowa until I knew Duo had someone.
I walked by the bathroom on my way to the fridge to get something to snack on while I would think of who would be fine for Duo, and paused when I heard something else than the sound of running water. I heard tears. I heard pain. I heard Duo crying. It took all my self control and then some to stop myself from running into the bathroom and hugging him tighter than I ever had before. Duo...
.
I sighed.
"I'm sorry Duo." I began to journey beyond the bathroom but stopped abruptly as I realise what just happened.
"I spoke. Oh my goodness, I spoke! I can talk again!!" I shouted at the top of my weary lungs as my throat reopened and sounds were able to escape my lips. Tears of joy were welling up behind my eyes as I jumped about. Next to me, the bathroom door opened and Duo stepped lightly out, gasping as he heard me and saw me. He smiled and stepped towards me.
"Duo!" I slammed into his arms for a tight hug. "I can speak again! Duo! It's a miracle! This is the best day of my life!" I literally shouted in his ear but he didn't seem to mind as he bounced lightly on the ground with me and held me. We pulled apart and looked eachother in the eye. I was suddenly hit by reality again as I saw Duo's face. Tearstains plagued its usual graceful features and small bags hung from his eyes. I held my smile as he half-faked his own. He smiled at me but his eyes held pure hopelessness inside. After another quick embrace, Duo parted again to take his shower as I looked mournfully at the floor. I felt bad for being so happy when Duo was in agony and heard as his tears began again. I wanted to comfort him but I wanted to tell Trowa my grand news too. Since I couldn't decide and it was starting to get late, I just headed for my shared dorm to sleep for a bit.
.
I cuddled underneath my blankets and listened with a constantly saddening heart as Duo's sobs echoed throughout the quietness of the dorm. I waited for a long time after I had heard seen his slim figure crawl into his bed and hear his breathing relax as he fell asleep before I decided to pick up the phone I had by my bed. I paused, though, before calling anyone. I had one person in mind who I thought would be just perfect for Duo. Forgetting about it being after sundown and nearing 9:00, I called the guy I had in mind, who's name was Heero. Heero Yuy. He gives the impression of being an emotionless half-human rock a lot of the time, but I knew that deep down he has a heart of gold. Dialing his number, I stole a glance at the sleeping American on the other side of the dorm. I frowned. Even in his dreams he was pained.
The clicking sound followed by a voice tore my thoughts away from Duo. "Hello?"
"Hey Heero," I said as cheerfully as I could.
"Who is this?"
"It's me, Quatre. Listen, you're still looking for a guy right?"
There was a second's pause before Heero replied. He was probably suprised I got my voice back. "Yeah."
"I know someone you might get along with. He's really cute, too..." Well, it was the truth. Duo was very cute. I just had my eye on Trowa.
"...Okay."
"Come to that cafe on 3rd and Main tomorrow at like... 2:30, 'kay?"
"Alright." I caught the slightly hopeful tone in his voice.
"'Kay thanks Heero! You're the best! See you then!"
"Goodbye." I waited until he hung up before I hung up myself.
This was going to be quite hard, getting two complete opposites to grow to love eachother. But I had to do it.
~~~*~~~
And there is chapter one. Read+Review please!
(-Berrful Hunter and Ice Princess Xia)
^_^
