Title: Stormy Skies
Author: Carlile (that's me!)
Rating: T
Series: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Characters/Pairings: GOKUTSUNA PLZ
Genre(s): Romance; Angst, Drama, Family, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, (some) Poetry, Spiritual, Tragedy
Words: 3963
Summary: Hayato and the Tenth's adventures in dating. Shameful amounts of pure, unadulterated 5927, and all that entails - and not much else.
Warnings (fic spoiler alert): 5927, spoilers for the canon, 99% non-smutty romance, erratic updates due to my hectic schedule and frequent writer's block, my headcanon - slight OOC-ness (hopefully doesn't completely ruin it), fluff, angst, some gore, and eventual character death.
Author's Note: Instead of being responsible and, say, updating my other stories/fulfilling some promises, I decided to indulge in this mess. But quite honestly I just don't care anymore. I wrote this for my own enjoyment, to vent my love for my poor OTP.
Disclaimer: For now and forever, let it be announced, that Carlile doth not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn!. So shut up already.
Other: Long intro is long but won't be fully included ever again kthx. ~
Chapter One: Remember when I said we couldn't be normal classmates? Well, we can't. (Told you so.)
I. We both go down together.
Tsuna had no idea how it had happened, why, when or where, but by the time he realized it, it was too late. His relationship with Gokudera had gone from being intense enemies to mafia peers to awkward friends to
"Um, yeah, please don't freak out but... I love you."
Truthfully he didn't know where to start. He was going through two firsts at this point: 1) he had never liked another boy before, and 2) he had never had someone reciprocate his feelings before. It was overwhelming yet wondrous at the same time.
If things did work out between him and Gokudera, it would be wonderful. If not, then he couldn't picture it - he didn't even care. Because now, whenever he saw Gokudera, his heart skipped a beat, and his head rushed, and he became clumsier, and by God, he was so in love he couldn't stand it.
Thinking back, it was only natural. Only inevitable. After all, he couldn't blame himself for being human and drifting toward temptation. It made him happy - Gokudera made him happy. If there was any one lesson Tsuna had learned in life, it was that he should never hesitate to seize a moment, even if he was in doubt.
So in a quiet room, heated and stuttering and alone with the young man he presumed to be the love of his life, Tsuna gathered up the courage to confess. No push from Reborn. No Dying Will pills. Just Tsuna's heart, open and bleeding in Gokudera's hands. Gokudera was an enigmatic person, even to Tsuna, who was more perceptive than anyone. But whether Gokudera truly did feel the same way for Tsuna or not, he would never dare to make the first move. Tsuna had to break the ice. And he was rightly glad he did - later that day, after Tsuna melted into a puddle of nerves, Gokudera asked him out on a date. It was happening! This had to be the greatest moment thus far in Tsuna's life.
However, a few particular thoughts kept nagging at the back of his mind. Weeks beforehand, upon the realization of his love for his right-hand man, Tsuna held himself up in his room for hours, writhing around in scary scenarios. He knew he would catch hell for feeling this way. What would Reborn do? What would his friends say? What would the school think?
… And how on earth was he going to tell his parents?
All this time, Gokudera had been falling in love with his boss. The life-saving, the fireworks, the Storm Ring battle, the moments of unfettering friendship. It took a long time for it to build up, slowly but surely, into a love so deep that it was only a matter of time before it ended up exploding inside him and forming a fissure that would change him forever.
He had just never realized it.
Or maybe he refused to realize it. Gokudera had certainly entertained the notion before that he may have liked the Tenth in that way, but he always shook it off immediately. A right-hand man should not feel that way about his boss! He should be loyal and tough and platonic, not gushy, and certainly not thinking about his boss like that. It was absurd, ridiculous. So he repressed those feelings as best he could, never minding the fact that he blushed madly whenever the Tenth smiled, or fumed in jealousy whenever anyone but he himself got near the Tenth.
In reality, he was scared. Even if he did ever try to break the sacred mafia law and start to embrace his... um... rather different affections for his boss, he was sure that the Tenth would never accept him.
Then the confession happened, sending Gokudera's head reeling. He was shocked that the Tenth had the gall to make the first move. Shocked, and relieved. Nearly all his questions, about himself and his position in his boss' heart, were finally answered, leaving only one:
"A-are you free this Saturday night?" And that was answered, too.
As right-hand man, it was Gokudera's sworn duty to keep the Tenth happy, healthy and safe. If going out with him would make him happy... well, then, the Tenth's wish was Gokudera's command. The fact that Gokudera loved him in return was only a perk. After all, it was simply enough for someone as gracious and gorgeous and perfect as Tsunayoshi Sawada to love someone like Hayato Gokudera, who didn't even love himself.
II. Sweet beginnings.
He counted this the 32nd time he had checked his wristwatch in the past fifteen minutes. But for his nervousness he had all this time yet: time to fret and fidget and worry about whether he looked okay and whether he was dreaming. This was Gokudera's consequence of punctuality. He looked into the horizon, where the sun gave a theatrical orange exit that gleamed off his silver jewelry and seemed to light his white shirt ablaze.
Tonight played and replayed in his mind - the before, the during and the after. The Tenth specifically said to wait for him outside Namimori mall, on the bench where they had sat with a group of friends once and that soda exploded on Ryohei because he waved it around too much. Don't overdress, don't bring him any gifts, don't get there too insanely early. The Tenth warned Gokudera against these things, because he knew that if he didn't directly tell him, Gokudera would do it anyway, because that's just who his right-hand man was, and he knew him too well.
Dressing down was harder than dressing up for a person like Gokudera. He stood there and stared at his entire clothes selection for twenty minutes, trying to decide on what he could wear that wouldn't cross the Tenth's strict boundaries. Then on the way to the bench to wait for his date, he passed a flower shop, and fought hard the urge to run in and buy the biggest bouquet of roses available. The chocolate confectionery was tempting, too, but he also avoided it, like a good boy. And he was sure that it was thirty minutes on-the-dot from when the Tenth said he'd arrive that Gokudera sat down on that bench. That didn't qualify as "too insanely early," did it?
Poor Tsuna probably had no idea that these "first date rules" tortured Gokudera more than helped. At least he got to occupy his mind with what he had planned. Although he couldn't help his fantasies: he wanted to give his Tenth the world, one step at a time.
His musings shattered when he saw the Tenth standing in front of him, hands folded courteously over his legs. Gokudera looked up at the lovely young man who stood silhouetted against the sunset.
Shoulders hunched, Tsuna gave his date a small smile, red tickling at his cheeks. "Hi, Gokudera-kun. Have you been waiting long?"
"No," Gokudera's voice broke. It was a lie. Then again, he should have expected the Tenth to show up late.
"Okay," Tsuna said, knowing that it was a lie. "Ready to go, then?"
"Y-yes!" Gokudera stood and gently set his hand on the Tenth's back to get him to follow. They walked down the nearly empty sidewalk side-by-side, their hands precariously close to one another, occasionally knocking knuckles together, which caused for some silent embarrassment.
Tsuna flushed. He didn't know what to say. This wasn't his first date ever, but it was his first date with Gokudera-kun. For once he actually hoped for something odd to happen right before them, just so they could start talking. His heart repeatedly lurched at the inside of his chest. He felt so hot and itchy and weird around that boy. Some feeling welled up at the base of Tsuna's throat like he wanted to puke, so at least he could get something out of his mouth - but that would be a disaster.
They stopped at a busy crosswalk. While pretending to not be thinking, Tsuna slid his right hand closer to Gokudera-kun's left and cautiously touched their palms together. That got an instant reaction from Gokudera. He jumped. Tsuna immediately recoiled his hand, gritting his teeth down. Idiot! Tsuna thought to himself.
"Ah, s-sorry!" Tsuna said, noticing that that was a little louder than he had liked it to be.
Gokudera could feel his blush intensify. "No, Tenth, that's fine! You just - caught me by surprise, that's all." He seemed cautious from his words, but his eyes were pouring themselves all over the Tenth.
Tsuna stood frozen for a second, as though he was still in shock. Gokudera gave a quick sigh and a quivering smile. He took half a step closer to Tsuna. Then he touched their hands together, shakily slipping his fingers in-between Tsuna's and closing them around his knuckles.
In response, although a little slow, Tsuna coiled his fingers up around Gokudera's hand. Gokudera showed a satisfied expression. Tsuna felt so embarrassed - his palms were all sweaty, he was a nervous wreck, undeserving of Gokudera's cool, smooth, dry hand enveloped around his. Oh, God, we're holding hands.
Their light turned green, and the couple moved within the crowd to the other side of the street. Hands entwined.
… This is kind of nice. Tsuna squeezed. Gokudera squeezed back.
"It's not too far to the restaurant, Gokudera-kun," Tsuna said to make conversation, once he was comfortably situated in his date's hand. "Er, I guess it's okay if I call you Hayato now? O-or Gokudera-kun. Or just Go -"
"Hayato's fine," he said. "Gokudera isn't even my real last name."
Tsuna was taken aback slightly by that. So Hayato had been lying to everyone this whole time about his name? But he couldn't be mad. Hayato was a savvy mafia man, so an alias, especially one native to the place where he currently lived, seemed like a smart thing to use. He decided not to ask about it either. Gokudera was a rather private person, and with a past like the one Reborn had outlined for him a few months ago, that wasn't a surprise. The point was, he could call him Hayato now. That was where they stood.
However it seemed only fitting that Hayato would allow Tsuna to call him such. Right now they were not boss and right-hand man, nor awkward distant classmates in a sterile desk-filled room. This was Hayato. He was touching, holding hands with Hayato, a real human being that, remember, he was in love with. There was nothing there but skin and raw emotion. And he noted with curiosity the particular feeling he got while he was like this.
III. Fascination.
Isn't it fascinating,
How perfectly our hands fit together,
Like two pieces of a pretty puzzle,
Missing from the box?
IV. It just got real.
The restaurant was located on the Namimori Riverwalk, a dark, romantic market lining the part of Namimori River that flowed through the commercial district. They had reservations. They were promptly seated at the edge of the fenced-in porch at the back of the restaurant, overlooking the cool, slow water that alit every few feet with the reflections of lights on the bridge walls.
Tsuna surveyed the area a little bit. He wanted to make sure no one they knew was around. He couldn't see any other teenagers from here. This was a relief - as he wasn't so much embarrassed, but rather... Hayato looked utterly ravishing tonight, and no one else, in Tsuna's mind, was allowed to have sight of him. A mentality that was rather foreign to Tsuna. He had awakened a sort of possessive monster within himself that night. Maybe that was how Hayato had felt all along?
Either way, there was a strong inner calling to just forget all this dinner nonsense, reach right across the table and grab him and nearly squeeze the life out of him and never let go, never. For the sake of the food between them, however, Tsuna tried his best to contain himself.
V. There are two universal languages: love and math. And I'm terrible at math.
It was dark, it was deserted; yet Tsuna did not feel afraid at all in the park that night. He held tight to Hayato's hand while they walked across the dark-blanketed hills. The new moon surrendered to the depth of stars surrounding it. They settled under a young tree with small wet leaves.
Hayato saw a map of the heavens in his own head, reflected on the insides of his gray-green eyes. He could find his favorite stars and planets and galaxies and constellations. There was Hydra, Ursa Major, and his own sign of Virgo. Venus. The North Star. Even faint traces of the rest of the Milky Way. If he could, he would teach the Tenth all of them, bring him to every corner of that gorgeous night sky. But right now that was not the thing to do. Somehow he felt like Tsuna already knew everything.
Tsuna brought his knees to his chest and put his arms around his legs. He kept looking at the sky through the thin canopy above him, but his mind was on Hayato completely. Say something. Say something, please.
Thank God Hayato sighed dreamily and spoke then. He was speaking what was on his mind - something he wasn't used to. His thoughts were not a thing to share trivially. "This sort of reminds me of the time I spent in the Australian Outback. Out there, the stars look endless."
"You've been to Australia?" Tsuna asked.
Hayato nodded. "I've been to every continent but Antarctica - that one is next on my 'To Conquer' list," he said. It made Tsuna chuckle.
"I didn't know that," he said. "So you've pretty much been everywhere?"
"Yup. All over Europe. Hong Kong, Calcutta, New York, LA, Rio, Perth, Mexico City, Johannesburg. The Sahara Desert, Tierra del Fuego, Siberia, the Altai Mountains. Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head..."
Tsuna's jaw dropped. "Th-that's amazing, Hayato!"
"Really?" Hayato asked, frowning dumbfoundedly.
"Yeah!" Tsuna said, smiling brightly. "I've never left Japan before, so to go to places like that... It must be an amazing experience!"
Hayato sighed in humility. "It was," he said, "And I learned a lot. But it's ironic."
Tsuna cocked his head. "How so?"
"Every place on this planet, every city, every landscape, is under the same sky. It spreads everywhere" his head slowly turned to Tsuna's direction "and touches everything with the same sun, lights everything with the same moon. It cycles and recycles different things so it seems variant, but in the end..." he and the Tenth were now eye-to-eye, setting deep fissures of adoration in each other's hearts, "... it's all the same, one, big, beautiful... sky."
Tsuna almost couldn't stand it. The way Hayato looked at him right then, his pale skin glowing under the starlight, his eyes were so deep - he wanted to just dive in and swim in them, not caring whether he drowned -, the sheer face of raw, true, earnest love. Their hands were beside them on the dirt; their fingertips were so close they nearly touched.
"I guess I just... finally realized it..."
Kiss me.
Or,
You're so sweet.
Or,
Nice weather tonight, huh?
Anything. But there were no words meant to be between them. Nothing could do justice.
Hayato blinked a soft smile onto his face. He felt the Tenth's warmth by merely sitting next to him.
VI. Cottonmouth.
Like they had been accustomed to for so long, the two of them waited for the right moment for something incredible to happen. There was no kiss, despite the want aching at their lips. Not here, not now.
But after a pressing silence, after they had studied each other's faces long enough to memorize each and every beautiful detail, after what seemed like an eternity - they were slowly leaning in toward one another. Eventually the winds of longing swept them into a passionate embrace. Gokudera wrapped his arms over the Tenth's waist; it made them both tingle all over; in turn Tsuna curled his arms around Hayato's shoulders and fell into him. Tsuna, eyes squeezed shut, buried his face in the crook of Hayato's neck. Hayato pulled him so close he hoped it didn't choke him.
Tsuna's soft breathing danced like angel dust on his skin. As he held him, Hayato felt something he never thought he'd feel again: whole.
The muffled pulsation of Gokudera's heart was the only beat the Tenth could think of now. There may have been layers of skin and bone and clothing between them, yet he swore he could reach right out and grab the thing, and watch it tick erratically in the palm of his hand. Follow the curves of the heart in and out with his fingers. Breathe in the life it represented. It was practically his.
The Tenth soaked Hayato's scent into his nose and committed it to memory. Generic laundry detergent, a light tinge of mint, the sense of fragility in the air in the eye of a storm, and - faintly - cigarettes. This was air in its truest form, the kind Tsuna longed to fill his lungs with.
Seconds - minutes - hours - years - later, they didn't really know or care, they pulled apart enough to be able to look each other straight on again. A mutual smile spread over their faces. Hayato, who always felt the need to smile around the Tenth, actually felt the upward curving of his mouth, and it even reached his eyes for once.
VII. I wasn't lying when I told myself tonight would be the best night of my life.
His elbow on the small of the Tenth's back and his pianist's hand knotted in a tangle of brown hair, Hayato looked into the blackness above with hope. The little white lights may have twinkled up there, but all he could see was the Tenth's face.
VIII. It's funny because it's a train.
Hayato walked Tsuna home, holding his hand the whole way. They took back streets that saw cars as often as pigs flew. Many windows had boards over them, and it seemed every other street light was burnt out. Tsuna knew this part of town well, since he clearly remembered chases through these old roads, trying to escape bullies - although now he took his sweet time. He didn't want this night to end. It was nearly 10 o'clock, but that was no matter. He led Hayato through the longest of the long routes.
His mom always told him to stay out of this part of Namimori, but Namimori was a big place, and there was only so much curiosity Tsuna could handle, even if he had a scaredy-cat nature. He stopped them both in the middle of a lane and pointed to a building with gray bricks and a half-dead neon sign that insisted on staying lit. "That used to be a music shop. One of my first memories is of going in there with my mom, before this area of town turned bad, and her buying a flute."
"I didn't know Maman played the flute," Hayato said.
"She does," Tsuna said. "Not so much anymore, but yeah."
When the two of them started walking again, Hayato took one last glance back at the building. "What happened to it? The shop, I mean."
"Oh, that? The owner died. Then his successor decided that he didn't want to run the shop anymore, so instead of selling it he simply boarded it up and abandoned it. It was one of the first businesses to leave."
For some reason, at that particular spot in the neighborhood, Tsuna had felt the need to say something.
IX. Lies!
Old black-and-white movies were Nana's favorite. She always thought they had a certain charm to them. When Tsuna came in through the front door, she and Bianchi were on the couch in the living room, and Casanova was on. Bianchi was lying on her side and drifting in and out of sleep. Nana had already been swept up in the romance of the movie.
"How was the late-night chess club meeting, Tsu-kun?" she yelled to him over the TV volume.
He paused. He was halfway up the stairs. "Uh, fine, Mom." He continued the mad dash to his room.
Nana just grinned and said mostly to herself, "It's so good that Tsu-kun is finally involved in something for school."
Tsuna was careful to shut the door calmly so as to not seem suspicious. He hadn't even been out of Hayato's company for a minute and he already craved his touch, his scent, his voice, his eyes again. He skulked to the window, wondering if he could still see Hayato walking down the road, or maybe still out in the yard. The contrast in lighting made only his reflection appear in the glass.
"Have a nice date, No-Good Tsuna?" came a voice.
Tsuna practically jumped out of his skin. He whipped around to see Reborn sitting on his bed with a green chessboard in front of him and a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
"Jeez, Reborn," Tsuna said, gripping his chest. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."
"I figured I'd wait for you," Reborn replied, tipping a rook with the end of his pudgy index finger.
Tsuna awkwardly made his way a few more feet into the room. "That's not weird at all."
"Want me to test your chess skills? I'm sure after tonight's meeting, you're getting pretty good. Then again, it was only your first." Something in Reborn's voice gave Tsuna a sneaking suspicion of double-meaning.
Sweat began pouring down Tsuna's face. "Uh, um, ah... M-maybe not tonight. I am k-kinda tired, now, a-after all..."
Reborn did his trademark little "I knew it" grin. Reborn stuck his hand under the chessboard; Leon morphed back into his lizard form and crawled up his master's arm to his shoulder. Leon's creepy, yellow, unblinking eyes stared at Tsuna accusingly.
"You were on a date with Gokudera, weren't you?" Reborn said.
Tsuna inhaled sharply. He grit his teeth for a second before he answered. "H-how did you know?"
"Silly No-Good Tsuna," Reborn said. "You can't keep anything from me. You might as well not even try." He winked at him, jumped down off of Tsuna's bed, crossed Tsuna's room, and mounted his hammock. "On second thought, do try. It'll be more fun for me when I figure it out."
X. In you I trust.
His hands cooled around the metal key. He adjusted the hood of his jacket as he inserted the key into the deadbolt on his apartment door. Once he himself was inside, Mel, with her wide marble eyes, raced to him and grazed his leg. Her tail was in the air.
Hayato picked her up and dug his fingers into her neck. She began to purr. He was used to being in the dark here. He wondered how long Mel had been around. She was an interesting cat that had wandered in and out of Hayato's life for years. When she got restless in his arms, he let her leap down to the floor.
I'm sorry, he thought in her direction. I just feel like I still need to hold someone.
Hayato shuffled across the concrete floor to where he knew the futon was. He crashed onto the cushion, grabbed the nearest throw pillow, and held it tight, pretending it was his precious Tenth, until he fell asleep.
