Title: Even Brains Can Have Fun
Author: Dissedent
Rating: PG-13, because... I don't know. How the hell do you rate something like this?
Warnings: um... weirdness, weirdness... weirdness... I really can't think of any other way to put it.
Disclaimer: No, Harry Potter and Co. do not belong to me, and after you read this I'm sure that you will agree with me that that is a very, very good thing. Also, I got this plot bunny from the plot_bunnies yahoo group. The plot bunny was donated by wendyicecream.
Summary: Harry and friends, or what's left of them, get bored while floating around in their respective jars. They decide to have some fun, and what's better than a game of truth or dare between brains?
Author's Note: My muse made me do it. And I'm pretty sure she's been sniffing something while I wasn't looking...
Chapter One (see the Author scream "Dear Gods, it's developed CHAPTERS! NOOO!!!")
'Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored...' Harry was thinking, oddly enough "singing" to the tune of a cat food commercial he'd viewed on the telly once. He idly reached out a long, moist, sticky tentacle and stroked Voldemort's head softly.
The brain, since that was all that was left of Harry at this point, giggled silently as Voldemort pulled away and started cursing. Harry laughed harder as Voldemort got up and left the office, muttering something about needing a shower.
Another tentacle landed on top of Harry, and he heard Hermione's amused voice.
'Serves him right for keeping a bunch of brains in his office and not even having the decency to give us some sort of entertainment, right, Harry?' she said.
Harry nodded, before remembering that he couldn't nod because he didn't have a body anymore. 'Yeah,' he thought at her.
'Bloody inconsiderate of him, really,' said another voice, Ron this time.
'Have any ideas of what we can do to amuse ourselves?' asked Harry.
'We could climb out of our jars and bounce around on his paperwork again,' suggested Ron, sounding rather cheerful at the thought of getting brain slime all over the ruler of the world's account books... again.
'When did we do that last?' asked Harry curiously. 'I can't remember.'
'Two weeks ago. Honestly, Harry, all you have left is your brain. You'd think you'd have learned to use it properly by now,' came Hermione's voice, sounding cross.
'I miss wanking,' said Ron's voice very softly, which told Harry that Ron hadn't meant for them to hear that. That was the problem with conversations that were between brains, sometimes random and not so appropriate thoughts slipped through unbidden.
'RON!!!' squealed Hermione. 'You – you –' She seemed to be at a loss for words.
'Just because we died before you got any...' came Ron's sullen voice.
Harry, at this point, had been overcome with hysterical giggles.
Hermione had apparently decided that now was a good time to change the subject... or rather, to get the conversation back to being about what it was supposed to be, before Ron had had his little brain fart. 'How about we play Truth or Dare?' she paused, 'since Ron obviously needs to work off some of his frustration.'
'All right,' said Harry, thankful that he no longer had to catch his breath after laughing, 'but I'd better not end up massaging Dumbledore's tentacles like I did the last time.'
'Hey, bouncing on top of Snape was worse,' said Ron, sounding rather ill at the thought.
'I thought you liked bouncing,' remarked Hermione mock-innocently. It was Ron's turn to sputter incoherently.
'Er, I'll just go tell everyone else, shall I?' asked Harry, pulling his tentacles away from the other two and slowly climbing out of his jar, landing on the shelf under it with a rather sickening sounding plop! As he inched forward, Harry idly wondered if this is what it felt like to be an octopus.
When he reached the first jar over, he swiftly grabbed hold of the top edge of the jar and pulled himself into it. The plop! of this landing was slightly less disgusting sounding than the first. Harry grinned inwardly as he slowly drifted down to the bottom of the jar, moving back and forth as he did so. Hehe, swimming was fun. Maybe one day they could convince Voldemort to get them all a big fish tank so that they could swim around... like octopuses.
Harry could just hear Hermione's voice telling him "It's octopi, Harry" but that thought was driven out of his, er, brain, or at least driven to a different and rather less important part of his brain when he landed right on top of this jar's resident brain.
'POTTER!' Harry grinned at Snape's shout.
'Yes, Professor?'
'Have you NO sense of privacy?!' demanded Snape angrily.
'Of course I do, sir, but we're playing Truth or Dare and you know that Professor Dumbledore won't let you sit out.'
'Get. Out. Of. My. JAR!' Harry wondered if that tone of voice meant that Snape would, if he could, be strangling him, or whether he had he driven him all the way to the point of evisceration...
'Yes, sir. I wouldn't want to invade your bubble.'
'Yes, get out of my bubble – Dammit, Potter!'
Oh, definitely evisceration at this point. Yup. Harry grinned mentally and once more climbed out of the jar. This time, instead of climbing into the next one, he merely sent a tentacle in.
'Professor Dumbledore?'
'Can I help you, Harry?' the Headmaster's brain replied. Harry carefully controlled his thoughts, since Dumbledore seemed to be more adept at picking up strays than any of the other brains.
'We're gathering a game of Truth or Dare, sir,' said Harry.
'Have you talked to Severus already?' asked Dumbledore. Harry laughed.
'Yes, sir. He was as pleased as usual.'
'I'm sure he was.'
Withdrawing his tentacle, Harry slithered off to bother – er, that is, announce the game to Draco Malfoy.
