A/Ns: After months and months of work, roadblock after roadblock and several teasers over on my Tumblr, I am thrilled to unveil my entry for this year's YGO Big Bang. But before we dive right in, a few things:

Some thank yous first of all (let's get that mushy stuff out the way before the first chapter, shall we) - to the Mods, for running this awesome event and being patient as heck with my newness to this sort of thing; to Tumblr user tachishini for putting their epic photoshop skills to good use to create the amazing banner I can't show on this site in any form except for the unfortunately small cover image, to my brilliant Beta whose mad skills you can admire over at ask-thebrothers-kaiba on Tumblr; to my pal Serial for letting me bounce around about a trillion terrible ideas before settling on ones I liked way back at the beginning; and to everyone who encouraged me along the way.

For those of you familiar with the original tale, below you will find a cast list with the characters from A Christmas Carol and their AKC counterparts; but if you'd rather be surprised, feel free to just scroll really fast or something. Don't forget to leave me your thoughts, and thanks for reading!


Scrooge – Seto Kaiba

Nephew Fred – Mokuba Kaiba

Bob – Yugi Muto

Tiny Tim – "Little" Kuriboh (as a human, but still speaks like the Duel Monster)

The Ghost Of Christmas Past – Yami Yugi

The Ghost Of Christmas Present – Yami Marik

The Ghost Of Christmas Future – Yami Bakura w/ Ryou

Jacob Marley – Gozaburo Kaiba

Fezziwig – Pegasus

Belle – Joey Wheeler

Mrs Cratchit – Téa Gardner

Cratchit Kids – Ishizu, Odeon, Marik

Fan – Noah Kaiba

Belle's Husband – Mai Valentine

Joe & The Woman – Rex & Weevil (but as card traders)


Kaiba was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt about that. Old Gozaburo Kaiba was as dead as a doornail.

Seto knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? He was his sole executor, his sole administrator, his sole assign, his sole residuary legatee, his sole son, and his sole mourner. Actually, I lied about those last two things. This story is, after all, a parody, so please allow me to take a little creative licensing from the original tale.

In life, Gozaburo actually had two sons, and I couldn't say rightly that either mourned his passing. Neither cried, nor sulked in the slightest. They weren't happy to learn of his death, but they weren't sad about it either.

There is definitely no doubt that Gozaburo Kaiba was dead – despite what the Virtual World arc may have you believe. This must be distinctly understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate.

Seto never painted out old Kaiba's name, mostly because it was the same as his own. There it stood at the very top of the tallest building in Domino: Kaiba Corporation. The most well-known gaming company to ever cater almost exclusively to one fad and still somehow make billions a year, thanks to the astute leadership skills of its president and CEO.

Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand to the grindstone, Seto! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as a flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret and self-contained, as solitary as an oyster. The cold within him froze his features, and probably accounted for that ridiculously impractical long coat he wears all year round for some reason. And this cold temperature he carried with him didn't thaw one degree at Christmas.

It was the eve of the day, and Seto sat busy in his office. The door was open, and he could just make out his spiky-haired clerk typing away at his computer. When the clock struck six, and not a minute beforehand, Yugi Muto got to his feet and happily collected his things to prepare for the long trek home.

"A merry Christmas to you!" cried a cheerful voice. It belonged to the little brother alluded to several paragraphs ago.

Before Yugi could return the sentiment, the CEO spoke up. "Bah!" he said. "Humbug!"

"Christmas a humbug, brother!" said young Mokuba. "I don't know what a humbug is, but I am sure you don't mean that."

"I do," Seto insisted.

"Don't be cross, Seto."

"What else can I be, when I live in such a world of fools as this? What is Christmas but a time for financial loss; of paying bills and finding yourself a year older and not an hour richer? If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with Merry Christmas on his lips, would be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a Sword of Revealing Light through his heart."

"Brother, I know you don't like Christmas, but please leave pudding out of this." Mokuba took a deep breath and continued speaking. "Christmas is a kind, forgiving, charitable and pleasant time; and though it's never put a cent in my pocket, I believe that Christmas has done me good, and willdo me good, and I am glad it exists!"

Yugi, who was pretending to not hear this conversation, blew his cover then by involuntarily applauding. He caught himself suddenly and continued his pack-up by shutting down the computer.

He'd only gotten so far when someone approached his desk, asking for Kaiba. The lunatic gestured towards the open office door, and into the room stepped a man Seto was far from pleased to see.

"Mr Kaiba," he said cordially, and Seto looked up to see a name tag that identified the man as one, Tristan Taylor. "At this festive season of the year, it is desirable that we should bear in mind the poor and destitute. There are many in want of common necessities, and as such, there are those of us endeavouring to raise a fund for these people. Therefore, we take it upon ourselves to ask men of your financial standing to assist by offering a small donation, in the spirit of the holiday. What shall I put you down for?"

"Nothing," said Seto.

"You wish to remain anonymous?" asked Tristan.

"I wish to be left alone," answered Seto. "I do not make merry myself at Christmas-" (that much was true.) "-And I cannot afford to make idle people merry." (That much was not true.) "I know how to treat the poor. My taxes help pay for shelters and halfway homes. If the poor are in need of food or sanctuary, they must go there, Christmas or not."

"Oh, no, you misunderstand!" the man said jovially. "I said we were raising funds for common necessities , sir. In this case, Duel Monsters booster packs. Would you believe that one in five kids don't own any cards at all? Not even a basic polymerisation."

"Oh, Seto, help them!" Mokuba cried out.

"Quiet!" Seto ordered, before redirecting his attention back to Tristan. "If they cannot afford trading cards, then they should go without."

"But some would rather die!" answered the horrified man.

"If they would rather die, they'd better do it, and decrease the surplus population! Good afternoon!"

Seeing that it was useless to pursue the point, Tristan withdrew; after which, Seto turned to his clerk. "I suppose you'll want the whole day tomorrow."

"If you don't mind, sir," Yugi answered.

"But I do," Seto retorted. "Christmas…family…friends…tradition…all poor excuses for picking a man's pocket every year. You ought to keep your mind on more important matters, like videogames and trading cards. But as I seem to be the only one in the God-forsaken town who knows this-" he sighed. "Take the day off, but be here all the earlier the next day."

The clerk promised he would, and Seto stormed out with a growl, his little brother in tow. Outside, Yugi headed in the opposite direction; while Seto and Mokuba walked towards one of their many fancy cars, Yugi turned his coat up against a cold breeze and took the familiar path home.