Ryou Bakura--Tomb Robber You Are NOT

By: Neko-chan



A/N: Neee... Anyway, I was just able to get seasons one and two in the original Japanese format and I've been watching them for the past several days. My favorite episode still has to be the episode where Jyounouchi is battling against the specter cards underground...and Ryou keeps on getting into traps. But there's a problem with this. Some people say that it really and truly IS Ryou falling into traps. Other people say that it's actually Yami Bakura, purposely falling into traps so that he could trick the others. Sooo...this fic will have two chapters, one told from Yami Bakura in his Soul Room, and the second chapter will deal with him actually falling into the traps.

Just to let you know--Yami Bakura will be very... Hmmm, what's the word? Oh, yeah. Stupid. He's going to be very stupid in this fic. Why? True--he and Yami Yuugi are my favorite characters...but I like to torture them more. D Heh. Anyway, enjoy! ^_^

DISCLAIMER:

Black Magician: *sighs* Why is it always ME that ends up doing your disclaimers, Neko-chan?

Urusei! Just get it over with, already! _

Black Magician: ...¬.¬;; Neko-chan doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. True, she wouldn't mind getting her hands on Yami Yuugi, Yami Bakura, Malik, Yami Malik, Ryou, Yuugi, myself, Elf Swordsman, and Kaiba...but we can thank RA (repeatedly and with many hymns of thanks) that this is NEVER going to happen. The worse thing that she could ever possibly do is write fiction about us. *sighs* Which she does, anyway. -.-;;

...you are such a smart aleck, Black Magician. _







PART ONE: In Which Yami Bakura Bemoans The Fact That His Hikari Is A Klutz



Heh. Stupid Pharaoh. He thought that he was able to defeat me. He thought that he was able to destroy me--sending me to the graveyard instead of hikari-twerp. What a fool. I guess he never realized that it's impossible to get rid of me while my hikari is still in possession of the Sennen Ring. I guess he really does deserve the title of Pharaoh no Baka! If he actually manages to beat Pegasus J. Crawford in a duel, I'll... Well, I don't really KNOW what I'll do, but it'll be something drastic...

Hmmm... I wonder what they are doing right now, though. It's hard to hear things while I'm in my Soul Room, but snatches of conversation still come to me. It seems as if Jyounouchi got lost somewhere along the way. But... Is he truly lost or did something happen to me? Hn. I wonder how long it'll take for them to figure it all out. They're all fools!

My hikari is going into an underground cave. Why? Can't he see that it's just a trap? How could anyone be so damn stupid? NANI?! The Pharaoh no Baka is following him?! STUPID STUPID STUPID!! IIE! Can't you all see that this is just a trap? We're going to get locked in here, I just know it.

HIKARI!!! What are you DOING?! DON'T touch the coffin! No, stop moving your legs! Don't go any closer! Stupid! Baka! I swear, if you even THINK about touching that coffin----

My hikari is an idiot.

And now he's running around in circles with that girl, Anzu, with a skeleton attached to his back. I'd whack him upside the head if I had the chance to. Really and truly--my hikari is an idiot. Hmmm... I wonder how long it'll take before hikari realizes that the skeleton attached to his body is a fake? Hikari no Baka.

Still running around in circles...

Hasn't stopped yet...

Still running...

No, not yet, either...

Gaaah... When will hikari finally just realize that it's a FAKE?! A FAKE, HIKARI! If I was weak like that Pharaoh no Baka, I would probably burst into tears at how I got stuck with such a... A... Well, an idiot for a hikari! Blech...

...FINALLY!!!

I have to remember to give Honda a fast death when I finally take over the world using the Sennen Items. It's humiliating--watching my hikari run around and around in circles, just waiting for him to finally notice that the skeleton that was draped over his shoulders was fake. And if I wasn't such an evil yami, I would probably even thank Honda. But I'm not. So, HA!

Hikari no Baka...

Pharaoh no Baka...

Maybe they should have ended up as the yami and hikari pair, ne? Hmmm... Maybe something that I have to look further into. It's worth looking further into, anyway. After all, how else will I get his Sennen Puzzle? Heh. It _will_ be mine, the Pharaoh no Baka...

Hmmm? Nani? What's that sound? It seems as if it's coming from behind us, but no one is behind us, right? So what can that be? It sounds big, whatever it is...

Oh. My. Ra.

RUN! RUN, HIKARI!!! Move those legs! Faster! Faster! Move faster, Ra damn you! Can't you move ANY FASTER?! The boulder is catching up on us! FASTER!!! Gah!! When I possess his body, why couldn't I have decided to have longer legs?! Either way, we're screwed!

AAAAHHHH!!!!

RUN FASTER, HIKARI-TWERP!!!

...damn. It was all just another illusion. Another trap. True, I was a Tomb Robber when I was alive... Maybe I'm losing my edge? No way. It has to completely be hikari's fault. After all, _I_ knew that the boulder was a fake all along! Heh. I did--really. Hikari-twerp couldn't see that, though.

Hmmm... I wonder... When I finally meet Pegasus, should I just kill him for all of the traps that he's leaving for us? (And if I decide on this choice, I'll make sure that it's a very LONG and very PAINFUL death... Heh. Blood.) Or do I just want to take the Sennen Eye and cause as much psychological damage as I possibly can? Decisions, decisions. Never mind, anyway. I'll just do both. Heh.

ACK!

HIKARI, DON'T STEP THERE! DON'T STEP THERE! IIE! DON'T STEP THERE, HIKARI-TWERP!!!

Iie... Another trap that he fell into. Why do I feel like bursting into tears? He's my hikari--wouldn't it make sense that some of my talents would have passed on to him? Pharaoh no Baka's hikari is an extraordinary duelist. Why couldn't I have a hikari that can go five steps without tripping over his own feet or stepping into trap after trap? Just a LITTLE bit of my Tomb Robber capabilities--that's all I ask for. Is that really and truly too much to ask for???

IIE!

YOUR FEET!! YOUR FEET!! LOOK BEFORE YOU STEP, HIKARI-TWERP!!!

Iie... Not AGAIN.





A/N: Heh. Kinda short, I know. ^_^;; But that segment of the episode was kinda short--and I just HAD to get this out of my head. I hope it made you laugh, anyway.

Yami Bakura: I hate you.

^__________________^ Heh. And I adore you, Yami Bakura! *_*

Yami Bakura: o.o;;

LOL! Anyway, I'll put up the second part to this after I update a couple of my other stories. (I.E.: What Is Forever? and Elemental Magick.) Buuut...expect the second part sometime soon! ^_~ So review and make a cat-girl happy, ne? Onegai?