Okay, here's a VERY sad Dan and Phil fic (NOT PHAN! ) I hope you enjoy it! Please give me feedback, thank you so much!


It has been exactly three months since Dan has committed suicide. I am trying to move on with my life. I really am. I just can't. I lost my best friend.

I have began cutting myself again, I like the numb feeling I get when the blade digs into my skin. When the blood rushes down my arms, it gives me a feeling of happiness. I stopped making Youtube videos, which means I don't earn any more money. I moved back in with my parents and my two brothers, Martin and Luke. I have become anorexic.. Nobody in my family knows this, I just always make up excuses on why I'm not eating.

"Phil can you please set the table," My mother calls from the kitchen. The smell of dinner filled my nose. I shut my laptop and walk into the kitchen setting the table. Everyone in my family thinks I am getting better. They don't know I cut my self every night, they don't know I'm starving myself, they don't know how it feels to loose your best friend.

I finished setting the table and sat down. The rest of my family filled in also. My mum comes in and serves us all food before sitting down.

Martin looks at me, and my completely full plate.

"Phil, aren't you going to eat?" My 29 year old brother asks me.

" Oh. I'm not really hungry, I went out for food awhile ago with my friends," I lied to Martin. I don't have anymore friends. Since Dan has gone, I have been to miserable to even be around Chris or Pj. Just looking at them reminds me too much of Dan. I left the house to go visit Dan's grave. They didn't know this, they truly thought I went out to see Chris and Pj.

Luke, my 12 year old brother smirks at me.

" I went in your room earlier to grab your Ds charger, because I lost mine, and I saw you have a picture of you and Dan," when he says his name, it brings chills down my back. I miss Dan so much. He continues on "I thought you said you weren't gay. Why do you have a picture of Dan," He laughs at me, and Martin stops him. Martin sort of knows how much pain i'm going through.

" I'm not gay! I just wanted a picture with my best friend, thats all," everything I told look was true. I wanted to go hide in my room, I wanted to burst into tears. I wish Dan never killed himself. I wish he knew how much he meant to me! He was my best friend. Not boyfriend. best friend.


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