I'M SO LAZY. I'M SO SORRY. But here's this one instead of the BoredCon.
Influenced in part by Optimegwing. Huzzah~
Disclaimer: Do not own stargate or Transformers.
--
"For the last time, McKay, no." John snapped irritably as he strode down the hallway of Atlantis, making his way to the Jumper Bay.
Rodney McKay hurried to catch up to John's longer steps, clutching his data pad to his chest in an effort to keep it from knocking onto the floor as he jogged to match the soldier's strides. "What do you mean, 'no?' Batman could totally kick Superman's ass on any planet!"
"No, he couldn't. Superman's much stronger than Batman!"
McKay smirked as the two rounded the corner and walked past two other residents on Atlantis, who nodded in greeting. "Yeah, but only on Earth. It's our sun that gives him our powers. If he were back on Krypton he'd be completely normal!" As he pressed the mechanism to open the Jumper bay doors he smirked triumphantly at John, who rolled his eyes. "Batman could kick ass on any planet."
"Whatever."
"You know I'm right."
John ignored the other man and thrust his hands casually into his pocket, watching as McKay set down his data pad and opened the back of a Puddle Jumper, his eyes narrowing as he picked up his data pad again and scanned over the readings. "Huh."
John tilted his head, peeking over his shoulder at the readings on the pad. "What?"
McKay held up his hand for silence and continued to examine the readings, his hand turning back to the pad. "This is weird. I'm getting weird energy spikes from this Jumper." Furrowing his brow he stepped into the Jumper, John trailing behind silently. "Huh." McKay grunted again, raising his hands to search for the compartment with the Jumper's crystals, his brow knitting in frustration when he couldn't find the seams. "It's usually right here."
John rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall of the Jumper, not noticing when his shoulder hit a miniscule button.
They both noticed, however, when the Jumper emitted a massive shudder, both men scrabbling for a hold when it gave a great shake. "What did you do?" McKay shouted at the other man, who stared at the scientist incredulously.
"What do you mean what did I do? How can you possibly pin this on me?" John shouted back.
"I don't know, but when things like this happen it's usually your fault!" At John's stare, McKay opened his mouth, only to be cut off when the Jumper gave yet another shake, the screen turning on.
"What is that?" John gestured at the foreign lettering on the screen, and McKay merely gave a shrug of his shoulders in reply.
"No idea."
--
Heavy footsteps sounded down the hallway, echoing around the walls and travelling down the passage, bringing themselves to the auditory sensors to each Autobot in the room. Some stiffened, their necks craning to catch a glimpse of such heavy footsteps. Others merely ignored it, continuing their work as if nothing were amiss.
Of course, in the Ark, when one went stomping through the halls, it usually meant someone was in trouble. Or that someone had gotten their paint job messed.
Wheeljack looked up from the data pad filled with his latest experiment, cocking his optic ridge as he waited for whoever was in possession of such heavy, angry footfalls to pass by the door. He wasn't entirely surprised when a great white foot stopped outside the opening to the rec room, and his optics travelled up to capture the very angry, very dangerous looking face of Ratchet.
Everyone in the Rec room froze, and Ratchet regarded each and every occupant carefully, his left optic twitching and flickering as his system worked to keep the medic from overheating. "Where… Are they?" He ground out, his hands clenching and unclenching around a pair of wrenches.
"Where's who?" Wheeljack dared ask, though he knew by how agitated Ratchet looked who the culprits already were before the medic responded.
"Twins." Wheeljack would have replied, except he was also now distracted by something by his foot.
As he looked down briefly, he cocked his optic ridges in surprise at the sight of the two twins of Ratchet's current attention, both looking up at Wheeljack desperately, Sideswipe shaking his head as rapidly as he could without drawing attention to himself, while Sunstreaker merely contented himself with fixing a deadly stare on the scientist. Now, how the two had gotten underneath the table he was currently working at without his notice was beyond him, but rather than ask questions he merely shrugged and continued tapping away at his data pad, not willing to get between the trio's common event.
Ratchet, seeing Wheeljack's shrug gave an angry grunt and moved from the room, his optics scanning down the hall for the twins, muttering angrily under his breath and nearly trotting on Skyfire, who stepped off to the side and watched the angry medic make his way with an amazed look on his face.
Continuing onward and into the rec room, he stood at the door, ducking his head slightly before it could graze the ceiling. "What's up with Ratchet?" He asked, tilting his head to the side as he waited for an explanation.
At Ratchet's name the twins jumped up from under the table, startling Wheeljack, who threw his data pad into the air with surprise. Scrambling about, waving his hands above his head he made a dive for the document, emitting a small sigh of relief before turning his head to glare at the yellow and red pair, who allowed themselves a brief moment of guilt before pushing past Skyfire's body and out into the hall, both running the opposite direction Ratchet had left from.
Wheeljack hugged his pad to his chest, watching as the Lamborghini brothers scampered off. "They're up with Ratchet." He answered and deposited himself and his now safe data pad back in their original positions, gesturing for Skyfire to make his way over.
The large shuttle took a seat beside his friend and stretched, waiting for the satisfying popping noise of coils and gears before seating himself properly. "What did they do this time, do you know?"
Wheeljack merely shrugged, staring down at his data pad with a frown upon his face. "It's sad." He said, after a moment.
"What is?"
"That their pranks are becoming so commonplace we don't seem to care." Wheeljack sighed softly, the air blowing from his vents softly before he stood, scooping his data pad under his arm and bidding farewell to Skyfire, who reached for an energon cube before settling down to drink.
However, he was not to have a peaceful drink, as out of nowhere two blurs, one yellow and the other red, fleeing at a speed that could rival even Blurr's passed his field of vision. The larger Autobot then yelped, nearly springing out of his seat when Sideswipe, in a panicked frenzy, dove behind him and clung to his arm, peeking over the shuttle's hand to the rec room doorway. Sunstreaker perched himself uneasily against the small alcove in the wall, working to keep the apprehension from his face.
Ratchet now stood in the doorway, his face shadowed angrily at the door, his wrenches now spinning menacingly in each hand. "I know you're in here, you little fraggers. Now come out." He growled, and he once again spun his wrenches. His optics roved the room, finally landing on the unsettled looking Skyfire, who swallowed his energon nervously and swished the liquid in its square cup nervously.
Sideswipe yelped when a wrench soon zipped past his head, grazing Skyfire's arm slightly in its passing. Another wrench, aimed with deadly accuracy, launched itself to Sunstreaker, who howled and jumped from his hiding place, landing in a skidding yellow mess on the floor, where the medic then proceeded to stomp forward and deal Sunstreaker a rather astounding blow to the yellow warrior's head. Ignoring Sunstreaker's loud protests about the state of his paint, Ratchet then crossed to the uncharacteristically cowering Sideswipe, who earned himself a similar slap to the head.
"You little fraggers think it's funny to paint my medbay pink?" He snapped, folding his hands across his chest and staring down at the twins, his optics flashing a darker blue with anger.
"I think it looks nice." Sideswipe offered hesitantly, drawing himself into a higher sitting position to look up at the current object of his terror.
"It even smells like lilacs." Sunstreaker pushed the point forward, working hard to keep the mounting apprehension from his face.
"Gee, could it be because you sprayed everything with that infernal scent? You know how annoying it will be to remove that stench from the medbay?" The CMO snarled, then hauled the twins to their feet, tugging them none too gently by the arms out of the Rec Room. "You're cleaning it all up. Now." He ordered as he pushed them out in front of him and into the hall.
The room was silent after their departure, and the few mechs actually in the room at the time were glued to their spots, either from shock or silent amusement at the situation. Finally, one Autobot, Bumblebee, spoke up and sounded out what seemed to be everyone's opinion on the matter. "They are so fragged." He noted before returning to his energon and conversation with the still shocked Hound.
--
This, Shepherd reflected, was not his day. As he and McKay both crouched behind a puddlejumper, Shepherd's sidearm out and to the side, though upon reflection, he doubted it would do anything to the now shaking and steaming puddlejumper a little ways away from him. McKay was tapping rapidly at his data pad, panic flashing through his eyes.
"Turn it off!" Shepherd snapped at the scientist, who stopped in his work briefly to throw an irritated glare at the soldier before returning to tapping away madly at his data pad.
Something dinged in Shepherds ear and he winced momentarily before reaching up and tapping the button of the microphone at the side of his head. "What?" He snapped, turning his attention back to the still moving puddlejumper.
"What did you do?" Weir's voice emitted over the speaker and John stopped, spreading his hands out indignantly.
"What do you mean, 'what did I do?' Why are you blaming me?" he replied, once again curling both hands around his sidearm and only half listening as Weir launched into her explanation.
Technically, he couldn't even half-listen. Because now, before him, the puddlejumper's outer shell seemed to warp and shift, pieces seemingly melting away and shifting into new positions. Reaching down he tapped McKay's shoulder and nodded into the direction of the incident, and both soldier and scientist watched as the puddlejumper, now in the form of a rather large bipedal mechanism.
It stood, stretching as only a human could when forced to remain in one position, emitting an electronic squeak before proceeding to observe its surroundings, blue optics scanning the room before landing on the two humans, who remained hunched in their position.
What happened next confused the two humans, as the mechanisms optics seemed to widen, and then with what John could only assume to be a panicked squeal the mechanism backed up, bumping itself into another puddlejumper and landing in a large metal heap before skidding backwards, still squealing.
"Open the doors!" John shouted to McKay, who hesitated momentarily before pressing something on the pad and opening the top doors. After a moments hesitation the mechanism launched itself upwards and outside.
McKay closed the door and slumped down onto the floor, turning his head to look up at John, who folded his arms across his chest. "Okay, you can't say that was me." John said, half to McKay and half to Weir, who had gone silent through the comm. Channel.
--
"This isn't fair." Sideswipe grumped as he pressed a large roller to the walls, swearing as pale yellow paint dripped in front of him, marking his arms with the stuff.
"Yeah! Why do you even think it was us?" Sunstreaker grumbled as he also rolled paint onto the walls, somehow remaining as clean as he was before, Sideswipe noted angrily as he slathered another glob of paint onto the wall.
Ratchet leaned against the opposite, still pink wall. "You both ran when I approached. And, in the process of running, proceeded to deposit your supplies in the middle of the hall."
"Oh. Well with that logic I guess it's pretty irrefutable, isn't it?" Sideswipe acknowledged as he rolled more paint onto the wall.
"Do you even know what irrefutable means?" Sunstreaker snorted. In response Sideswipe flicked his roller in Sunstreaker's direction, the yellow warrior yelping as the pale yellow hit his side. "You fragger!" he shouted, flicking his own roller at his twin.
Two well aimed wrenches put a stop to the paint fight and they turned to regard the medic, both rubbing their heads sourly. "Where do you get all those?" Sideswipe grumbled as he resumed painting, sending sidelong glares to his twin.
"I have a box. Now shut up and keep working." Ratchet continued to review his pads and all was quiet momentarily, until the medic bay doors hissed open and Prowl strode in, his optics widening slightly at the state of the twins before pulling out a data pad.
"Oh good, Prowl! Just the bot I wanted to see!" Sideswipe grinned cheerily as he dropped his paint roller onto the floor, causing the paint to splatter as he raced to the black and white Autobot.
"What?" Prowl asked, his voice monotone but for a trace of annoyance.
"Do you see what Ratchet is making us do? It's slavery I tell you!" Sideswipe whimpered, widening his optics to attempt at an innocent gaze up at the Autobot tactician, who regarded him coolly.
"I'm sure you probably deserved it."
"That wounds me in ways you couldn't possibly imagine!" Sideswipe cried, his hands fluttering to his chest as he swooned backwards. "Catch me, brother!" He cried out before falling backwards onto the med bay floor with a loud thump. Sunstreaker stood to one side, the roller in his hand. Staring at his sibling, he leaned forward and placed the roller on his brother's head, rolling it down his chest casually before taking it off.
"You're a freak."
Sitting up Sideswipe wiped the paint off his face, leaving pale yellow smears on his cheeks and helm as he glared up at Sunstreaker. "You're a horrible brother." He grumbled before staggering to his feet.
Prowl and Ratchet, ignoring the entire exchange instead chose to focus instead on the data pad currently in the tactician's hand. "Cosmos is sure?" Ratchet asked, his optics scanning the pad's contents.
"Yes. He double checked the information. You are to assemble at the entrance at the time of departure." Prowl affirmed, and closing the pad's contents he turned to the twins, his mouth drawn in a hard, unpleasant line. "Unfortunately Ratchet, your med bay will have to remain in this state for the present time."
Ratchet's head snapped up to regard Prowl. "You're not saying-"
"I am sorry, but yes. They will be accompanying you." Prowl at least sounded mildly apologetic at this, and as he left the room he could distinctly hear the sound of metal pounding onto a wall and the muffled voice of Sideswipe telling Ratchet to 'stop hitting your head on the wall, you'll ruin the paint!'
Several moments later Ratchet and the two twins, both now clean of paint milled about outside, waiting for whoever would be joining them on the mission.
"So what's the mission?" Sideswipe bounced in front of Ratchet, who merely sighed in exasperation and pushed the red Lamborghini away from him. Unfortunately, Sideswipe merely bounced forward again and pushed his face right up in front of Ratchet. Reeling backwards Ratchet once again pushed the red warrior away, only to find him back in the same spot.
"Frag it will you stop going near me!" Ratchet snapped, shoving the red Autobot away from him once more, only to sigh in resignation as Sideswipe once again appeared in his face.
"Sideswipe, stop torturing our medic." Optimus admonished as he stepped out of the entrance and into the dwindling sunlight. With a pout Sideswipe stood back and off to the side, watching as three others approached. Upon scrutiny of their shadowy forms, still a bit of a distance away he gathered them to be Jazz, Skyfire, and Wheeljack.
As the three approached, another, much smaller form scurried behind them, and Sideswipe smirked as Bumblebee stumbled into view. "Sorry I'm late." The little yellow beetle grinned apologetically at the group.
"Wouldn't be a problem if you weren't so stubby." Sunstreaker muttered, earning a slap to the side of his head by Ratchet. Bumblebee, in his part, took it in stride and merely ignored the comment, turning his face up to Optimus.
"Let's go." The leader finally said, and broke into a brisk walk in the direction of Omega Supreme.
"So what's going on?" Sideswipe asked, falling into step behind the Autobot leader, his brother close behind him.
"Cosmos has detected Cybertronian activity on a planet, far from here. And normally, this wouldn't be an issue, save for the fact that there were large energy spikes usually found when one is attacked, or in battle." Optimus frowned behind his mask, and all fell silent as they approached the towering form of Omega Supereme's rocket form.
--
"It's going toward the main towers." Weir muttered over the open comm. Channel, and John tilted his 'jumper obligingly.
"Moving to intercept." A soldier replied and John followed, maneuvering his little puddle jumper to dart in front of the humanoid mechanism. The mechanism balked and spun in midair, squealing once more as it flew in the opposite direction before looping around, diving to skim the water before flying onto Atlantis' outer docks, skidding to a stop on the hard metal ground before stumbling forward, landing face first into a lingering puddle from a wave.
Sitting up it blinked owlishly, wiping the dirty water from its face before taking off into the air again. This time however, John watched in horror as the mechanism pulled out a weapon and aimed at the nearest puddlejumper. The shot went wide and John released the breath he was holding, only to suck another one in as the mechanism now aimed for him.
However, before it could squeeze off a shot, a red and white blur collided into the transformed puddlejumper with the sound of screeching metal on metal. The two collided to the docks, and John followed.
Stepping outside his 'jumper he stopped, his gun at his side as he took in the scene before him. The red and white blur, another robot, sat huddled around the other one, muttering comfortingly (He assumed, seeing as they were speaking in clicks and squeaks) into the other one, who clung shakily to the substantially larger one's form. John lowered his weapon and skirted behind his 'jumper, peeking over the edge to watch as the two robots stood up, the smaller gray former puddlejumper clinging closely to the other. "I think I missed something here." He said, mostly to himself, though his words trailed off when the two robots looked up and watched as a rocket landed a little ways away.
As the door hissed open John watched in shock as six other robots emerged, all staring down at the huddled form of the two robots. Noting that the seven robots all seemed to have their attention focused on the two John stepped out of hiding, his weapon in front of him.
At the human's movement the largest one turned his great head to regard John, who shrunk back momentarily, wary as to how to proceed.
He needn't think long, however, when the large red and blue robot kneeled down in front of him, regarding the human with a tilted head. "I am sorry. We mean you no harm."
"Oh good." John turned at the voice and watched as Weir walked quickly towards them, her face a cross between wonder and anger.
John thought she looked a little more angry than not.
"Then you can explain what all this is."
--
Aaaand there you have it. The stunningly unrevealing horribad first chapter.
