Disclaimer: All rights to the name "Welcome to the NHK" belong solely to Takimoto Tatsuhiko and any of his affiliates. I do not own this franchise nor do I profit from the writing of the story.
Author's Note: Having finished both the manga and anime (for a long while actually) I had been wanting to write about this series for a while. Anyway enjoy.
I have heard that happiness is fleeting and that true joy must come from within.
A simple quote said by a simple person. Often times I wondered whether the person who spoke those words had accounted for people who were unable to produce any joy for themselves. What then was the method required for such people to experience true joy?
Did it come in the form of money? Fame? Friends? Love?
The majority of my childhood was spent in the company of misery. My parents hated me and thought that I wasn't going to amount to anything. School was a blur as I segregated myself from my peers. I did not want to associate with the rest of school society. The other girls, jealous of my looks, took every opportunity to ridicule and bully me. I took their harassment without flinching. What they said was no worse than what my own parents said and thus I grew apathetic of their feeble attempts to break me.
The few boys who thought they had a chance were soon discouraged by my refusal to acknowledge their existence. They wouldn't even try to understand. All they cared about was the diamond shaped orifice between my legs. I had gotten the reputation of being a weirdo amongst the teenage boys and was avoided. All they wanted was a girl that was stupider than them and easy to seduce. When most girls spoke of fashion models and clothing I spoke of conspiracies and the powers that ruled the world.
Rothschild, Rockefeller, the Zionists.
It's amazing how petty teenage boys can be. I found the best way to get rid of their unwanted attention was to simply start talking about the true reality of the world and they would run with their tails between their legs. Pitiful.
What angered me the most, however, were the looks of pity that I got from my teachers.
How dare they presume I am so pathetic that I would warrant their pity?
I could hear their muted whispers as I walked down the hallways. How they were so 'concerned' about my isolation from the rest of the student body. That I needed 'help'. They would always send me to some counselor who thought he was the next incarnation of Freud.
I hated them.
They pretended to empathize with you when, in reality, they looked down at you. Often times they would spoon feed you some sympathetic bullshit in the hopes that you would open up and lay down your soul at their feet. They delighted in breaking young teenagers down, to listen to their sob stories and force them to come to terms with pains that they clearly were not ready to deal with and then pat themselves in the back and say that they were 'helping' their students. What a fucking joke.
Not once did I ever let them get to me and soon their frustration showed. Some of the counselors outright insulted me, calling me all sorts of names that administrators of their level shouldn't be telling students. Little did they know that I took pleasure in seeing their true forms unmasked before me, that I, once again, was right. The counselors were mere drones constructed by the powers that be. They were tasked in making their wards weak and pliant to society. It was their job, hell it was their livelihood. And the saddest part about all this was the fact that they genuinely thought they were doing good.
High school wasn't really any different as my first year was also a blur. Most of the students had learned to avoid me and the ones who tried to be friendly learned very quickly that I did not tolerate their presence. They allowed themselves to become slaves and I had no desire in mingling with the common herd.
It was at this time that I revived the near extinct Literary Club.
To be fair I wasn't really interested in literature but I did this to create a haven for myself of sorts. It didn't matter if anyone wanted to join. In fact I preferred that they leave me alone.
It wasn't until my second year that my life began to change.
The teachers had forced me to advertise my club. Thankfully many of the current students avoided me and the first years that did express some interest were often driven away by my apathetic response to their inquiries.
However the sight of one particular first year caught my attention.
He was thin but not emaciated. For a first year he was quite tall, about five foot six and his hair was unkempt. However it was his disposition that attracted him to me.
There seemed to be an air of apathy surrounding him. He walked around without seemingly a care in the world. While he did not look sad he certainly wasn't happy as well. If I had to guess he seemed to have a resigned acceptance of the world.
For some reason I felt an instant connection with him as I soon called out to him.
"Hey you! Come join the Literary Club."
The young man gave me a look of surprise but soon shrugged his shoulders as he came over and signed up. From then on my friendship with Satou Tatsuhiro began.
It's funny that the only time I can ever remember being happy in high school was when I was with Satou. Sure I had a boyfriend in high school but even then it was difficult to remember him or conjure any memory of him that made me feel a sense of happiness as they did when I thought of Satou.
Did I like him?
Perhaps but there was always a part of me that was afraid to push our relationship. I enjoyed the mutual relationship we had with each other. He was my friend….my only friend.
He often bragged to me about how he had many friends and yet not once did I ever see them. Was it pity that compelled me to stay by his side? I'm not sure but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was his only friend as well. To push that relationship to something romantic could have terrible consequences and I wasn't willing to sacrifice what I had with Satou.
Now that I think back on it perhaps this was unfair to Satou. I remember only asking Satou once what it would have been like had we decided to deepen our relationship but at that time it was too late. I was already going to graduate. Thankfully he chose to be silent. I don't think, in my emotional state at the time, I could have handled either answer.
As my life continued Satou still lingered in my mind. I finished college and worked as a civil servant for the government.
It filled me with some bitterness that I was working for an institute that was a direct product of the powers that be. Working within the institution itself I found it very ironic that it was the people who held the least sympathy towards our clients were the ones who were moving up the ranks. It didn't matter if the client had met with misfortune and could not submit their paper work on time. If it did not conform to the stringent policies in place then they would be told to try their luck and apply again. Meanwhile I actually gave a damn about the people I was trying to help and instead of getting thanks I am ridiculed by my bosses. They call me idealistic, even foolish always claiming that it would cost too much money.
Ah yes...money. When the chips are down a person's value isn't worth the yen he or she carries. Often would I try to implement changes to better serve our clients and make their toil a bit easier but I am denied because it is too expensive. So we, as civil servants who are tasked to help families in need, are forced to take a step back and watch a family starve because it is too expensive for the local prefecture to afford? Yet members of our Diet Committee are constantly on the move visiting other countries when all the problems are here back home. With the amount of money they spend on their first class plane tickets, hotels and needless banquets they could have fed a thousand families.
Eventually I ended up getting into a relationship with the man that I would eventually marry. His name was Akira Jougasaki. If someone were to open a dictionary and look up the word 'perfect' then his face would be right there. He was handsome and fit as he worked out at least three times a week. He worked for a major company and made more yen in one week than I would in a year. Caring, nice, courteous the man was a complete gentleman as well. You would think that by hooking up with him that my problems were over and I would be happy for the rest of my life.
Despite being everything that women wish for I was not happy with him.
We never spent any time with each other outside of a few dates at a fancy restaurant. This wouldn't bother me so much were it not for the fact that he could never put his fucking phone down. I swear I think he speaks more to his business partners than to me when we have a date together.
It honestly pissed me off. I mean he spends all his time with his colleagues and yet still sacrifices our alone time to speak of business. More often than not I feel like the third wheel in the relationship, or the fucking mistress. Jougasaki was in a committed relationship with his job and I was just on the side. I never verbally expressed this to him and even if I did he would spoon feed me the same crap that the counselors did when I was a teenager.
So here I was a prisoner of the system. I was working for an entity that clearly served the conspirators and not the public they had sworn to protect and eventually got married to a man that was the perfect product of today's society. It was like the conspirators were aware of my knowledge of them and were doing their best to convert me as well.
It's funny that when I tried to commit suicide the person that saved me was Satou. Here was this hikikomori, a worthless parasite of society, and yet he was the only one who could understand me.
Truth be told when he held me in his arms and said that he would never let go I honestly was a hair away from reciprocating Satou's affections. The genuine joy he had when spending time with me and his desperate embrace to keep me close to him.
I vowed that, when we died, I would seek him out in our next life and this time I would do it right. I would devote myself to Satou and give him the love he deserved.
How cheaply vows can be made.
When Jougasaki showed up and proclaimed his intention to marry me I instantly forgot my feelings for Satou. For once it seemed that my boyfriend was serious and, if we were in a marriage, he would actually pay attention to me this time and give me the love I so desperately craved.
Yet I could not help but feel guilty. Even now I remembered the devastated expression on Satou's face. It came to my attention that I merely used him, that he was nothing more to me than a pillow and, when things got better, I would leave him and forget he ever existed.
If I could go back in time and do anything in life all over again I would have gone back to this time specifically. I would have gone to my past self and slapped her across the face for her stupidity. For here was a man that genuinely loved me. He adored me. He NEEDED me just as much as I NEEDED him. Deep down I knew this yet I didn't follow through.
Why?
Because I was lured by the material wealth of Jougasaki. Without even realizing it I let the conspirators gain a crucial victory over me as I allowed their pet minion to seduce me back into their fold. The reasoning was simple. A worthless hikikomori like Satou could never make me happy. He has no money, property or means to take care of you. He is nothing. Less than nothing.
At the time I told myself that settling down, getting married and having a child would make me happy all the while forgetting that the only person that has ever made me happy in my life was standing right next to me. Yet I spurned him, threw him aside. I mean how could the likes of Satou compare to a man like Jougasaki?
Five years later and here I am in a bar trying, once again, to drink my sorrows away. My son, Nasaki, is with his grandparents for the weekend. As for myself this was going to be the time that Jougasaki and I were going to spend some quality time with each other.
Instead, once again, he is called to work on some vital business. Not once has he ever failed the company and as such he is valued. They come to him for everything and reward him with status and yen.
I wonder if Jougasaki realizes just how much he has failed me. It doesn't matter.
Nothing has changed between us. Jougasaki gives me a roof over my head and all sorts of material things and believes that I'm genuinely happy. Yet I never rebuke him or his choices. Always I smile and wish him luck at work. If only he could see that I'm on the verge of shattering.
A wild thought comes to mind as I think of Satou once more.
I haven't seen him since New Year's Day five years ago. I wonder how he is doing. Is he still a hikikomori or did he manage to move on with life?
Tokyo isn't a far drive from where I'm at. With a quick chug I gulp my drink down as I make the trip to Tokyo. To see the one person who has made me happy.
Satou.
It is not long before I arrive at Mita House. I realize that I'm being indiscreet in not telling Satou ahead of time of my arrival. There is considerable risk in doing this. Satou very well could have moved from his apartment but I don't want him knowing that I'm looking for him.
I knock on the door of his apartment and no one answers. There is a sense of wild anticipation that builds in my stomach. It's funny that I am feeling these butterflies for a man that I haven't seen in five years and yet feel absolutely nothing for my own husband.
Seeing that no one is coming I knock harder on the door. I hear some rustling going on inside the apartment and soon could make out the soft footfalls of someone approaching the door. My heart rate is raising rapidly. I straighten my hair and then check my bag just to make sure that I still have the two bottles of sake at the ready.
The door opens and, to my utter joy, Satou's form appears.
Before I even give him time to react I instantly rush up and embrace him deeply crushing him close to my body. He grunts in surprise but he doesn't resist and instead lets me hold him. There is a sense of familiarity and comfort as I hold this man.
I notice too that he feels more solid than before. His arms feel strong and brawny and his back is broad. Before I can let my curiosity get the better of me he soon speaks.
"S-Sempai! Why are you here?"
"Is that anyway to treat your favorite sempai, huh Satou? Aren't you glad to see me?"
"Well yeah I'm happy to see you. It's just that this is so sudden."
I could feel him tense a bit. I let go of him as I look him over. As I suspected his body has filled out and he doesn't look as scrawny as he used to before. There is a pronounced mustache on his upper lip and his hair, as usual, is unkempt.
"Aren't you going to show me in Satou?"
"S-Sure."
With that he lets me enter his apartment. At once I can tell that there has been changes. What was once pretty much a mini garbage dump now looks rather decent. It's not immaculate but the room looks to be cared for at the least. What was once the overwhelming smell of sweaty socks and cigarettes is replaced by a fresh, clean smell instead.
"Wow it looks great in here Satou. Finally gotten out of your hikikomori phase?" I ask as I take a seat by the table in the living room.
"I can't say that I enjoy going out in public but I have a job at least. I was working on traffic control for about two years before I quit and then got hired for a soda merchandising company. The hours suck and the work is way too hard but the pay is good so I can't complain too much."
I cannot help but feel a small sense of pride towards Satou. Sure he wasn't working a glamorous job but at least he was taking care of himself. Funny that I felt more proud of Satou getting a steady job then my own husband putting together some multi-billion yen deal with another company.
"Guess that explains why you look a bit more filled out than normal."
"Why, like what you see?"
I giggle at Satou's antics as I then take the two bottles of sake out of my bag. Seeing this Satou goes over to a nearby cabinet where he produces a couple of shot glasses. He turns the TV off and then sits across from me as he hands me my glass. I pour the drinks into our respective cups before we both gulp down the first shot. We repeat this until we have gulped down about five shots or so of sake before we feel settled down enough to speak. Already I can feel a good buzz coming on.
"So Satou what made you finally stop being a hikikomori?" I ask curiously.
"Well my parents had pretty much cut me off. My father had gotten a minor heart attack and they weren't able to afford an allowance for me any longer. I went without food for about three days before I realized that I was going to die of starvation if I didn't do something to earn money to buy food with. Believe me it was fucking difficult to go out there and mingle with people again but it was literally a matter of life and death. My fear of dying was greater than my fear of people. It was as simple as that. Since then I have gotten used to taking care of myself. My parents are glad that I'm able to support myself now and even send a little bit of money from time to time."
"I see. I guess the prospect of death can make people do crazy things."
"I suppose."
It is silent for the moment but I honestly don't mind it. I never have felt awkward toward Satou and instead just enjoy the fact that we are alone together for the moment. I take the opportunity to fill our shot glasses with more sake. Just like before we kill the shot before pouring us another one.
It is after the seventh shot that the alcohol is really beginning to affect me. However it feels good as all my worries and stresses seem to fade away.
"So sempai what compelled you to come all the way over here? Miss me that much?"
I could tell that Satou was just playing around but I couldn't help but feel how close his words hit home. I soon prepare my blunt response.
"Yes."
There is a surprised hitch of breath coming from Satou as I answer his question. He clearly did not expect me to say this and soon I find that this is the opening that I was looking for.
"Have you ever thought about what would have happened if we had gotten together?"
I can tell that Satou is uncomfortable with the question. He helps himself to another cup of sake and takes a deep breath before answering me.
"You're married sempai. And I have a girlfriend."
I feel like someone has punched me in the stomach. It wasn't enough that he reminded me of my current marital status but the fact that he admitted to having a girlfriend.
Not only was I being rebuked by Satou but now I felt my heart freeze when I heard that he had a girlfriend. I honestly believed that he would never have gotten around to a relationship. To my shame I realized that my opinion of Satou was low, had always been low despite our close friendship. Sure I could go out and get married and yet Satou was not allowed to move on as well?
Even so I do my best to play off the hurt like I normally do and instead put on a fake smile as I nudge Satou on the chest.
"I can't believe that my favorite kouhai has finally gotten a girlfriend. Let me guess! It is that cute girl that kept hanging around you, what was her name?"
"Misaki. Nakahara Misaki."
Already I feel an irrational amount of envy at the sound of that girl's name. I know it isn't fair for me to be feeling this way, I mean, after all, it wasn't like me and Satou were going out or anything. Even so I still can't help it and soon start to overact in an attempt to hide my jealousy.
"That's right! So tell me Satou did you go all the way with her? C'mon you can tell me!"
Satou blushes from the lewdness of the question.
"I-I don't think that's any of your business sempai!"
"Really? You don't trust me? Or are you ashamed that she still hasn't put out for you? Is my precious little kouhai still a virgin after all this time?" I say stupidly.
Now I can see that Satou is getting upset with my unruly behavior. Not that I blame him but I can't help it. Already I can feel my resolve breaking apart.
"I think you have had enough to drink tonight." he said in barely restrained annoyance as he takes the shot glasses from the table. Seeing his arm I immediately grab at it as I pull him close to me.
"You know Satou I wouldn't mind taking your virginity away if you want. If anything I think it's better like this. What do you say?"
It is at this point that he yanks his arm away from mine and slams the table harshly nearly breaking the shot glasses in the process.
"What the hell is wrong with you sempai? What part of 'I have a girlfriend' don't you understand? For that matter don't you have a husband and a kid? Are you seriously suggesting that we have an affair? I don't know about you but I won't. Not after all that Misaki has done for me. She's the only reason why I bother to get up in the mornings and work in that fucking shit hole of a job."
The sound of Misaki's name makes me angrier and angrier. I soon shout out my rebuttal.
"There is nothing wrong with me Satou! Damn it it's Misaki this and Misaki that! Was our friendship so shallow that you replaced me just like that? Didn't I mean anything to you? Or what you said to me back on that island just a bunch of bullshit?"
It is then that I see a fist coming my way. My heart seizes up in fear knowing that I pushed Satou too far. However he doesn't hit me and instead he hits the wall besides me instead. His arm is trembling and he is heaving. Never have I seen Satou this angry towards me before. I instinctively nudge away from him as my arms cover my body.
"H-How dare you Hitomi Kashiwa! How fucking dare you! Last I remember it was YOU who chose that rich dude over me. Fuck! I loved you so much. That day I vowed that I was going to change my ways just for you! That I would do everything in my power to make you happy. I know I'm not smart nor am I rich. But damn it I would have found a way to make you smile. To make life WORTH living. Perhaps you didn't know it but during that time at the island I was so happy. I honestly thought we were going to have a future together and if not in this life then the next! I meant every fucking word I said. Yet here comes your big shot of a boyfriend and suddenly you dump me like a bad habit. Well now you have everything you want. A rich, kind husband and a kid. Things are all hunky dory. And just in case anything went wrong well then here was pathetic hikikomori Satou there to be your pillow whenever you want. Guess what? I had to move on and Misaki helped me. I loved you sempai and I regret that I wasn't able to express it properly when we were in high school. But guess what? It has been over a decade since we have been in high school and I have learned to live with my choices and regrets. I love Misaki and, when the time is right, I will propose to her."
"It is because I love Misaki that I continue to live in this shitty apartment, slowly building up my savings and credit so that I can buy a house. I'm so close too! Just six months more and I think I'll have what I need to get a home for both Misaki and I. You could have had that sempai. Had you truly been serious that day on the island, right now, I would be working for YOU and not Misaki. But you made your choice and it was obvious that I was being used. Okay, fine. I get it. But don't come back here and accuse me for not caring when I made it very clear that I did."
I cannot fucking take it. Every word he says just seems to rip piece after piece from my heart as the guilt swallows me whole. I cannot even see as the tears sting my eyes. Yet even so I refuse to acknowledge the responsibility of my actions.
"Do you know how it feels Satou to be treated as nothing more than a trophy? What good is it marrying a man like Jougasaki when he is more committed to his job than to his own wife? He is kind, smart, rich and handsome. He is everything I should ever have wanted! I should be fucking happy! Instead I'm more miserable than before. Not even my son makes me happy. God damn it what the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even believe I'm saying this. I love Nasaki! He should make me happy. But instead I feel even more miserable. His existence reminds me that I am imprisoned in this loveless and sham marriage. I hate it, I fucking hate it!"
Satou's eyes do not show any pity whatsoever as hears my lamentation. Instead he gets angrier as he stands up and shows his back to me.
"That is the choice you made. I cannot help you undo it. I'm sorry sempai."
It is then that my anger completely gets the better of me as I grab Satou by the shoulder roughly and force him to face me as I slap him with all the strength in my body. He falls to the ground in shock as he rubs his cheek gingerly.
"You fucking bastard! Can't you see I'm desperate?"
"And what do you expect me to do about it sempai? I did not marry Jougasaki, you did! You made your choice. You and you alone are responsible for your own sorrows."
"And a fucking hikikomori like you lectures me? You don't know the shit I go through day in and day out!" I retort angrily.
"It was because I was a hikikomori that you didn't want to get into a relationship with me in the first place, wasn't it. You didn't trust me and instead you chose the easy way out. Well there you go. Call me whatever you want but it doesn't change the fact that you made that choice, not me."
Desperately I try to search for the words that I'm looking for lash out back at him but none come forth. I'm so fucking angry and yet I can't deny the truth in his words.
This marriage, this life that I have chosen for myself. It is merely a construct of the enemy and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I thought, foolishly, that living life by their rules would give me some happiness and instead I'm more miserable than before. They dictated that a hikikomori like Satou wasn't going to make me happy and I listened to them.
My anger soon ebbs away as I completely break down. The tears are running down my face as I start to sob uncontrollably. I lay prone on the ground as I pound on it harshly lamenting the stupidity of my decisions and now I cannot withstand the consequences. How pathetic.
I feel a calloused hand rubbing my back and look up to see Satou with a concerned expression on his face. And despite the argument we just had his concern is genuine. His desire to soothe my hurt is heart-felt. He truly cares for me even now.
Imagine if I had jumped at the chance to get into a relationship with Satou? Would I have felt this same sense of comfort and fulfillness every day? I had a golden opportunity to be happy and I pissed it all away. So what if Satou, at the time, was a hikikomori? I would have GLADLY supported him if only he continued to show me the same level of love and care every day as he was doing for me now. I would have preferred living in this shitty apartment, happy, with Satou then the mansion I currently am residing in with Jougasaki. At least Satou would have paid attention to me. Cared for me.
Love me.
Instead I let myself get seduced by the notion of material wealth instead and now I find that indeed money doesn't buy happiness. What a fucking fool I am.
"Satou…please I ask that just this one time we have an affair. I know it isn't fair to ask you of this but I swear this will be the first and last time. Please…show me what it's like to be loved…to be happy for once. If I can remember this feeling then perhaps it will give me enough strength to continue living with the consequences of my choices." I mutter darkly.
I can tell that Satou is contemplating deeply about his next course of action. Most any other men would have already stripped me down to my bra and panties. However I can tell that Satou truly does love Misaki and for that I admire him. If he does go through with this decision then it is because he is doing it to make me feel better and not merely to fulfill any primal desires.
He soon looks at me with a serious expression as his mind is made up.
"Okay. I will go through with this because, all things considered, I still care about you sempai and I do not like seeing you sad. But this will be the only time I do this. I want you to understand that."
"Of course I under-"
"No Hitomi! Listen to what I'm saying. I need you to UNDERSTAND that this is the ONLY time we do this. Let it sink into your head. There is going to be no next time."
Satou is really serious about this. It seems that he has really manned up the past five years. If this had been five years ago this would have been pitifully easy. I knew he desired me, perhaps even lusted for me. Yet I denied him even when deserved it. After all I do owe him my life.
"Look Satou. We're both adults here. What we're doing is wrong. I risk my marriage and you risk your relationship with Misaki. I understand what's at stake. This will only time we will ever be intimate."
Not another word is spoken as I feel Satou's lips crash onto my own. His lips are rough and thin unlike the almost velvety lips of my husband as he proceeds to devour my mouth. His breath is heady and strong with a faint tobacco aftertaste and yet I'm not disgusted. To me it feels like I'm kissing a real life human being instead of my husband, whose mouth is often sterilized with mouthwash.
I run my hands through Satou's body as he rips the buttons off my shirt. His calloused hands grasp at my breasts and he squeezes harshly. I whimper in pain but this compels him to squeeze even harder. For a moment I consider the fact that Satou is upset at me for making him go through with this affair. It could very well be that he is angry with me. However I wasn't going to simply allow him to manhandle me just like that.
In retaliation I dig my hand under his boxers where I feel his engorged member of six inches, larger than my husband and quite hairy also a stark contrast. Immediately I feel for his cum factories before I start to jostle them around with my fingers.
He hisses as he pulls himself away from our make out session and pulls my hair backward. I actually yelp a bit from the feeling of my follicles being yanked in this way. Then he does something unexpected. He lets go of my breasts as he then caresses my face all the while kissing down my neck softly.
This change in pace surprises me and, for a moment, I relinquish the grasp I have on his balls. He continues to be soft and loving as he then suckles gently on the crook of neck. Meanwhile he softly massages the base of neck pushing his fingers in and rubbing in deeply.
I moan softly as his gentle caresses seem to be lulling me to sleep. Satou's other hand was stroking my hair as he continued to plant more kisses until he got to my breasts. He suckles on one of my breasts as my entire body is alive with sensation.
My core starts to heat up as my stomach seems to be filled with butterflies. Meanwhile I can feel Satou's teeth gently bite down on my nipple. He continues to massage me while he uses his other hand to go down to my womanhood as he starts to gently twirl the hair of my pubis softly.
Never have I felt anyone worship my body to this degree before. Most of my boyfriends from before seemed to only be concerned with sticking it in. These often lasted less than ten minutes. As for my husband I get the feeling that he only has sex with me because he is obligated to do so. He does the job but it's so robotic and rehearsed.
Yet Satou is doing everything he can to insure that I'm feeling absolute pleasure. His hand descends further down my pubis before he gently starts rubbing on my clit.
My breath suddenly hitches from the contact. Satisfied with the reaction he gently rubs over it again as he takes my lips again and kisses me deeply. I feel my gaze becoming a bit blurry. I never thought that having sex was this pleasurable and yet here I was nearly being hypnotized by Satou. I feel him biting my lower lip gently as he then starts his descent once more.
This time he goes past my breasts, down my stomach until he reaches his destination. I feel his lips on my folds as he starts to pleasure me orally. I start to claw at the wooden floor beneath me as I start to gasp repeatedly. It was becoming overwhelmingly clear that Satou was no longer a virgin and once again I find myself feeling envious towards Misaki. Apparently she got to experience this pleasure with Satou whenever she wanted.
I then feel a finger probe at my entrance and instinctively I close my legs. Satou gently opens them as he pushes in one finger and then another. I can feel his fingers searching for that one spot where no man, not even my husband, has been able to find in me. I find myself breathing rapidly and shallow as my heart rate increase. He's so close. Just a bit more and-
It's then that I feel my vision go black as I literally feel that jolt of pleasure surge through my body like electricity. Again I close my legs from the sudden shock of sensation as Satou has done the one thing that no other man has.
Satou takes his time as he gently curves his fingers upward starts to hit my G-spot by alternating his fingers. Meanwhile he gently nips at my clit with the front of his teeth.
It is then that I finally experience what it is like to have an orgasm and I screamed.
I actually screamed.
Satou has a grin of satisfaction as his fingers come out with a sticky fluid that I have never seen my body produce before. He sticks it into my mouth before kissing me once more with the same lips that have been all over my pussy.
Honestly had my husband tried to do this I think I would have slapped him. This is honestly so fucking gross but yet I can't help but feel my arousal beginning to return just at the thought of how dirty this act was. Even so I actually disliked the taste of my own self and knew right then and there that I would never be attracted to women even if the thought entered my head. There was actually a terrible aftertaste and that was because I got it second hand from Satou. It said a lot about how much Satou cared for me and how he was willing to endure the discomfort to himself to see me satisfied.
It is then that Satou positions himself near my entrance and, without any more thought, plunges in. He immediately hits my G-Spot again and starts to thrust slowly and methodically.
My vision starts to swim before me. I am completely at Satou's mercy. I will stop at nothing until I orgasm again. Yet Satou seems to be taking his sweet time. Each thrust nearly makes me scream in ecstasy and yet I have to wait so long before he thrusts again.
The tension is fucking killing me!
"S-Stop teasing me Satou and fuck me!" I scream.
"No. This is what you deserve for making me do this. I decide when you get to orgasm…or whether you orgasm at all."
The threat was a low blow. Immediately I grab Satou by the hair as I pull him close to my face.
"Fuck you Satou. I won't let you go at all until I am satisfied. We'll do this all night if we have to. I won't stop even if Misaki shows up. So stop fucking teasing and give me what I want."
Immediately I lock my legs around Satou's back and hold him in. Meanwhile I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tightly. Satou may be stronger than me but even he would have a very difficult time pulling away from me in this position.
I see his eyes narrow.
"Fuck you sempai."
"Yes please oblige me Satou-kun! Fuck your sempai senseless!"
It is then that Satou starts to rapidly strike at my core. The sensation is so overwhelming that I nearly lose my grip on him but I hold him fast.
Each thrust hits my g-spot with precision and it's rare that Satou misses. Meanwhile he grasps my breasts roughly squeezing harshly.
This mix of pain and pleasure has me losing my mind. I can't decide to scream, push him off or keep him on me. Believe me…it HURTS when a man squeezes our breasts so roughly and yet I can't let go now, not until I felt the rush of an orgasm once more.
"Ah…ah…Satou…ah….I'm close…."
"I-I'm close too!"
I can feel Satou's penis throbbing inside my core and I knew that he was ready to cum. He makes to get off but I hold him tight as I stare him in the eye.
"C-Cum…ah…inside…ah….ah….me!"
Satou's eyes widen but I refuse to let him go. I want to know the experience of having an orgasm at the same time with the person I love.
Yes love.
For it has become very clear to me that I love Satou…that I have loved him for a very long time. Yet I ignored my feelings and buried them for one reason or another. I told myself that I didn't want to sacrifice our friendship, then it went to his being a hikikomori and made me doubt his ability in making me happy due to his financial situation. My only source of happiness has been in front of me the entire time and yet I refused to see it.
It's then that I myself having an orgasm once more. Like before I scream as my brain is flooded with utter pleasure. Meanwhile I feel Satou's hot seed fill my womb. With that our bodies go slack as he slumps next to me.
For a moment I'm breathless and my body in a state of shock. Never have I believed sex to be anywhere close to this experience. I try to get up and find that my legs are wobbly. Even so I steady myself as I slip on my panties and proceed to get myself dressed up. I can still feel Satou's seed, sticking and hot, clinging to my core but I'm not disgusted. It is a part of Satou and I intend to take any part of him back with me as I can.
Satou too seems to be regaining his senses as he puts his boxers on and a wife beater. He looks over to me with a serious expression. I do my best to match my gaze to his.
"I did what you asked. Now please sempai I need to ask you to leave so I can clean up. I have severely betrayed Misaki and it's going to take me a while to get over it."
My expression falls seeing Satou so upset over the entire situation.
"Thank you for doing this for me." I say softly.
"Don't ever ask me to cheat on Misaki again. If you truly care for me sempai, if you truly value me as a friend then you will respect my wishes."
"Of course Satou."
It's silent as Satou walks me out to my car. He opens the door for me as I enter inside of it. I still cannot believe that it's all over. A part of me is screaming to get out of the car and beg Satou to dump Misaki and take me in. Yet the other, more mature part of me, is saying to own up to my decisions. While I may be disgruntled with my husband I love him regardless. And I cannot abandon my son, not now when he needs me most in his life.
Even so it takes everything in my power to come to terms with the fact that this was going to be the last time I would be close to Satou ever again. If only I could turn back the clock and go back to those boring high school afternoons when it was just the two of us playing cards. If I could do it all over again I would show him just how much I truly cared for him.
Who knows….maybe we might even be married by now and have our own children also spouting conspiracy theories while isolating themselves from all their peers until they found someone who they could truly relate with.
"I guess this is goodbye then Satou." I said sadly.
"Listen sempai. For what it's worth I really enjoyed our time together. I wished we could have been more. I wish I had the courage to tell you how I truly felt about you. I think a part of me will always love you sempai. But I'm with Misaki and I have a future planned for her just as you have a future with Jougasaki and your son. In time I'm sure he'll understand how you feel but sempai you have to TELL him. We're not mind readers. I'm sure if you really sit down and talk to him he'll do what he can to accommodate you. Do it if not for your sake then for your son."
My eyes start to sting as I feel the tears coming on again. I'm so happy to know that Satou loves me, that he admitted to loving me, and yet am sad that it was a love that we couldn't cultivate together. But he's right. We both have obligations that we need to attend to now. Never did I think Satou would ever give me advice but today he showed me just how much of a good man he has become. More than ever do I regret not having reciprocating his feelings when I had the chance.
I place my hand on his cheek as I then kiss him softly on the cheek.
"Understand that I too loved you Satou but I was afraid of losing what we had. I was afraid of committing myself to you. I'm sorry for not trusting you Satou. You proved me wrong and now I regret that I didn't return your feelings. I'm so sorry for playing with your feelings Satou. Really. I'm so sorry."
Before I know it I'm sobbing heavily again as Satou hold me close to his chest. Damn it I never realized how much I loved this man until now. The thought of actually leaving him hurts. It fucking hurts.
"That's all in the past sempai. I forgive you. But know that you are still my best friend."
"Heh more like your only friend Satou!" I say with a smile through the tears.
Satou smiles at the small jest I make toward him.
"Hey! I'll have you know that I got some more friends too. Some of the guys at the warehouse invited me to go bowling with them!"
"Sure Satou, sure."
"You think I'm lying?"
There is a silent moment between us before we start to crack up in laughter. I'm happy that despite everything Satou is still willing to be my friend despite all the shit I put him through.
I soon get into my car and start the ignition. I look over at Satou and though my heart aches I'm so happy that at we managed to part in good terms.
"Perhaps in the future, once everything has settled, we can get together. You and Misaki and I'll invite my family. Heck we can even invite that Yamazaki kid as well. Maybe we can all get drunk or something."
"Are you sure? Yamazaki is pretty crazy drunk. Or is it only because you want to see your perfect husband shit-faced?"
I actually crack up hearing this. Leave it to Satou to discover my hidden motives.
"Oh Satou you know me too well!
We both share another laugh before finally acknowledging that it is time to go.
"Well Satou I guess this is goodbye. For now though! Don't you dare forget me and leave me to dry for five years. At least send me a text or something."
"Sure thing sempai. Just don't call or text me. Send me an email instead. Misaki can get quite jealous."
"Don't blame her. Anyway you take care of yourself Satou and keep at it."
"You too sempai. Goodbye."
"Goodbye…Satou."
With that we finally part as I exit from the parking lot and soon start to drive back home. As I drive I can see Mita House getting smaller and smaller on my rear view mirror until it is completely out of sight.
I realize what I have to do. The fact of the matter is that Jougasaki is my husband and I need to be by his side. Any problems that we have during the marriage needs to be expressed. It's time that I stop waiting for him. We BOTH need to figure this out, TOGETHER.
My future is with Jougasaki and I will do my best to remain faithful to him and show that I do love and care for him. We will figure it out I'm sure we will and for that I actually look forward to our future for the first time.
Even so it means a future without Satou at my side. Just for tonight I will allow myself to wallow in self-pity. For I experienced the joy of having Satou for myself for one night.
And the anguish of knowing that he will never be mine for the rest of my life.
Author's Note: I hope that my Hitomi came out alright. Truth be told I didn't really want to write this in first person but the story didn't feel right in third person. Satou's point of view came to mind but again I didn't think it was enough to bring across all the points I wanted to make with his character. Hitomi was the only one who, I felt, could bring the story across the way I intended and thus I wrote in her POV. Again I'm crossing my fingers and hope I didn't royally mess up her character. Or the lemon for that matter lol. Anyway let me know what you all think.
