It Was Nothing
"He walks along in the room, as if there was nothing that could cause him to gloom."-Anonymous
Apollo entered the throne room with a gleaming smile and an optimistic aura. Everyone's eyes fell in him. It was ironic that being the Sun God who rises early to wake the mortals is the one whose late to attend today's summer solstice where they yearly congregate for this is the longest day in the whole year. Yet as he strode his way to his golden throne, he knew that everybody is looking at him. But the only eyes that he would acknowledge were hers.
The thought of her seemed to pull him out from this boring life of the gods. How challenging are the Fates to him right now. How foolish he was for falling to Eros' arrows again. Maybe it was not Eros this time, maybe his sick mother was the one who made him like this. Apollo, being sickly, engrossedly, gravely in love.
The thought was unfathomable. Crazy many would say. In love? He was always a lustful one, taking after their father. Chasing maidens and mortals since the start of time. Smitten might be the term but no, he was really in love. This love that burns brightly in his chest, scorching him inside and out were real. It was genuine, true and also the reality that he chose to deny himself.
With the simple cough of the King, the chattering lowered, the murmurs silenced and now, even a drop of pin could be loudly heard throughout the whole hall. His thoughts also shifted, back to where he should have focused.
"Let us begin," Zeus said.
As soon as the first words sputtered out from Zeus' mouth, Apollo dazed. Everything was the usual. Nothing new have ever happened. It wouldn't even surprised him if another war in the mortal's realm would conjure in the fortnight. With these ballistic Olympians congregating a meeting, many possibilities are laid out for tonight. Another argument, another fight, and another war.
Maybe that is why they, the Olympians, only had to meet twice in a year. Summer Solstice and Winter Solstice. Aside from the emergency ones when there are problems, or catastrophic events upcoming. The mortals would be in grave danger if a meeting was to be made every week.
"Apollo?" Zeus asked from his throne. Judging from the looks of others, he was called twice. Or even thrice if he was that unlucky. But even if the others looked at him with disdain, he knew she'll never look at him in that way. Only she would be the last standing beside him if everything will fall. A reason why he cannot let go of his hand holding onto her love.
"Yes, Father?" He asked.
"How..." And so, Apollo began to explain his adventures for the past months. Reporting oddly appearances, or anything peculiar at all. With the chance of him to see everything laid out in the mortal world, many things are possible out there. An appearance of an ancient monster. A lost, stray demigod whose finding his or her own path to Camp Half-Blood. There are just too many happenings in the mortal realm for Apollo to see everyday.
"Then, I trust you to take care of this odd incidents relating to our immortal world." Of course, after saying the problems, in the end, those problems would still be his burdens. But Apollo didn't mind at all. He had done this job for eons. What else is new? 'The new thing is, you're carrying this job heavier day by day. Every hour raising the sun seemed to be a hard job. Every thing you did were becoming slow in your time. Traveling one day throughout the world pulling the sun was becoming a big task.'
Why?
"As you say so, Father." Apollo replied. Zeus turned to another deity, another one whom Zeus will imbued the responsibilities he should be doing.
"Artemis, how is the moon?" Zeus asked. And Apollo drifted back to the thoughts of 'her'. He was not supposed to be thinking of her. He shouldn't even be contemplating how beautiful she looked today. Even if her physical appearance was a bit ragged from her activities. He would always love her, deeply and unimaginably. He would tuck the loose strand of hair back to her ear and whisper how beautiful she looked today. But alas, he cannot. That was only his imagination. She could never be his. No matter what circumstance the two of them are put under to.
He would always be alone, watching her silently. Not knowing that at the mere sight of her acting so wild, free, and careless could make his world stop and let his heart thump wildly. Yet after the momentum, the longing emotion would start clawing him inside his chest. Etching in his heart that she would forever be free and not in your arms. She would forever be happy, without you at her side. And she would soon be gone, out from your sight.
Their relationship is now a thread, hurriedly dissipating from the naked eye. Soon, the thread will be gone, out of sight. Their bond, their millennium of memories with each other, turning to ashes as quick as a piece of paper would if it's thrown into fire.
"You seemed silent for today, Brother." Artemis' voice snapped him out of his reverie. He swayed his head over hers, forming a smile that nobody knew was fake. He would always smile at the approach of others, but none of them knew how unreal and insincere his smile was. Only he, himself, knew. Because none of them ever got to see the real him. Nobody ever had known how much pain he was put through every day. Watching everything unfold before his eyes.
He watched as two lovers kissed under the Eiffel Tower. He watched as the two parents bid their goodbye to their children on their first day of school. He watched as two wilted, old mortals lived together in their house even if their own sons and daughters left them with their new families. Apollo even wondered, why do they have to stay by each other's side? Now, when their offspring are gone sure they could cut off the ties with each other and say goodbye.
He watched as a tired mother smiled at her newborn child whilst the father carried the baby.
He had to watch love ripened before him. And he had to endure the pain of watching millions of possibilities where he and his love one could be.
"Why do you say so, little sis?" He smirked, earning a crossed arms and a crooked eyebrow from her. Oh, and did he mention an unexplained hint of dismay passing across her eyes? She shouldn't be. Was she concerned about him? What a blasphemous thought.
"Nothing." She said, shifting her gaze at the dome above the room. Where stars laid out forming thousands of constellations which would took years to name them all.
"Meeting adjourned." Zeus had proclaimed. One by one, the gods started walking out of their dais. He wished he could talk to her. He wished he could explain everything to her, the scorching feeling inside him. The pain never subsiding. Everything. About how he loved her more than anything else in the world. How he could never attain her as his and her love. How his love would forever be unrequited. He wished he could tell it, but their relationship is so fragile that he knew once he had said that, the thread will be cut.
For a moment, he couldn't stopped himself. Before she walked out of the room, he grasped for her hand and she turned her head to him. Her eyes meeting him.
"Artemis." He called. She stopped walking and resisting his hold. He badly wanted to say it, yet with those eyes meeting his...
"Apollo?" She asked. They were the only gods left in the room. Everyone had left to their own businesses either in the mortal or in the immortal world. No one was watching, it's alright, only she needed to know.
He wrapped his arms around her. She didn't seem to mind. It took a while before he refrained but he kept it long for this may be the last time he could embrace her. She did not even reject the hug and instead laced her fingers at his back, wanting the moment to last.
"What is it, Apollo?" She asked tenderly. As she now trailed her soft fingers at his golden hair, playing gingerly with it like she used to, back in the olden days.
"Nothing."
A droplet of tear fell down on the floor, not even slightly grazing her body. Wishing for her to feel his agony and pain. Yet he pulled away and gave her a kiss in the forehead, the one he could only give. And let go of her hand that he was holding. Slowly, her form diminished before his eyes as she exited the hall room.
He could have told her everything at the moment, yet he didn't. The truth could never be erased that he loved her. But in a way, he was contented that she will forever be blinded in the growing feelings inside of him. That way, their relationship as twins would last. He'd rather stake his feelings of love than bet on the relationship they had. He could even abdicate his love for her, knowing the emotion would come back even if the Fates had made him forget this love for her. At least, he had something to cherish. Their innocent, familial bond.
"I love you." He whispered to nobody. The words passed through the thin air. Speedily eradicated.
"I love you more than you'll ever know." He repeated with a smile curling on his lips. The same smile he had given to Artemis when he assured her it was nothing. He may had given every person he passed by a smile but only Artemis is the person he had given his most genuine and sincere smile.
And the cycle repeats again, after the momentum, the tantalizing, heart wrenching craving for her love comes again.
Another tear drops from his smiling face.
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-Mizz-Incezt (It's in MY name)
