Disclaimer: All characters belong to the creators of Gundam Wing and those who own publishing rights. This work was created for entertainment purposes. No money is made from it.

Pairings: 1 x 5 x 2; 3 x 4; U x S; 13 x 6

Warnings: Mainly a friendship, growth process type of fanfic.

Summary: Wufei never thought peace would be so dull. His mind is slowly leading up to a point where breaking isn't too far off. Can the latest mission save him and the others at the same time? This is a story about how a war broke five young men and how peace time slowly rebuilds them with each other's help.

Author's Notes: The parts of this story is most likely going to be spread apart widely time wise. There might be some change in style in between but the story line should be the same. As you can tell, I focus mainly on Wufei but I hope to show that it is not only Wufei who has problems dealing with peacetime since in those story, all five boys are flawed in one way or another.

Unbetaed.


Soldier's Welcome

2010–10–05

By leChardonnay

Chapter 1

There is nothing he could do anymore. What need is there for a soldier who lived for the thrill of war and battles during a time of peace and tranquility? What is his new purpose? The fallen heir to a now non-existent kingdom looked out of the grimy window, almond eyes dull with the lack of previous fire. A slim hand moved to press a palm to the surface of the dirty glass and Wufei could only sighed softly at the feel of the cold spreading through his hand. No, there was no longer a need for a warrior like himself. He could try, yes, to find a purpose but all he had was his passion for justice and his skills in the martial arts. And even then, they were diminishing quickly.

Once again, of what need does an era of tranquility have for a soldier who already lost his sense of duty in the world? Wufei had better hopes in committing suicide and finding some peace in the next world. He supposed it was just another part of fate laughing at him that doing so would be sinning in his own culture; life prevented everything, even his own way to get his own definition of 'peace'.

In Maxwell terms: Life sucked.

He sighed again, this time moving to lower his head toward the glass so his forehead pressed gently against the cold. Inwardly, the Chinese ex-pilot smiled to himself darkly. The season was cold and dreary. Fall had already come to an end on Earth and most of the sights that had given him a bit of happiness now were the colors of decomposed mud and skeleton branches. Even the sun had fled away, as if finding it impossible to the fight the sorrow that came with the name Winter.

He closed his eyes, another sigh leaving pale thin lips. The breath of air fogged the window for a moment before the spot receded. Wufei stayed like this for a few minutes, palm and forehead pressing against the dirty window of his simple but rather tiny room of the shared apartment. 'I wonder what someone would think if they walked in and saw me like this. Would they pity me or would they sympathize?' Wufei wondered. He chuckled, albeit a bit darkly. "What fool would sympathize with a monster who wishes for a war simply to quench the thirst for a duty?" Just as he was about to give in to his third sigh and thus, lose a bit of his life should the Chinese superstition hold true, a sharp sound of knuckles rapping on wood reached his ears. Wufei paused and waited.

"Wufei? Wufei are you in there? We just got a mission and Heero is preparing for a small debriefing downstairs. Are you free?"

The door acting as a barrier between Wufei and the blond Arabian muffled Quatre's voice but still, the gentle tones seem to wash over the gloomy room, replacing a bit of the atmosphere with something a bit sunnier. Although temporary, it affected Wufei's mindset as well.

"Wufei? Are you alright?" Quatre sounded quite worried and Wufei could imagine in his mind's eye the sight of the other man stuck between being polite and waiting for a response and bursting in to check if his friend – 'Comrade, not friend', Wufei told himself- was alright.

"Yes, Quatre. I'm fine. I'll see you downstairs in a minute."

There was a pause in front of his door before he heard the sound of shuffling feet.

"Alright Wufei. Come down soon." There was a sigh, one completely different from that of Wufei's own. This sigh was filled with confusion and perhaps a touch of anxiety; it was like someone who was tempted to ask a question but knew that only more questions would stem from it.

Wufei had long lost his need for such questions and the scholar within him was now quite dead, sleeping away the passing time and the tick tock of clocks in a coffin of stone and old blood. Even his favorite tomes telling stories of old warriors fighting for their country and the science of art could no longer ignite within him the passion he was known for. 'I'm not even able to be what is expected of me. What use am I?' Wufei shook his head before moving toward the door and opening it. The blond pilot had already left and the sight of an empty hallway made some aches known. Whether the aches be something of a physical matter or an emotional one has yet to be discussed and Wufei filled it away to a small corner of his mind where dust had been collected by layers.

He took the stairs down. Although they were chipped and old, they were solid. Yet with the feeling of being weighted down by a burden unbeknown to him, Wufei wondered if they would hold the next time he stepped down. For now, it seems that he was light enough to pass for another day.

"Hurry up. We need to prepare the records and start planning before we leave."

Heero. Heero Heero Heero. Heero Yuy was a man of action and of little words. It was no surprise for Wufei to be greeted in such a way. Even the small piece of his heart which had once throbbed painfully before was silenced by an equally painful self-insult; it no longer had the energy to voice its concerns. Rather it stayed silent and slept; slept like the part of him that was always sleeping away the passing time.

Wufei nodded once to Heero before casting tired almond hues all around. Quatre and Trowa were sitting together near the side of the circular table closer to the wall. Quatre's light blue eyes were as clear as day, unlike his own, and were scrutinizing him without the knowing shame of being caught. Trowa stayed quiet as always. Wufei had long stopped thinking of the pilot as being 'silent'. The auburn mane male was quite a man of actions but unlike Heero, Trowa's actions were simple and small but spoke just as loud. A single emerald hue joined Quatre's eyes in studying Wufei. The other green eye is, and always has been, hidden by a long red bang. Wufei shook their gazes off, looking onwards.

Heero sat in the front of the table, back to the living room's window. Duo was sitting next to him, one arm draped over the back of his chair and the other on top of the gleaming table's surface. The Chinese man had no doubt that Duo's legs were also in a similar informal position. If it was possible, the American would sprawl all over whatever he wanted. However, a glare from Heero and an arched brow from the scrutinizing pair would be all that is needed to tell him 'bad idea, Duo, bad idea'.

Wufei took the seat that was equally distanced from Heero and Quatre. The former brushed it off and simply typed something on his laptop, the sounds of keys pressing down in quick succession echoing the otherwise voiceless room. The latter had sighed softly and Wufei felt a slight twinge of what might have been shame and a tad bit of sadness.

"Why is everyone so freaking gloomy in here? C'mon man! The war is over!"

'It is harder to accept the truth as truth than a lie.'

"Duo, can't you read the mood?" Quatre sighed again. The American simply rolled his eyes.

"What mood? Ya mean this depressing one?"

"Duo. . ."

This time, it seemed as if the braided pilot had understood that he was about to cross a line that once crossed would bring chaos and chaos was bad. The impish face simply sent a bright and sheepish grin toward the Arabian who shook his head before sending one back, equally bright though slightly strained. Trowa stayed silent and so did Wufei. They watched instead and waited. Who would break first? Duo or Quatre?

"Enough. We need to start planning for the mission."

'And there we go.' Wufei inwardly smiled to himself. Of course, it was Heero who broke the uncomfortable silence. Heero never failed to deliver during the time of war when things were rushed and had to put into order quickly without prior notice. Wufei was not at all surprised to find the man the same in some ways in the new lifestyle that peace brought. But some changes had been rather drastic.

This brought him to look over to where Duo sat and with a look, the tell-tale signs were glaringly obviously. Heero no longer flinched or glared when someone touched him, be it a shoulder tap or a full blown hug. He no longer had the cold emotionless sharpness to his cobalt eyes either. Wufei had been rather glad for that change. The thought about how truly cold Heero's eyes had been during war time had been something of a delicate issue to Wufei. This came especially during the times when it was he who had to be looked at with an icy glare. But never think Wufei being afraid. Both Heero and Wufei were famous for their stubbornness. Wufei was cautious yes, but never afraid. One cannot be afraid while fighting and taking various risks to survive.

Once again, the Chinese man looked to Duo before switching back to looking at Heero. Other than being more prone to PDA and less violence, Heero seemed to have calmed down by a great deal. The man's touches to anything he cared about were softer, easier to understand though most of the time, it was the laptop and other mechanical parts that were caressed. He could even be heard asking about people's physical being and at times, though rare, their emotional state. Heero, the soldier and the robot of the squad of five, had understood peace and found a way to settle down without losing himself.

Wufei envied him and at times, wished to know if there was any way to actually pull out the stool of control and calmness the man was standing on from underneath him. It was a cruel thought and one that brought cheeks flamed with shame and of white knuckled grips on his forearms every single time without fail. It was one of the few reasons why he refrained from speaking or even meeting those cobalt eyes. The other reason was—

" Anyways, Heero thinks we should probably do this as a team of five. Whaddya think?"

Duo was the second main reason for Wufei choosing to leave every time all of them came into a room with the intention of staying. He was the reason for him choosing to stay locked up in his room with textbooks and tomes long extinct in depth of knowledge. Heero and Duo were the reason why he refused to go to any of Quatre's parties or to any of Trowa's nature outings. It was the reason why Wufei chose to drown in his own silent depression.

Strange isn't it? A man who fought for an impossible dream and who thought that peace was just a wish, was now unable to stand the presence of those who fought with him but were able to settle down whereas he had been unable to. Wufei thought it was strange too. Perhaps Meiran, his long-deceased wife, was right. Perhaps Wufei was just a weakling, unable to move past the barrier that is keeping him from moving on in life. But how could he?

How could anyone move on when there was no one to say 'hello, welcome home' at six at night or 'good morning, want some breakfast' after a painful moment of smashing the alarm clock and a cold shower? When there is no one to support him when a mission goes wrong, bringing back war time memories, how could he even get out of the darkness in his mind? There was never anyone pacing in the waiting room after he was put into the hospital for a quick surgery to get the bullet clipped into his leg out. How can Wufei walk on when there was no one waiting for him on the outside?

His thoughts were far too dark and deep for him meditate peacefully. His calligraphy had already lost the gracefulness they were once famous for. His dreams were plagued with screams and cries of lost babies and their missing mothers. The heated whispers of his ancestors chased him further and further down the line every time Wufei closed his eyes. He was ashamed and disgusted with himself. Such needs of a companion in order to survive was surely a sign of weakness. A warrior had no need for love, only duty. Yet. . .

Wufei was far too different from the others. In this time of peace, he needed a mission constantly. The adrenaline and the feeling of blood rushing out of flesh wounds were familiar; they were easy to understand. When the mission was over, time went back to moving on sluggishly. Duo, Heero, Trowa, and Quatre may be able to separate their past with their present but Wufei had became far too ugly with his deeds during the war to even try. Now, several months after the Mariemia incident, he was far too tired to even care. The world really was darker when you were alone.

"Oi, Wu-man, you alright there?"

Wufei jolted back to the conversation, head snapping up in an effort to show he had been paying attention. The feeling of daydreaming and returning back to a body he no longer wanted was unbelievably discomfiting. When he looked around the table, he was unsurprised to see the concern lacing most of the expressions. Of course, the only one that didn't seem at all concern was Heero.

"If you cannot even pay attention for a debriefing, maybe it's time you retire Chang." The tone used was sharp and unforgiving. Cobalt blue eyes narrowed at Wufei. Quatre scowled lightly at Heero while Trowa and Duo simply looked on, interested in seeing how the explosion would occur.

"Too bad, they won't be getting any. But even then, this is all I have left. . Am I even unwanted here?"

"I apologize. It won't happen again."

Even his own words sounded tired and wispy; it was as if the softest of the winds could have blown his voice away. Perhaps it could have blown him away just as easily. Gods know when was the last time he even had an appetite or acted on it. Silently, Wufei lowered his head to stare down at the table's edge right before him. No one else except him had missed the flash of confusion that appeared on Heero's face. The debriefing continued after a few seconds of contemplative silence. This time, Wufei made sure to keep both ears open on the conversation.

"Is this one of the enter, infiltrate, and leave missions?" Quatre was quite fine with the idea but if things were to be rushed, things had to be planned accordingly. Quatre was second to Heero when it came to mission time's neatness and paranoia.

"The information we are looking for is far too deep into the system for a one-time infiltration." That was Heero, pulling up what seems to be a spreadsheet of information about the mission on his laptop.

"What should we do then?" Trowa, this time. While the quiet man was better at inflitration missions, he had only a comparative advantage when it came to solo inflitration missions.

"I say we go in using code IATACC!" Duo's voice matched his words, joyous and spirited with a large dose of mischievousness.

"Code. .what?"

"Infiltrate As Teachers and Cause Chaos!"

The conversation came to a still, all pairs of eyes excluding Heero's and Wufei's staring pointedly at Duo. Though Wufei was also tempted to look, if only to steal a few snapshots for the darker nights, he knew it would be far too awkward with Heero so close. In response of the turning heads, the braided man simply blinked before pouting. He crossed his arms and glared at them half-heartedly.

"Hey I know that look!" he cried out, "Woah!" One hand moved to swat at something invisible in the air which caused the man to sway slightly on his chair. Everyone moved almost as if they were a whole being; hands were already stretching out to grab a flailing leg or even the long auburn braid when it was obvious gravity was calling.

In the end, it was rather obvious only Heero was needed. A strong push against the chair had Duo slamming back forward onto the table. Luckily, he planted both hands on the table which allowed him to avoid a rather painful face plant. The American gave Heero a rather sulky glare, though the heat behing violet hues were weak. Heero simply shrugged and snorted. The table as one, minus Heero and Duo, gave a soft sigh at the two's antics.

Wufei stayed quiet, eyes flicking and staying down to where his hands had gripped the hem of his simple black embroided shirt. The knuckles were white with strain and silently, he relaxed his grip. The color slowly flushed back into his hands but the indents and the whiteness of his nails became a strange reminder.

Quatre sighed softly, hands lacing together on propped elbows while his mind mulled over the suggestion. Even if it seemed like a joke, some things that Duo said should not be taken so easily just like how certain phrases hint at a more serious subject. Being with everyone at the table for so long had given the Arabian quite a indepth understanding of how each person worked and thought. . .maybe.

"I don't think we can pass for teachers, Duo. Not even if we say we're the highest geniuses to get out of the best Sanc universities." Quatre shook his head, another soft sigh blowing out and tousling the slightly longer than usual blond bangs.

The room quieted, each thinking about their own respective ideas and suggestions. Something that would be natural, that would work for all of them –is there even such a thing? Surely there should be something that could be worked out between everyone. Since all five of the ex-gundam pilots had different personalities, backgrounds, and influences, they must all choose a position suitable for each of them but be open for communication between all.

"How about being students instead? We can all say we all originated from different places so if anyone asks, we can just make up things without worrying if we would blow someone else's cover." Trowa frowned lightly, just the downward tip of his lips.

"That sounds good," Heero nodded before standing up and taking his computer with him. "Prepare background information, name, and everything else you need before Sunrise tomorrow. We'll start shopping using Preventer's cards to get all the necessary things we need for this mission."

Sparks lit up in both Duo and Quatre's eyes. They turned to share a look with each other, knowing grins spreading brightly across both sweet faces. Wufei sighed softly, Heero grumbled under his breath, and Trowa smiled. Such a sight of two boys well past the age to be happy over such a childish things was quite amusing.

"That sounds good! Let's go, Quat! We need to make a list of things we need. Hee-chan, Fei Fei, Tro-man, you guys wanna join us for an info sleepover?"

There was a jumbled sound of agreements between those who had been asked. Except for Wufei of course. The Chinese man paused, hands already on the doorknob and mind already out the door. He blinked at the question, dark lashes hiding more than half of his eyes as Wufei turned his eyes downwards. The image he presented made the others wonder about his health. Wufei looked far too exhausted; like a child that was unsure of where to go and what to do. They waited, breaths caught.

Uncertain, Wufei choose to simply shrugged at them. When it looked like the physical half-hearted gesture was not enough to appease the concern and questions shining from the faces of his comrades, he simply stumbled out a quick excuse of tiredness and work before running up the stairs to where his room was.

The sound of the door slamming closed echoed throughout the small apartment. The rest of the group stood side by side, moving to give some silent support to the others. Duo sighed softly, hands moving to pet the limp end of his braid as he glanced longingly at the stairs where certain someone had ran away to.

Later on, it was obvious that the silence was heavy and tangible in one of the largest rooms the apartment held. All four boys that had agreed to stay up for the night to plan for the things that needed more thinking were accounted for. The fifth stayed in his own room and not a sound was able to heard from the inside. A sigh broke the morose quietness. All heads swiveled to look at Quatre who flushed lightly before shrugging helplessly. Duo, who could no longer stand the lack of conversation, cried out.

"Dammit, he didn't need to run away! It wasn't like we were gonna eat him or anything like that!" The heart-shaped face scowled, hands moving to clench and tug at the end of the braid conveniently closed in Duo's gathered lap. Heero sighed and yanked the poor abused piece of hair away from his partner.

Duo sent him a scathing glare, nimble fingers twitching to get it back. In the end, they stayed where they were -in his lap and away from his braid- though he laced them together in an effort to cease the urge to tug and rip something apart. A slim pale hand moved to give Duo's knee a few light pats. Quatre sent him a soft smile, speaking calmly though sadly.

"I don't think he intentionally ran away."

Duo rolled his eyes and shook his head vehemently, sending auburn bangs flying about before they settled back down.

"Quats, he ran up the stairs and locked himself in the minute he could. Tell me that isn't running away. Maybe I'll believe ya when pigs start flying and barking."

Heero rolled his eyes though the fact that his fingers had stopped typing away at his laptop's keyboard negated the idea that he did not at all have any concern with the topic of their fifth friend. When Duo mumbled under his breath something about how the Japanese had stopped paying attention to his computer, Heero simply scowled at him. Once upon a time, that would have been enough to shut everyone up including Duo.

But the war was over now. They were now just part of the working population -though underage but hey, pulling strings helped a lot!- that clocked in and clocked out. Usually, the job and the missions stayed at work but when something big happened, they would get together to work things out at their own time and pace.

'I wish Wufei would at least join us once.' The sad thought wriggled its way into Heero's mind. He returned to typing out of necessity, grumbling about stubborn Chinese people. Trowa shook his head, amusement bright in his single visible eye. He, like Heero, was a man of action to a point where words became hard to use. He nudged the shorter but stockier man who grunted and nudged back. The attempt to cheer the Japanese man up was successful if the small smile on Heero's face was any indication.

It was the Quatre's giggling that brought both of them back to the present and away from their 'manlier' attempts of cheering each other up. The amused looks sent over to Trowa and Heero by the mischievous two were returned with a large dose of eyebrow arching. That sent Duo and Quatre into bursts of laughter.

And the end of their antics, all four of them had a small smile on their face. Duo, of course, had a full blown grin but he was Duo. That was normal. Finally, things could start. They began pointing out good ideas and suggestions for mission parameters. The room started filling with more bright faces, playful expressions, and a more joyous atmosphere. Things will get better, no doubt. They'll get Wufei to get out of his shell soon enough.

At the other room, Wufei was suffering from a bout of paranoia. When the introduction to the mission was finished, he had immediately ran up to his room. Both locks on the top and on the bottom were twisted harshly. The sound of something clicking into place allowed the man to finally take a deep breath. For a few minutes, only the sounds of harsh breaths and pants could be heard.

Once he had deemed it was safe enough to leave his spot near the door, Wufei edged toward the bed. 'Light foot steps, soft footsteps, no footsteps. . .' The thought whispered across his mind, trailing stubborn clinging fear and confusion. Looking back at what happened earlier, it seemed like almost everything that could go wrong went wrong. First, he had blanked out during the conversation causing Heero to criticize him harshly. Afterwards, he couldn't even give a good excuse to not join the four with their sleepover. They had no doubt watched him leave with a feeling of confusion.

Damn, he was really a fool if he thought he could make it all up later. With such a few stupid actions, a few moments of distraction and bad decisions, he had caused another rife between all of them.

"I wonder if I'm actually a masochist. There's no other explanation for my subconscious decisions to choose what I did. When am I going to learn?"

Inwardly, he knew he would probably never learn. After all, why even bother caring? Things can't be taken back. Used time was all sunk costs and such things were not expendable. They can't be taken back and reused. At the very least, it shows there are still some major lessons to be learned.

Maybe after everything, Wufei would have learned everything he needed to learn to move on. 'I don't believe you for one moment. .' The voice that had spoken sounded faintly of his deceased wife, Meiran. Wufei wondered if perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him. 'Am I so useless that now the only way for me to know what to do is to have the ghost of my wife tell me?'

Meiran no doubt was probably cursing at his incompetence in the heavens.

"Gods, why me?"


_; Review please?