/.Chapter One.\\
My Dad had always warned me about slowing down, every time I cut a corner too close, or landed a jump a bit shakily, he always yelled 'Jess, slow down before you get yourself killed!'. I couldn't help it though, I had an instinct -- alright, well, more like a need; a need for speed. Well, what do you expect? If you put a teenage girl on a dirt bike that can manage a hundred-fifty miles per hour, you're going to have a speed demon on your hands. But I was a responsible rider, I was always in control of my bike, despite what other people thought. Sure, I had my share of falls, every rider did, it's just that since I was a girl and all, everyone made a bigger fuss over it. I could ride as just as well as the boys could, and I had made several attempts to prove that, but my Dad still kept his opinion; his daughter did not belong on a dirtbike. His son though, did.
Cody and I were twins, he was older than me by two minutes, which he pointed out to me every chance he got. He was the best brother you could ask for though, he wasn't like other brothers, whom as soon as they hit the age of fourteen, they ran off with thier friends, were embarassed if you were talking to them in school, and utterly forgot your existance. Cody wasn't like that at all though, I could talk to him about pretty much everything, he never lost his patience with me, and he was always giving me tips on my riding and he was looking out for me all the time. Cody was just a nice, fun-loving guy that could have you laughing within a couple minutes of first meeting him. He got along with pretty much everyone.
Cody and I had started competing together, Cody had started riding when he was eight, and, despite my mother's reluctance, I started when I was eleven. My Dad had been riding since he was nine, and when he got older he became involved in motocross and endurance races. He had gotten into an accident once and broken his leg, then he stopped riding for a while, but he stayed in contact with his friends. When Cody had grown up a little, he had decided to teach Cody how to ride.
Cody had been my Dad's pride and joy, whatever Cody put effort into, school, sports -- he got through with flying colors. I had the same grades in school, I was on the honor roll and all that jazz, but... I couldn't help but feel like my Dad didn't notice. He treated us the same, but in my mind I couldn't help but feel that in some way he favored Cody. Maybe that was why I had started dirtbiking in the first place... either way, those very thoughts had caused the accident.
"Jess?" Christina's voice, touched with concern, broke me away from my trance of staring out the window, and I turned my head to look at her. The dim light from the lamp in the corner of the room fell on her, she was standing in the doorway, her dark brown hair was short and sort of spiky at some parts, she had soft features and her skin was tan, her green eyes watched me from behind her horn-rimmed glasses. I hated that look -I had gotten it so many times in the past few months, it was of concern, of pity, and yet at the same time, a sense of knowing, like everyone had some little secret, something that I didn't know about; like all of this was some big trick and they were waiting for me to realize it.
I didn't reply to her though, and after a few moments she walked into the room, her heels silent on the dark rug, pausing by her desk, a rather large wooden table, piled with papers and books, and a couple of picture frames obscured it's surface. She was grabbing her notebook and a pen, and looking through a couple of papers, her face pre-occupied.
"Have you been waiting long?"She asked.
"No,"I answered calmly, I was pre-occupied as well, my gaze on the book case on my right, like everything else in the room, it was enormous, covering the whole wall. It's shelves were filled with books, some small, most of them rather thick, they didn't seem all that interesting though; they were on things like Adolescent Therapy and Dsicovering Your Inner-Self, self-help books and things like that. The walls were a soft red, which looked nice with the dim light from the lamp.
Christina was my therapist, my Dad had sent me to see her after my mom had left, he didn't want to deal with my issues, so, after school every two weeks or so, I had to come to her office. Even though she was supposed to pick my brain about how I felt and things like that, she really was a nice lady, and I had to hand it to her, she had a lot of patience with me, more than other people had, at least. I knew that trying to talk to me and let out my 'feelings' was a losing battle though, I just didn't want to talk about what had happened; the past was the past, and no one was going to get it out of me.
"Well, just checking, I just got a phone call from someone, which concerns our session today,"Christina said, sitting down in an over-stuffed looking leather chair across from me, organizing her papers, she jotted something down on the notebook, biting her lower lip slightly. I was sitting on a large, over-stuffed leather couch, well, sitting would be an understatement, I felt like I was sinking into the bowels of the couch.
I raised my eyebrows slightly, interested in this bit of information,"Really?"
Christina looked up from her notebook, watching me for a few moments, then said carefully," Well, Jess, it's nearly been a year since your brother's accident, and you haven't quite..recovered. Your grades have dropped considerably, and haven't picked up yet, and lately I've heard that you've been getting into fights at school... that you got suspended,"Christina paused for a moment after saying this, then continued," I'm a bit surprised that you haven't gotten involved in any drugs..or drinking, which, would be a very, very bad idea."
I could feel my eyes narrow a little, despite how I tried to keep my cool. I could do this easily, keep my cool, I mean, but I couldn't help but get a little defensive. I know that I didn't have the worst problems in the world, there were people who had it worse than I did, but I'm not saying that life had been a box of chocolates, either. Yes, I had gotten suspended for punching a kid in school, it had been a one time thing though, I wasn't really the fighting type, it was messy -but that kid had deserved it, he just didn't shut-up making comments about me and Cody. Christina's drug comment had annoyed me as well, I may not have been doing that well in school, but I was not a druggie. My voice sounded cool and defensive,"It's not that easy to get over. That kid deserved it anyways, he was saying things about..Cody, anyways, school might not be my strong point, but I'm not that stupid to get involved with drugs, after seeing what happened with Joni."
Christina pursed her lips and frowned a little at me, clearly she was dissapointed with my reply, but hey, she had asked for it. I didn't mean to be nasty or anything, I really don't like being mean to people, but sometimes the line needs to be drawn. I crossed my legs calmly, waiting for Christina to reply, which she did within a few moments.
"I think you should instead refer to Joni, as your mother, she deserves respect, and your support,"She started, watching me carefully still, almost like a hawk,"As for your grades, you used to be excellent in school, and you know you can do better. I can truly say I'm dissapointed, Jess, petty words shouldn't bother you. Your behavior lately has been unacceptable,so I have spoken with your father, and we have decided to send you away to get your life back on track. Your father thinks it will be good for you, it will give you time to accept your emotions and face your past."
She paused briefly to hand me a brochure, it was brightly colored, filled with information and rather exceptional photographs. I opened it, and saw a photo of a woman with long brown hair, looking to be in her mid-twenties, standing next to a palomino horse, a gentle smile on her face. Well, at least it wasn't some military school, or something like that, still though, this was a bit of an outrage. All because my Dad didn't want to buck up and actually try talking to me, I was going to have to change my lifestyle, again.
Christina continued,"I just got off the phone with the owner, she says that she was a friend of your mother's, so she's generously offered for you to stay with her."
I listened to Christina, but barely, her voice seemed far away. I was still looking at the picture of the woman and the horse, my thoughts far away from the cozy office, far away from the outer suburbs of town; they were at a small farm in late Spring, in a medium sized arena, sitting on the back of a gentle, but spunky dark bay pony who was trotting happily in circles around a young woman with short, blonde hair and blue eyes, smiling and laughing a little as she watched. A place that felt like home.
I could feel Christina's gaze on me, as though trying to read my face, my eyes, for any thoughts, as though she were observing me like some science experiment. I looked at her, the memory fading as quickly as it had come, my gaurd was up again,"So where is this place? And who came up with the idea?"
"It's in Virginia, and your Dad came up with it, he talked to your mother, and then she contacted Amy, the owner, and gave the okay. You should be leaving next Wensday."She replied.
My mouth gaped slightly, today was Tuesday, so I had a little bit over a week's notice of this small move to a different state. I groaned loudly and sat back on the couch, running my hand over my face in frustration," So, you've given me a weeks notice that you're shipping me off to a different state, all because my Dad won't talk to me?" I sat up again, looking at Christina," I know this might come as a surprise to you, but I do have friends, you know."
I was being sarcastic of course, I had always been sarcastic, but not to be mean. And well, I did have friends, but not close ones, not ones that actually cared what happened to me, just people to hang out with.
"Jess," There was that concern again," I know this doesn't seem fair, but this will really help you out. It'll give you some down time, and a fresh start will be great for you."
"So that's why you're shipping me off to some hick town?"
"No, Jess,"Christina said pointedly, adjusting her glasses a little,"It's why we've decided to send you to Heartland."
