Sneaking into an empty room, I closed the door quietly behind me and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed. I glanced around the modest bedroom. Stefan liked to keep it simple. It was a far cry from the boarding house. I ran my hands across the patchwork quilt beneath me. The furniture was charmingly mismatched, and the only decoration of any kind was a painting of the boarding house and a few dusty old books. I stood and walked to the closet, sliding it open to find a row of dark jeans and flannel shirts. Black boots, leather jackets. A box of pictures, mostly of him and Elena. So this was Stefan's bedroom. It had look uninhabited. I had assumed it was a guest room. But now that I knew, I caught a whiff of Stefan's scent coming from the clothes and the bed. I shivered at the sensation.
Stefan was having a little "chat" with Elena about her little "problem" with witch drugs. Yes, I had been the one to rat her out to Stefan. I still cared enough to not want to see her dead, but not enough to actually talk to her about it. And honestly, I just couldn't stand the thought of Stefan losing anyone else. He still cared so much about her. It was obvious from the tenderness in his touch. Although tender was just Stefan's way. He had the same light touch and soothing tone with everyone he was helping. But with Elena, of course, there was a little something extra.
Because of Elena, he was willing to come out of his isolation. To push his own pain aside. To forgive her and his brother for the wrongs they've done to him. And help her, when he had his own pain to deal with. Some part of me found that beautiful. The part of me that used to find beauty in and admire their relationship. But most of me now realized that she was also a big part of the reason that he was living out here in the woods alone. Why he couldn't truly move on. Because in his mind, he was still with her and would always be. That part of me realized that in order to save Elena from herself, I'd just thrown Stefan, and myself to some degree, to the wolves emotionally by asking him to bring her back into his life.
I signed deeply and closed the closet door. I stood in front of the floor length mirror and looked at myself. Perfect yellow sundress cinched with a shiny white belt, not a blonde curl out of place, eternally porcelain skin. It made me feel comfortable to be perfect. But none of that had ever mattered. Certainly not to Stefan. I remembered sauntering up to him years ago expecting him to fall into my lap. But he was already cosmically tied to Elena, and I think some part of him knew that even then. So I was rejected. I was just in the way. Even now I was in the way. Hiding out so Stefan and Elena can have some epic talk.
But at least with me, Stefan could have fun, be happy, be himself. Maybe I was being foolish, but to me, it had seemed that before everything happened, that we were changing...growing somehow. I thought about the night we spent cuddled up together in a cold car while the Traveler's held Stefan captive. I thought about how terrified I had been earlier that day that they would kill him, and how completely at peace I felt pressed up against his, at least half alive body. I smiled remembering his slight embarrassment about finding his hand draped across my stomach. Not that I minded.
I ran my hand down my own hips. Curvier than Elena's. Turn to check out my legs. Shorter, more muscular than Elena's. My sunshine dress and open toed heels such a stark contrast to her black jeans and boots. She looked so tough, even while she was falling to pieces. It was hard to feel sorry for her while she was mourning Damon. I had been forced to make my peace with him because he had become a part of my life by being such a big part of Stefan's and Elena's lives. But that didn't mean that I missed him. Or thought that Elena should miss him. He'd done his fair share of making her life miserable too. Only she didn't remember that. She only remembered loving him. I remembered how it felt to watch the life drain from Stefan's face in the middle of the street. I squeezed my eyes shut to push away the memory.
When I had gotten him back, I assumed that we would continue moving forward, to...whatever it was we were moving toward. But then we didn't. We went our separate ways. Until now. When we were brought back together because of Elena. Would Elena always be an invisible cord hanging between us? As I stood, staring into the floor length mirror, comparing myself to her just like I used to when we were 16...I knew that Elena would always be an unspoken word hanging in the air when it came to Stefan and me.
A slamming door interrupted my scattered thoughts. Then footsteps and a gentle knock followed and I quickly sat back down on the edge of the bed and attempted to look nonchalant. I glanced at the closet to make sure I'd closed it, and smoothed my dress.
"Can I come in?" Stefan asked as he let himself in.
I laughed, "Stefan, it's YOUR bedroom."
He chuckled.
"So..." I invited him to tell me what had happened.
"So." he said, seating himself next to me on his bed. He smelled great. His arm was warm against mine.
"Did that go as well as it sounded?" I asked, scrunching my face sympathetically.
"Possibly worse," he admitted.
I let out a puff of breath in a laugh then apologized.
Stefan smiled, "It's okay. It's kind of funny how I failed so horribly." He nudged my shoulder playfully.
"Sorry," I said with a giggle.
"Now what?" Stefan said with a defeated sigh.
I thought for a moment.
"Now..," I began, standing and holding out my hand toward him, "You take me out for a drink and show me what it is that you've been doing all this time."
His green eyes twinkled as his heavy hand clasped mine. It felt right.
"Sounds great. And we can talk about what we're going to do about Elena." He added, standing next to me.
I cringed inwardly a bit at her name, but smiled and nodded nonetheless. There was Elena, tugging on that cord whether she knew it or not. Stefan threw his heavy arm across my shoulders and led me out. We had a problem. Well, I had a problem. He had no idea. I wanted to keep it that way. But for right now, I could just appreciate his weight, his heat, his smell and his company and try to be okay with that.
"Did you go through my closet?" He asked playfully as we walked out the front door of his little cabin.
I threw my head back and laughed, as he closed the door behind us.
