Silently Weeping

I watch as the sun rises. It's been three years since the attempt she made.

My mother stared at me while she smiled. "Isabella?" She asked. She called me this, of course. But there were occasions she called me by what I wished, Bella.

She was in front of me. "I'll be going away for awhile. I'll always be with you throughout your ups and downs, just remember that, Isabella."

I stood there shocked. What was she saying? I thought.

"W-What do you mean? Are you going away.. l-like Grandma?" She had died last year. It was a hard time, but I tried to get through it.. somehow.

"I'll never be far away. I'll always be with you. As you age, you may not believe. I love you, Isabella." I knew she was...

I just didn't wish for it to be true.

"Here take this." She put something in my palm.

It looked.. like a necklace locket.

It held veins near the edges. I slowly opened it. There held a picture from last week, the two of us.

We smiled. But I wanted her here.. with me. I couldn't see life without her.

She turned away. She's gone...

That was the last time I saw her alive. That day, it has been years since then.

I think it's more of my fault she's gone. I have moved with Charlie after she acted on thought and emotion.

She hung herself. I was just trying to run after her, but she told me to go to a Claudia's house. My best friend. Her mother was my mom's friend since middle school.

I have walked away to her house until she turned away to her path and so I followed her to the dark forests of California.

We lived further away out of town. It was a long walk, of course.

I there watched her hang herself that day. It has haunted me since then.

My friend and I kept in touch after she left this world and I was forced to move with Charlie; my father. In Forks, Washington.

Possibly the most wettestt place in The United States of America. I kept to myself.

I have told Charlie several times I would not see a shrink. He stopped trying after the seventeenth time.

He has kept precaution. Unloading the bullets out of his gun before he came into the house. Thinking I would purposely take it in my hand and shoot myself.

I would.. but, I don't want to be like my mom, Renee.

Weak and ignorant.

There were times I wished to do 'it,'

My friend Angela Weber was nice. We have been friends since I came here and started school.

While I was quickly noted as the 'freak.' They teased me at first, but things started to cool down.

There was Stephen who bullied me for how I dressed and whatever else.

But he was just one of those people who did things to make themselves feel good. I once punched him and started a fight. I was suspended for three weeks. Soon afterwards I was found smoking weed and suspended for four months.

Charlie was angry with me. He soon started seeing a therapist.

I thought it was the worst idea.. ever. Why doesn't he say whatever he thinks to my face?

It's the obvious thing.

I sighed quietly. I haven't slept yet, nor did I plan to unless it is deem nessary.

I slowly got up from my bed, not bothering to shower. Just changing the clothing I am wearing.

I walked down the stairs to the door. Not bothering to eat breakfast. There was rain. Man, it sucks.

I always did wonder how could it be this way. Rain, rain and more rain.

I am friends with Mike Newton as well. He moved from California soon afterwards as I did. Like me he was known as the freak because he hangs out with me.

He says he doesn't care what they think.

It shouldn't matter, but I am tired of trying to continue this life.

School was boring as always.

Angela was the same old. Just getting more depressing to be around, it must be me.

I now lie on my bed without moving or saying a word.

I want to die already, but don't act.

The Next Day turns out to be worse than yesterday.

I didn't speak to anyone. I stopped speaking three months ago.

My father is too selfish and cold-hearted to care. My mum would, I know she would.. if she were still alive.

I am too tired of trying to fake another smile. Life is hard.

I don't think anything will ever happen.

All hope is long gone. It left when I was twelve, that day.

The ripping feeling starts once again. The guilt eats me.

Too much of everything, coming all at once.

I hold everything in all day.

I walk down the road. Broken.. in the inside.

I close the door behind me. Walking to my room.

And here I am once more.

I break down into a fit of sobs.

My mum is dead. My dad doesn't care.

and I am alone once again...