AN: I write this parody as a gift to my friend, that I won't say the name.


I looked at the portal in front of me, I know this scene very well, the fall maiden Amber will be defeated by Cinder Fall and her crony, the discount Aladdin and the cripple, her power will be stolen and she will be in a coma for the rest the series, I observed as she ride her horse to her death, at least that is what the fanfiction I read describe, I haven't watch the second or third volume yet, and I don't plan to as the fanfic are better anyway.

"What are you going to do now?" My childhood friend Syahrief asked me, the portal opened in my room when he was visiting.

"Of course I jumped in, that world needed me." I said with resolution.

"Are you sure you already think thing through?" He said.

"Of course, I am." I stared at him in the eyes seriously. "I am going to befriend a naive little girl, a tsundere heiress, a cat kuudere and a blonde bimbo." My friend looked at me amazed.

We looked back at the portal, Amber already fighting the Cinder trio.

"Alright, I am going to jump!" I grab my trusty 9mm pistol, with this I can win against dust weapon even if my body is not that strong, after all Grimm is made of black powder and aura are weak against it.

"Goodbye my friend!" I jump into the portal, bringing my bag full of bullets with me.

The portal closed as I entered it.

...

"I am amazed at how stupid he is." Syahrief pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, well I guess he has no use for his Playstation 3 anymore."

-0-

"Ouch!"

I landed on my butt on rocky hard ground, I quicky got up and aim my gun at the trio.

"Stop right there!" I shouted.

I internally sigh in relief as I barely stopping Cinder from sucking Amber soul out.

They all looked at me, Emerald and Mercury still restraining a flabbergasted Amber, don't worry I saved you!

"Dropped your weapon, I have gunpowder!" I shouted my warning.

They all looked into each other before Cinder made a motion with her head, Mercury remove her hand from Amber, did it really work?

Emerald change position as she restraint Amber alone.

"Tch!" Mercury slowly coming at me while smirking his annoying smirk.

I can't win in a straight fight against an Aura user, if only I could shoot Cinder I win.

I aim my gun at Cinder and shoot.

CLANG!

...

Holy shit! Mercury deflected it with his crippled legs, but it's impossible, everything in remnant is supposed to be weak to gunpowder!

Mercury lazily walked toward me with his really annoying smirked.

"Don't go near me!" I warned.

He didn't heed it as he continues his slow walk.

BANG!

I shoot at his head.

He lazily turned his head, avoiding the bullet easily.

I continue shooting.

BANG!

He avoided it.

"I warned you!"

BANG!

"Stop!"

Again.

CLANG!

He swat it with his legs, as I took a good look at his crippled self, why didn't he has those blade pirate legs like the fanfic say he has!?

"Wha-"My face was faced with a shoes that has a hole in it.

BOOM!

-0-

"Eww, disgusting." Emerald looked at Mercury with disgusted look.

"Cinder, can I take a bath now?" Mercury asked his as he wiped pieces of brain and guts from his clothes.

"Only after we finish dealing with the White Fang." Cinder stated firmly, taking no for an answer.

"But I covered in some hobo remained from head to toe." Mercury try to object, but a glare from Cinder silenced him.

"It's your own fault for using such powerful bullet idiot." Emerald said.

"No, I just use my normal dust bullet." Mercury denied.

"Yeah, right. Suck it Merc."