Beth makes a deal with Merle that she later regrets...Merle, well Merle he regrets nothing.
Thank you to Scriptor412 for asking a look at my story I own nothing of TWD, nor am I making any money off my stories.
"Someday when the pages of my life end,I know that you will be one of its most beautiful chapters." - Unknown
Chapter 1 - A Beautiful Chapter
"You named our son, what?" Beth fumed and her shrill whisper cut across the room, sending both Carol and Daryl who had just walked in the room back out the door.
She crossed her arms defensively across the newborn laying on her chest, causing him to let out an indignant grunt, and wave a tiny fist in the air... presumably at her and her opinion of his name.
"Already a chip off the ol' block," Her husband said proudly, as he rescued his son from his disgruntled wife's agitated grip. "Ya already got yer gruntin' down... now all's I gotta do is teach you a few choice swear words and yer gonna have this Dixon thang down pat, boy." He sing songed in his gravelly voice.
Merle gave Beth an innocent wide eyed look, "Girly, we had us a deal, no backin' out now. I waz ta name ah boy and you ah girl... never known ya to go back on yer words." He said frowning at her, softening his words with a soft kiss ending with a gentle nip.
"Let's take a look see at ya sonny-boy." He said placing the newborn on the bed slowly with his one hand to unswaddle then undressed him. Then he stood taking careful inventory of the surprising rollypolly infant.
Picking him up he awkwardly turned the babe to rest against his truant limb, he ran a large calloused finger gently down the silky skin on his son's back almost reverently. "Softest damn thing I ever touched 'sides yer thighs." He said to Beth with a voice full of wonder yet still managing to give her a wolfish grin.
Then addressing his son as much as himself he said, "I'll be Damned if it ain't gonna stay that way too...do my best to make sure you grow up with no marks to mar ya skin, and no harsh words to mar ya soul."
He looked at Beth, his eyes searching hers, "I'll protect him even from myself...I promise ya, I promise both a ya."
Beth leaned forward and cupped his stubble covered cheeks, and looked into his clear blue eyes, "Merle, I never thought anything different, you are a good man. You're my good man, and you are going to be the best father and protector for our boy."
He grunted again...the native language of the Dixon boys, one that at best she would only ever be proficient in. She thought maybe it could have been a grunt of agreement or one of deep thought she wasn't exactly sure which.
'Deep thought' she decided after he added, "Glad ya think so, ya might have ta keep repeating it, so I can keep it in mind."
She tilted her head to see his eyes better "I'll tell you every day if that's what you need. I'll even try to needlepoint it on your pillow case if you want me too."
He scratched at the stubble on his cheeks,taking in the roles on his chunky boy. He felt a warm glow of pride that he had been able to provide his woman enough food so that their little boy wasn't born under weight or sickly. "Boy looks like a fuckin' cherub."
"Les see, ya got yer standard 10 toes, and 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9…wait got yer thumb tucked in...yes 10, 10 lil' bitty fingers." As he counted them he fingering each one of his sons impossibly tiny digits gently. "Boy, gonna have ta teach ya not to tuck yer thumb in when ya make a fist."
A wide grin lazily spread across his rugged face, "Well, what we got here! He has himself one non-standard, or what I call a Dixon sized package...dem girls gonna love ya sonny boy, not ah one of 'em gonna be able to resist ya." He smiled up at Beth, who was still sitting up in bed with her arms loosely crossed across her chest but her eyes were soft and shining.
"Don't take it personal, son. Ya Mama, she loves me more than a fat kid loves chocolate cake. Never could resist my Dixon charm, ain't that right, Girly?" She fought a smile, instead giving him a slight shrug of agreement.
Tipping his chin towards Beth he told the baby, "And I'm gonna teach ya all ya need to know about her. Most important, she got herself ah tender forgiving heart. Good thing 'cause it works out real well for me. Think it's gonna work out real well for ya too. And ya should know yer Mama she never stays mad fer' too long." He said as he roguishly winked at her.
"Merle..his name.." She started before he cut her off. Speaking over her he added, "First lesson...don't let yer Mama get started, 'cause she can work herself up into a tizzy, then there's no stoppin' her. So don' let her get that far 'cause she jus' feels bad afterwards, and somehow that just gonna makes ya feel worse then the yellin'. Don' know why, haven't figured her out all the way yet but it's true."
He put him in a new diaper, and started to awkwardly redress him one handed. "Fuckin' clothes are almost too small already, and ya not even 3 hours old yet. Just got back here and gotta go on out again to get some bigger britches for ya. Betcha gonna eat us outta house and home too."
Once he had the baby dressed again, he awkwardly tried to swaddle him in the blanket one handed. Beth watched, knowing if he wanted help he would ask. "Let me tell ya somethin' else...still waters run deep. Ya Mama, she's got a lotta depth to her. Learn somethin' new about her everyday, and everyday ah love her more than the last. You wanna be a happy man, wait to marry till ya find ya'self a woman who runs deep. Ima' promise ya, yer never be bored."
He looked over to see Beth's eyes filled and almost ready to flow over. He addressed his son again "I do love ya Mama, and we gonna be a team to keep her happy. 'Cause we gonna be wanna' her to save her time an energy fer better thangs, like givin' yer ol' man a wee bit o' sugar instead ah fussin."
Beth sighed and put her arms down in defeat "You know, you're not always going to get your way with sweet talk, right?"
He pulled a skeptical face "Well, why the Hell, not? Been working real well for us so far. Why don' we just see how long ah can pull it off 'mkay." He gave her a assessing look. "Ima thinkin' you got a good 10 years in ya, 'afore ya sick of my shit...ya' real patient like that."
Beth shook her head in bemused expression " I don't think I will ever get sick of you...I can't even imagine ever not wanting you. However, don't you think for a moment I'm not on to you. And how you butter me up with your southern charm."
Merle pulled her hand up and kissed her palm, wrapping her finger around the kiss. "Ah know ya are...makes it jus' that much more fun for me. Girly, ya got my heart in your tiny little hands." He did the same with his sons hand, "ya both gotta keep it safe, 'cause Ima leave it in yer care., and ah'd break if anythin' ever happens ta either of you". And his face for once was deadly serious.
He leaned over to place a few not so gentle kisses on Beth's slightly swollen lips. "Girl, what ah tell ya about bittin' yer lips...makes me crazy, makes me wanna bite on 'em too."
"Well, you try giving birth without drugs. I had to bite them to stop some of the screaming." Beth said testily, trying to wiggle into a more comfortable position.
"Maggie weighed him, and said he was 10 pounds 2 ounces! I can't believe something that big came out of my body! Nobody in my family has ever had a baby that weighed over 8.5 as far as I know. And frankly I'm not quite sure I want to have anymore Dixon babies...thank you very much."
"Uh-huh...That's what ya say now Girly, ah bet inside uh' two years yer gunna be buggin' me all over 'gain, Tellin' me he's gonna need a playmate or some other shit, an yer gonna be laying on the charm and tryin'...and succeedin' gittin' in my pants every damn night till ya get yer way."
He held up the baby like an award trophy. "Ain't that how ya got this little fellow? Ima thinkin' ya gunna be wantin' at least two more 'afore yer done. Ya know ya can't keep yer hands offa me. I gotta admit, I did enjoy bein' seduced by yer wanton ways. I can't say no ta ya when ya have yer heart set on somethin'." He said spinning the gold band around his finger in front of her.
She smirked at him, "If I remember correctly...and I do. It was you who first mentioned making me your wife. And it was also you who went out to find the rings. And again it was you who brought me the baby motorcycle boots and dangled them in front of me like some sort of redneck carrot..."
Merle gave her a grin, and a slight shrug, "Fuckin' cutest damn boots I'd ever laid my eyes on, think they mighta' made my biological clock start tickin'...that is iffin' men have clocks." He looked down at the baby in his arms. "Gonna get ya a wee lil' motorbike as soon as ah talk yer Mama into it."
"Really...about the name, I got to say was expecting something..." She fluttered her fingers vaguely around her neck, "particularly redneck. But I was thinking, oh, I don't know, more along the lines of Elvis or Cash...Conway or Waylon...I even thought you might name him Parton trying to be funny." She said gesturing towards the bars on the doors.
An exasperated sigh past her lips, "But Merle really, Rowdy? What kinda name is that, or are you hoping that's going to be his main character trait?"
"Iz' the name of my favorite WWF wrestler..is tha' redneck 'nough fer ya? 'Sides," He said pursing his lips and ran his hand through the boys slightly wavy hair, "bettin' this here boys gonna have my curls and our blond hair and blue eyes."
"Awww...Bethie, ya' givin' me a fine lookin' son." He said lovingly pressing another kiss in her hand.
"He's gonna look like a fuckin' Angel come down from heaven. An if he has yer sweet disposition, he's gonna need a strong name ta even him out a bit. Rowdy Dixon, 's a solid name. A name to make other men think twice 'fore fucking wit' him."
He pressed a kiss into the freshly washed fuzzy hair, "Fuckin' hated my curls growin' up...women always stoppin' me in the streets always touching' them without even askin' first. My Pops useta' say ah was better than a damn puppy for pickin up chicks."
He sniggered smugly, "'till ah grew into my lovely personality...bite one pushy broad when yer 5, and the whole damn town brands ya a violent troublemaker."
Beth shook her head, "I wish you would let your curls grow out just once...I would like to run my fingers through them." She said wistfully.
He raised his hand in objection, "Nah, Girly...not ever gonna happin' not even with how much ah love ya. So don' ya bother even askin'."
"When ah went ta school all the lil' girls were always lookin' at me like ah was some damn doll to play with. An' the bigger boys always tuggin' on them curls. Ah's in first grade when one big boy...4th grade I think, called me Goldilocks, ah laid him out clean…'course, ah had been trainin' for this fight all ma' life. Livin' with my ol' man, bein' his punching bag. Ya learn how to take a punch...and apparently how to kick some ass too."
"Ah was a real scrapper, and I can tell you nobody ever fucked wit me agin', 'ceptin' my Pops o'course."
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Course I got expelled...I think that was the first time my Pops showed any pride in me."
"What made you think he was proud of that?" Beth asked intrigued.
"Cause he took me out fer a soda 'afore he took me home and broke my nose. But he only hit me once that night, and let me stay up to watch TV with him. That was practically gushing adoration for my Pops."
"And Rowdy, he ain't gonna have tha' hard lessons at my knee the way ah did at my Pops…ain't ever gonna let nobody put a mark on my boy..not even me."
He gave a slight smile, "Always hated my name. Wished that had named me Mick, Hank or Jeb...woulda wishes for Rowdy had ah'd known it was an option. And Ima give this boy everythin' ah always wanted an never had."
He looked at Beth with such love in his eyes and faced the baby towards her, "And look here boy, ah started ya off right. Lookit' the Mama ah picked out fer ya she is beautiful inside an out. As bright and shiny as a newly minted penny...just had ta pick her up an' put her in my pocket. She is full o' the milk of human kindness".
Beth's eyes had gone soft and luminescent...this man of hers, he had a real talent for saying just right thing. She was sure if he had any other upbringing he would of been a poet or a writer.
"But boy, don' let all that fool ya. Yer Mama, she ain't no pushover. She got an iron core...gonna protect ya. Strong enough to stand up ta me and win...not weak like my Ma was..she always gonna put ya first. Won' let anybody ever hurt ya...nobody."
Beth leaned over and to place soft loving kisses on his lips "I promise you Merle, I won't ever let anyone hurt him. I would lay down my life for you both. I love you both, so much it hurts sometimes." She took him into her arms with the baby nestled between them.
"And Ah you, Girly and ah you." He whispered into her hair.
He sat just holding his little family. The wife he hadn't even known he wanted till he met Beth. And The baby he was alway too afraid ever even consider having before her. He had always been too afraid that he had too much of his ol' man in him to even risk it.
But there was Beth, and she made him think and do things he never even dreamed were possible. Hell he was married for God's Sake..of his own will! It had even been his own idea, not a shotgun in sight at his wedding.
And to top that off he now called a Korean man his brother, not something old Merle would've ever done. That he would trust that same Korean man, the one he had once upon a time beat the tar outta, with the lives of his family if he needed too...yes, yes he did. Hell, he could honestly say that he even trusted Glen with his own life.
Trusted Michonne too, knew she'd do all that was needed to protect Beth and Rowdy if it came right down to it. He had to admit that he admired that womans survival skills and her loyalty. He made up his mind that he was gonna see if she would work with Beth a little bit once she was healed up.
He even suspected that Glen and Michonne just might do a better job than he could raising his small family. But hopefully that theory would never be proven.
But now when push came to shove, he counted them among his closest friends and allies. Now that was some impressive shit right there.
Rowdy started to make little kitten noises and Beth gently took him out of Merle's arms putting him to her as she pulled her top aside as Merle leered lustfully at her milk-laden breasts.
And the boy, like a true Dixon took to it like a champ. He seemed to know just what he was doing, his small fist swatted at her breast while he made greedy little piggy grunts. "Even sounds like you." She said pulling Merle's hand up and kissing it. "So, does our son have a middle name?"
Merle softly caressed her cheek before moving it down to wipe the line of milk running from his son's mouth puckered around Beth's nipple managing to cop a feel at the same time.
"Your Mama's milk of human kindness isn't to be wasted, boy." He said making eye contact with Beth as he stuck his finger into his wicked mouth and sucked it clean. It never ceased to shock her how blatantly and unashamedly sexual he could be...down right dirty at times, or how much she liked it.
Kissing his nursing son on his head he told him, "Son...them titties are strictly on loan, I'll be needin' 'em back after a bit."
"Don' wanna name him after nobody...want him to be his own man. Don' ever wan' him to have to feel like some sorta replacement for a lost loved one, or like he gotta fill anybody's shoes." He said in his sandpaper voice. "Feel bad for Lil' Hershel. Feel like everyone's always comparin' him ta yer Pops. Jus' waitin' fer him to get old enough to start his doctorin and quotin' the bible'. Don' wan' that fer our boy." He said firmly.
She took the baby from her breast, putting everything back in order while patting his back making him gave a hearty belch.
"Yer right, does sounds jus' like me." Merle agreed.
"Everyone else has been in here and has at least got a glimpse of him, while you two were off getting more baby things...why don't you have Daryl come in to meet his nephew."
"Ain't stupid...know ya had everythin' you already needed for months...ya was just tryin' to get me out of yer hair." He said getting up to get Daryl.
"It was for your own good, you know!" Beth yelled at his retreating back.
When Daryl came in, he was in awe of the little boy. "That's one fine looking boy Merle, fuckin' huge he is. Sturdy, gonna be solid muscle like his ol' man. An ya named him what now? Rowdy'...like the Piper?" Thank god ya didn't name him after one a us." He'd said with one of his fleeting smiles.
They sat talking until an exhausted Beth had fallen asleep, then Merle took Daryl who was still holding Rowdy and led him out into the hallway. "Got a few serious things ta say a ya, and I wanna say 'em now 'afore I change my mind, or chicken out."
He put his arm around his brothers shoulders, looking at him holding his boy. "Now, ya officially his Godfather, and his Uncle. That means if anything was to ever happen to me, yer in charge a my family. Ain't nobody I'd trust more."
"Stop! Ain't nothin' gonna happin', you just feelin' the responsibility now 'sall." He said looking into his brother's eyes.
"Ya bet I am. But, needs to be said. If anything ever happens, if we're ever attacked again...you or me, we gotta get them out. Least wise till you got ya own family ta worry about."
Daryl's face hardened "We both know that ain't ever gonna happen."
Merle just looked at him searchingly before he saying stiffly. "Come on come wit' me." And lead him further away from the main room to his and Beth's rooms. Where he put his son down, and told Daryl to undress the baby down to his diaper.
Daryl did what his brother asked of him even though he didn't understand why. When he was done Merle took his boy in a football hold onto his arm with the missing hand.
He pointed to his boys back. "Look at his back Baby Brotha'...put your hand on it...feel how soft it is." And after hesitating a moment Daryl complied.
"Ain't never gonna be no marks on his back...I'm do better job of protecting him than I did with you. Ain't a scared child trying to raise a baby no more. Not like the way I was with you."
"Merle, ya did yer best..." Daryl started.
"I know that now. Didn't before, always blamed myself. But I'm seeing through new eyes now. And I'd no more blame Carl for failing to protect Judith from a grown man...then I'd allow Judith to blame herself for being abused by an adult. I'd Blame that adult now, No...I'd fuckin' kill an adult who touched one these here kids. And I know ya would do the same. Ya see where I'm goin wit' this?"
"'S' too late…" Daryl started,"
"S' never too late, Daryl, never gonna be too late. When I was 9, Ma handed ya to me...tol' me that ya was my responsibility from then on. I was scared, never even held a baby 'afore. But one look at ya, an I knew I loved ya, ya was a skinny lil' thing..all yella' from the jaundice an screamin' like a banshee, but ya was mine, an I loved ya."
Merle reached over and took his hand and gently rubbed the baby's back "Once upon a time my back an' yers was this smooth...ya wasn't born wit' those scars, Daryl." Daryl blinked hard ducking his head but kept his hand on the infants back.
"I'd never want my boy...either of ya to let some fuckin child abuser steal ya life from ya. It's time Daryl, time ta take back yer life, to be the man ya was meant to be. Let all that shit go if ya can, don' let him have any more power over ya."
Daryl put his thumb up to chew on his nail. "Don' know if I can. I'm too afraid...to damaged...might en' up...what if I…"
"End up like Pops?" Merle said cutting right to the real issue. "Like how I felt? You know how afraid I was ta' I woulden' be a good husband or a father?" He looked at Daryl inquiringly, "You worry that I might lose my temper some day an' hurt this lil' guy?"
"Nah Merle..no way, you'd ever do that! Ya would never do somethin' like that." Daryl said emphatically.
"Din' think I would...I hoped I would never hurt my own kid." Merle said swallowing thickly. "But I wasn't 100% sure till I held him in my arms. I would die...I would even ask you to protect him from me...I would hope I wouldn't even hav'ta ask ya for that." Merle said heatedly.
"Ya, know I would!" Daryl said said with just as much heat.
Rowdy having had enough of the loud voices and let out a angry howl, Merle bounced him softly on his arm and rubbed his back until he quieted.
"I know ya scared Daryl...I was too. Don' ya see...I didn't start really livin' till I let go of that fear...let go of all that anger. I couldn't have been a good husband or a good father 10 years ago...ya' think I woulda' been?" He said shaking his head decisively.
Merle took a calming breath, and in a low urgent voice kept talking, "No, I was too filled with that anger & fear...had a lot of self loathing and doubt I there too. Had to let all tha' go cause I was slowly turning into Pops. Took me too many years to understand that I hated that man too much ta let myself turn in ta him."
"Don' wan' ya to have ta wait another 10 years 'afore you start livin' yer life! I'm so very...blessed with this life I have now. Look at my wife..my boy! Ya think that I don' deserve them? Ya think I should suffer' some more for the man that I let pops make me in ta?"
They stood there silent and unmoving. Daryl shook himself, "Nah, Merle. You deserve to be happy. I wan' you to be, makes me feel good to see ya with Beth...everyone knows she adores ya...and you her."
"Daryl, ya was always the sweet one, the good one. Me, I'm the bully, the junkie, the ex-con...the asshole who left my baby brotha' alone to cope my abuser while I checked out." He said with a broken voice.
"And I must known...somewhere deep down inside what he would do to a sweet kid like you, least I was made in his image I kinda got it even at a young age. Pops he hated himself…'course he would hate me too. But you, you were nothin' like him, thought he might ah forgivin' you for being' his son...but I knew, I fuckin' knew that man had no love in his heart for anyone.
And I still left. I still chose the drugs over ya year afta' fuckin' year. Hell, I chose jail, women, drugs, anger, hate...all of it over you. Time and time again, and ya always took me back, ya always loved me always believed that I was a betta' man then I was. Daryl, ya nothing like the old man...ya just like Ma."
Daryl rubbed a weary hand over his eyes. "Ma...Ma was weak."
"Yes she was...but ya seem ta forget, Pops took her and married her at 14...can you even imagine what I woulda done to someone like Beth 10 years ago? What kind psychological damage someone like me or Pops would've inflicted on a 14-year-old girl, especially one as sweet as my Beth?"
Daryl took a small step back, shifting uncomfortably, "I wanna, I do. Jus' don't think I got it in me."
Merle put his big hand around the back of Daryl's neck and gave him an emphatic squeeze before hauling him back in for a tight hug "Well now' that's ok brotha', 'cause ah know ya do. And now it's my turn ta love ya an to believe in ya. Ah Know yer so much smarter than me, so Ima thinkin' won't take ya damn near as long as it did me to figure this shit out."
And he could feel Daryl's meager nod and his Hand tightened and pulled him him even tighter, placing a gruff kiss on his head.
"'Enough of this shit, boy. Ima gonna go see if that bed in the infirmary is big enough for me to get in an hold my wife, maybe even sleep for a bit 'afore the lil' man wants his Mama again."
Merle handed the baby to Daryl, "Why don' you go see if this lil' guy is better than a puppy at helpin' you pick up chicks. Don' know as Carol has had a proper look see at him yet..ya should go ta her." And he patted his brother on his back and ran his hand across his boys head trying to push down the little lion mane that was trying to form. "Go on now, both ah ya' get."
Merle watched his brother walk down the hall in that hunters gait of his, he had done his best. Would keep on doing his best every day until his brother believed his words. Because he had been a father long before today, he just hadn't realize it. Never knew how to love someone properly, never had someone to learn it from 'til Beth taught him. And he had a lot to make up for, but he thought that maybe, just maybe he was up to the task now.
