Hello there. Exams are over and school's out. So you can again expect more or less regular updates of your favorite stories. This one's a oneshot I've had on my head for quite a long time now and I'd never managed to quite nail down. Whatever the outcome I hope you like it and review much to feed the starving Geri and Freki.
But above all I want to ask what on Earth happened to the line breaks.
Before I forget, this comes straight from the finale of my earlier fic Madhouse. You haven't read it? No prob. Integra explains it all anyway a bit futher.
Have fun. Own nothing. Making no profit. Off you go.
-Master? Sir Integra?
She rolled from under the covers and groaned.
-Police Girl... shut the curtains, if you please.
The satisfying sound of the curtains draping over them and the ensuing darkness helped her open her eyes. Once the offending sunlight had been cut off, she managed to shrug off the satin and velvet coccoon enveloping her and groaned at the sight of the young Draculina offering her a bundle of carefully folded clothes.
-Master... I know you don't like this. Neither do I, really, but... come on, it's only a day every year. Besides, Walter had this specially prepared!
-Walter?
She fumbled forward, and squinted against the dim profile of the vampire before her.
-Walter...? Police Girl, are you daft? You... you know... Walter's... Walter's...
What was the word? Away? Gone? She struggled to dredge the word she knew had to be somewhere, lost in her subconscious. It was like struggling against an inner wall, having to physically struggle through a heavy barrier to remember every miserable thought, every bloody image. Every single goddamned wisp. And she had to put up her usual scowl as she ambled to find her glasses in the nightstand beside her.
-...on vacation, Master? Don't worry. He left this prepared beforehand.
On vacation. She nodded and accepted, but knew Walter wasn't supposed to be on vacation. If only she could remember... could it be she hadn't approved it? No. She remembered offering him the vacation herself. God knew, the man was an absolute marvel, a lady's gentleman like none other. So she had decided to reward his devotion with a token of appreciation and Walter had heartily thanked her and went somewhere to a private resort in Brazil. The old pervert would have his fill of fun with the local ladies for a while and come back rested and happy so everybody could go on with the plow. What was it that bothered her?
-Where is that bloodsucker, by the way? Is he prepared for the Queen's inspection?
-He is, Master. He's just being a jerk about it as always. He'll get better as soon as the Queen arrives and he can get his fun for the day. Give him a mission at night and he should be more or less quiet for a while. He's having a good time these days, and it's always a treat to see him in such high spirits. Remember when he used to brood all the time, just demanding more and more bloodbaths? Sheesh, what days were those...
Integra rose from out of bed and accepted as well the robe the young vampire extended.
-Is my bath ready?
-Yes, Master. Everything's prepared. Your bath, um, the breakfast is still in the kitchens, but should be ready soon. Master's all set, the security attachés from Her Majesty...
-And the kids?
Integra's mind flared up as hundreds of alerts filled her brain for some reason. Why... why shouldn't she be asking about Arthur and Thomas? Again, she racked her mind for a single excuse by which she shouldn't have asked about them. But she couldn't. She rubbed her temples. It was more... the very absence of reasons to do so was the exact reason that kept nagging her. Well, that and the insistent feeling something was undefinably wrong. But everything was fine. The monster was behaving, the Police Girl was as mercifully chatty as ever... what was that tiny black part that blotted out the sun?
-Them? Don't worry, Master's dealing with them, making sure they're at their best for the Queen when she comes for brunch.
-Hm. Good. Well... it does make a nice change from the routine, doesn't it? It seems like everything... everything, mind you, will indeed be... be... uh...
-Good? Splendid?
-...perfect. Complete and utterly perfect.
-Why, thank you! It's nice to see you enjoy it! Just you see, nothing will go wrong!
-Umm. Yes. Nothing. Now excuse me, I think the tub's cooling.
The Police Girl saluted and strutted out of the room. As she saw her leave, Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing wrapped the robe around her and walked off herself to her bathroom. As promised, the tub was full and just the right temperature. Just as she had reached for the soap and sponge, a pair of gloved hands had materialized behind her, and gently set down on her shoulders. She shuddered, even though she knew perfectly well it was just Alucard. Alucard?
But of course. She ignored the tiny voice that kept screaming Alucard was wrong. That she had never allowed him to touch her without her explicit permission. But it was all right. They had grown close. The intimacy could only be expected to grow. Granted, the pest had been doing this from the moment they had begun intimating; with little details, he was being his usual overprotective self. Little details like guarding her sleep and accompanying her. Obsessively. Until she had blown his brains out enough times to make him understand she was not a porcelain figure to protect. Now he only did such things when she either didn't care or wasn't looking. Or at least when he thought she wasn't.
Heaven knew she hadn't known the type of possessive love only elder vampires could bestow before that. And it only had gone worse with their marriage.
Again! That damnable pang of alarm! What on Earth was wrong with admitting she was now married to Vlad III of Wallachia? Taking a deep breath, she sank into the waters of the tub before lathering with the soap, staring with open eyes at the red and black form hovering before her. And she wryly smiled when she saw its own jagged grin. Closing her eyes, she raised her head off the water and drew a long breath.
-Is everything fine, my Countess?
-Why is it that you ask?
-Well, mind you... the Queen isn't slated to come in a little over three hours. Mind you, we could spend the time admirably well in the interim...
-Not now, Alucard. This is not the time for you and I to prance around like hares. Dear Lord, vampire. For such an ageless being, you behave like a ruttish teenager when it comes to sex.
-Can you blame me? Such a wonderful experience, shared by my espouse. One of the little pleasures that make this existence tolerable.
-Skeddaddle, pest. This is not the time and I think you still have Arthur and Thomas to take care of.
The vampire sighed dramatically.
-They are very contently having their breakfast. The Police Girl can take care of them.
She splashed some water on him.
-Away with you, Alucard!
Sadly accepting defeat, said monster faded into the walls. Integra suppressed the temptation to snort at how easily the ancient leech accepted her will as she reached for the sponge and started scrubbing. Wife or not, she was still her master. Sure, she could be slowly withering as the ten years of running Hellsing and two pregnancies caught up with her, but her spirit was still as unbreakable as it had always been. Not to mention the gradual strain of reigning over two of the world's most powerful vampires and having to deal with the growth of two rather immature dhapires. Sighing, she reflected with a smirk that, viewed unbiasedly, neither Thomas or Arthur were truly worse than their father. Now if they could remain as simple and happy when they discovered their higher powers, the inebriating effects of blood and alcohol, and oh Lord, women...
...she was having a long talk with... with... her father. Dear God, there was such a strong precedent for alcoholism and lechery in her own blood strain. She fought back the annoying headache starting to form and reminded herself to fish out some analgesics from the first aid cabinet. No, it was fading already. Perhaps she could manage to find some of the good cigars in her office before the entire procession of the Convention, the Queen, and the entire goddamn entourage of their families and bodyguards came to her house to somehow try and appraise the quality level of her organization with a single day poking and prodding through every nook and cranny.
She again rinsed the excess soap off, left the tub once satisfied and grabbed her terrycloth robe and a towel in her way out. She noticed, as she dried herself and laid the wet items in her bed, the wafting aromas of a strong infusion and a plate of fruit lain out before her in her mirror. And the bemused gaze of the vampire as he filled a cup with the warm liquid, not minding in the slightest the deepening annoyance Integra was practically radiating. Offering her the cup, mindful of adding the customary plate beneath, he asked:
-Tea, my Master?
-Alucard. Didn't I order you away?
-You ordered me away from the bathroom. I heard nothing about your bedroom.
-You will never learn, will you?
-It's part of my undeniable charm, Master.
-Fine. Where's my monocle?
-Monocle? Glasses, you mean?
Integra's hand unconsciously flew to her right eye. For some reason, she covered it for a second, then slowly dropped it.
-Glasses. I'm losing my mind.
-...my Master, if something's bothering you, you have but to tell me and I will do whatever I need to...
-Can it, Alucard. We have much to do today and we have precious little time to waste before the Convention arrives.
-Then I suggest you make haste, Master. The kids have finished their breakfast and are now in the hedge maze. The troops are being rallied by the Frenchman and the Police Girl, and Sir Irons just called to confirm he is not forty minutes away. We all need our orders, Master...
Integra sighed annoyedly.
-You, go warn everybody of my orders and then go watch the kids. The Police Girl and Bernadette start practicing maneouvres and prepare an exhibition of war games in the training area for when the full Convention is here in the urban setting area and another one in the open terrain area for Her Majesty. The staff are to deploy the banquet table in the high terrain area and prepare for brunch. When the Queen comes you and the children may present before her and join me for the rest of the day. Other than that, I believe everything has already been prepared and taken into account. If anything you cannot handle happens you are free to dispatch a servant to warn me.
Taking off his hat and bowing deeply, Alucard took his leave with a wide grin.
Heeding her own words, she made haste to dry up and clothe herself in the white suit Walter had left. Perfect for such a sunny day. Nibbling on the fruit as she went on, she finished by finishing four cups of the tea in the kettle. Once she'd finished, she left her room and headed for her office, remembering to set the communicator in her ear. As she arrived, a secretary passingly offered her a clipboard with the necesary information for the day. With a few cursory glances, she asserted everything seemed to be working out. Noting there seemed to be no new reports of vampire activity, she took a minute to leave her office and bask in the sunlight in the seldom-opened balcony.
Frisking her suit, she found what she had expected from Walter: a single, elongated cigarino and a silver lighter. Quietly smiling, she thanked Walter's foresight and placed the thin stick in her mouth. Flipping open the lighter, she lit the cigarino and took a long drag.
The sunlight was so strong. Banishing the darkness of the night. She smiled. In such sunlight, nobody feared. The light was pure.
And down there, greater lights awaited.
Staring down from her vantage point, Integra managed to make out three figures - a huge, red and black thing, and two smaller ones - both of them dark blue.
She leaned forward, and waved. Her beckon was answered.
Thomas and Arthur Hellsing. Her children. Her loves.
She smiled proudly and decided everything was good enough. The aides could take it.
So she left her office and walked off to join her family.
It did not take her long to go down the stairs, crossing only a few maids and soldiers, getting promptly saluted and greeted. She brushed them all off. With a casual stroll across the veranda, the three color spots were closer than ever.
For a moment, she hesitated.
For a moment, she doubted.
For a moment, she feared.
But the color became stronger, and everything went numb. Everything except her love.
She no longer knew hestitation, doubt or fear. Her family. Hers. Blood of her blood. Sons she had borne, fed, and loved. She had been motionless, frozen in the door's lintel. Now she ran. Ran as hard as she could to embrace her children and feel them. She wanted to touch them and remember the sensation forever and ever.
-Mommy!
-Mommy!
And she hugged them and held them close. Tommy was the youngest at eight and Arthur the eldest at eleven. And Tommy liked carrots while Artie liked peas and neither liked tomato and Artie always had wanted a pet and Tommy oh so loved his trains and how they loved sneaking into the barracks and a thousand tiny little incidents that made Integra realize she could never have enough of them. The future could wait, for that day belonged to Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing.
As expected, the vampire had done nothing to stop them.
...perfection. Oh, yes. It... it couldn't get better... could it? It was all so right, so good, so nice...
-Oh, look! Grandpa's here!
And indeed, Alucard was deeply bowing the huge figure of Arthur Hellsing. Tall, gaunt and quite obviously still a powerful personality despite his mounting years.
Thomas and Arthur ran across the lobby into his waiting arms. With an immense smile, he scooped up Thomas and held his younger namesake closer as it became the elder vampire's time to smirk as his former master was overrun with chatter from his grandchildren. Accepting a flute of champagne from a passing waiter, he put down Thomas and approached Integra with a quick kiss on the forehead.
-Having a good time, Integra?
-Yes, father. It's a good day. A-a very good day.
-I'll say. Penwood and Irons are coming along, just let them follow the smell of the port. Sir Walsh is already sneaking around to the armories and I'm fairly sure the old cow is around here, somewhere... speaking of which, son-in-law... have you been my daughter's well-behaved servant, hmmm?
Alucard merely bowed and deferred to Integra. She hissed. The pest. Throwing the conversation to her side and having to deal with the fact Her Majesty had changed her hour of arrival. Each little concern mounting, conspiring to cause a headache. She wished she had, indeed, taken the pills back in the bathroom.
-Oh, by the way, there's a surprise waiting for you just here outside!
-Surprise? You old codger. If you brought an antiaircraft battery, I swear...
-Oh, come on. You're no fun. It's not like the RAF was actually using them that day.
-It was the Queen's birthday party!
-Meh. The old cow had a field day!
Thomas interrupted to ask:
-What's an old cow, grandpa?
-Eh... well. An old cow is a really really old lady who doesn't know a lot about...
Waving her hand in frank disapproval, however laced with amusement, Integra intervened.
-Oh, hush! Fine, whatever it is, let's go before the Queen finishes inspecting the armories!
-Oh, I don't know. The cow's sentimental streak might be damaged if I don't allow her to...
-To what?
-To bear witness to this!
-You old, daft codger! What on Earth are you yammering about?
-Oh, come on, Integra! Go out, and get your gift! Ho, lo and behold! Your Majesty! Did you receive my message?
The rather elderly monarch nodded with a certain air of doubt. While the years had hardly been kind to her, and her presence and voice had indeed been quite diminished, she would never totally fade. With a certain sing of disapproval, she asked:
-Is this true, Hellsing? Last time I checked, these news seemed... improbable.
-Ah, madam, but you do not know of the true wit I have been bestowed with! It was all a matter of words and a few well placed bribes!
-Dear heavens, Hellsing. You'll be the death of me and your family.
Integra stepped between the smarmy smile of her father and the soft scowl of her queen.
-May I know what on Earth have you done, you miserable warhorse?
The childlike glee of Arthur Hellsing was so contagious she couldn't help but smile.
-I have achieved the inconceivable, Integra! The immovable object has ceased its struggle!
-Just go and spit it out!
Arthur Hellsing merely opened the front doors of the mansion as dramatically as he could and bowed, indicating her to go outside.
Her step slowed somewhat, not knowing what the old fool had done. She halfway expected an Eurocopter fully loaded with antivampire weaponry, or something equally gaudy, flashy and totally useless for her cause. She shyly craned her neck to see. There was only a car outside, and the mere hint of a blue dress.
Heavens, what had he done?
She dared take several more steps. And then she realized the blue dress wasn't a dress.
It was a sari.
-Who... who are you?
Under the blue silk, there were two brown eyes, wet with barely restrained tears.
Trembling, the mouth beneath them whispered Integra's name.
Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing understood at once. And she heard a tiny sound, so incredibly dim it resounded through her brain as the loudest crash.
Her heart had broken.
-Mother... mother...!
She fell to her knees and let the tears flow freely. The chains had snapped and there was no longer anything holding her down.
Far, far away, she was aware of the fact the woman had mistaken all of her utter despair for an undescribable glee, and had knelt beside her to hug her.
The tears did not stop as the mists clouding her judgment faded under the torrent of pure loathing. With a swift push, she cast away the woman.
-What the fuck is going in here?
-Integra!
-Sir Hellsing!
-Mommy!
-ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!
She was losing herself to the rage. Hate, hate, hate, drumming on her temples with an endless song.
-You're all wrong! This miserable game is over!
Her breath became belabored, and she thrust her hand in the direction where the fallen woman was being aided by the thing resembling Arthur Hellsing.
-YOU. TWO. ARE. DEAD!
With a terrible cry, the two entities writhed in pain and exploded into colorful dust.
With another thrust, she pointed at the reunited aristocrats and the entire banquet hall.
-You are dead!
A mighty, horrific cacophony blasted across the halls of Hellsing Manor as the gathered nobles choked in pain their screams. Terror filled the room as one by one, the guests faded into oblivion, as Alucard, the two whimperin children and the escort guard cowered in fear. Drunk with wrath, Integra waltzed into the glorious, resplendent lobby of her family manor and bellowed to the heavens:
-This place is a sad, derelict ruin!
And at her command, the building changed to match her wish. The marble and the blackwood gave way, collapsed and burned as the memory of the Panzerfausts and Nebelwerfer blasts that had forever crippled its former pristine, elegant beauty became reality. Beauty, symmetry and harmony became dust and darkness. The sunlight was immediately obscured and all of a sudden all was black and dead. And the final threads of control gave way.
-WALTER IS DEAD AS THE FUCKING TRAITOR HE WAS! THE QUEEN HATES ME AND LIVES IN FUCKING SCOTLAND TO ESCAPE THE BLASTED, BLOODY HELLHOLE THAT WAS LONDON! THE-MAJOR-BLEW-OUT-MY-FUCKING-EYE!
The Alucard standing in her direct sight, utterly horrified, raised his hands, trying desperately to reach to her.
-My Master! I beg of you, please stop! Isn't... isn't this perfect? Isn't this glorious and splendid and perfect?
She bit her lip, and walked to meet him. Once she was close enough to be heard, she growled, as her eye began to dissolve and an eyepatch formed to cover the space:
-Alucard lost.
The vampire groaned in utter despair, as his eyes inexorably closed. Integra walked past him, paying no heed as he faded into thin air. Casting an angry glance at the two cowering kids, she sat down in a piece of broken masonry and sadly mumbled as her anger faded:
-I am unmarried. I have no kids. Hell, I'm a virgin.
The two of them cried as the encroaching darkness claimed them. One of them, the small one, managed to ask, furiously, between sniffles:
-Weren't... weren't we good enough? Weren't we good enough for you?
Integra choked back the tears as the boy lost color and shape.
-No. You were too good for me. Perfect. Far too perfect.
She looked at the remains of the Hellsing garrison.
-You were exterminated during the Millennium invasion.
There was a collective cry of sadness as many of the soldiers vanished into oblivion.
-The Police Girl and a handful survived. Bernadotte became a familiar of hers.
Seras Victoria's arm exploded into an inky torrent of darkness as she cried in horror and pain.
-I played with a shiny golden mask and did something terrible beyond measure. So horrible reality itself rejected me.
The Mask materialized in her hands. Weeping, she cleaned her tears on the sleeve of the crumpled suit.
-Master...
The Seras before her crawled to her and managed to kneel before her.
-I beg of you, Master... the perfect happy ending... don't you want it? Don't you wish it could have been this way?
The crimson tears of the memory of Seras Victoria stained her cheeks and her elegant new uniform.
-Can't you just accept the gift of the perfect life? If you put on the mask the dream ends and we all die!
Integra made a sound that was somewhere between a snort and a huff if any of those two could represent a micron of sadness.
-You are not the true Seras Victoria and you can't understand. I wish for this. I desire, crave, the hope I can someday build something like this.
She stared into the Mask's single eyeslit. And she looked at the sky, and the moon and the stars appeared.
-But my mission isn't over. It will never be over. This isn't my happy ending. I don't want an eternal dream of shining happiness taunting me with the delights I never savored upon my life. Births, parties, the sheer joy of all those years... it isn't mine. Tommy, Artie? They, they never were real. They were just a dream I had once. A dream of a land where nobody suffered, the evil was forever sealed, where I could truly redeem Alucard and make him love life as he once did, before losing himself to the hunger, a land where nobody died and promises were always honored. A land of happy endings. No matter how I wish it could be home, it's just an illusion. A mirage. Not my place. You have no idea of how much I wish I could stay and just sit back and enjoy. But I can't, I can't... Oh, God. My world is twisted, hypocritical, mind-numbingly idiotic and infinitely worse than this one. My happy ending... is an eternal fight. A fight I have no chance of winning, no chance of ever hoping to glimpse... To make this world, and mine... one.
She shut her eye and shoved the Mask upon her face.
And reality broke and nothing was anymore.
The yawning abyss had only opened its maw a micron. And the light by itself had been overwhelming beyond measure.
Universes died and revived, convulsed and shone. Aeons and eternities rushed in the blink of an eye. Stars shone for brief instants before going out in the dazzling supernovas or the endless darkness of black holes. Worlds of life and death, cataclysms and genesis were beauties of a moment. Glories wrought in marble and gold rivaling the dreams of Serannian and Celephais and basalt monstrosities that dwarfed R'lyeh, and all the flavors of the in between. It made no sense at all, falling across the vortex with the light and darkness and the emptiness and the nothing, and at the end that strange golden flash and the full stop...
And as Integra Hellsing fell through the cracks of reality, she heard a question.
It was all violence with her. She screamed in agony and rage, the cry of a furious goddess given a reason to howl with the fullness of her anger, terrible and unbound.
-Was it not what you desired?
She thrashed, grasping at thin air with hands deformed by pain and hate into rigid claws.
-Did we misunderstand?
She hissed and swiped as the echoes of her wrath resounded through the the void calmly heard her. With all the time in the universe, it stared at her and reflected.
-We are confused. Explain.
As tears streamed down her single eye, she felt a weight removed from her chest and her dry mouth open to truly scream and voice her hatred, her agony and her hunger.
-You... you have to be the most idiotic, single-minded idiots I could have possibly have traipsed with.
-But we don't understand. Your explanation... is it correct? We offered you paradise... and you spat it back.
-Well, that clears it. I'm not in Hell, I see... nobody there can be so imbecilic. Okay, listen. You want a simpler explanation, let me put it this way. My world is hopelessly corrupt, the people are half insane and half stupid and the air stinks. While nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine people out of a million will trade it for anything else in a heartbeat, I don't want a half-baked illusion. I prefer to remain in my putrid world and rot to death trying to make a miserable difference for good. Is that enough?
-You don't want dreams. You want to take the Darkness and strangle it into submission. You want revenge for the deaths that have surrounded your life. You know not whether it is revenge or justice, and you do not care. In the name of those you have lost, you wish to change the world. And you will not be swayed by the promise of a sweet dream from which there is no awakening.
She wasn't sure if it made any difference. But she calmly laughed and walked off, somehow knowing her journey wasn't over. She faded, into her next destination.
-Go with God, Integra Hellsing. May you find your happy ending.
And gently, the speaker closed the huge golden gate.
