Depression.
It's a decease.
I could feel it luring me in. I could feel myself changing every day. It got worse every single day. A smile became a frown. Laughter became sobs. Happiness became anger. I became someone else.
It started out one day, I just woke up and I wasn't happy or energetic like I normally was, I was confused and lonely. I locked myself up in my room all day, I ignored my brother, though he begged me to talk to him, to tell him what's wrong. I wanted to be alone⦠alone but not lonely. I wanted something to be here, I needed something to be here, but I didn't know what it was. I just needed it and without it I was broken.
The next morning I was better, I was sad. Better. At least I felt something, something was better than nothing, better than the emptiness I felt the day before. And so I went on with my life, thinking I was just sick, or just had a bad day that one time. But I knew it wasn't true, because ever since that day I would cry every night, I felt wrong, I was missing something, but again I didn't know what it was. My brother would hold my while I cried, beg me to tell him what was wrong. But how could I tell him when I didn't even know it myself.
And then it happened again, two weeks later. I woke up empty, broken and I locked myself up in my room. Didn't talk to anyone, didn't do anything, I just lay in my bed, staring at the wall, my mind was blank. And it was the same the next day, and the day after that. Soon days became weeks, and I kept getting worse. Everyday my brother would beg me through my locked door to tell him what was wrong. But how could I? I didn't even know. Some days it was worse than others, I felt like I couldn't breathe, like there was something heavy on my chest or like my shirt was too tight around my neck, like I was being strangled. I would lie in bed, gasping for air. Trying to fill my lungs, but never having the satisfying feeling I was looking for. That first breath of air after being underwater to long, the satisfaction of finally getting the oxygen I've been craving for. It never came.
After a month my brother decided it was enough.
