How could Reid explain what had been resting his heart for three years, since he had first set foot in the BAU? It was fire, it was ice, it was bone-chilling, heart-rending, stomach-curdling emotion. He couldn't explain it away or hurl facts at it until it disappeared. It was a cold, wriggling lump that awoke whenever he saw her… JJ. She was so kind and beautiful and funny. Reid couldn't stop thinking about her. She was always on his mind, like a bug bite at the back of his mind.

When the needle called him, she would kill the urge for the drug. All she had to do was speak to him and he felt his fix. In the loneliness of his own apartment, though, in the dark night, he could not stop it. He gave in, and it would poison his blood once more.

He couldn't have both of his fixes. Only one could he find at night when the nightmares came and he couldn't sleep without it. The memories were hard on him, first resurfacing after the initial dose. They tortured him in his spare time, in the lulls between cases and the minutes he lay awake before sleep. It was an endless circle that Reid couldn't break alone. He needed a new drug. He needed JJ.

It was another day. A new case had come in and the team had just finished their briefing. It was a gruesome case of someone raping and slitting open blonde women. The team already had a basic profile on their minds as they boarded the jet.

"Well, the specifics of this case are very general," Emily mused. "I don't know if this will be an easy case or a hard one."

Really, Emily? That's very helpful, Reid growled. Reid glared at her then returned to stirring his coffee. He chewed on his lip and rubbed the inside of his arm. Last night had bruised him; the needle had hit a vein and could feel the blood pooled underneath. It was tender and purple under his shirt. He shouldn't have done it but he tried to fight it and lost.

Reid cleared his throat and stared at the case files. He spread the papers a little more and stirred at his coffee. With a second look at his team, Spencer realized they had paused to stare at him.

His supervisor's eyebrows lifted in a question, "Did you have something to add, Reid?"

Reid coughed once and replied, anxiously, "No, sorry. Just a tickle in my throat."

"Are you okay?" Emily asked concern in her dark eyes. "There is some bug floating around. Jackson had it last week."

"I'm fine, Emily. Let's just get back to the case, shall we?"

Emily's mouth twitched and Derek started his analysis again. Reid stared into his lap, his coffee, at the files, anywhere but at the eyes he felt on him. For a moment, Reid felt the eyes leave and he chanced a glance. Gideon was staring at him with those eyes that he felt could read his mind. Reid fixed his eyes on his drink again and coughed quietly. This could be a long flight.