(Introduction:

Many folks have questioned

My decisions o'er the years;

As I never shall repeat this tale,

You'd best open wide your ears.

I will tell you here and now

About some former students.

I don't wish to embarrass them,

so I'll proceed with prudence.)

Neville was the only son

Of late Alice and Frank.

Before he came to Hogwarts School,

His childhood really stank.

He worried for the longest time

That he might be a Squib;

Even with that fear at rest,

He was an awkward kid.

His classmates often teased him

For being dumb and fat

Only one could see the truth;

'Twas I, the Sorting Hat.

Neville's parents belonged to

The Phoenix Order, see;

He almost beat old Harry

To fulfill the prophecy.

Born 'tween July and August,

Yes, he was of that sort;

His folks defied dark magic thrice

And were killed by Voldemort.

Bravery was in his blood

Though he did not perceive it;

I sorted him in Gryffindor

Just so he would believe it.

He asked to be in Hufflepuff

Without any hesistation;

He was intimidated by

The lion's reputation.

He was loyal, it is true,

And patient, friendly, kind;

He would have made a fine old Puff,

Even in my mind.

But I wanted to challenge him

And prove that he was wrong;

I saw that he was very bold

And far above the throng.

With friends like Harry, Ginny, Ron,

And wise Hermione,

I knew that Neville would grow up

To be brave as one can be.

He was very flustered then

And put on quite a show;

But it was just an awkward phase

That he did in time outgrow.

Neville studied hard

And took a knack to magic plants,

Though other kids would laugh at him

And throw them down his pants.

In Neville's seventh, final year,

He did not disappoint;

All of his conditioning

Culminated at one point.

He was a founding member

Of the Army of Dumbledore;

He fought hard 'gainst Slytherin,

Whose traits he did abhor.

He also stood up to his friends

On multiple occasions;

If you don't think that takes some guts,

You haven't had friends in ages.

The Battle was undoubtedly

Neville's finest moment;

He didn't just take the courtyard

But found the strength to own it.

He made a most impassioned speech

And rallied all his friends

When it looked like all hope was lost

And they 'bout to meet their ends.

Then Neville took my ancient sword

HE KILLED A FUCKING SNAKE

So folks all knew that Gryffindor

Had not been a mistake.

Everyone who had made fun

Of him regretted it

'Cause he had saved their asses

And now they felt like shit.

Without him, the Lord Voldemort

Would not have been defeated

No matter what old Harry did;

Then better he was treated.

You can find him here today

Teaching Herbology

And ask him all about it

Or just take it all from me.

Neville's living proof that

Puberty can turn out well,

If only one can find the nerve

To break out of one's shell.

There is no doubt in my mind

That, had he been the one,

He would have found the nerve to do

Whatever must be done.

But of all Neville's courageous deeds,

The most valiant of them all

Was finding the nerve to ask Luna

Lovegood to the Yule Ball.

(A/N: I know that Neville goes to the Yule Ball with Ginny and not Luna, but we all know that Ginny belongs with Harry and Luna belongs with Neville.)