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Mark was doing full gravity tests on his plants, and he wasn't used to his botany lab being at full gravity. That was his working hypothesis for the cause of the fall that took out him, his centrifuge, and at least two beakers. That and the fact that he'd nearly starved to death on Mars six weeks ago and still got lightheaded when he overexerted himself or sneezed.
"Report," said Lewis. The crew must have heard the crash over the coms. They'd definitely heard the swearing. Mark would have been embarrassed, but he'd stopped being embarrassed around his crew a long time ago. They'd seen him when he first got back onboard the Hermes. Beck had seen him naked. And cold.
"False alarm," said Mark. "I fell."
"Johanssen."
"Roger, Commander," said Johansson. She was the closest, her lab just down the hall from his.
"I'm fine," said Mark.
He'd tried to catch himself when he fell and ended up catching his arm on the centrifuge instead. You didn't need a degree in mechanical engineering to tell it was broken. At least it was a clean break. He was just about to set it, when Johanssen walked in.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm setting my arm."
"Don't let him set his arm," said Beck.
"Don't set your arm." Johanssen sounded panicked. "Beck?"
"He's doing an EVA. Did Watney break his arm?" said Lewis, but a second later, she was in Mark's lab. "Shit. Beck, get in here. Watney broke his arm."
"Roger," said Beck.
"I'm fine," said Mark. He didn't know why they were all overreacting. Beth was a worrier, and Beck was even worse, but he'd never heard Lewis curse before (and he was definitely getting a copy of that footage). It was worse than that time he'd done an EVA to solve the ship's heating issues without asking first.
Vogel appeared in the doorway. "Beck's ETA is five minutes. He was just finishing his EVA when Watney got hurt again. You have bad luck, my friend. We should have told you hals- und beinbruch, and then perhaps you would not have ein gebrochener arm."
He'd been teaching Mark German, so Mark tried to work out what he'd said. "You should have told me break my neck?"
Vogel smiled at his confused expression.
"Schadenfreude," muttered Mark. He'd already known that word.
At least Vogel was acting normal, even if it was kind of weird that he wouldn't stop smiling down at Mark.
Mark realized he was still on the floor. He started to sit up but Beth put her hand on his chest and pushed him back down. The push was gentle, but she held him in place with surprising strength. He stopping trying to sit up. After the third try, he was just embarrassing himself.
Vogel wasn't smiling anymore, which made Mark wonder what kind of expression was on his own face now. He'd gotten better at dealing with pain on Mars, but worse at hiding it. When he hadn't been able to hide it, he'd just turned off the cameras. He kind of wished he could turn of Vogel's stare right now.
Vogel knelt down next to him. "I have brought you Vicodin."
That actually sounded pretty fucking good, but et tu, Vogel?
"I don't need Vicodin," said Mark. "And I don't see why I have to lie down. It's not like I broke my ribs."
"Not this week." Martinez closed the lab door behind him. "But I'm pretty sure they're still healing."
"What is this, a party?" asked Mark. "Of course it's a party. Vogel brought drugs. But wait. Who's flying the ship?"
"That joke wasn't even funny the first time you made it, man."
"Open up," said Vogel.
"I'm not your three year old," said Mark.
"No, but you did break your arm."
"I've got two of 'em."
Beck entered the lab. He looked flushed, even though Mark had fixed the heating problem. He hoped Beck didn't have a fever. It would be just their luck if their doctor got sick.
"Did he take anything for the pain?" asked Beck.
"Not yet," said Vogel.
"Maybe you should give them to Lewis," said Mark.
Lewis hadn't said anything since she'd seen Mark's arm, and she was still staring at it.
"Commander?" said Beck. "You should probably be breathing."
"See?" said Mark. "Even Beck's worried about you, and we all know how obsessed he is with my body. Here I am, prostate before him-"
"Prostrate," Beck corrected, even though they all knew Mark only did that to annoy him.
Lewis looked like she hadn't heard them. Mark reached for her arm with his good one. "Lew."
She blinked at him. "Did you just call me Lew?"
"Uh, sorry, Commander?"
She laughed and fell back on her heels, hand covering her mouth. "We're supposed to be taking care of you."
"We're a crew," said Mark. "Pretty sure we're supposed to be taking care of each other. Broken bones don't bother me. I'm used to them. Low gravity and all that."
"Well, we're used to worrying about you, but it still bothers us."
"Yes," said Vogel, handing Mark two pills. "You have given us quite a few scares, Mark Watney."
"I thought Germans didn't feel fear," said Mark.
Vogel was smiling at him again, and he realized it was because he'd gotten Mark to take the Vicodin. For some reason, he didn't mind Vogel staring at him anymore. It was probably the Vicodin.
"Let us help you," said Lewis. "We want to help you."
"Yeah, risking your lives to save me was kind of a giveaway."
"We just did that for the adrenaline rush," said Martinez. "We actually hate you."
"I hate you guys too."
Hals- und beinbruch: neck and leg fracture; a German idiom derived from a Yiddish phrase that means "success and blessing"; equivalent to the English "break a leg"
Ein gebrochener arm: a broken arm
I don't speak German, so I apologize for any errors.
