No Regrets
Missing scene for the end of 38 Minutes
"You
weren't really going to say that, were you?" "I have no
idea what you're talking about."
"I didn't think so."
I settled back into my pillows, and closed my eyes, listening as the sound of Weir's footsteps faded down the hallway. Sighing I opened my eyes, fixing my gaze on the plain ceiling, my thoughts wandering. She'd seen right through me, knowing that I had a lot more on my mind than a simple platitude. I hadn't exactly lied to her. Take care of each other was part of what I had wanted to tell them. Part of what I wanted them to remember me by. We hadn't been at Atlantis long, but already we were a close group. We had to take care of each other, that was how we'd survive.
Faced with my own death, many thoughts had flashed through my mind, and many emotions stirred me, but the strongest was regret. I regretted that I wouldn't live to see the end of the Wraith; an end I had taken upon myself to bring about. I regretted leaving a 25 year old lieutenant, as good a soldier as he is, as the ranking military officer of Atlantis. I regretted that I'd never see my family again. Maybe my father, with his high-ranking ties, would some day find out what had happened to me. Things had been tense between us, for the last 11 months after I was shipped out of Afghanistan and landed in Antarctica. I was throwing my career away, he said. Without mom to referee…well, we both just got tired of fighting, I guess, so we just stopped talking all together. When I knew I was coming here, I never went and talked to him…never fixed things between us. Here I am in Pegasus, I may never see him again, and we may never set things straight. I think I regret that the most. But not about being here. I never regretted being here, not for a second.
Yeah, I had resisted joining this expedition, when Dr. Weir had first asked me. Maybe it had been too much, too fast. I'd walked into that outpost confident in certain constants of life. I'd left there with those realties shattered. General O'Neill's words had influenced me, and I'd even flipped a coin over it, but more than anything else my gut told me to join…and I always listen to my gut.
Dr. Weir had told me not too long ago that she'd requested me personally, and had talked General O'Neill into talking me into coming. Deep down, I was flattered. From the moment I disobeyed direct orders in Afghanistan, I never expected to be requested for anything again. I just didn't want her to feel guilty that I had died on a mission she'd picked me for. It had been my decision to come, but knowing what I knew about her, she'd still feel guilty nonetheless. So yeah, I'd meant what I'd said about taking care of each other, but more than that, I had wanted to tell Weir that I'd had no regrets about coming on the expedition.
I felt a smile creep onto my face, as the same blonde nurse, who had changed my bandage, walked by again. She looked at me, her own smile shy and her cheeks blushing.
Yeah, no regrets at all.
Author's notes:The first three lines in italics are directly from the episode 38 Minutes. They're not my words, nor do I claim them. :)
SGAFan
