Disclaimer: I don't own Yona of the dawn or taco bell.

Chapter 1: We ran out of hamburger


It was a busy day at the local Taco Bell. People were doing what they usually did at fast-food restaurants: spilling their drinks, chattering, eating, stinking up the bathroom, when-

"Guys, we ran out of hamburger!" Said random employee number 1.

"You fucking idiot! I told you to refill our stock like 5 times, ect..." Complained the manager (who may have been a hobo who stole the real managers identity. It seemed likely due to the fact that the manager not only got fatter but was also now a man).

"Then just go get some more." Pointed out Hak, the permanent employee of the month.

"Hak! You brilliant idiot! I love you!" Exclaimed the creepy manager.

"Whose gonna go get it though?" Asked random employee number 2.

"Hak!" Said whoever. Why? Because its called HAK of the taco bell, you silly.

"Ok." Said Hak, because why not?

"It's dangerous to go alone, take this." The hobo manager handed him a spear type thing. "This Pointy Stick has been handed down in my family for generations. I know you'll make good use of it, my dear." Said the Hobo-manager with bishie sparkles and tears in his eyes.

"Uh, thanks." Hak picked it up, not caring who it came from.

"Good luck, my son." Said Hobo-Manager.

"I'm gonna go now..." Hak left on his magical journey.


It's the modern age! Cars!

Hak climbed in his-hm. I am the narrator. I can do whatever I want! Hak climbed in his chariot and drove off. But wait! Hak can't drive! He started speeding and crashing into other cars like in Grand Theft Auto (chariot edition). Unlike in that game, however, a police officer calmly called out to him to pull over and did not start ramming his car and shooting at him.

"Excuse me sir, but you were speeding... and ramming other people." Said the RED HAIRED FEMALE police officer. Hint hint.

"Oh, uh, sorry." Said Hak, who didn't really care all that much. After all he was an empty shell after the bitter betrayal of his lifelong friend and-

Okay maybe not.

"So uh, tell you what. I'd rather not hand you a ticket because I'm out of tickets, and I don't feel like getting more so... How about you help me stop some crime?".

"Sure." Hak grabbed his Pointy Stick (ou-la-la) and hopped out of the chariot. He then sat in the police lady's car and waited for her to get in.

"My name is Yona, but you can call me princess *wink* *wink*." Said Police Yona.

"Hak." Said, yeah. HIM.

"I don't see any hawks anywheres." Yona looked at the sky.

"No. My names Hak."

"THAT'S A FUCKING TERRIBLE NAME HAHAHAHAHHAhak!"

10 hours later...

"So what are we doing?" Asked Hak the sensible one. (Well, sensible despite getting in a car with someone he just met.)

"Shtahpin' crimm." Said Yona through a mouthful of MacDonald's food.

Normally, a proud Taco Bell employee would never eat at another fast food place, but this is HUNGRY Hak.

"What crime?"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME HAVE YOU SEEN THIS PLACE HAHAHAHAHAhak! I'm trying to catch these five criminals who've been on my list for a while now. Here's their profiles." Yona handed him some papers.

Hak made no comment about her outburst and grabbed the papers. The first one was classified as 'Drug Dealer Yoon'. A young bishounen who looked like Yoon from an anime called Yona of the Dawn. Hmmmm...

The other four are getting lumped together like usual. We have a shiny blue one named Shin-ah, a silvery one named Kija, a Christmas tree one named Jae-ha, and a yellow meat shield named Zeno.

"So what did they do?"

"Well Yoon is obviously a drug dealer so nuff said, and the other four keep killing people."

"Oh." I can't believe she's making me chase murderers, thought Hak.

"Bahhh, I'm sure you'll be fiiiine." Said Yona because she can read minds apparently. It's all because of her detective skills. Yeah.

"So who are we going after first?"

"Zeno I guess. He seems like the easiest to find." She tossed her Big Mac wrapper out the window. A random seagull swooped down and grabbed it. Or was it a hawk? Hmmm...

"It's always the obvious ones who are the best hidden." Said Wisest Sam. Who is Wisest Sam you ask? A seagull. A fat one with brown-ish feathers.

"You're right Wisest Sam-dono. Then we should go after Kija, the random rich villain." Replied Yona to Wisest-dono's advice.

"Excellent. I'd like a soft-shelled taco with no lettuce please." Said Wisest-dono to Hak.

"No, I'm not working right now."

"I am though. Well kind of anyway." Cut-in Yona. She started up the car and vroooom they went to Kija's headquarters. Shiro-hebi Inc.

Yeah, that's right. They're gonna walk right up to the place, kindly punch the doorbell (The most violent outcome is always the way Hak does things) and ask to arrest Kija. Pfff, like that'll work.

Hak punched the doorbell. "Get out here, white snake!" Said Hak, who just wanted this to be over. Aggressive-ness was his forte (despite his mellow-ish nature up until now). "Also do you have any hamburger that isn't filled with drugs?" One cannot forget ones sacred duty after all.

"Uh, Hak, I don't think-" Started Yona.

"What d'ya want?" Asked Big Man Gura The Guard who came out of the door that Hak was slamming his fist against.

"I wanna see your boss" Hak stated simply.

"Well he's busy." Gura The Guard was not intimidated by Hak's height even though Hak was taller then him. Gura was a real man, even if his middle name was Louise.

"Well I don't care." Hak held up his Pointy Stick and waved it around menacingly. Gura The Guard became nervous. Gura is paralyzed!

"Come on, Yona, now's our chance!"

"No wait, I have a better idea."

Oh god.


"WEEEEEEEE!" Yelled Yona.

"Whaaaat the fuuuuuuuuuc-cacackc" Yelled Hak who swallowed a fly.

They were in Yona's police car driving through the building. Yona had suggested they hop in the car and ram through the building. The results:

-23 people dead

-56 injured

Of course, it's all for the sake of justice so it's fine. They were part of the red shirt army and were probably all contributing to the drug society one way or another anyway.

"Hey Yona, do you even know where this Kija guy is?"

"Hak, do you have no confidence in me?" She said pointing towards a door they were speeding towards. The door said 'Boss's room'. How original and totally not suspicious!

"Time to ram through it!" Yona pressed her foot on the gas, and, well, if they weren't breaking any speeding laws before they definitely are now. Through the door they went! Through the wall they went! Through the air they almost went but Yona's police car had great brakes so they stopped mere inches from falling to their death in a car.

"Whoops." Said Hak, coooool as ever.

"Let's do that again sometime!" Said Yona.

"What in Hiryuu's name did you do to my wall!?" Exclaimed Kija.

Fateful encounter! How will Yona's 'gang' react to this? Find out next time on Hak of the taco bell!


I'm probably going to finish it. Yeah. Totally. It would be a real troll if I didn't after all. Sorry about all the OCs by the way.