My brother and I were watching One Piece, and Zoro and Sanji were semi-unconscious and groaning. They looked hungover, and a simple idea came into my head.
Things in bold are author's notes and have nothing to do with the story (or lack there of).
Zoro and Sanji Go Drinking
Folklore
(Please read the following with slurred speach and little consideration to reality.)
Sanji: *collapses on bar*
Zoro: Wake up, moron!
Sanji: I'm Sleeping Ugly. *pucker*
Zoro: HAHAHAHAHA!
Sanji: "Agh! She's got a moustache. Oh, wait. It's just a caterpillar." "Well, tear it off then."
Zoro: Who are you talking to?
Sanji: *pretends to rip off moustache* AAAHH!
Zoro: "Nope, it was a moustache."
Sanji: How long was Sleeping beauty asleep for?
Zoro: I dunno. Like, a hundred years or somethin'.
Sanji: And the dwarves were about three hundred back then, so they'd be...
Zoro: Four hundred.
Sanji: Old farts.
Zoro: "Actually, they're dead, sir."
Sanji: Haha! Probably. Stupid dwarves.
Zoro: Wait. What dwarves are we talking about here?
Sanji: The dwarves! You know... Sleeping Beauty and uh... and the Seven Dwarves.
…
Zoro: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S NOT HOW IT WENT, YOU IDIOT!
Sanji: So who was the bird with the dwarves?
Zoro: Snow White!
Sanji: What was Sleeping Beauty then?
Zoro: She stabbed herself on a wheel, and everyone in the castle fell asleep. Then, Prince Charming came along, gave her a kiss, and they lived happily ever after.
Sanji: How can you stab yourself on a wheel? It's round!
Zoro: ...It was a pointy wheel.
Sanji: You're making this up!
Zoro: Every word of it is true!
Sanji: So, she was over a hundred when the prince dude rocked up.
Zoro: Yep.
Sanji: How old was he? Like, our age?
Zoro: ...Yeah. That's sick!
Sanji: Did he know that she fell asleep 'coz she stabbed herself on a round object like a genuine doof?
Zoro: No, he was a necrophiliac.
Sanji: Who liked old ladies.
Zoro: Exactly. Now you're getting it.
Me: Help me out here.
James: No.
Me: But you're the one who started this!
James: I can't just do it on command! It's an art.
Zoro: Okay, so here's one. Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and bumped his head, and Jill toppled on after him.
Sanji: Your point?
Zoro: "Fell," or "were pushed?"
Sanji: If you're going to think that, you probably think Humpty Dumpty was pushed, too.
Zoro: You're one to talk. Sleeping Beauty and the Seven Dwarves...
Sanji: I read a story once. The step-mother was a were-wolf, so the kids ran away with their pet mouse.
Zoro: How'd it end.
Sanji: They all died.
Zoro: You sure that was a real thing? I've never heard of it.
Sanji: Do you believe in were-wolves?
Zoro: Don't be stupid! Everyone know they don't exist. If they did, we'd have no safety between them and the vampires.
Sanji: Okay, so you believe in vampires?
Zoro: Duh!
Sanji: Now who's being stupid?
Zoro: Dracula was real! He at least was a vampire.
Sanji: I met a guy once who looked like a were-wolf.
Zoro: Are you sure he wasn't just really hairy?
Sanji: He had claws, man!
Zoro: Next you'll be telling me you believe in unicorns.
Sanji: …
Zoro: YOU BELIEVE IN UNICORNS!
Sanji: Shut up!
Zoro: BAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sanji: *sigh* Nami's my princess.
Zoro: Anything with boobs is your princess.
Sanji: What I'd give to be her Prince Charming.
Zoro: ...Well?
Sanji: Well, what?
Zoro: Well, what would you give?
Sanji: Oh! Well, I uh... Lots!
Zoro: Lots of what?
Sanji: ...Love?
Zoro: Good call. Chicks like sappy crap like that.
Sanji: So, you agree?
Zoro: With what?
Sanji: I don't know anymore. Something about Nami?
Zoro: You were saying how she was a unicorn.
Sanji: Oh, yeah! 'Coz she's, like, magical and stuff.
Zoro: I have no interest in women.
Sanji: 'Coz you're gay?
Zoro: NO!
Me: NO!
Sanji: You know who's gay? That bunyip dude.
Zoro: Stop making things up!
Sanji: It's a real thing! It's this water spirit thingy.
Zoro: Where from?
Sanji: Australia.
Zoro: STOP MAKING THINGS UP!
Sanji: IT'S A REAL PLACE, YOU STUPID JERK!
Zoro: And this supposed water spirit is homosexual.
Sanji: No, he's just gay.
Zoro: What do you think homosexual means?
Sanji: It's just the way he goes around. It... It's just gay!
Zoro: You know who's really gay?
Sanji: Who?
Zoro: Those dwarves.
Sanji: Sleeping Beauty's dwarves or Snow White's dwarves?
Zoro: Sleeping Beauty never had dwarves!
Sanji: Are you sure?
Zoro: I swear it.
Sanji: Hold on, didn't Sleeping Beauty end up with that beast guy who had the talking candlestick and clock?
Zoro: *slams face on bar*
Sanji: Zoro?
Inspired by a true story. ...I'm not joking. We weren't drunk, though. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
It was just going to be a oneshot, but I'll add more chapters if I can think of any more topics for them to discuss over a drink.
