Chapter 1

"You're too easy to be myself with," Edward whispered, and if I hadn't known that he didn't need any air to breathe, I would have described it as longing panting. Because of what he was, he didn't need to breathe. The panting wasn't there, though I wasn't so sure about the longing part. The way in which his words sounded right next to my ear made my whole skin tingle, knotting the muscles in my lower abdomen together, resolved as not to untie anytime soon. It sure did make me pant. Long. For him.

He tried to be as gentle as possible as he laid us down on my single bed, which barely provided enough mattress for us to lay half upon each other. Edward leaned up on his elbows, preventing himself from crushing me, as my hands came to rest on his muscular chest and I looked up at him, eyes shifting from the left to the right and back trying effortlessly to read him. Like he couldn't read me.

A hand reached out to trace my cheekbone with ice cold fingertips. I didn't care, and closed my eyes lost in the moment. Suddenly, he stopped, and I opened my closed eyes again to see him grin above me. Hesitantly, I leaned up to touch his lips with mine. Though I didn't want to, the coldness of Edward's lips, and the coolness of his breath, creating a possibly deadly mixture with mine, made me pull back, leaving him with a frown creased between his brows. It wasn't in place, though it still didn't not embellish his inhuman beauty.

"You're driving me crazy," he admitted, unaware that the knot deep in my stomach had just tightened even more at his words. "I don't quite understand that you never…" his statement flew off in thin air – something that only rarely happened, I had come to conclude. However, I assumed Edward left me to fill in the blanks. We both knew what he had initially wanted to say out aloud.

What hurt the most was being so close, yet not being able to go any further than this point. He wouldn't let us, I knew. I tried to catch my breath, and came to realize I often had trouble remembering to breathe as he did just this: coming closer.

"Please…" I stressed, nearly pleading, as I looked up at him meaningfully, trying to convince him to understand what I wanted. He bent down to brush his nose along my jaw and used the thumb and forefinger of his hand to lift my chin and make our lips meet once again. His eyes stayed on me as he let himself kiss me. Too careful.

My lips easily parted for him, but on the other side, he pulled back from me. I felt fear pulsating in my throat and spreading through me, being triggered by the too fast beating of my heart and pumped through my veins by its uneven contractions in diastole and systole. I wasn't afraid of him; more of doing something wrong by wanting him too close. Suffocating him, and pushing him away from me instead. Only the thought of it made me sick already, and I knew I hadn't been so independent on anyone else before. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I don't want you to be afraid," Edward said, clearly ignoring the sound of apology. He bent down again to inhale my scent and plant an ever so feather light kiss on the changeover between my neck and collarbone, making the butterflies in my stomach play havoc with each other inside. I shivered, convulsing, but this had nothing to do with the coldness of his touches, nor with the coolness of Forks sweeping in through my bedroom window and leaving its trail in the dimly lit bedroom. Curious how I would have described his touches as being warm, the ice cold of his pale alabaster skin undeniable.

I wasn't afraid of him… only of acknowledging that we couldn't go any further than this; that we could never continue. Because of what he was, and what he wanted to protect. Me.

My eyelids fluttered in delight, yet I noticed the golden shine of his eyes, never having seen them any lighter than this before. With just a little imagination, I could see lust and passion dancing around in them. I wanted it. Him.

"Bella… I'm quite new at this myself," Edward explained quietly, seemingly having been able to read my thoughts just this once. Maybe a very good guess. Maybe too noticeable, how aroused I got just by his presence alone, taking in consideration the way he actually kissed me right at this point, arousing me even more.

"Skills kill chills," I murmured, ruffling through his bronze colored hair, waiting for his next words, being aware of the fact more was yet to come. Edward didn't leave me waiting for all too long.

"I don't want to risk losing control," he said. "Besides, I have never done anything of this before," he admitted, and now it would be me not being able to grasp how that could be possible.