A/N: This is probably more fluff than I've ever been able to write at once. Again, I left characters unnamed because the most basic of ideas in this piece resonates with many of the characters. I feel that most of the characters have a reason or two to be wary of love- but each finds it in the end.
I've used too many things as an reason not to fall in love. My first reason, and probably the most romantic, was that I'm saving that "falling in love" for the right person. The one person I'd spend the rest of my life with, the one person that returns the love I give in full, the one person that shares my soul. Early on, I knew that this was silly, this was romantic; I could love many people and even admit it without compromising my search for that seemingly elusive 'one true love.'
My second reason was slightly more in favor of self-preservation. If I didn't fall in love, how could I get hurt by the inevitable unrequited love? When one falls in love, one falls in love regardless of the chance of being loved back. It's a completely blind chance, a leap of faith taken by those with enough courage to not be afraid of what happens with the falling ends. Never upset that I 'lacked' that courage, I preferred to think of myself as the opposite of a fool. I'd never suffer heartbreak, because I'd never admit to my heart that I was hopelessly in love with someone who didn't love me back.
The next reason I'd come up with was a result of the kind of things that shape a young mind when the mind is exposed at such a malleable and pivotal time. Witnessing the destruction of love, the shattering of a bond once shared by two soul-mates, at an age when anything makes a big impression, makes one wary of even wanting that love. The deterioration of pure love begets the idea that even if one can find true love, it may not last. And would it be worth it then?
reason number four was definitely the most morbid, and probably the weakest. There's a saying, an old phrase everyone's heard: "Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." For the sake of my argument, I'd claim that the speaker of this phrase never loved, and is therefore putting a positive light on his suffering. But how much harder is it to deal with loss? How much can you miss something you never knew well enough to know what to miss about it anyway? I never wanted to love if it meant I'd lose said love and have to live day to day remembering what I once had and how happy I had been.
Along the way, there were various other reasons not to fall in love. The reasons were little, almost inconsequential, and varied case to case. But when added to the main four, the little reasons held some more weight than they would've by themselves. People would tell me I was being difficult, too anti-romantic, afraid, and even ridiculous. Still, I kept my distance from love and everything it entailed.
I'm not sure when I realized, but I did, and I know now that I never really had reasons to not fall in love. I had excuses. Reasons implies logic relatable to many, reasons implies justification. Maybe it's when I met you and I realized that ignoring what I felt for you wasn't fair to you or me. Maybe it's when I realized that regardless of what happened in the future, what was happening in the here and now with you was more important. Maybe it's when I realized that you felt the same way and I couldn't pass up what was right in front of my eyes. Maybe it's when I first told you that I love you.
No matter when it was, the reasons I couldn't fall in love stopped repeating in my head. Instead, they were filed away in the deep recesses of my mind under excuses, left to gather cobwebs and dust and other unmentionable things. I look at you and I know that I never have to rely on those excuses nee reasons ever again.
