Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own any of these characters or any rights to their world.
All credit for this idea goes to Romas1912, who suggested that I write a companion piece to "It Wasn't Me." Thanks for the thought!
Lost and Found
Sometimes I feel like my whole life has been defined by loss. I lost my parents, lost Sarah, lost my reputation and the respect of my colleagues, lost my apartment. I though I had lost everything I had to lose. And then, suddenly, I found a wife, found a new family, and found new friends. Halfway across the universe, I found another chance.
That year went by quickly—so quickly—and the cycle began again. I lost my wife, lost my brother-in-law, lost my new home. And it went on. Lost my grandfather, lost the closest thing to a son I may ever have, lost my sanity and control of my body. Lost my life. Repeatedly. Lost my memory. But in the midst of it all, I found some things, too. Found a new purpose and a new chance to help people. Found a new family and new friends who understood me (and it turned out they were both at the same time). Found you.
It seems fate has determined that we're not allowed to have meaningful relationships. Friendship, of course, but nothing else. Every single attempt that we've made has failed, bringing just that much more pain and loss. And that's why I can't do it. You've already lost so much—your mother, your father, every chance at love that comes your way—and it kills me to see you in pain each time another good thing slips away. What's more, you're too important for me to lose. I'll admit there's a bit of selfishness mixed in with my altruism. You understand me better than anyone else. You know how I think because you think the same way. You understand my excitement about a new discovery, because it's the same excitement that you feel. As close as I am to the others, they don't understand me in that way, and I need someone who gets me. I can't risk losing the only person in my life who knows what I mean without my having to explain myself.
So many times I've almost said it. I would have, that time before I ascended, if I had had the strength, but I was too far gone. It was one of the last thoughts I had before the end. Even after I came back, stripped of every memory, there was a trace left when I finally saw you again. I just knew, and I was surprised when you didn't confirm it. Then came so many other things that it got pushed to the back of my mind, and by the time I had a chance to think again I had remembered why I never said it before. I couldn't lose you.
So even though I look like I'm completely invested in someone new, it's only the sense of relief that makes me smile and laugh so sincerely. She's safe for me because I know I may lose her, and while it would—will—be painful, it wouldn't be like losing you. After everything that's happened, you're still here. Against all odds, I haven't lost you. I don't know if it's because I've been a coward and kept my mouth shut, but it's worked so far and that's enough reason for me to keep it up. I've made my peace with the universe. All the other losses are what gave me the chance to become the man I am today, and I'm grateful for that. The man I am today has you in his life.
And you're the one thing left that I'm not willing to lose.
Let me know what you liked (and what you thought could be better)!
