I do not like being confused.
I lived my life believing one thing; I lived my entire life with one purpose in mind, and then when I actually fulfilled that purpose I was immediately informed that I had it all wrong. I grew up hating him – convinced that he hated me – and yet I couldn't deny that if he had really wanted me dead I wouldn't be here, now. They both told me the same story, just with different facts and I didn't know who to believe.
It made me feel helpless and frustrated, and so I lashed out. I spoke the first words that came into my head – I went on the first instinct I had: To fight, to act, to once again seek revenge.
Revenge … revenge for the one I had killed. Revenge for the one I had strived to kill. It was absurd, and I knew that in what was left of my heart, but I shut out those feelings, those thoughts. I knew if I really stopped to consider my options and to consider what he wanted for me, I would have turned back. But I didn't want to turn back. I wanted to crush them for all they had put him through. Destroy them for all they had put me through, in turn, because what right was it of theirs to toy with our lives like that?
The three I chose back at that god-forsaken hideout have nothing to do with my new revenge. I only allowed them to follow because their powers still might be useful. In truth, they mean nothing. In truth, haven't I always been alone?
*
I could sense that we were close. Even a year ago it would have made my heart pound nervously, but that was not what I felt. I can't quite put my finger on it – this strange sensation I got the nearer we drew to what was once my home. It was something close to dread. It was a sense of foreboding – a fear that something was going to happen.
No, that was not quite it. Somehow I knew … I knew something was happening. Something that made my throat constrict so that it was difficult to breathe. It was as if some imaginary enemy was pressing against my throat, trying to strangle me. I quickly dismissed the idea of being caught in a genjutsu because there was only one person who would be able to do that now, and he was dead.
Distracted, I stumbled. Karin called out to me in that annoying voice of hers. She sounded worried, but I couldn't pay attention to her now. She didn't matter.
The pressure grew, and I wanted to gasp for air. It didn't make sense because there was nothing around my throat – no reason for me to feel this way.
And that's when I heard it. That voice. I could never forget that voice, no matter how hard I tried.
It was faint and strained: "… I can't sell him out."
Why did those words make my legs move faster?
The voice continued. He was yelling (he was always yelling), and the words became clearer as we rapidly approached their source.
"I understand you want revenge, but if you let hatred have control and kill Sasuke my friends might not let that go!"
The voice continued, but I didn't catch the next part of what he said. Behind me, Juugo grunted and Karin whispered my name.
So they had finally heard, as well. But … who was going to kill me?
"Your friend Sasuke's the one who started all this!" a sharp and angry female voice that I didn't recognize interrupted my thoughts. "I don't care about anyone else, I'm going to kill him!"
I didn't even have to wonder who this woman was because suddenly she came into view. There were three of them standing there, actually. The woman and a man – who appeared to be shinobi – I didn't recognize, but they had the same dark skin as the Eight-Tails we had been ordered to capture. The third I recognized all too well. The woman had him backed up against the wall of a shed, one arm pressed against his throat.
The four of us came to an unspoken halt in order to watch the scene below. As the man spoke up my hand unconsciously rose to touch my own neck.
"So, what should we do with our hatred?" he questioned. "How are you going to make it up to us?"
I expected him to yell about never giving up or something meant to make them believe he understood what they were up against and that there was a way to overcome it. What came out of his mouth, however, was something that I had never expected in a million years.
"Hit me … as much as you want." There was no one else in existence who could sound defeated and determined at the same time. "That's all I can –"
I nearly lost my balance on my branch as my body reacted involuntarily to the fierce, resounding crack of bone against bone as the woman swung at his face, knocking him to the ground.
I knew the three watched me warily, wondering at my strange reaction, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the scene below us as she continued to hit him.
Why wasn't he fighting back? Since when did he just let himself get beaten like this?
She struck him again and again for several straight minutes. Finally she stopped to catch her breath, giving him enough time to stagger up, holding the wall for support.
"I'm telling you, no amount of hitting will make me feel better!" She yelled between breaths. "I'll keep this up until you tell me about Sasuke!"
Her words were like a bell tolling in my head: Until you tell me about Sasuke … tell me about Sasuke … Sasuke …
It was me. I was the reason he was letting himself get beat up like this. I was the one he couldn't sell out.
I landed on the ground about three feet away from them before I had time to think about my actions.
The woman's eyes turned to meet mine in surprise. Then rage abruptly exploded across her face and she yelled my name.
I think it was because I caught a shift of movement out of the corner of my eye that I chose that moment to look at him. This was a mistake because no sooner had I glanced away, did she move. I heard the rasping sound of metal and saw a flash of silver. It only took a second, but it was still more than enough time for me to defend myself. So why I did not react baffled me. All I did was shut my eyes on a reflex as blood splattered across my face.
I had expected to feel pain, but I felt nothing.
Confused, I opened my eyes only to be greeted by the point of her sword an inch away from my chest. Slowly my eyes traveled upwards until they were met with two deadening blue ones in a face that was barely recognizable, and yet one that I could never forget.
I saw pain and relief flash across those eyes before he fell. He hit the ground heavily on his side and lay still. A slow pool of red began to grow beneath him from the place where the kunoichi's sword had pierced through his chest.
It was then that something inside of me snapped. All the time I had spent trying to harden my heart was for nothing as I was struck by such a flood of emotions that it made my head spin. I kept expecting him to pop up and flash me that infuriatingly bright grin of his, laughing and saying it was all a joke. But he didn't. He just lay there.
He wasn't supposed to do that. He was always supposed to bounce back from everything. He … he was Naruto, for God's sake! Naruto, who always found the strength to keep going no matter what. Naruto, whose chest I shoved my chidori through and still he didn't let that stop him. Why wasn't he getting up?
The kunoichi seemed in just as much shock as I was, but she didn't matter. Karin, Suigetsu and Juugo who had all jumped down after me and who now stood in bafflement at my behavior and the situation – they didn't matter.
My whole life people had never truly acknowledged me. They either treated me like some prize possession or as a threat. So nothing else mattered when the one person who had actually treated me like a human being was lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Nothing else mattered; not when Naruto had just taken a sword through his chest for me.
Before I knew it I was on my knees beside him. God, I couldn't even tell if he was breathing or not. I opened my mouth to speak his name but someone beat me to it.
That voice, another I had trouble forgetting, had spoken my name so many times. She had screamed, cried for me, had spoken of unwavering love, and yet … yet she had never sounded the way she did as she screamed his name in worry and fear.
In the blink of an eye Sakura was by his side, calling his name, one of her hands on his neck checking for a pulse. She obviously found one because she called out to him in a voice etched with urgency, "Naruto, hang on!"
This was not the Sakura I used to know, because the next moment she was all business. Her hand glowing with green chakra, she scanned over Naruto's wound, evaluating the damage, while at the same time calling for the other member of their team to go get Shizune; to tell her to come immediately because Naruto was hurt.
I hadn't even noticed the other shinobi standing there.
Suddenly I was met with a pair of the fiercest green eyes I'd ever seen. "Did you do this, Sasuke?" she demanded. No suffix, no girlish squeal.
I opened my mouth to deny it but stopped. Hadn't I caused this? No, I had not directly stabbed him, but it was because of me that he …
"Sasuke!" She was yelling at me. "What happened?"
I couldn't say it. I opened my mouth but no words came. Luckily the kunoichi volunteered the information for me.
"He – he stepped in the way." It seemed as if she was stunned and angry at the same time. Sakura turned to glare at her as she pointed an accusing finger at me. "It – it was supposed to be you! You were the one who attacked our master! You are the reason we're here! It was supposed to me you, not him. This wasn't supposed to happen!" She gestured wildly at Naruto's motionless form on the ground.
"You're damn right this wasn't supposed to happen!" Sakura's eyes flashed briefly before she sighed. "Well, it missed his vital organs, but he's lost too much blood to be out of danger yet." She turned to me, wiping her forehead on her elbow guard. "You have to help me. We need to remove the sword and stop the bleeding so I can heal him properly."
I was caught off guard by her request. Why was she asking me? There were plenty of other people around. How did she know I wouldn't just make it worse?
She obviously mistook the reason for my hesitation. "Look," she snapped. "I don't know why you're here. I don't know who they are." She gestured wildly towards my group. "And I certainly don't know why in the world this had to happen to one of the people most precious to me but, dammit, Sasuke! You were friends once. I know somewhere in your heart you still remember that, so please help me or we are going to lose him! Do you understand me? If you don't help me Naruto is going to die!"
"Shut up," I growled at her, "and tell me what I need to do."
She held out a hand. "I need that cloak so we have something to control the bleeding with. Then I need you to remove the sword slowly. But –" she stopped me as I rose to reposition myself at the sword's hilt. "You have to draw it straight out, exactly the way it went in, because it is dangerously close to his right lung." As I slid my Akatsuki cloak off my shoulders, she turned away, shaking her head. "I don't know why I'm trusting you with something so precious, Sasuke, after all you've done to him." She turned back to glare up at me in a way she never would have before. "If you even think of harming him now, I swear I will kill you with my own two hands."
I grunted and she narrowed her eyes doubtfully, taking the cloak from me. I didn't blame her. I wouldn't have trusted me. Not after I'd already allegedly tried to kill Naruto twice.
I took hold of the hilt in both hands.
"Ready?"
I nodded.
"Slowly."
I did as she instructed.
I had killed before. I had felt what it was like to plunge my katana into some nameless enemy – to see him bleed and gasp as he struggled to hang onto life. I could do that without hesitation, but removing a blade from the body of someone I knew – my rival, my teammate – that was entirely different.
He made a noise and blood began to well up anew as the tip of the blade disappeared back through his wound.
Thankfully my hands remained steady as I finally withdrew the entire sword and tossed it away onto the grass. Sakura quickly bunched my shirt against the wound in his back and gently rolled him over so that he was facing upwards. Her hands, glowing green with her healing chakra, pressed firmly onto his chest.
Again he made a noise, his face screwing up for a second.
"Naruto?" Sakura's voice trembled briefly before she got it under her professional control again. "Naruto, can you hear me?" She looked around hurriedly, scanning the surrounding area. "Where are Sai and Shizune? They should be here by now!"
My eyes were fixed on his face, so I was the first to notice his eyelids move.
"Naruto?" I leaned closer, hoping …
Slowly his eyelids opened revealing those unfocused blue eyes. They took in Sakura first and then shifted to me.
"Naruto, just hang on a little longer. You're going to be all right," Sakura was trying to sound reassuring but only ended up sounding desperate. "Shizune is going to be here any second."
One corner of his mouth lifted in a sad smile. "S-Sa … kura-chan." His voice was hoarse and barely audible and his eyelids kept drooping as if he was very tired. "S-Sasuke … I'm …"
"Don't speak," Sakura advised.
He ignored her. "I'm … sorry." He fought to keep his eyes open as he looked at Sakura. "I'm s-sorry I couldn't keep my promise …"
"Naruto, hush!" she hissed at him, unable to keep her voice steady any longer.
Suddenly his eyes were on me and I couldn't look away. "Sasuke –"
Suddenly anger flared up in my chest and I had to interrupt him. "Why did you do that, baka?"
He chuckled softly and I saw pain flash across his eyes for a moment before he concealed it again. He must have been in so much pain … "I d-don't know, Sasuke," he whispered. "Maybe m-my body just … moved on it's own."
"Usuratonkachi!" I yelled at him. We had been through a lot of shit together but he had never sounded this weak, and that's what made me angry. I leaned forward, my voice coming out like the hiss of a cat, "I've tried to kill you before, Naruto! I severed our bonds; we're not friends anymore. Why did you get in the way?"
A slow grin spread across his face. "Our bond is not … so easily broken." He coughed and I gritted my teeth together as blood dribbled out of the corner of his mouth.
"For once in your life, Naruto," Sakura pleaded, "stop talking."
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," he mumbled before looking back at me. "I just … I thought –" He coughed again. It seemed like he couldn't catch his breath, but the idiot kept on talking. "I thought you … died once, S-Sasuke … in my arms. Is it weird that … after everything …" he murmured, his eyes sliding shut. "I c-couldn't let that happen again?"
Something flashed through my chest as if I had just been stabbed through the heart.
"No, no, no! Naruto, don't close your eyes – don't do this!" Sakura cried frantically, but he made no response.
Suddenly I couldn't breathe.
"Come on, Naruto, fight!" She forced her chakra to expand, sweat standing out on her brow. "Dammit!" Sakura yelled in desperation. "Kyuubi, help me!"
"The … Kyuubi?"
She turned to me, her eyes wide with panic. "He – the Kyuubi always heals him! He always recovers faster than anyone! But Sasuke, it's not –"
I knew what she was trying to say. He was slipping away. Naruto Uzumaki was giving up. We both knew first hand that when he set his mind on something it would take an earthquake to shift it. And if he had decided to give up then it would take a miracle to bring him back.
Very well. I would be that miracle.
I activated my sharingan and focused my mind. Then I was slipping, falling into that dark place. I had been there once before, but this time it was different.
I pride myself on not being afraid of anything but the minute I entered that dark corridor I almost turned back. Before there had been a dim yellow light in the hallway – enough to see by. Now there was one light that flickered occasionally like a flash of lightening in a thunderstorm. I could hear water running somewhere and the entire hallway seemed to be shifting uneasily, creaking and groaning like old buildings sometimes do. There was an ominous air about the place as if it was liable to collapse at any moment.
The whole place was slowly crumbling, breaking, and I had a feeling that if it did collapse it would mean that he was dead. So I ran, my sandals splashing through water that was ankle deep on the floors. I ran as fast as I could; a desperate race against time.
And suddenly there it was. That room. That cage.
There was a spot directly in front of the bars that divided him from the demon that was illuminated by a spectral light. His body lay there.
I was at his side in an instant, kneeling down, checking for a pulse.
A low growl sounded from within the darkness beyond the bars of the cage. I turned towards the sound knowing what lurked in those shadows. Two red eyes materialized and fixed directly on me, glinting in the ghostly light.
You …
His voice hurt my ears.
I told you you would regret it if you killed him! His voice rose until it was a howl of rage, echoing hollowly off the walls of the room. An explosion of stinging orange chakra blasted from the cage and I threw my arms up to shield my face as my hair whipped around wildly. I will destroy you, you pathetic mortal!
"I didn't kill him!" I fought against the force of his rage, yelling to be heard. "I'm trying to save him! You have to help me!"
I don't believe you!
I cursed silently, knowing that we did not have time to argue. So, gritting my teeth, I did something that no Uchiha has ever done before.
Already on my knees, I bowed before the demon so that my head was touching the ground. "Please," I begged him. "I know you can heal him."
And what will you do for me in return?
I glanced up in shock. At a time like this? "Whatever it takes!" I blurted, not even caring that I sounded desperate.
Return to Konoha.
I had been expecting some inhumane sacrifice. Some form of torture. "What?"
Return to Konoha. He's already given up everything to find you. Does he really have to give up his life for you?
No. No, I didn't want him to die for me. Too many people close to me had died already. But that was the reason why I wanted my revenge on the Leaf Village. I wanted to take out the corrupt system once and for all, and Naruto … Naruto's dream was to become Hokage. His dream was to become the very thing I was trying to destroy.
Again I was swept up in my confusion. I didn't know just how apparent my thoughts were on my face until the Kyuubi snarled. You think I don't hate them, too? His huge, white teeth flashed in the darkness. If I was stuck inside anyone else I would have already squashed them like the pathetic little bugs they are. But he is strong. He always finds a way to suppress my power. I would have destroyed them long ago if it wasn't for him!
A memory flashed through my mind of our battle at the Valley of the End. How Naruto's eyes had turned red and that orange chakra had surrounded him … It was one thing for me to suppress the Kyuubi's power with my sharingan, but Naruto had no kekkei genkai to help him.
The fox's red eyes narrowed. If you think he'd be a corrupt Hokage like them you would be wrong. He knows nothing of their plots.
"But that doesn't mean he won't –"
He is different. He would make it different.
"But, he can't just –"
Stubborn Uchiha! the fox snarled at me. Did I ever say what you had to do while in Konoha? Feel free to kill the council! But if you hesitate any longer than the only one you will be killing –
"Enough!" I snapped. "Stop talking."
Then say it.
He was right, but my pride made me rebel against actually admitting it. Narrowing my eyes I glared into the red one of the Nine-Tailed Fox. "If you … help him, I –"
Say, it, Uchiha!
"I'll return to Konoha!" Stupid idiot – even when he's unconscious he still finds a way to keep his word.
The Kyuubi made a satisfied noise and suddenly orange chakra was pouring out of the cage like some dense liquid. It seeped along the floor until it surrounded Naruto and myself, and then it began to solidify, forming into the head of the Kyuubi.
Out of the way, he growled at me and I obeyed.
The demon nuzzled Naruto's limp body, snorting with displeasure at what he found. He bared his teeth and, before I could protest, the huge jaws had opened and scooped Naruto off the floor. The fox retreated to his side of the cage, carrying Naruto in his mouth.
"Wait!" Had I been tricked? He wouldn't kill Naruto, not when he was trapped within him, would he? "What are you doing?" I ran up to the bars of the cage, a spike of fear shooting through my heart. "You said –"
I can't help him outside the barrier. I need all my power to bring him back.
I could only watch helplessly as Naruto was laid on the ground. The Kyuubi's giant claws encircled my rival, caging him in and the fear flared again as I imagined the demon's claws tightening, squeezing his defenseless body until there was nothing left. But the fear slowly slipped away as I watched. The Kyuubi's chakra began to glow around his paws, only it was orange and ten times stronger than Sakura's. I could feel it from where I stood but it wasn't harsh and burning like the time before. It was almost … gentle. Almost … tender, and I couldn't understand how a creature so terrible could exhibit these kind of feelings towards a human.
With my sharingan activated I could see how Naruto's body was slowly absorbing the demon's chakra. A small puff of steam rose from the wound on his chest as the skin pulled together and healed without even leaving a scar. There was no evidence that Naruto had ever taken a sword through his chest. Except … except still he wasn't moving. He wasn't breathing.
The Kyuubi growled in frustration and suddenly he reared back, a blinding flash of orange chakra shot from his paws so suddenly and with such strength that I nearly lost my footing.
Naruto's limbs were flung askew and his back arched painfully as the demon's chakra was forcibly shoved into his body. Both his mouth and his eyes snapped open but I couldn't tell if it was because he was awake or because the power was too great for him to handle.
"Naruto!" I called out, no longer able to hide my concern. "Kyuubi!" I turned on the monster ferociously, my hands gripping the bars of the cage until my knuckles turned white. "Stop it! You're –"
Silence! It's your fault if we're too late. Again the fox pulled back and again it sent a surge of chakra into his body. It looked as though he was trying to restart Naruto's heart with force.
His orange jacket was ripped into useless tatters as his body bent almost double, his head flinging back, eyes wide and unseeing, blond hair whipping around his face.
It was too much.
There was an icy chill as I passed through the bars, which then immediately became a stifling heat as if I had been caught in one of my own fire style jutsus. Using my arms to shield my face I staggered towards Naruto and his demon.
The heat warped my vision and I felt as though I was walking across a steeply sloping hill. The horizon was distorted, making them seem miles away, but I finally made it to my rival's side and dropped to my knees.
I grabbed his hand and hung on as he was struck with another surge of the Kyuubi's chakra.
"Naruto!" I yelled above the blinding power that scalded my exposed skin and whipped my hair into my eyes. "Naruto, we still need to fight each other! You want me to come back to Konoha, don't you? Well I won't go back if I don't have someone there who can fight on equal terms with me. I won't go back if you've abandoned everything you used to stand for, so don't you dare give up! Do you hear me, Naruto? I won't go back to Konoha if you're not there, so wake up!" If anyone had been there to see me at that moment I would have told them it was the Kyuubi's stinging chakra that was making my eyes water.
His hand remained limp in mine and I felt a wave of hopelessness wash over me. "You're Naruto," I whispered. "You can't die – not like this." I leaned forward until my face hung above his, almost like before, in the Valley of the End. "I never hated you," I whispered to him.
Abruptly the pressure of the Kyuubi's chakra decreased. The room rocked with a monstrous ba-bump and the lights slowly began to creep back until the room outside the cage became clear to the eye.
I felt an enormous pull on my body and the next thing I knew I was back in the real world, the Kyuubi's growl echoing faintly in my head: Remember your promise.
"Sasuke."
Someone was holding me by the shoulders. I turned to see the masked face of my former sensei.
He held my gaze unwaveringly with that one visible eye of his. "Well done," was all he said before his gaze shifted, turning his attention to something on the ground in front of me.
My dazed eyes followed his and there he was again, lying in the same position as before. Only this time –
"Naruto?" Sakura gasped as his now fully healed chest rose and fell. There were fresh tear-stains on her cheeks.
Suddenly I felt claustrophobic. I tore my gaze away from Naruto and saw with surprise that we were surrounded by people. I could pick faces out of the crowd, even though I hadn't seen them in almost three years. There was Iruka-sensei, his face contorted with worry. Shikamaru knelt beside him, for once seeming fully alert and tense. Hinata stood farther back, her small shoulders clamped in the protective hold of her cousin. Rock Lee's large eyes glistened, but he wasn't crying as I had half expected.
I took in the crowd, skimming over faces I vaguely remembered as well as ones I had never seen before. It looked like the entire village was there.
No, that wasn't quite right. It looked like the entire village was there for him. The entire village was there to see if he was all right. The villagers and shinobi who has noticeably scorned him were all standing here now, crying, praying that he would pull through.
Not many things are clear in my life, but in that moment realization struck me so hard that I almost forgot to breathe. Pictures and voices flashed through my head; all those memories I had chosen to repress. Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, the clients we had … the Kyuubi. God, even the Nine-Tailed Fox demon!
I told you you would regret it if you killed him, he had said to me. Return to Konoha … He would make it different …
Everyone he touched changed. Everyone he talked to ended up rooting for him to win. Everyone who had hated him before, all the villagers and shinobi who had feared him for holding the Kyuubi had been sucked into his little world. He gave everyone all of himself, so they had no choice but to do the same in return.
The fox was right. Naruto was different. Naruto had always been different. I think somewhere in my mind I had always known that.
I could almost feel the relief wash over the crowd as his eyes slowly flickered open. Sakura broke down, burying her face in her hands. Shikamaru bowed his head, staring at the ground as if it could tell him something important. Hinata's face was hidden in Neji's shirt, while he looked on with more emotion in those white eyes than I had ever seen. A cheer erupted from the crowd, and suddenly everything was in turmoil: People laughing, crying, slapping each other on the back, children jumping up and down …
I felt a strange pressure squeeze my hand and looked down. In surprise I realized that I was holding Naruto's hand in mine. When I felt his eyes on me I looked up.
He ignored the chaos around us and just watched me. From his expression I wasn't able to tell what he was thinking; if he was angry, accusing, sad … forgiving?
Then he smiled. Not that huge, bright, all-teeth-showing grin of his, but a small, close-lipped smile in one corner of his mouth. He looked as though he had just won some epic victory.
"You'd better keep your promise, teme," he whispered to me.
My mouth fell open stupidly, but I was too surprised to notice. How could he have known about that?
That stupid little smile stretched into a smirk. "And you call me a moron. What's wrong, Sasuke?" His eyes glinted mischievously. "I thought you said we were on equal grounds."
"Usuratonkachi!" I hissed at him. "We both know you'll never be as good as me."
He chuckled softly and I knew he understood what I was really trying to say.
"You just wait, Sasuke!" Everything we said was just a game we played with each other. We both knew that everything we meant was really hidden between the lines. "Give me a minute when I'm back on my feet, and I'll prove to you who's stronger."
The celebration still raged around us, but we ignored it. Truthfully, it really didn't matter.
I thought that he was done speaking but I was wrong. As Naruto's smirk slowly faded into seriousness, I received what seemed like the millionth surprise that day. "Sasuke," he whispered. "Thank you."
And suddenly I wasn't confused anymore.
