Freak of the Week Interview #1: Scarecrow Guy

[Definite spoiler warnings guys]

Chloe: [into the tape recorder] Chloe Sullivan here. Inspired by the spate of freaky happenings in this leafy hamlet, I'm delighted to announce that I have secured an interview with our first Freak of the Week - Scarecrow Guy. This is the first in a series of interviews. Thanks for joining us, I'm sure our readers will be fascinated by your insights into what took place on your return to Smallville after a mysterious 12 year absence.

SG: Umm. I don't actually remember anything that happened.

Chloe: Oh.

SG: I'm really sorry Chloe. I tried to tell you this before but ...

Chloe: Well that does prove to be something of a dampener. No problem - let me recap for you. Back in 1989, the local football jocks in their cruel ritualistic American Cliched Macho Testosterone-Laden Sit-Com fashion tied you up like a scarecrow in a nearby cornfield and left you there. Twelve years later, you returned to Smallville after waking from a coma induced by the meteor shower. By the way, the event left you with odd electrical powers which you then used to attack the 3 players who tied you up and left you in the corn field to be baked like a potato in the meteor blast. By the greatest stroke of luck, I spotted you and immediately identified you as Scarecrow Guy. You then decided to wreak the Ultimate Revenge by electrocuting everyone at the homecoming dance. Somehow you are thwarted and something happened which made your electrical powers backfire on you and you were left powerless.

SG: Oh.

Chloe: So how do you feel about all this?

SG: I kind of had a simplistic Ultimate Revenge Plan didn't I?

Chloe: These things take practice. I wouldn't worry about it.

SG: I don't think I sound like a very nice person.

Chloe: Well you were the pilot of the Freak of the Week storyline - they hadn't quite fine-tuned the ambiguity of the "not completely evil" Freak of the Week yet. it's always hard being first. Look on the bright side - you didn't age a day in twelve years .. although I suspect that Kristin Kreuk has nothing to fear in the Neutrogena commercial stakes.

SG: Huh?

Chloe: Just kidding. So what about the underground rumour that you were secretly engaged by Cynthia Ettinger to wreak revenge for here being ousted from the role of Martha Kent. Was Annette O'Toole your next victim? Is there any truth in these rumours?

SG: I'm sorry - I have no idea what you're talking about.

Chloe: Did it take long to perfect that freaky glassy automaton-like stare you adopt for much of the episode?

SG: No. Chloe: So what were you thinking about during that time in the corn field before the meteors rained on you?

SG: I really don't remember ......

Chloe [desperately]: Can you remember what you were thinking about during the twelve years you were in a coma?

SG: Sorry. [Pzzzzt]

Chloe: OK, maybe we'll wrap this up. Thanks for your time Scarecrow Guy - you're a lot more lucid than I would have been if I'd been zapped like that. This is Chloe Sullivan, reporting for The Torch. I hope you enjoyed this rare insight into the mind of Scarecrow Guy. Next - I bring you an exclusive interview with Bug Boy.

The End