Hi! I'm sorta new to this fandom. In fact in most circumtances I hate the series. But my sister forces/bribes me to read the books and there are just those moments that are too good to pass up no matter how much you don't like the books. This peice was inspired by a line in the second book. Since I do not have access to the book at the moment, I can't tell you where to find it, but it's one of my favorites. It goes soemthing like "Root was so red, you could toast marshmellows on his cheeks" I'm sure you all can see were this is going...

I do not own Artemis Fowl. Thank goodness, if I did, I would have to get a ristraining order on my own sister.


One day a large group of people decided to go camping above ground. The thing was, these people were fairies. LEP officers to be exact. It was the 30th anniversary of their years of serving together.

"I'm hungry!" Grub complained.

"SHUT UP!" Commander Julius Root yelled. Trouble rolled his eyes and Holly laughed. Foaly just smirked. They were sitting around breathing in the woodsy air of the forest.

"I'm hungry." Grub complained again a moment later.

"If we give you food will you SHUT UP?" Lily Frond asked.

"Yes." Grub answered.

"Fine. Please tell me someone brought some food."

"I did!" Foaly yelled. He galloped over to the shuttle which was parked a few feet away from where they were gathered. Then he started doing something that looked like a dance.

"…" Everyone stared. Root just turned redder.

"S'mores!" Foaly yelled. "We will have s'mores!"

"How can we have more, we haven't had anything."

"No you idiots! S'mores is a human camping food!"

"How do you make s'mores?" Trouble asked.

"You stick a marshmallow in a fire, and then stick it on a gram cracker and chocolate."

"But we don't have a fire." Lily pointed out. Foaly frowned.

"Good point." Then his eyes lit up and he whispered something in everyone's ears but Root. This made him turn a deeper red.

"Hey Julius, tell us about how you lost Diggums again." Trouble called. He turned redder.

"Don't call me Julius."

"Julius, did you know that I got a hold of your files and am planning on sending them to e everyone in the LEP." Foaly yelled. He started turning purple.

"I know this might be a shocker Julius, but Vinyaya told me she isn't into you anymore." Holly said. There were a lot of "Ohhhhs" at that one. They could start to feel the heat coming off him. Grub decided that instead of insulting him, he would just go for the chanting his name over and over and over and over and over.

Foaly grinned and stuck a marshmallow on a stick and put it right up against Julius's cheeks. It roasted and turned black in a matter of milliseconds. Then it caught on fire.

"AH! STOP IT!" Foaly started blowing on the fire but it wasn't working! The fire kept burning. "SOMEONE GET SOME WATER!"

Holly ran to the shuttle and poured water on the marshmallow. The fire kept going.

"AHHHH!" he had no choice, and swallowed the flaming marshmallow. Steam started coming out his nose and ears. "THAT IS HOT!"

Root walked over to Foaly who was rolling around on the ground. His voice was deadly calm and dangerous.

"Don't. Call. Me. Julius."


Hope you liked it! Oh and this was purely meant to be funny. Be nice. Flammers are not cool, but I will not say no to constructive critisism. !