Long live all the mountains we moved, I had the time of my life, fighting dragons with you.
-Taylor Swift, "Long Live"
Nina stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. The seconds stretched into minutes; 60 second voids of bombarding thoughts that kept her awake. She turned her head, half-expecting to find a sleeping boyfriend next to her. But there was only air and an empty space. The same as it had been for nearly a year.
After Anubis, after graduation, after quests and mysteries and sneaking up to the attic, risking getting caught by Victor, to make out with her boyfriend, things changed.
College was a good way to occupy her mind. The classes and the essays and the homework made her life busy. Turns out what they said was true; college was more difficult than high school. But even during her final year at university, when her course-load was much less and her degree in English was beginning to prove pretty useless, she felt it. She felt the emptiness. The restlessness.
When she finally graduated from college, walked off the stage into the open arms of her adoring boyfriend, the same one she had since high school, she realized just how little she had left.
Fabian had gotten a degree in biology, and was starting med school. His days were long and tiring, but he always came home to Nina, and their shared flat, with a smile on his face. At least, at first he did. When he started to realize just how unhappy Nina was, the smile faded from his face. She had done that. She knew it.
Amber got her degree in fashion merchandising, and was totally pulling a Brooke Davis. Her clothing line, Victoria by Amber (Nina had somehow persuaded her best friend not to name her line 'What Would Victoria Beckham Do?'), was already incredibly successful.
Patricia and Eddie were, get this, engaged. Wedding planning was apparently a slow process, but then again, neither of them seemed too concerned with haste. They had both gotten degrees in Criminology, and were the most successful detective duo Nina had seen since, well, Nina and Fabian.
Alfie was touring the country as a (somewhat successful) stand-up comedian. Jerome was a businessman. Mara was going to law school. Joy was a teacher. Mick was a damn professional footballer.
And Nina? Well, Nina was a waitress.
A damn good one, too. She consistently made the most tips, and had regulars asking for her.
But, was it enough? Not even slightly. With all her friends, and her boyfriend, being so successful, she always felt like the one without a story to tell. She longed for the days when she would pull out her locket, head down to the cellar, or up into the attic, to find the next clue. To solve the mystery. To be a part of something. She wanted to put her hand over her right eye, say the word 'Sibuna' and smile at her friends.
No more. No more mystery. No more meaning. No more anything.
And now, no more boyfriend. Also, no more friends.
Enough had been enough for Nina. She needed to feel something. She needed to remember what it was like to have her heart pound out of her chest as she heard Victor's footsteps thundering up the attic steps.
She needed it.
So, she sought out that feeling elsewhere.
It had started with the tattoo.
When she came home that night, to the flat she and Fabian had only just started renting, she was smiling. Fabian was sitting on the couch, a book in his hand, the portrait of the boy she fell in love with so many years earlier.
She grinned like a mad-woman, walking up to her boyfriend of nearly four years, revealing the Eye of Horus she'd had done in black ink on her wrist. Fabian mirrored that grin back at her, before picking up her wrist to place a kiss over her new tattoo. He'd told her he thought it was incredibly sexy, and proceeded to prove it to her in the bedroom.
Next, only a few weeks later, it had been at a club. Amber had managed to find a night when all their friends were free, so they went out dancing and drinking, at the best nightclub in London. After a night of listening to all her best friends' success stories, Nina couldn't take it.
"Come with me," she said in her boyfriend's ear, bringing her voice to a sinfully sultry whisper. He'd happily obliged, and moments later, there were in a hallway on the second floor of the club, and Fabian's hand was up Nina's shirt.
"Nina," he'd muttered between intense kisses after his girlfriend began to tug at his belt buckle. "Neens, we'll be caught up here. We need to cool off."
"Fabian Rutter," Nina said, shaking her head with a smirk playing on her lips, "those are words I never thought I'd hear you say." She finally got his buckle undone, and pulled down his zipper. Fabian was a goner.
"I hate you so much right now."
The night was great. Best they'd had in ages. The entire time Nina's heart was pounding. She felt like a kid again, like she had all those times she'd been afraid of getting caught doing this very thing up in the attic.
After that it was skydiving. She hadn't told Fabian she was going, and when she got back, he'd been furious. He hated that she failed to mention it to him, and he reminded her that if something had happened, he never would have known she'd even been going. Nina apologized, but she still felt the rush of the jump. The fear.
She wanted more.
She went skydiving six more times after that, each time pissing Fabian off more and more. She jumped from cliffs into cold water. She rode motorcycles. She went bungee jumping.
Then, she heard about SCAD diving.
It was exactly what Nina was looking for after her sixth-time skydiving. It was like a cross between doing that, cliff jumping, and bungee jumping. SCAD diving was literally just jumping off a one-hundred and fifty-foot crane onto a landing pad. No bungee. No water. No parachute. It was the perfect free-fall.
That night, she went home and told her boyfriend. And then, everything fell apart.
"Nina, have you lost your mind?" Fabian burst, throwing down the textbook he'd been reading with a slam. He stood up from the couch, red in the face, and practically steaming at the ears. "You could have been hurt! And, as usual, you don't tell me beforehand!"
"I didn't realize I had to report to you before I did anything," Nina spat back, crossing her arms. "Since when did you become my father instead of my boyfriend?"
"Don't give me that bullshit, Nina." Fabian responded, taking a few steps closer to her. "You know that isn't what I mean. I care about you, in case you haven't realized, and yet you seem to do everything in your power to get me worried. I don't understand it. Why do you do these things?"
"I'm just trying to live my life! Since when is that a crime?"
"It isn't," Fabian replied, shaking his head. "And I understand wanting to live. But, this isn't you, Nina. You've been… distant. You go out and do these crazy things, and I sit here either waiting up for you, or taking calls from your boss, who's asking why you didn't come for your shift. I cover for you."
The fight went back and forth for hours. If Nina was being honest, even that, gave her a rush. The fear she was getting from fighting with him. It was toxic, that feeling she got. That high. She was addicted. It had become much more than just wanting to feel it: she needed it.
But, then, the words fell out of Fabian's mouth. "I can't do this anymore, Nina."
Nina blinked rapidly, staring at her boyfriend, who looked like he was going to throw up. "What?"
"I can't sit here, wondering if you're never going to walk through that door again. I'm sorry, but I can't. I love you, I love you so much, Nina, that I can't watch you do this to yourself. I can't watch you fall apart. It's killing me."
Nina swallowed, staring blankly as Fabian took a few steps toward her, his hand coming up to her cheek. He whispered, "I know this isn't enough for you anymore. I've known it for a long time now. I haven't changed, Nina, but you did. You aren't the same person I fell in love with. And, as much as I love you, I don't think the new you loves me."
"That's not true," Nina replied, shaking her head. "Please, Fabian, don't do this."
"I have to," Fabian muttered, dropping his hand from her cheek and taking a few steps back. "I have to, Nina, because I can't just watch us grow apart anymore. It hurts too much."
Thunder cracked outside Nina's window. There she was, a year later, without a boyfriend, and without friends. After the split, they hadn't so much "sided" with Fabian, but Nina chose to keep her distance, deciding it was better for him. Knowing it would make things easier if they didn't have to see each other.
She tossed and turned, thinking about where she was. A few days after Fabian left, the restaurant called to fire her. She'd missed too many shifts. She could barely bring herself to care. She only realized that she needed to find a new job when she was late on rent.
A month earlier, being late on the rent would have felt like a rush. But that was the first time it just felt like a bout of anxiety.
So, she got up. She got a new job. She paid her rent. She went home to an empty flat, and struggled with what to do next.
When she was sixteen, her life had meaning. She was the Chosen One. She mattered. Now, she was Fabian's ex-girlfriend, the waitress, who didn't know who she was.
That was when she wrote it all down.
Exactly a year to the day that Fabian left, Nina finished writing her novel.
It was no longer jumping out of planes that gave her a rush. Now it was telling her story. Nina had always known that the story of Anubis House was one that deserved to be told, but she never realized that she should be the one to tell it.
So, as she finished off the last sentence, she knew what had to be done. She'd been in touch with a literary agent, and after spending a few days making sure everything was in place, Nina sent him everything he asked for. She knew this was only a first draft, and the agent would make his comments before anything would be sent to an editor, but it was a start. And it was the first time since she was seventeen that she felt like herself.
Even if she wasn't sure who that was.
Like it was her days at Anubis all over again, Nina decided to put the puzzle pieces together. Starting with Amber.
Nina made the trek over to her (former?) best friend's flat. She knocked on the door, praying she'd be home, and in seconds, a wave of blonde flashed in front of Nina Martin.
Amber stared at Nina for a long time. Then, she just shook her head. "You broke his heart, you know?"
"I know."
"And after all I did to make Fabina happen. It's truly disrespectful."
"I know," Nina replied. "And I'm sorry."
Amber nodded, looking at her patent leather clad feet. "Have you come to set things right, then?"
"I'm trying to," Nina said. "I'm a mess, Amber. I screwed things up. I lost sight of myself. I lost sight of the one person I've ever truly loved. But, I'm a work in progress. And, I'll do everything I can to try and fix what I've broken. In the end, isn't that all any of us can do?"
Amber smiled. "I think you know I'll do anything to help you, Nina." The blonde lifted her right hand, and Nina beamed as Amber's perfectly manicured fingers covered her eye. "Sibuna."
Nina mirrored the gestured, unable to stop the tears from pricking at the corners of her eyes. "Sibuna."
Months go by. Nina's book is picked up by a publisher. Fabian is apparently doing a semester abroad with Doctors Without Borders. Since therapy costs far too much money, and Nina couldn't exactly explain her situation to anyone, Amber became Amber Millington, psychologist. At least, to Nina.
"I just…" Nina rambled, shaking her head. "After Sibuna and everything ended, and I got less and less busy with school, I felt as if I had nothing, you know? Like nothing I could ever do would be as great as the things I did when I was sixteen.
Amber smiled woefully. "Neens, I get it. At one point or another, we've all found ourselves feeling like we peaked in high school. But, you just need to remember that there's always something great around the corner. That the sun will always rise again."
Nina grinned. After many of these conversations with her best friend, Nina was really starting to feel it. Amber placed a hand on Nina's. "And, Nina, Sibuna will never be over. Just because there isn't a mystery to solve, doesn't mean we aren't all there when we need each other. Sibuna was never just about finding the next puzzle piece or solving the next riddle. It was about friendship and the love we had for each other. We don't need an elixir of life for that to never die. That bond is what is truly eteral."
The dirty blonde wiped away a tear. "Amber, when did you get so insightful?"
Amber reached over to wipe her friends face. "When you needed me most. I know you'd do the same if it was me who was struggling."
Nina sniffled, accepting the hug Amber offered her. As she felt against Amber's shoulder, Nina was more than grateful for her friend. But they both knew there was a different shoulder Nina wanted to cry on.
"Oh, Nina, I'm so glad you called. I've been missing you lot a little extra lately. The kids now aren't quite as lively as you nine. You were quite the special group, you know."
Nina smiled at Trudy, who was still house mother at Anubis House, even after all these years. She was still the same old Trudy, just with a few lines by her eyes, but they only made her look more endearing.
With the kids home for the holidays, Trudy agreed to let Nina come by to soak up some nostalgia. She even baked her cake (oh how Nina had missed Trudy's cakes).
Soon enough, Trudy left Nina to wander about the house while she cleaned up in the kitchen. The dirty blonde was eager to see what had changed. She took the steps slowly up to the second floor, where her bedroom had been, pausing briefly at the eighth stair with a smile.
"Nina Martin, what are you doing out of your room?"
Even after so many years, Nina jumped. She looked to her left where Victor stood, his arms crossed, the ghost of a smile on his face. Nina was more than shocked to see her former enemy watching her with a slight smile, and even more shocked that he had just made a joke.
"Victor," Nina said. "I didn't realize you'd still be here."
"I may be over a hundred, but I'm still sound enough to be taking care of things around here," Victor said, still staring at her with a strange smile on his face. Somehow, in the past few years, Victor seemed to have softened a bit. It was odd to see him this way, without the imposing stare.
Nina found herself chuckling at his statement. "I'm not surprised. After the hell we gave you back when we were here, I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle."
Victor actually laughed out loud. Nina didn't even know he could laugh. "You're right about that, Miss Martin. But, if I'm being honest, these little brats make it far too easy. I never thought I'd miss you miscreants and your incessant rule breaking. Things around here are far too boring without you and Rutter constantly sneaking up to my attic and breaking in places you don't belong."
Nina shook her head, only slightly deterred by the mention of Fabian. "Well, I never thought I'd miss the danger, either, but you'd be surprised by the things you find yourself missing."
Victor stared at Nina for a moment. He almost seemed like his old self, his face setting into a tight frown. "Why are you here, Miss Martin?"
Nina put her head down, ringing her fingers together. "I seem to have lost myself. After everything, I found that nothing seemed important anymore. Including myself."
The old man stared at his former boarder, shaking his head. "Keep in mind, young lady, that you were, and still are, The Chosen One. It doesn't get much more important than that."
Victor smiled once more, before turning to go back to his office. Just before he could, Nina stopped him. "Victor," she said, and he looked her way again. It was then that Nina noticed he now used a cane. She pointed over her shoulder, and gave the man a guilty smile. "Do you think I could…?" She trailed off. He knew what she wanted.
He grinned. "You have five minutes. Precisely."
Nina nodded. "Got it. Thank you."
The girl dashed to the hallway where she once spent all her time, while the old man watched her with a smile. He shook his head, recalling the days when this would have angered him so very much, and he retreated to his office.
Nina, on the other hand, pulled the bobby pin she still kept on hand from her hair, and picked the attic lock. She made her way up the rickety staircase, and found herself standing in a memory.
"The eyes were glowing, and looking at me," Fabian said with a shudder.
Nina grinned. The first time she and Fabian were up here together. They were both so young. So innocent. Barely crushing on each other at the time. Nina had no idea just how close they would become in such a short amount of time.
It was hard for her to think about a time when she didn't love Fabian. In just a few short years, he became everything.
And she lost sight of that.
She sat in the attic, ran her fingers over the keyholes that would only open for her locket, and knew it was time now to move on from it all.
"It doesn't seem that long ago, does it?"
Nina jumped two feet in the air at the voice. She spun around and was immediately face to face with Fabian, and all at once, it really felt as if it were six years earlier.
"Fabian," Nina mumbled, staring at the boy that she fell in love with in this very attic a lifetime ago.
"Hey," he said, sounding so very much like himself. "I was in the neighborhood… I guess, and Amber said something about you stopping by here so…"
"I thought you were with Doctors Without Borders."
Fabian seemed shocked by the interruption, but he took it in stride. "I just got back."
"And your first stop was Amber's place?"
"No," Fabian replied. "My first stop was actually your place, but you weren't there. Figured you were with Amber. She pointed me here."
"Why?"
"Because this is where you are?"
"No, I mean, why did she point you anywhere? Why would you want to see me?"
Fabian sighed, crossing the room to the old stained glass window. Then to the panel, where he recalled the time he and Nina had been trapped there. They were so young. Kids. Kids who became exposed to so many things so quickly.
"I think about it too, you know. A lot." Fabian began, running his hand along the paneling. "It's one of the reasons I became a doctor. Victor and the rest of his disciples wanted nothing more than to live forever. I just want to help people live the life they deserve."
"I love you for that," Nina said before she could stop herself. "Fabian, I've made so many mistakes. I spent so long trying to get back the feeling I got being here, solving mysteries. I lost you because of that and it made me realize something."
Fabian looked almost pained as he recalled having to end things with Nina. "What?"
Nina walked over to him, but kept her distance. "I realized that, the mystery and all that wasn't really what I was searching for. What I wanted back. It was never about the mystery. I wanted to feel young again. I wanted to feel like I meant something."
"You did mean something, Nina!" Fabian exploded. "You meant something to me! How could you not see that?"
"Because I was stupid. I was blinded by my own selfishness." Nina knew tears were inevitable. She didn't try to fight it. "I knew the things I did hurt you. But I craved that fight. I know it's messed up of me, but God, am I messed up. I'm so screwed up, Fabian. I've always been screwed up, ever since I walked in to this house. But, you always saw past that, and you loved me regardless."
"You're not screwed up, Nina," Fabian muttered. "Don't say that."
"I am," Nina replied, drying her eyes. "I am messed up, because fighting with you was a struggle, and I needed that struggle. You deserve someone who will be easy on you, Fabian. Not someone who picks fights for no reason."
"What if I want the fight?" Fabian asked, risking a step closer to her.
"You don't."
"Yes I do," he growled, forcibly grabbing Nina by the shoulders and pulling his lips to hers. Nina couldn't help but melt into him. Her back hit the wall of that panel, and Nina couldn't help but feel like she'd been here before. So many times.
Nina broke away from him and bit her lip. "This is wrong."
Fabian dropped his forehead to hers. "Don't say that."
"It is, though," Nina said, reaching for Fabian's cheek. "I spent too much time trying to be the us we were when we lived here. I should have focused on trying to learn who we are now."
"Me too," Fabian argued. "I'm just as guilty of that as you are." He took a tiny step back so he could look into Nina's orbs of green. "I know that we'll never chase down another mystery, but what do you say you and I chase down the rest of our lives together? Life can be our mystery."
Nina grinned. "I'd like that."
"I never want you to feel like you don't have meaning," Fabian went on. "Like I said in this very house, years ago, you are my Chosen One. You always will be. I will love you until the end of time, if you'll damn well let me."
"Yes," Nina said breathlessly, lunging at Fabian again. Her lips found his, and although they were standing in the middle of their past, this felt like the promise of the future. They were no longer in high school. And thank god for that.
"Come on," Fabian mumbled against Nina's lips. "Let's go home."
x.x.x.x.
They say that sometimes you have to go there to come back.
Nina realized that there is an alternative to that statement; sometimes, you need to lose yourself, to find yourself. She learned that she was a writer, not a waitress. She learned that she didn't need fight or adrenaline to be happy. Fabian made her heart race enough just being around him.
She also learned that life, in itself, is a fight. Every day can be a struggle. But she had someone to fight the dragons with. Plenty of someones. That was what Sibuna meant. It didn't mean clues and riddles and relics. It meant having someone by your side you could depend on through anything.
And in the end, that was enough.
A/N: Wow, haven't done one of these in quite some time...
Well, here's my explanation for this. Recently, I decided to do a rewatch of the show that turned me into a writer. In the past year, I finished my first year of college, and my first novel. But now that it's been finished for months, I don't know where to go from there. I feel like I have no ideas left in me. I want to write more, and I feel like my hands are idle from not writing. It's driving me bonkers.
Which is why I decided to do the rewatch. House of Anubis is the show that, so long ago, made me start writing. I thought watching all over again, would make me feel that again.
Did it help? I'm not sure yet. I'm just up to the part in season 2 when Eddie arrives. Maybe when I've finished, I'll have more clarity. For now, it's just this.
Maybe, in a way, I am Nina in this story. I haven't started jumping out of planes yet, but I did get a tattoo (no, not the eye, but the sun).
This story is me trying to get my groove back. I know I've said this plenty of times before, but this is my Swan Song. I don't plan on posting FanFiction ever again. In fact, this is the first time I've written FanFiction in nearly... four years? Almost five?
It's crazy, because it doesn't feel like it's been that long. This was such a big part of my life, and now it isn't. I know that when I finish season 2 of my rewatch, I'll stop there, and pretend that it was the end, because I want it to be. I don't want to believe that everything went downhill in season 3. But, it's been years, and I've moved on from it all.
Until now, I guess.
Now that this is out there, I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who ever reviewed, favorited, or added my stories to their alerts. You guys gave me the confidence to take my writing to the next level. So this final (final) piece is for all of you who are out there, right now, missing the good old days, when all we had to worry about was how many reviews we got on our last story.
But, take away the message of this story. Fight your dragons. Win. And find the reasons you have to live the rest of your life after the dust has settled.
xoxo.
