AN: A big thanks to Natalie (kensi54382) for beta reading this story. You are a life saver my dear.

Disclaimer: I would die just to say that I own NCIS: LA but I do not own NCIS: LA.


I can't believe this. I really want to forget those words but they keep echoing in my ears.

"You're the one who never says what he means".

Is that what she really thinks, that I don't say what I mean? I mean come on I am a lawyer and I have my way with words but she can't accuse me for that, especially she among all people can't say that. I am the one who never shuts up and says what I want. She is one who keeps everything to herself but I can't blame her for that, she is just protecting herself from being hurt. So she can't tell me that I don't say what I mean. Those words from her were enough to hurt but it looks like she doesn't care and then she bluntly says to me "Then say something you actually mean".

Those words of hers wounded me. It feels like she just stabbed me with a very sharp knife in my heart and is now twisting the knife. I want to think that she just said all this because she was angry but still whatever I say to myself, I can't forget those words. Hell it feels like she is just saying this all over again and again. It's hurting really badly; it's actually tearing me apart. I never thought someone's words would have that effect on me but then again she is Kensi. I also never thought she would be one to say something like this. I have opened up to her and told her soo many things which I never thought I would do with anyone. We talk all the time and even though she said something like this, I really don't know if I'm more shocked or more wounded because of those words. All these years I have taken everything very slowly and made sure I tell her what I felt about her. One of the many reasons of doing so was because I didn't want to hurt her or rush her into things. So the only reasons I don't say exactly what I mean is because of her; for her own good, but that doesn't mean I didn't say anything that I meant till today.

I know I joke a lot, but all these years, whatever I had said to her, I meant it, every word of it.

In the beginning of our partnership, I told her that "she is beautiful". I meant it, with all honesty I did mean it. She is beautiful and for me she is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. Before meeting Kensi, for me, the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth was my mom. Yeah, I know I don't talk about her a lot, ok fine I don't talk about her at all, but after all she is my mom. But that doesn't mean I will talk about her. She is a beautiful woman, well I think now you know from where I got all this charm from.

Coming back to Kensi, she is really a beautiful person and I'm not talking about just looks, well she has got killer looks, with those mismatched eyes, pink cheeks and adorable smile, she is the most beautiful woman in the world. But she is genuinely a beautiful person from heart also. She'll never hurt anyone intentionally, even thought she is capable of killing people without them knowing what is happening to them. But she never does that unless it is for self defense. Instead she saves people every day and is still a grounded woman. Kensi is not just a beautiful woman by her looks. She is beautiful from inside also.

When I told her that "don't worry Fern, I'll be back"...I meant it. I said it because I didn't want her to worry about me. You should have seen her face when I told her that I was going to go undercover, she gave me such a sad face that my heart melted. At that time, I didn't know the reason behind it. But now I know. She was afraid to lose me, afraid to lose another partner and co-worker. I knew there was a huge risk but I had her trust on me that I'd come back and I wanted her to have the same trust in me. I wanted her to know that I am not going to leave her, not without giving a chance to our partnership. I truly believe that Kensi and I can be great partners and I am not leaving her. I'll be back on the team; I'll be back to her.

But how can she say that I never say what I mean? I mean when I told her "You should always know your partner for at least ten years prior to marrying them. Date me for a decade; you deserve my hand in marriage." I genuinely meant it; I wasn't flirting with her when I said those words. . I mean if Kensi will date me for ten years, why wouldn't I propose her. Actually what I meant was I wanted to be with Kensi for ten years and then we will get married, so that counts for always being there with her. I mean if Kensi can stay with me for ten years as a partner why can't she marry me? But, as usual, she got me wrong again. She thought I was flirting with her but I wasn't. I swear. And if it is in my hands, I'll marry her before that. The point here was I want to be with her. I want to be her partner, her friend and her so much more. I want to call her mine. But again she got me wrong.

When I said "Hell hath no fury like Kensi Marie Blye", I meant it. I mean have you seen that girl? I think she is the most dangerous woman I have ever met. I mean why would someone practice shooting in the groin? It's dangerous, no scratch that, it's scary. Have you seen the way she shoots? She has got the best aim, and now I know where she got this from. She can be very intimidating when required. She can kick your ass, beat a man twice her size, can make you crawl on the floor begging for mercy, can beat you in a blink of her eyes and, in short, she is a wonderful woman. Have you seen her when she gets angry? The problem is she gets angry very easily. One thing you never know with her is what will make her happy or angry. You never know when she snaps at you out of the blue. She is not known for her patience. And when she gets angry, trust me, you don't want to be anywhere near her. That's the reason I said it. Once Kensi gets angry then it's finished, its one hell of a job to calm her back. She doesn't listen to anyone and does what she wants. If she is angry then the only person who can save you from her is Kensi herself, or maybe some candies or sweets. But there is no guarantee of it.

When I told her that "You are the most serious person I've ever met in my entire life", I meant it. I mean that she is a very serious human being. She takes everything very seriously whether it's work or a comment or anything. She always has to be correct, always has to be before time, always has to follow rules and always has to be the first one. You should see the way she works; she is so concentrated in her work that she forgets everything. She makes sure she is taking each and every detail very properly which is necessary for our work but her seriousness tends to take things to another level. She works as if everything bad that is happening is her fault and it's her responsibility to make things right. Sometimes she just forgets that we're with her and she is not alone. This is not good. I mean she is so serious at work that very rarely you will find her laughing or cracking jokes. Actually she isn't the person who laughs; she is the one who will stay quiet and do her own work. To be honest her sense of humor sucks and she doesn't even try to do anything about it. Maybe because she is a "very… tightly wound person". That's the harsh reality of her life. It's not her fault actually; people have hurt her so much that anyone in her place would do the same things she has done. I mean she lost her father when she was fifteen and she ran away from her mother before that and then she lost Jack and Dom and so many people. If you ask me, I hate Jack and I will kill him in the blink of an eye for hurting Kensi the way he did. He knew Kensi hadn't properly dealt with her father's loss and yet he left her all alone, to deal with everything as if it was Kensi's fault. Now, as a result of all this, she is afraid of getting hurt, so much that she doesn't even allow people to come near her. She has very tightly guarded her heart by building big walls around her heart, protecting herself from pain, hurt, sadness and loneliness that this entire world has given to her, willingly or not. That's the reason I say she is very tightly wound.

To be continue...


AN: I hope you like it

Reviews are always welcome...

MUCH LOVE

NIKITA...